The Mix-Up

by Adrian Beck

  ‘Pretty awesome, huh?’ called CJ.

  ‘Incredible!’ exclaimed Charlotte, grinning from ear to ear. ‘I can barely concentrate on my science homework. I planned to do it during this half-time break!’

  ‘Ha-ha! Yeah … Wait. We had science homework?’

  Charlotte shook her head, but a hint of a smile remained on her lips. She leaned over to one of her sisters and CJ watched as they both mimed the last goal. Ending with both girls yelling, ‘GOOOOOOOAL!’ and a giggle fit.

  CJ leaned in to yell ‘goal’ too when the bearded guy interrupted. ‘Hey kid, what is this? You’ve rediscovered your long-lost friend or something?’

  ‘Huh?’ This caught CJ off guard. Possibly because in some ways the big bearded dude was right.

  ‘You wanna sit next to her, do ya?’ asked the bearded guy.

  ‘Yeah, I wouldn’t mind –’

  ‘Well, buy the right ticket next time,’ he grunted. ‘As for now, sit back down and stop squashing me.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  The Matildas came out just as strong in the second half. Kyah Simon scored from a corner kick early on. The ball grazed the underside of the crossbar and snuck through. Then, in the seventieth minute, Sam Kerr unleashed a long shot from well outside the square that sailed right over everyone’s head and straight into the back of the net. It never looked like missing. ANOTHER BACKFLIP (not from CJ this time).

  Charlotte and CJ both gave a standing ovation. Charlotte even did a little happy dance. CJ had NEVER seen her do ANYTHING like this before. Not for years anyway. She looked almost … relaxed. Definitely happy. That made CJ happy too.

  Charlotte caught him looking, so CJ held out his hand. They high-fived directly over the bearded guy’s head. He started to complain but a chant caught on around the ground, KERR-RIFIC! KERR-RIFIC! KERR-RIFIC!

  After the match, a reporter interviewed Sam Kerr. The crowd watched on the big screen.

  ‘Sam, are you the secret to the Matildas’ success?’

  Sam Kerr laughed. ‘No way. There’s no secret. We just pull together, try to use everyone’s different skills and face every challenge as a team.’

  The reporter finished by yelling, ‘Let’s hear it for the Matildas!’

  The crowd went wild. If there was one thing CJ loved just as much as playing football, it was football celebrations. He sang, he danced and he clapped till his fingers were as red as his butt. These moments made his BRAIN FIZZ OVER with joy.

  It was SUCH A SHAME that baby Sofia sneezed into the grumpy guy’s beard as they left their seats. Such a shame because she didn’t do it twice!

  On the train ride home, CJ plonked himself down beside Charlotte, who was busy knitting baby Sofia some green and gold booties to go with her beanie. ‘Man, some team, huh?’

  ‘Smartest thing you’ve said all day,’ said Charlotte. ‘Sam Kerr’s a star.’

  ‘She’s Kerr-rific.’

  It was a bad joke, but Charlotte couldn’t help crack a smile.

  ‘I liked what she said at the end of the match,’ said CJ.

  ‘Surprised you could hear her with all your celebrating.’

  ‘No, I heard her. She said that the Matildas work together, use each other’s different skills and face challenges as a team. Or something like that.’

  ‘You can tell by the way they play.’

  ‘Definitely. And I reckon that’s what we should do.’

  ‘We?’ asked Charlotte, wide-eyed with surprise.

  ‘Yeah. I still want to be a Jet. We’ve all been thrown together but who knows, maybe it’ll work … if we face it as a team,’ said CJ.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yep. Deadset. I love my football as much as anyone. I eat, sleep and poop football.’

  ‘I think you mean breathe football but whatever,’ said Charlotte. ‘What about the whole if-I-can’t-be-captain-I’m-quitting thing?’

  ‘You heard that?’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘Joking! Totally joking, of course,’ said CJ. ‘Look, I promise I’ll forget about the captain stuff for now and focus on the team. Y’know, working together.’

  Charlotte smiled. ‘Who are you? And what have you done with the real CJ?’

  ‘Maybe it’s the butt pain talking.’

  ‘Well, Highpants has our first proper practice scheduled for lunchtime tomorrow. Can I assume you’ll be there?’ asked Charlotte.

  ‘Try and stop me!’ said CJ. ‘We’ll all be doing backflips by the end of our first game.’

  ‘Hope so. And you’ll bring this new attitude?’

  CJ grinned. ‘Well that’s a fifty-fifty chance to be honest.’

