The Mix-Up

by Adrian Beck

  Lenny glanced back at CJ, and with a smug wink, he unleashed a kick like a FIERY ASTEROID that hurtled towards the Paulveriser in goal. Even if the ginormous goalie could catch the thing, there was no guarantee he wouldn’t be dragged across the line by the sheer force of it.

  But sadly the Paulveriser (not exactly quick on his feet) got nowhere near it. He dived but the ball was perfectly placed in the top-right corner.

  GOAL TO THE HAMMERHEADS!

  The parents cheered. Benji dropped his head. CJ patted him on the back. ‘Don’t let it get to you, man.’

  Lenny did his signature celebration move; he thumped his fists on his chest like a gorilla, then mimed peeling a huge banana and slammed it down his gob.

  Charlotte was breathing hard as CJ came over. ‘Man! Was hoping we wouldn’t have to see that today.’

  ‘Maybe he’s got a tiny bit of gorilla DNA mixed up in his human DNA,’ said Charlotte.

  ‘Could be the other way round.’

  The ref signalled for the game to restart.

  ‘Wanna know how I kicked that ball so hard, CJ?’ asked Lenny, as he ran past. ‘I pictured it was your head.’

  ‘Still a real charmer,’ said Lexi, swiping grass off her uniform.

  ‘Come on, Jets! Plenty of time! Think happy thoughts!’ cried Highpants from the sidelines. Then he started singing ‘Happy’ by Pharrell Williams.

  The parents gave Highpants some odd looks, but he carried on regardless. ‘Happyyyyyyyy!’

  By half-time, the Jets were ANYTHING but happy. They were 2–0 down. Lenny had curved in another goal from deep in the corner only seconds before the whistle. The gorilla celebration got EVEN WORSE – Lenny climbed the corner post pretending to be King Kong.

  Too often the Jets were out of position and out of breath. They came off the pitch with their hands on their hips and their eyes on the grass.

  ‘We’re getting thrashed,’ said CJ, HURLING his mouthguard to the ground.

  ‘We just don’t know each other yet, so we can’t play to our strengths,’ said Charlotte. ‘Plus, our game plan is all over the place.’

  ‘Course it is, it doesn’t make any sense!’ said CJ. ‘Haven’t you noticed that whenever I yell out instructions, you’re yelling the complete opposite?’

  ‘Really? But –’

  ‘Just face it, we’ll never agree! Y’know, a couple of days ago I watched footage of us playing football as toddlers. It turned into a massive argument even then. The team is doomed!’

  ‘Well, with your attitude no wonder,’ said Charlotte, walking off.

  Highpants was singing one of CJ’s dad’s favourite songs, ‘Never Tear Us Apart’ as he ushered the Jets into the clubrooms.

  But it might’ve been too late for that.

  As CJ and Charlotte led the Jets back out of the clubrooms the half-time entertainment was still in FULL SWING.

  ‘O.M.Jeepers!’ cried Lexi above the music.

  Benji started shimmying along.

  ‘This is the last thing we need right now,’ groaned Charlotte, shielding her eyes.

  ‘It’s like staring into the sun,’ said CJ. ‘It burns!’

  Benji danced over to CJ and Charlotte. ‘Come on guys, they’re great! My replacements: The Dancing Dads!’

  There were ten dads on the pitch. All in rather snug outfits, with fluro headbands and gold capes, and each dad had a big letter printed on their chest. Their performance was a cross between a seniors’ aerobics class and what CJ imagined people look like when they’re struck by lightning. As they attempted a human pyramid, Principal Swift ducked away to grab the first-aid kit.

  Worst of all, CJ’s own dad was one of them. It was mesmerising how his big belly did the moves half a second after the rest of his body. Each dad had a turn out the front with the others copying their moves.

  ‘Weren’t they practising for the school talent quest?’ asked CJ.

  Benji, who was still bopping along, proudly replied, ‘They were, but now they’re thinking of going professional.’

  ‘Hope they think long and hard.’

  The other parents were clapping along. And for some reason quite a few mums were waving at Lexi’s dad – the crowd seemed to be enjoying the performance. But as the Hammerheads re-emerged they started laughing at The Dancing Dads rather than with them. CJ went bright red.

  After a move that looked a little bit like ring-a-ring-a-rosie for people with knees put on backwards, all ten dads stood together doing JAZZ HANDS. Combined they spelt out:

  JO GETS!

