My Everything

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Josie looks at Liam, he nods, which I know makes Aubrey’s heart soar.

  “Do you really want coffee, Westbury, or another beer?” I try the friendliness tactic knowing it’s a stretch.

  Liam cracks a smile and shakes his head. “Beer.”

  “Coming right up.” I gather up our plates and carry them to the kitchen. Aubrey is busy preparing dessert and coffee.

  “Just you and Josie on the coffee.”

  “Okay, babe.” I take a moment and nuzzle into her neck.

  “I love you. Thank you for pushing me to do this. You’ll love Noah, he’s an amazing kid.”

  Aubrey turns and captures my lips, pulling away all too soon. “I can’t wait.”

  Josie is piling napkins and gathering the bowls when I come back in. “What are you doing?”

  “Helping,” she says sheepishly. Liam shakes his head and takes the offered beer out of my hands.

  “She does this all the time.”

  “Some things never change.” My comment causes Liam to laugh. I join in when Josie shoots him a death stare. It’s easy to see why they are meant to be together.

  “Can I ask how Noah’s doing?”

  Aubrey comes in with a tray full of different cookies and slices of cake. She wanted to cook, be a hostess since they were coming over here, but with Josie bringing dinner she opted for the next best thing, even though they are store bought. It’s the thought that counts, right? She sets the tray down and Liam reaches for a piece of cake while Josie takes her cup of coffee.

  She lets it warm her hands before taking a sip before answering. “He’s doing well. School is school. I don’t think boys like school in general and he has a new friend that he hangs out with a lot who doesn’t play football so that’s nice,” Josie says with so much pride. I miss that. I miss being able to brag about him.

  “And are you guys together?” I ask, pointing to the both of them. Josie looks shocked when I ask, but I’m trying to be friendly. I honestly don’t care and could ask anyone around town, but they’re here.

  “We are.” It’s Liam who answers. He’s once again playing with her ring.

  “Getting married soon?” I’m not bitter. She’s been my friend for a long time. I care about her.

  Josie looks over at Liam and it makes me wonder if she’s doing the same thing to him that she’s done to me. Avoidance. She’s very good at it.

  “Maybe next summer. We really haven’t talked about setting a date and with the tour, things get crazy.”

  “Yeah I bet.” I take a swig of my beer, as does Liam while Josie looks down at her cup of coffee.

  “So Liam, Nick tells me that you’re the lead singer of 4225 West.”

  Liam’s face deadpans. He probably thought he was making it through dinner without talking about his alter ego.

  “I am. Are you a fan?”

  “No, not really. I’ve heard a few of your songs though.” I try not to choke on my beer. Liam starts laughing, as does Josie. Aubrey sits there, perfect as a peach.

  “Well I have to say, it’s nice that I didn’t walk into a fan-fest. When Josie told me we were coming over here I just about freaked out. When I’m here I like being just Westbury, dad to Noah and Josie’s rocker, but some people don’t see it like that and bombard me all the time with merchandise to sign with promises to not sell it, only for it to end up on some auction site.”

  “Oh no, I don’t need your autograph.”

  “Thank you.” For the first time since Liam’s been here his smile is genuine. Maybe there is hope for us to get along and be friends.

  “How are Katelyn and the girls? I really miss them.”

  Liam sighs and shakes his head. Josie looks sad. My heart breaks for the Powell’s.

  “Katelyn is doing okay. She’s managing and working for the band. Elle is doing fairly well actually, but Peyton, she has trouble sometimes,” Josie says, holding in her emotions. I know her heart breaks for her best friend. I’ll never forget that night when everything changed.

  “That’s expected. Are the girls talking to anyone?”

  Liam shakes his head.

  “Well, maybe now that I’m back, I can start seeing them and help them figure some stuff out.”

  “That’d be nice, Nick. You should let her know.”

  “I will, Josie, when I see her next time.” Which I’m hoping is soon. “Um… I’m not trying to rush anything along, but when can I see Noah?”

