I Don't Regret You

by Larson, Jodie

  “You feel so good. Just like I knew you would.” His staccato breaths pepper my skin as he nips at my neck. I reach up to grab his face, needing to taste him, feel his tongue as it explores every inch of my mouth.

  “Have you thought about me like this?” I rasp. It’s plagued my dreams since he rescued me on the side of the road that night. Fantasies of us together live vividly in my mind, especially during our make out sessions in the empty bar at work. But the fantasy is nothing compared to the real thing. This moment replaces every other moment I’ve ever had performing this act. The way we fit together…it’s perfect.

  “All. The. Time.” He’s breathing harder, increasing his tempo to a punishing beat. With one deft roll of his hips, my world shifts and releases a thundering wave to pulse through my body, sending me higher than I ever thought I could reach. Spasms shake me to the core as he holds me tighter, keeping the pressure on that one little spot. The orgasm goes on and on with no end in sight, until he grabs my ass as tight as he can, pumping so hard into me I fear he may split me in two.

  “Birth control?”

  I nod, unable to answer as my conscious is scattered across the living room floor. With a primal groan, he releases inside me, letting me feel the gush of fluid as he pumps harder and harder into me. Another orgasm rockets through my body, right on the heels of the last one. We ride it out together, coming down from our high as our movements slow. My outside leg falls off the couch as he rests his full body weight on top of me, panting and breathing hard against my neck. Sweat slicks our skin as I trail my fingers over the planes of his back.

  Never have I felt this full, this complete. It’s like he’s shown me what I’ve been missing my whole life. I’ve been living in a world full of grays and only now discovering what colors are.

  When our breathing regulates, Henry lifts slightly, his eyes bouncing as if trying to read my own. He takes my breath away with the devotion I find. No pretense, no expectations. Just sheer and utter contentment.

  “That was amazing.” Somehow I finally find my voice, though my words don’t do my emotions justice. How can you convey a feeling into words? The only way is to show, and we just did that in the most spectacular way.

  Thank God for leather furniture.

  “Amazing isn’t enough to describe it.” Add mind reader to his list of qualities. We lock our lips together in a final scorching kiss before he stands and frees himself from my body. Instantly, I’m cold and miss the intimate contact. “Stay there.” He disappears into the kitchen. My lids grow heavy and I close them briefly. They stay closed as a warm cloth meets my skin, gently cleaning me. Only when he pulls me into his side do I dare to gaze into his eyes. He said he was here to take care of me, to get me used to this new normal. And oh my, did he deliver.

  Game of Thrones is still playing in the background. Funny how we never heard it. You’d think the slaughtering of people would dampen the mood, but we were so focused on each other that we never noticed.

  We watch an episode or two before Henry stretches his arms above his head. “I should probably go.”

  I bring his arms down and wrap mine around his waist. “No. Stay the night?”

  He considers it for only a moment, reading my features to make sure this is exactly what I want. When he finds what he’s looking for, he scoops me up and carries me to the bedroom.

  “I’m warning you now, we may need a repeat performance.”

  I giggle and kiss his lips. “Bring on Act Two.”

  Bright sunlight, along with the glorious smell of coffee, wakes me. I stretch my arms above my head, feeling sore in places I didn’t even know existed.

  Last night was one for the record books. Three times. Three! We maybe had a few hours of rest between sessions, which wasn’t spent sleeping. We talked and cuddled–something else that sets Henry apart from everyone else. Once we finally closed our eyes, it was the most restful sleep I’d had in a while. Three, maybe four hours tops. I should feel like I’ve been run over by a semi. Instead, I feel like a new woman.

  I tie the sash of my robe and follow the delicious aroma to the kitchen. Suppressing my smile, I lean against the counter for my morning show.

  Henry stands at the stove, clad only in his boxer briefs, as he makes a pan of scrambled eggs. Toast pops up from the toaster and I watch him move around my kitchen with the ease of someone who has been here before.