  ‘Jo gets what?’ asked CJ.

  ‘They’re out of order, dingbat,’ explained Charlotte.

  Benji gestured wildly for them to switch places. CJ’s dad was the culprit and he swapped himself, ‘G’, with Lexi’s dad who was ‘J’.

  GO JETS!

  ‘Give them a hand, folks!’ cried Benji.

  Lenny was crying with laughter. He looked like an oompa loompa as he did an impression of CJ’s dad. The other Hammerheads cracked up. CJ was furious.

  THAT’S IT!

  CJ ran over to the dads and gave them a big clap. He held up his own dad’s sweaty hand and yelled, ‘How good were The Dancing Dads, everyone!’

  The parents gave another cheer. CJ noticed Lenny shake his head.

  ‘You really liked it, Charles?’

  ‘You wouldn’t believe what I thought of it, Dad!’ said CJ from the corner of his mouth, still smiling for the crowd. ‘I’m glad you had fun.’

  CJ smiled as his dad ruffled his mop of blond hair. He hadn’t done that in a while.

  ‘Better get out while the going is good, Dad,’ said CJ.

  The Dancing Dads jogged off. Benji gave his dad a high five. ‘Best half-time entertainment ever!’

  The Hammerheads took to the pitch, while Charlotte gathered the Jets on the sidelines. She sounded even more serious than ever. ‘We can do this, Jets. We’re only two goals down. Comebacks happen all the time. In the 2016 A-League semi-finals, Brisbane Roar were up 3–0 to the Wanderers, but Western Sydney came back to win 5–4, okay?’

  ‘So this should be a cinch!’ added CJ.

  Highpants barged in. He plopped his little speaker on the ground. Then started playing some piano chords on an app on his phone.

  ‘Oh no,’ whispered Charlotte. ‘I recognise that song, “We Are The Champions” it’s a classic song by Queen.’

  ‘Really?’ asked Lexi. ‘I didn’t know the Queen could sing.’

  ‘Leave it to me,’ said CJ. He kicked out the power cord and the amp went silent.

  Highpants spun around, his top lip immediately sweating. He was about to CRACK IT but the ref was getting impatient to restart the game.

  With another ‘Whoooa Jets!’ they took their positions.

  Lenny took the kick-off, passing out to the wing.

  A blonde Hammerhead girl dribbled forward at BLISTERING SPEED.

  ‘Hold your zone!’ yelled Charlotte, but the girl was drawing out Jets and sidestepping past them like they were witches hats.

  CJ dropped back. Maybe he needed to chase her himself.

  ‘Maintain the zone!’ cried Charlotte again.

  ‘Ridiculous! I see the ball, I chase the ball! That’s my tactic,’ muttered CJ. He was torn. Should he listen to Charlotte? Probably. He jogged backwards, blocking space near the top of the box.

  The blonde girl was forced wide by the Jets’ formation. She had to attempt a cross. It was never really on, and the ball landed near CJ. What do you know? Charlotte was right.

  ‘Push forward!’ cried Charlotte. ‘Stay in a 4–4–2 formation!’

  But CJ wasn’t sure what the 4–4–2 was, so he ducked out wide. Then out of nowhere a big redheaded Hammerhead got a foot to the ball and kicked it out of bounds.

  ‘I said 4–4–2. What was that?’ cried Charlotte.

  ‘Look, sorry. I don’t get your tactics! None of us do. Only you understand all the bingo.’

  ‘I think you mean, lingo.’ />
  ‘Whatever. If we want to be in with a chance here, we need to dumb it down. What the heck’s 4–4–2?’

  ‘How we stand. Very simple. The formation.’

  ‘Huh?’ CJ was getting more confused by the second.

  ‘Sort of like when Benji’s dad had his turn out the front of The Dancing Dads.’

  ‘That’s it!’ CJ and Charlotte both said together.

  ‘Okay, listen up, Jets! We’re going to get in position like The Dancing Dads!’ cried CJ. ‘The bit with Benji’s dad.’

  ‘Perfect!’ yelled Charlotte as Lexi threw in the ball. ‘Now we look like a team!’

  Charlotte sent a through ball out wide to Fahad. He heeled it back to her. They were approaching the goals.

  ‘Charlotte! Over here!’ yelled CJ, as he positioned himself behind Lenny on the far side of the goal.

  Charlotte must have spotted him because she popped the ball high. It looped over Lenny. CJ jumped in the air like a karate superstar and SLAMMED the ball straight towards the net. No-one could stop it.