  “Tomorrow,” they answer in unison.

  “That’s if you’re not busy,” Josie adds.

  I look at Aubrey who shakes her head. “No, we’re not busy.” I reply.

  “Good because he’s driving us nuts. He knew you were back and has asked when he can see you. I do believe he wants to yell at you so be prepared. Either way, he knew we were coming over here and he wanted to come. As much as I hate saying this, my son missed you.” Liam adds.

  I can’t hide my elation when they say tomorrow. I can’t wait to see him. I can’t wait to hug him and to apologize for my actions. I just hope he forgives me.

  “I know this isn’t what you want, but thank you.”

  “It’s what Noah wants.”

  Knowing that I’ll be seeing Noah tomorrow suddenly has me nervous. I know that Liam said he wants me to coach him, but what if after he meets Aubrey or doesn’t like my excuse that he hates me. I don’t think I can live with myself if he does.

  Tomorrow is a new day.

  Chapter 10

  I stand on the football field and wait for school to get out. Noah is meeting me here. We were supposed to meet yesterday, but he wasn’t feeling well. I won’t lie, I was hurt and thought that he had changed his mind, but Josie assured me that he had eaten too much junk food the night before and was now paying the price. Something I remember him doing on occasion.

  When I see him walking across the field I want to run and pull him into my arms. He’s wearing a black beanie and his hands are tucked into his coat pockets. I’m glad to see he’s not out in the cold without staying warm. I know telling him what to do is no longer my responsibility, but I’m not sure the doctor in me would be able to keep my mouth shut.

  Noah looks up and sees me, he starts to run and I can’t keep my feet planted any longer. My stride is long and solid against the ground. His backpack is flopping from side to side as he pumps his arms back and forth just as I taught him. I fall to my knees when we collide and hold him in my arms. His arms wrap around my neck and he squeezes me tight. I’m unable to fight the tears as they stream down my face. I was such a fool for leaving him. He didn’t deserve the way I acted. I should’ve respected his choice in wanting to know his dad instead of making it difficult. I have so much to make up for.

  Noah takes a shuddering breath and it breaks my heart to know that I’ve made him cry. I hold him tighter, hoping to show him that I’m here for him and not going anywhere.

  “I’m so sorry, Noah.”

  He nods against my neck and all I can do is hold him and wait for him to be ready to talk. I don’t know how long we stay in the field like this, but it’s not nearly enough when he pulls back from me. He wipes his tears, his hands pulling down his cheeks. I don’t know how many times Josie has told him not to do that, but he doesn’t listen.

  “I’m so mad at you.”

  “I know,” I reply, swallowing the lump in my throat.

  “Why did you leave me?”

  As soon as he asks, his tears start flowing. I hate seeing him cry. I stand and pick him up and carry him over to the bleachers. He’s so much heavier than I remember, but I suppose you forget the mundane things you’ve done for so long when you suddenly stop doing them. I know he’s too big to be carried, but I’m doing it for me. I need him to know that I love him and that, regardless, he’ll always be my boy.

  I sit us down on the cold metal wishing I had brought a blanket. I brought a football for us to throw around not sure what to expect. Noah isn’t an over emotional child, but I think under the
circumstances I will let him cry as much as he wants.

  I hold him in my lap, much like I did when he was little and would come in crying because he scraped his knees. I’d patch him up and talk about being tough and the next time he fell, he fought the tears. Of course, Josie wailed enough for the both of them every time he’d come in banged up. If she had her choice, he’d walk around in bubble wrap.

  Noah pulls back and slides off my lap, sitting next to me. He folds his hands in his lap and looks at me, waiting for my answer.

  “I’m so sorry, Noah, for leaving the way I did. The only excuse I can offer is that I was angry with your mom and thought it would be best if I just left. I didn’t think about how it would affect you.”

  “Why, because of my dad?”

  I shrug. “I thought that maybe you didn’t need me anymore.”