  “Aren’t you afraid of burning yourself?” This time I allow my giggle to break free. Henry looks over his shoulder as I slide next to him, watching his hands as he stirs the quickly hardening yellow liquid in the pan.

  “A good chef should be able to cook in any condition without injuring himself. Here.” He points to a mug of steaming hot coffee. “This is yours. I wasn’t sure how you take it, so I left it black.”

  “And that’s perfect. Don’t need any of that sweet crap.” Grabbing the bright orange mug, I bring the energizing liquid close enough to blow on it before taking a cautious sip. Wow. Even I can’t make coffee like this. And he’s using my stuff. Obviously my ratios are off.

  He clinks our mugs together before taking a sip from his mug. “I hope you’re hungry. You didn’t have much, but after last night’s late dinner, I assumed you’d need some energy.”

  “Yeah, late night dinner. Sure. That’s why I need energy this morning.” We laugh as he pulls me into his side after I set the mug down. Henry leans forward and gives me a gentle peck on the nose.

  “There may have been some extra-curricular activities as well.”

  I release myself from his hold to get the full picture of what’s in front of me. A man that can cook and looks hot in just his underwear is standing in my kitchen. Pinch me, I’m still dreaming.

  “Did you sleep well?” His concern warms my heart.

  I answer with a smile. “Better than most nights.”

  Henry plates our eggs and toast before carrying them to the table. I grab the forks from the drawer and follow him with both our coffees. I pretend not to notice when he picks the seat next to mine, rather than across from me. Nor do I read too much into it. We haven’t defined what we are yet and I’m not about to jump to conclusions, or into anything too soon. This will not be my MO.

  Taking a bite, I hum my appreciation. So does my stomach. “These are amazing.”

  He shoves a forkful in his mouth and nods. “It’s a gift.”

  “It’s just eggs.”

  “Ah, but there’s a method to making the perfect eggs.”

  “Which is?” I take another bite. Damn, these are good.

  “Secret of the trade. I’d tell you, but I’d have to kill you.” He winks, sending a dusting of pink to tint my cheeks.

  “Nothing I can do to persuade you for next time?”

  Light flashes in his eyes. “There’s a next time?”

  The fork clanks softly against my plate as I set it down. “About that…”

  Henry grabs my hand, quickly silencing my thoughts. “I’m kidding. Sort of. Yes, I want there to be a next time, but at your pace. You’re going through a major life change and haven’t had time to adjust to anything. So, when you’re ready, we’ll do this again. I’ll be here whenever you need me.”

  I reach up to cup his cheek. “You’re too good to be true.”

  We close the distance with a kiss. “You’re worth it.”

  Once breakfast and the dishes are finished, we shower–separately–and clean up any residual mess we’ve made.

  “Don’t you have to work this morning?” Not that I’m complaining, but I feel like he’s making some sacrifices on my part.

  He shakes his head as he helps make the bed. “Greg is opening for me. I called in a favor.”

  The pillow in my hand falls to the bed. “How’d you know you’d need him in the morning?”

  That damn smirk does me in every time. “Let’s just say I was hopeful.”

  I toss the pillow at his head. He ducks and crawls across the bed, pulling me underneath him with a
shriek. We adjust so he’s lying on top of me, pushing back those thick brown locks I’ve seen more and more of lately.

  “When are the kids coming back?”

  I frown. I hadn’t thought of them at all while Henry’s been here. Even just before that. Shit. Now I’m a horrible mother.

  Henry runs his palm over my cheek, smoothing out the lines from my face. “Hey, don’t do that.”

  “Do what?”

  He taps my forehead. “Live in there. Stop it. It’s okay for you to be yourself.”

  How does he always know what I’m thinking? “They’ve been gone for a day and I barely thought about them.”

  “Stop.” Turning my head, our eyes meet. “You’re a good mom. This is something new. Give it time. You’ll see.”