  GOAL!

  The crowd ERUPTED. CJ stuck out his arms like a jet and ran to the corner flag. He threw his arms at the flag and at full stretch he spun right round it, horizontal to the ground, then landed back on the pitch laying proudly on his side. But that only lasted half a second before all the other Jets PILED ON TOP OF HIM.

  CJ was at the bottom of a sweaty mess of bodies. But he managed to spy – through Benji’s underarm – his dad in the crowd, who gave him a huge thumbs up!

  As they got to their feet, Charlotte high-fived CJ. ‘You know that video you watched of us as kids?’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘I remember that day. Yes, we argued, but if you keep watching the tape we start working together.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And I pass to you beneath the trampoline, then you score a goal between the two big gum trees!’

  CJ racked his brain. Maybe she was right. There was hope for them yet!

  As CJ ran back to the centre, Lenny deliberately got in his way.

  ‘Hey Lenny, wanna know how I kicked that ball so hard? I pictured it was your butt!’

  Charlotte laughed.

  Out of the centre, Lenny passed to a short kid with braces. The Hammerheads fanned out.

  ‘Switch to Lexi’s dad formation!’ cried Charlotte.

  The Jets ran into position. CJ knew exactly where he needed to be. The Hammerheads passed the ball round.

  ‘Keep it up, Jets. Stay patient,’ said Charlotte.

  When the blonde Hammerhead passed to the redhead, Charlotte pounced. She intercepted the ball and BOLTED forward.

  ‘Let’s help her out!’ cried CJ, trying to catch up.

  Charlotte passed off to Lexi. But Lexi had nowhere to go. The Hammerheads were closing in. There were only two options: a blind kick further downfield or a quick give to Benji. But he was a newbie. Could they trust him? They’d find out soon enough. She passed to Benji!

  CJ swallowed hard. Would Benji freeze again? He sprinted over. ‘Here if you need me! Here if you need me!’

  But Benji flicked the ball up, he sidestepped his opponent with a foot juggle, and before the ball hit the ground he thumped a long shot. CJ stopped running. The Hammerhead goalie was sure to intercept. But the ball kept soaring through the air!

  ‘Huh?’ CJ shot Charlotte a look. She was riding it all the way home.

  The ball sailed just wide of the goalie and skidded in on the right!

  GOAL!

  CJ sprinted to Benji and hugged him to the ground.

  WOOHOO!

  Once again it was another Jets’ STACKS ON!

  The game tightened up after that. The ball was chipped around with few shots on goal. Lenny spent a lot of the time growling.

  As the ref signalled extra time, CJ’s body went tense. It was 2–2. The Jets were so close to victory they could ALMOST TASTE IT.

  Then Lenny came BURSTING in from the wing, he passed Fahad, then got around Saanvi, and he thundered straight towards goal.

  Lexi was the last line of defence. Between her and Lenny was a mud puddle. CJ wasn’t sure which would put her off more.

  ‘Why’d we put Lexi in defence? If she wimps out, we’re done,’ moaned CJ. ‘Can we count on her?’

  ‘Absolutely,’ assured Charlotte. ‘The only time her smile’s real is on the field.’

  Lexi charged forward, splashing straight through the mud. Lenny tried faking right to go left but Lexi was onto him. She held him up. She poked her toe at the ball, got it free, and sent it back to the Paulveriser in goal. Lenny yelled at the sky.

  Lexi was panting and grinning from ear to ear as she swiped the mud away.

  The Paulveriser booted the ball long. CJ sprinted to meet it. He knew there wasn’t much time left. The other Jets were dead on their feet. His only nearby teammate was Charlotte who was screaming towards the top of the square. Could he get it back to her? CJ’s angle on goal wasn’t great, but he was closer than Charlotte. Maybe he needed to stop overthinking everything and just SLAM THE BALL HOME. He had his goalscoring boots on, after all! If he got this goal, he’d be a HERO!

  Time was running out. The Hammerheads were right on him. The crowd’s cheers fell away. His vision went blurry. He glanced down at the ball and BOOTED IT with everything he had.

  ‘Eeeegh!’ grunted CJ, as he HOOKED THE BALL up into the air over his left shoulder. It sailed above a Hammerhead defender as it curved towards its target: Charlotte.