  “But you’re my dad too and you just left. I came home and you were gone and not answering your phone.” His voice breaks, his lower lip starts to quiver.

  I pull Noah into my arms and hold him tight. He wraps his arms around me as much as he can and sobs into my coat.

  “How can I make it up to you?”

  He pulls back and sniffs loudly, making me chuckle. He has little habits that Josie tries so hard to break and yet he still does them and it cracks me up.

  “You want to make it up to me?”

  I nod. “I do. I want to be a part of your life and your mom and dad said I can, but it’s really up to you.”

  “I want you to coach my teams.” He blurts out.

  I can’t help but smile. “Yeah, your dad said that. What’s wrong with your new coach?”

  Noah shrugs. “He didn’t run the pass routes right and tried changing too much stuff and he let his son be quarterback and he can’t even though ten yards. The season was a mess and he says he’s coaching baseball and I can’t play for him anymore.” Noah throws his hands up in the air almost hitting me in the face. He’s clearly frustrated with how things went this fall.

  “I’d love to coach you. I honestly thought your dad would do it.”

  He climbs down from my lap and stands in front of me, dropping his backpack on the ground. “He wants to, but he gets busy. Maybe he can coach with you.”

  “Yeah, he could. He’s pretty smart when it comes to quarterbacks.” As much as I want to cringe, I can’t. I won’t. I refuse to cause any turmoil in his life. If he wants me to coach with Liam, I will.

  “Are you going to stay?”

  “I am. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

  Noah jumps into my arms. “I’m so glad that you came back.”

  “Me too, buddy.” I play punch him in the stomach only for him to start shadow boxing with me. It looks like he’s been practicing his moves. Not that I’d ever encourage him to box, but would hope he’d use the punching bag as part of his workout when he gets to high school.

  Noah stops and sits back down next to me. He rests his legs out in front of him, copying my position, even crossing his ankles. “So what did you in Africa?”

  “I helped a lot of kids when they got sick. I even helped deliver a couple of babies. I got to play football with some of the kids, but their football is our soccer. They can’t afford to have helmets and pads to protect them.”

  “That’s cool. I didn’t do much while you were gone. I got to go on tour with my dad and we moved into his house.” Noah shrugs and looks up at me.

  “You can talk about your dad and living in his house. I’m okay with it.”

  His smile tells me that he needed this affirmation from me. “I have a new friend, his name is Quinn, but he doesn’t play football or anything. His dad is Harrison and he’s in the band with my dad.”

  “I can’t wait to meet Quinn.”

  “You want to meet him?”

  “Of course I do. I’d like things to be good between us. Just because your mom and I aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean our relationship has to change.”

  “Yeah,” he says this so quietly I have to strain to hear him. He starts kicking the grass and looking across the field. I know something is going on in his little mind.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Noah shakes his head. “Nothing, I just… I don’t know what to call you because sometimes I used to call you dad, but I don’t want my dad to get mad.”

  He shouldn’t have to think about things like this. It’s just a name, but I don’t know the answer. Maybe it’s something he should ask his dad and see how he feels about it.

  “Have you asked your dad?”

  “No. I didn’t think you were coming back and now here you are.”

  “Fair enough, Noah. Why don’t you ask your dad and get his thoughts. I don’t care what you call me just as long as we get to hang out.”

  Noah’s quiet for a few minutes as he stares off. I sit and watch him, hating the fact that I’ve missed a year. It’s hard to believe that so much of his life was consumed in mine and I just walked away from him. I should kick my own ass.

  “Mom said you got married.”

  I can’t help but smile. I can’t wait for him to meet Aubrey. “I did. Her name is Aubrey and she’s very excited to meet you.”

  “Will I like her?”

  “I hope so. When we picked out our new place, she mentioned you having a room there.”

  Noah turns to face me. His smile is wide and bright. “I have my own room?”

  “If you want to come stay the night or need to stay, you’re always welcome.”

  “Will this be like Junior Appleton when he has to go to his dad’s house on the weekends?”