  ‘You better. We’ve only got one day to pull it all together before our first game. I just hope we can make it work.’

  Miss Harmon, the music teacher, had A LOT to answer for. She’d lent Highpants a speaker and a mic. When the Jets hit the pitch during the lunchtime break, Highpants (who’d read a sports blog about inspirational music) took it upon himself to sing ‘Eye of the Tiger’. Except he didn’t do the classic version, he chose Katy Perry’s ‘Roar’. At the point where Highpants got on all fours to do tiger snarls, CJ ‘accidently’ kicked the ball to knock the mic out of his hand.

  ‘Sorry!’

  It was the WEIRDEST TRAINING SESSION EVER. As they practised, Highpants watched from the sidelines and regularly got on the speaker relating everything back to a song. Which was pretty bizarre in itself, but it also didn’t seem natural to see the snooty man so happy.

  As CJ led the Jets’ goal-kicking practice, Highpants sang, ‘Don’t Stop Belieeeeving!’

  Charlotte then got the team working on their dribbling, and Highpants sang a bit from The Black Eyed Peas’ ‘Let’s Get It Started’, ‘Runnin’, runnin’, keep runnin’, runnin’!’

  Highpants had a song for everything, even when Benji fell and ended up with grass all over him, their singing coach sang, ‘Shake it off! Shake it off!’

  And for one brief moment when Lexi and Saanvi practised their goal celebrations, Highpants burst into JT’s ‘Can’t Stop The Feeeeling!’ His falsetto REALLY upset the chickens.

  Halfway through the session, Garlic ran onto the pitch. Immediately, Highpants started singing ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’. Charlotte tried to shoo Garlic away but CJ turned it into a drill.

  ‘Start dribbling. See if you can out manure Garlic!’

  ‘Don’t you mean manoeuvre?’ asked Charlotte.

  ‘Yeah. Probably,’ said CJ. ‘If you can out manoeuvre Garlic, you can out manoeuvre anyone!’

  CJ and Charlotte were the obvious choice for strikers. Charlotte thought Benji’s foot skills might make him handy for weaving the ball through the midfield. Lexi and Saanvi took great delight in trying to tackle CJ whenever he had the ball, so the two of them seemed a good fit for defence. As Charlotte and CJ worked out the other players’ positions, the Paulveriser sat himself down on the goal line.

  ‘Keeper,’ said the Paulveriser, pointing to himself.

  It was hard to argue, especially given he took up half the goal.

  By the end of lunch CJ slumped onto the swing for a breather.

  ‘Good session, CJ,’ said Charlotte, joining him. ‘We didn’t get into my game plan ideas though.’

  CJ grit his teeth.

  ‘What?’

  CJ stopped himself from blurting out what he really thought about Charlotte’s game plan and how confusing it was. ‘Nothing. Let’s go through them with everyone tomorrow.’

  Charlotte smiled at CJ. ‘Y’know, this might actually work.’

  ‘If we can survive Highpants’ version of “I Will Always Love You” we can survive anything.’

  After school, Charlotte – who rearranged her schedule especially – and Lexi met CJ in his front yard for some last minute prep. However CJ’s idea of last minute prep was he and Charlotte on the trampoline, competing for headers thrown in by Lexi (who refused to mess up her hair).

  ‘Why is she like this?�
�� whispered CJ. ‘Cos her dad won Mr New Zealand or whatever it was?’

  ‘Partly. Plus, mega messy brothers.’

  Lexi assumed the throw-in pose and gave another one of her perfect smiles as she looped the ball over the trampoline’s safety fences. CJ and Charlotte bounced high inside the trampoline to be the one to head the ball out again. Charlotte was taller and won the challenge way too often for CJ’s liking. Especially given CJ shared a tip about improving her heading – use your hairline as the sweet spot.

  CJ decided to take a run-up. He SLAMMED himself into the trampoline and bounded into the air.

  Unfortunately, he SMACKED into Charlotte and they both flew into the side. Then the whole trampoline toppled over and started rolling … towards the cul-de-sac.

  ‘Stop us!’ cried Charlotte. ‘Lexi, help!’

  ‘But, but … my hair!’

  The trampoline bounced over CJ’s dad’s flowerbed and slammed into the footpath. Round and round they spun, like they were inside a washing machine.

  ‘Car!’ yelled Charlotte. CJ glimpsed it as well. They were going to roll straight into its path.

  Then the trampoline stopped.

  ‘OOF!’