  I nod and break our gaze to look at my bedside clock. “They’ll be here in an hour.”

  Henry nuzzles into the crook of my neck before rolling off, dragging me with him. “Then I better go.”

  I watch him pull on his boots and hat as I lean against the wall with my arms around my waist. This unsettling feeling won’t go away. Something about him leaving right now feels off. Logically, I know he can’t be here. If Mike finds him, I don’t know what would happen. Probably use it against me in court. Not that he wants the kids. He just wants to hurt me and knows exactly how to do it.

  When his coat is buttoned and hat hiding his hair, Henry turns to pull me against him one last time. I grab his face and kiss him like he deserves, giving my thanks for one of the best nights I’ve ever had.

  “I’ll see you soon.” All I can do is nod. I hate this feeling. But I have to fight it. My downfall is getting attached too soon. It’s how all my relationships have started. I won’t let it happen this time. We need to stay at an arm’s length. Or keep it casual. I can’t let myself fall into the same pattern over and over again.

  Henry releases my hand and walks out the door. This time I don’t stand to watch him pull out of the driveway; just shut the door and force myself to sit on the couch and ignore everything my body wants to do.

  Surprisingly, the kids had a lot to say when they return home. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Only mild yelling, which is an improvement from the past. That alone was a miracle.

  “He has a big TV on the wall with a whole bunch of movies.” Cassie’s little arms stretch as far as they can, trying to explain the exact dimensions.

  I draw my brows together. “Really?” Mike never took any movies from our house, so how could he have amassed that large of a collection already? And how is he affording all this? From what the kids have told me, his apartment is in the newer part of town, which I know costs a pretty penny. Two things come to mind: he’s been lying to me about how much he makes, or he’s living with someone.

  Neither scenario is good for me. The kids would have said if a woman was there, though.

  “We just weren’t allowed in his room.” Jacob grabs the book out of his bag to start reading.

  That’s odd. “Did he say why?”

  Jacob shakes his head and removes the bookmark. I’m not going to push the issue. Mike’s going to do whatever he wants. As long as the kids are safe and protected, it doesn’t matter.

  Once my parents return from their visit, we play a few board games and prep our meals for the week. Mom sits me down when the kids are engrossed in an intense game of Monopoly with my dad.

  “How are you holding up?” Worry creases her eyes. I grab her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

  “Fine.”

  Her hold tightens before tugging me closer. She peers into my eyes, the same shade of green as my own, searching for something.

  “You weren’t alone this weekend.”

  I scoff and pull my hand away. “What? You’re crazy.”

  A corner of her mouth turns up with a smirk. “You have a glow about you. Only one thing brings that and it’s a man.”

  Playing dumb, I shake my head. “You’re wrong.”

  Mom sits back in her chair, folding her arms across her chest. “How’s Henry?” I try to hide my smile, but the damn thing escapes anyway. “Ha! I knew it.”

  Throwing my hands in the air, I give an exasperated sigh. “How do you do that?”

  She taps her nose. “Mother’s intuition.” I narrow my eyes. “You could never hide anything from me. Don’t you remember high school? Thought you were so smart sneaking out all time. We knew.”

  Of course she did. It’s her job as a mom, something I know all about.

  “Fine. Yes, Henry was over this weekend.”

  Mom chuckles as she straightens the tablecloth. “I’m glad you weren’t alone. But, I’m worried.”

  “About what?”

  “I know you’re going through a change, which is good and bad. You need people to lean on when times get hard. And I want you to.” Her smile dips a little. “Make sure you’re not rushing into anything too fast.”

  How do I explain that I’ve already had this conversation with myself? “Believe me, it’s crossed my mind a time or two. Right now, Henry is my support. He’s been through this before and wants to help me move into my new life.”

  She pats my hand. “Remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. You don’t need to go warp speed all the time.”

  “Mom, did you just make a Star Trek reference?” I curl my lips into a smile.