  There was yelling. There was whistling. CJ hit the ground. He copped a mouthful of grass. The ball dropped towards Charlotte, but she was beside a Hammerhead. He was taller, but she jumped HIGHER. Must’ve been the practice on CJ’s trampoline!

  Charlotte was at full stretch. She arched her neck.

  THWACK!

  She connected, right on the sweet spot of her forehead. She sent the ball soaring towards goal.

  ‘Come on, come on!’ yelled CJ.

  The Hammerhead goalie dived – high and into the corner. Was he going to stop the winning goal?

  No! It merely brushed his fingers as it flew past and smacked into the net.

  GOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!

  CJ flipped up and sprinted over to Charlotte. The Jets were JUMPING AROUND, HUGGING, YELLING and a couple were maybe even CRYING. Garlic ran onto the pitch to get in on the action. And somewhere off in the distance CJ could hear Highpants singing James Blunt’s ‘You’re Beautiful’.

  The crowd were going WILD, WHOOPING and CHEERING!

  The Jets were on top of the world, but then CJ’s stomach sank. The curly-haired ref had her arms up in the air signalling full-time. And she was mouthing something. Mo war! Mo war!

  What on earth was a mo war?

  ‘You can’t be serious!’ cried Charlotte. That’s when the crowd must have realised something was up too because the applause died down.

  The ref wasn’t saying ‘Mo war.’ (Unsurprisingly). She was saying ‘No score.’

  ‘No score!’ exclaimed CJ. ‘Why?’

  ‘Time ran out between your kick and your teammate’s header. Didn’t you hear the whistle?’

  ‘Clearly not,’ said CJ, but as he thought about it he remembered there was a whistle in there somewhere.

  ‘Is this a prank?’ asked Benji. ‘Cos I know pranks and this isn’t a very good one.’

  ‘No young man, I’m serious. The game is a draw,’ said the ref. ‘Please shake hands with your opposition.’

  CJ fell to his knees. SO CLOSE. But it wasn’t to be.

  The Jets started shaking hands with the Hammerheads. CJ felt he’d better join them. He offered his hand to the nearest player.

  Oh. LENNY.

  But the big guy wasn’t interested. ‘Next time, CJ. You’re toast.’

  ‘Forget him,’ said Charlotte. ‘Two-all! We proved we could match it with his new team.’

  ‘Yeah. True. I guess that’s some constellation.’

  ‘I think you mean, consolation.�
��

  ‘Probably.’

  When CJ and Charlotte re-entered the clubrooms, the rest of the Jets were already inside. They each had a hand raised in the air.

  Principal Swift was standing beside Benji and Lexi in the centre of the room. She was rubbing her hands together, beaming with pride.

  ‘That settles it then!’ said Benji, with the biggest grin on his face.

  ‘Settles what?’ asked CJ.

  ‘We just voted on captain for the rest of the season,’ said Lexi.

  ‘Oh,’ said Charlotte, shooting a concerned glance at CJ. ‘And who did you decide on?’

  Principal Swift’s large eyes locked on CJ and Charlotte. ‘Well, it’s a slightly unusual result. But I think it makes perfect sense.’

  ‘So, come on, who?’ asked CJ.

  ‘Both of you!’ cried Lexi and Benji.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I hereby officially announce Charles ‘CJ’ Jackson and Charlotte Alessi as the Jets co-captains!’ said Principal Swift. ‘It’s just about unanimous.’

  Everyone still had their hands up – all except the Paulveriser, but you can’t expect miracles.

  ‘Let’s hear it for the Champion Charlies!’ cried Principal Swift.

  Everyone cheered.

  Charlotte whispered to CJ, ‘Do you get the feeling she was planning this all along.’

  ‘Always,’ said CJ, then he yelled. ‘And let’s hear it for the Jets!

  GO JETS!

  Highpants struggled through the door with his little speaker. He slammed the power cord into a socket and started playing the piano app on his phone once more.

  ‘It’s “We Are the Champions” again,’ groaned CJ, taking a step towards the power plug.

  ‘Let him go,’ laughed Charlotte. ‘We are the champions. You, me and the whole team!’

  ‘I guess we are,’ said CJ, and he jumped up onto the bench and started swaying to the music. ‘Bring on the rest of the football season!’

  Read on for an extract from

  The Champion Charlies: Boot It

  Have you ever done your hair with a LEAF-BLOWER? Or ironed your shirt with the EXHAUST of a Boeing 747? Maybe you’ve tried to run directly into a HURRICANE?