  I shake my head. “No, we aren’t sharing custody of you. I just get the liberty of having you visit.”

  “Cool. Thanks for wanting me,” he says as he pulls me into a hug. I’m too choked up to respond. “Do you want to throw the ball around?”

  Thank God for short attention spans. “Yeah, I do.”

  Noah and I head out to the field. He picks up the football and tosses it up in the air a few times. I stand about forty yards from him. This was the goal last year and if this new coach messed up his game, I’m going to have a lot of work ahead of me.

  Noah steps into his three-step drop and fires. The ball falls short, going only twelve yards or so. I know he’s young, but for his age he has a rocket. Seeing his face fall when his throw doesn’t reach his target kills me.

  I jog to the ball, pick it up and carry it over to him. His expression is pure defeat. I haven’t seen him this way since we lost our last game. I set my hand on his shoulder and hand him the ball. He takes it reluctantly.

  “What kind of game did you guys play this year?”

  Noah sighs. “Mostly just a passing a game and anytime we’d throw, he brought his son in.”

  This is why not just anyone should coach. You have to know the talent that you have an exploit it. Noah could throw and now that he can’t, which means his arm is out of shape.

  “Tell you what. We can throw in the park across from your mom’s shop after school as much as we can during the winter. We need to work on your arm and get it back in shape before baseball. You’ll be fine, bud.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah I am. I’m your coach, right?” I hold out my hand for a high-five.

  Noah smiles and slaps my hand.

  I head back out, but only about eight yards so we can play catch. We throw the ball back and forth until it’s too dark to see. We walk back to the bleachers so he can get his backpack and head home.

  “Want to come meet Aubrey?”

  “Sure. I have to call my mom and ask.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  I walk forward giving him a bit of privacy. He races to catch up with me, happy. “Mom said yes and said you have to feed me and help me with my homework.”

  I laugh as I get into truck. I hope that everything can be this easy. I know I have no say in how things go, but I hope that this will be an ongoing thing. Noah climbs in and shuts his door, h
appy that our night isn’t over. He sings along to the radio and it’s like nothing has changed, like the last year hasn’t happened with the exception that he’s coming over to my place to meet my wife.

  Aubrey opens the door before I have a chance to turn the handle. Her hair is pulled back and she’s wearing a Beaumont sweatshirt. When she sees Noah, her eyes light up. I kiss her cheek as we step into the loft. Noah looks around, setting his bag down in the chair.

  “Noah, this is Aubrey. Aubrey, this is Noah.”

  Noah smiles and extends his hand. “It’s very nice to meet you,” he says politely. “My dad… um I mean Nick ‘cause he’s my dad too, he smiles a lot when he talks about you.”

  “He smiles a lot when he talks about you, too. I’m very happy to meet you and have heard so many great things.”

  Noah smiles and lets his eyes wander.

  “I’ll go start dinner.”

  “Thanks, babe.” I watch her walk into the kitchen before giving Noah my full attention. “How about a tour and then we’ll start some homework?”

  I show Noah around the loft and let him take in the room that Aubrey made up for him today. I’m not sure if Josie and Liam will let him stay over, but if they do, I want to be prepared. I’m going to take whatever they are willing to offer.

  “Your wife is really pretty.”

  “Yeah she is. She’s great. I think you’ll like her a lot. She’s very excited to watch you play baseball this spring.”

  “That’d be cool.”

  “Hey guys, dinner is on the table.” Aubrey stands in the doorway, looking at Noah with a grin.

  Noah and I follow her and sit at the table. Small talk is made, mostly between Aubrey and Noah. I love sitting there and listening to them as they get to know each other. Every so often Noah brings up something about me and his mom, but Aubrey is a champ and acts like it’s no big deal. It shouldn’t be a big deal; she’s wearing my ring.

  After dinner, Noah and I sit at the table and do homework. I don’t miss these days. The curriculum has changed so much from when I was his age; they make it impossible for parents to help.

  “Can I ask you a question?”