  “A what now?” She shakes her head and goes to the kitchen. “You and your science fiction movies. I blame your father for your addiction.”

  “I’m failing to see how it’s a bad thing,” I call after her. Not that I’m expecting a response.

  Finding my phone, I sit on the couch and scroll through the schedule for the week. A dropdown bar alerts me to a text message. Quickly, I pull up the program and curl over my phone in case any prying eyes sneak up behind me.

  Henry: What are you doing for dinner on Friday?

  Me: Making something here.

  Henry: Come over.

  Me: I’ll have the kids.

  Henry: So will I. They’ll have fun. What do you say?

  As if there was any other answer.

  Me: Yes.

  “Are you sure you don’t want us to stay?” Mom gives me one last hug before brushing the hair from my face.

  I shake my head. “I need to figure this out on my own. Thank you for everything, but you need to get back to your life now. It’s been over a month. I think I’ll manage.”

  Turning to my dad, I’m surprised to find this normally strong man on the verge of tears. “I’m going to miss you, baby girl.”

  “Me too, Daddy.” It’s been so long since he’s called me his baby girl. Brings me right back to my childhood where he’d do everything and anything for me, no matter what the cost. Even into adulthood, my parents are still doing that for me.

  “We’ll call as soon as we land.” Mom taps her chin. “Well, maybe send a text since you have dinner plans tonight.”

  Mr. Davenport was nice enough to let me use a vacation day on short notice to bring my parents to the airport. It also happens to be the day I’m having dinner over at Henry’s and I feel the need to not look like my usual frumpy self.

  Thank you, Mom, for bringing that to my attention.

  “A text will be fine. Have a safe flight.”

  They turn and wave before walking into the security gate line. Mom blows me one last kiss as I look over my shoulder. I’m over thirty and she still finds a way to embarrass me. I smile to myself because I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  Once I’m back in my house, I head straight for my closet. I need something that says ‘hey, let’s be casual’ but not something that says ‘I’m going to end up with seventy cats later in life.’ Is there a happy medium between friend-zone and sexy outfits?

  Each scrape of a hanger is like nails on a chalkboard as they slide across the bar.

  Nope.

  Nuh-uh.

  Oh hell no.

  Why in the hell do I still own this?


  Then I see it, exactly what I’m looking for. My pink cardigan sweater set. Okay, sure, it sounds horrible, and very matronly, but paired with the skinny jeans that hug my ass just right, it’s an amazing combination.

  No, this will do. I can make this work.

  Don’t ask me why I spent an hour on my makeup. It’s just dinner at his house. We’re not going out in public. He’s the only person who will see me. But I need to look my best. And that includes contacts and full eye makeup.

  The kids come bustling in through the front door, instantly on my case about our plans for tonight.

  “Are we ready yet? Lauren and I have big plans for tonight.” Cassie is practically bouncing on my bed as I finish in my bathroom.

  “Oh,” I say, quirking a brow.

  She nods. “Huge plans. Can we go over now?”

  I shut the light off and shoo her off the bed, straightening the wrinkles from the comforter. “Henry’s not expecting us for a while. You’ll just have to be patient.”

  “I’m sure he won’t mind. Please?” Cassie bats her lashes, tucking her folded hands under her chin. Damn, that girl is good. She’s going to make a great wife someday.

  Call me a big softy. “I’ll text him and see if it’s okay.” Like I don’t already know the answer. He’ll probably tell me to get over there as fast as I can.

  “Jacob! Get ready!” Cassie sprints out of my room, barking her commands as she goes. Oh, that child. I can’t wait until she’s a teenager.

  To be on the safe side…

  Me: Cassie is dying to come over now. Is it too early?

  Henry: Not at all. Whenever you’re ready.

  Me: You may regret this. Hope you didn’t want a quiet house.

  Henry: Haha. I hate the quiet.

  Me: Be there in a few.