  Lexi had propped herself up against the lamppost to stop the trampoline. She was panting and covered in leaves. ‘I had to fight my way through the petunias to get to you guys in time!’ she said. ‘You better thank me cos my hair’s a mess!’

  ‘Thanks, Lexi!’ said Charlotte.

  ‘This is so NOT what they mean by the natural look,’ complained Lexi, as she picked leaves out of her hair.

  ‘Ha! Pays to get your hands dirty sometimes,’ said CJ. It was meant to be a compliment.

  ‘Well, it won’t happen again!’ snapped Lexi and she stormed off home, trying to fix her hair.

  ‘Maybe that’s enough training for today,’ said Charlotte.

  CJ woke at 4 am. His brain was buzzing about the big match. He’d even gone to bed in his Jets uniform. Plus, it was difficult to relax in a room that reeked of mouldy carpet.

  CJ tiptoed into the living room and flicked on the telly. He stumbled across a replay of a recent A-League game. Victory were dominating Melbourne City in the derby. Just the way he liked it. Besart Berisha was a goalscoring machine. The first ever A-League player to score 100 goals. CJ hoped a little Bes magic might inspire him against the Hammerheads in a few hours’ time.

  CJ arrived at the pitch an hour before kick-off. Charlotte was already there, she was dribbling around her bag and jacket, then shooting for goal.

  ‘The big day!’ said CJ, his excitement outweighing his tiredness.

  ‘Uh-huh. It’s funny, we come to this pitch every day, but on game day it feels totally different. Like there’s magic in the air!’

  The other Jets arrived soon after. CJ ripped the tag off Benji’s brand new green and gold jersey. ‘Looks good on you, mate. Although I’ll miss having a mascot.’

  ‘Don’t worry I’ve organised a fill-in for half-time,’ said Benji.

  ‘Sweet,’ said CJ. But Benji didn’t stick around to joke with his best friend like he usually would have, instead he wandered over to Fahad and Lexi. Maybe he was still miffed by what CJ said a couple of days ago.

  The Hillside Hammerheads started arriving. Jindaberg Primary’s arch rivals. The bad blood dated back OVER A HUNDRED YEARS. Probably due to some kid stealing another kid’s penny-farthing or something.

  Then a face they all recognised turned up wearing a Hammerheads jumper.

  ‘What the?’ exclaimed CJ.

  ‘Did you know about this?’ asked Charlotte.

  ‘No,’ said CJ, suddenly on edge.

  Arriving on the pitch was none other than … LENNY LINCOLN. The Jets boys’ team’s FORMER CAPTAIN. He was playing for the OPPOSITION!

  Lenny locked eyes with CJ. He ran his fingers through his mohawk and grinned like a crocodile.

  ‘Hi guys!’ he called. ‘It’s good to be back.’

  As the other Jets warmed up, CJ watched Lenny. The gorilla-shaped guy was with the other Hillside Hammerheads, pointing out characteristics of the school’s pitch. There were lots of hand movements and evil laughs.

  CJ decided to try out his own, LOUDER, evil laugh, ‘Mwah-hahahahaha!’ He elbowed Charlotte, hoping to get her in on the action.

  ‘You okay?’

  ‘Just matching it with Lenny,’ said CJ. ‘Hahahahaaa!’

  ‘Stop! You seem crazier than usual,’ said Charlotte, leaving to chat with the defenders.

  ‘I take that as a compliment,’ called CJ.

  Benji laughed at him, then seemed to stop himself and quickly looked away.

  CJ came over. ‘Look, Benji, I’m sorry I said that stupid stuff about you the other day.’

  ‘Stupid? You?’ said Benji, with a smirk.

  ‘But seriously I –’

  ‘I get it. Thanks. Besides, we have bigger things to worry about.’ Benji nodded in Lenny’s direction. ‘Okay, okay. Here we go … TOP FIVE REASONS LENNY WILL CHEW US UP, SPIT US OUT, STOMP ON US THEN FEED US TO HIS PET FERRETS.’

  ‘Gee! Can’t wait!’

  ‘Number one: Lenny did a careers’ test with the school counsellor. His result was crime lord.’

  ‘Yep, he’d be good at that.’

  ‘Number two: Lenny has never cleaned his ears. He just scares his ear wax into jumping out of his ear holes.’

  CJ laughed.

  ‘Number three: I once overheard football recruiters describe Lenny as a cross between Ronaldo, Pelé and a zombified bull.’

  ‘Seems accurate.’

  ‘Number four: once Lenny shot a penalty, but when the goalie dived, Lenny roared so loudly he was able to blow the ball through the goals on the other side.’

  ‘I was there for that. There could’ve been some wind involved … But still.’

  ‘And number five. He hates you.’

  CJ waited for the punchline.

  ‘That’s it. He really does hate you, CJ.’

  ‘Gee, thanks,’ said CJ. ‘You realise we were teammates, like, a week ago.’

  ‘But off the field he and the Paulveriser are besties, right?’

  It was true. CJ noticed the Paulveriser struggling with his goalie gloves. They almost didn’t make them big enough for his sausage fingers. The Paulveriser caught CJ staring.

  ‘Grrrrr!’

  Fortunately, Highpants called the Jets in for his last-minute instructions. He had extraordinarily high tracksuit pants on. He was lucky he could see out of them. And again he looked kind of … happy. It sent a shiver down CJ’s spine. ‘Right, children. This is a big game. We’re up against our arch rivals. We’ve had very little preparation time and, sorry for the overshare, I personally had a bit of gastro overnight.’

  ‘Ewww,’ said Lexi, as all the kids took a step back.

  ‘Quite right,’ said Highpants, holding his stomach. ‘But none of this should surprise you because, what do I always say?’

  ‘Straight to the principal’s office!’ replied CJ.

  ‘Well, yes. But what else?’

  ‘Life’s tough?’ suggested Charlotte.

  ‘Exactly,’ said Highpants. ‘And it is. Real tough. Unless you find something you love. Like me and coaching.’

  Coaching? Apparently belting out random songs from the boundary counted as coaching as far as Highpants was concerned.

  ‘When you find something you love, it makes life a little less tough. And maybe, for all of you, that thing you love is football,’ said Highpants. CJ and Charlotte nodded. So did Saanvi, Fahad and even the Paulveriser. ‘So, when you’re out there this morning, this is what I want you to be thinking to yourselves, Jets.’ Highpants closed his eyes and started singing, ‘I believe I can flyyyyyyy!’

  ‘Righto, righto, thanks coach!’ said CJ, trying to wrap him up. ‘Super invitational.’

  ‘Think you mean inspirational?’ suggested Charlotte.

  ‘Erm, sure. Anyway, game plan time. Charlotte? Over to you.�
�

  ‘Oh. Yes,’ she said, a little red-faced. ‘Thanks CJ. Here’s what I think we need to do …’

  CJ tried to listen but tactics weren’t his thing. He liked to think of himself as a man of instinct – sadly these ‘instincts’ didn’t seem to help him much in maths tests.

  The ref, a short woman with big curly hair, signalled it was time for the coin toss. She needed the team captains. CJ and Charlotte both started running to the centre.

  ‘Oh. You go,’ said Charlotte.

  ‘Nah, it’s cool.’

  ‘You toss the coin, I’ll take the kick-off,’ said Charlotte.

  ‘Deal.’

  Out in the centre, CJ shook hands with Lenny. Lenny gripped SO TIGHT that CJ would’ve preferred to stick his fingers into the ant hole. They locked eyes.

  Lenny whispered, ‘I never really liked you, CJ.’

  ‘Right. And good luck to you too, Lenny.’

  Lenny won the toss and kicked with the wind. Not a great result. CJ hoped that was the last of his bad luck. He returned to his teammates.

  They bunched in tight. CJ glanced at the crowd. He saw his dad standing with a few of the other dads. Mrs Alessi was nearby, along with Charlotte’s four sisters and brother, Ronnie. Further along Principal Swift was there too, with Garlic and the school gardener, Baldock. She gave CJ a little nod.

  ‘Whoooa Jets!’ the team cheered, as they ran to their positions.

  Charlotte took the kick-off. She passed back to Fahad who dribbled wide then nudged the ball off to Benji. CJ sprinted forward.

  ‘Benji! Benji!’ cried CJ. ‘Over the top.’

  But Benji paused. He panicked. Once he kicked the ball, Lenny was in the way, blocking it with his massive chest. Within a millisecond it was at Lenny’s feet. He charged towards goal like a FREIGHT TRAIN … with a MOHAWK.

  ‘Drop back!’ yelled Charlotte. ‘Hold your zone!’

  Saanvi ran at Lenny. It was a bold move, but he just pulled the old one-two, giving off to a Hammerhead teammate that Saanvi should’ve been blocking. Then the Hammerhead passed it straight back to Lenny. He closed in on the box.

  CJ pumped his legs. Charlotte moved just as quick. But they weren’t going to catch him.