I Don't Regret You

by Larson, Jodie

After informing the kids we can head over early, they finish their chores in record time and don’t fight once as they put on their winter gear. Will wonders never cease.

  It’s not too far out of town, but the anticipation of getting there is eating away at my stomach. Sure, this man has seen me naked and done things not worth mentioning in front of tiny ears, but the thought of going to his house sends waves rolling in my abdomen.

  I turn the car off and bring the pan of brownies with me to the front door. Cassie and Jacob are already ringing the doorbell. Not that they needed to. Luke and Lauren had the door open within seconds. Henry stands behind them, sporting another baseball hat and a huge grin.

  “You didn’t have to do that.” He takes the pan and helps me out of my coat.

  “I couldn’t come over empty-handed. And don’t get too excited. They’re only brownies from a box.”

  He leads me into the kitchen, pulling out a stool at the counter. “I’m sure they’re delicious. Want some wine?”

  “Please.” I don’t drink often during the evening while the kids are still awake, but one glass with dinner won’t hurt.

  Taking down two glasses, he fills them with a chilled white wine. “Hope a Pinot Gris is okay?”

  “You’re the wine connoisseur, not me. I just drink the stuff.”

  He laughs and clinks our glasses together. “It’s good. Trust me.”

  Oh, I do. More than he knows, which is good and bad.

  “Did your parents get off okay at the airport?” The smell of chicken and garlic fills the room as he dumps more items in the pan.

  “Yeah, they made it out on time. Only one layover in Chicago, so they should be home shortly.”

  I look around the room and try my best not to gawk. His kitchen is easily twice the size of mine with way more counter space and modern touches. Like the giant silver vent hood above his stove. I’ve seen them on HGTV, mainly because the Property Brothers are obsessed with them, which has made me envious of anyone who has one. And the cherry cupboards paired with the dark gray quartz countertops are stunning. Or are they granite? This is why I’m not into design. Everything looks the same to me.

  But it’s the huge window above the sink that gets my attention. It overlooks the backyard and the trees lining the property. Another blanket of snow covered the ground last night so everything is still fluffy. For a moment, I imagine what it’d be like to look out that window as I’m doing the dishes, or fixing everyone something to eat.

  I let myself get lost in the daydream as pictures of Henry holding me from behind filter in. He’d whisper sweet words into my ear before kissing the space between my neck and shoulder because he knows it’s my favorite.

  “Hey, you in there?” Henry waves a hand in front of my face, stopping my daydream.

  A flush crawls across my cheeks. “Oh, yeah. Just staring out the window. I love the trees in your backyard. They look so pretty with all the snow on them.”

  It’s a modest excuse and not entirely wrong. Only a few details are omitted.

  He takes the cast iron pan and places it in the oven before setting a timer. “It was one of the things that drew me to this house. I love lots of outdoor space. Believe it or not, I don’t always like to be in the kitchen.”

  I gasp. “No? You mean, you don’t like to do the same thing you’ve been doing for hours before?”

  His masculine laugh echoes in my ears as he fills a large pot with water. “I know. Crazy, right?”

  “Completely.” Once the pot is situated and ready to boil, he joins me at the counter. I can’t help but look at his arms as he folds them over each other, leaning on them for support. What is it about a guy whose sleeves are rolled up exposing just that small amount of forearm? It’s almost as bad as the damn V thing.

  Almost.

  “How did things go this week for you?” Henry moves closer as he takes a sip of wine.

  I shrug. “Normal, I guess.”

  “Any issues with Mike?”

  “Surprisingly, no. He took the kids the two nights I worked. Not overnight, though. Said it was too hard with him working early in the morning. So we struck a compromise. He’d keep them after school and drop them off when I’m done working.”

  Henry twists the stem of his glass. “Seems pointless. Then you need to keep them up and drag them across town.”

  I shrug. “No different than if they were at the restaurant with me.”

  “I suppose. Just never had to do it that way. Besides, now who am I going to get for free child labor during the week?”

  “Looks like you’ll have to look elsewhere. At least for now. I can’t see this arrangement lasting long.” I smile and shove at his shoulders.

  Henry reaches over, engulfing my hand in his. “I’m really glad you’re here tonight.”

  “Me too.” The counter suddenly becomes way too interesting. But I can’t meet his eyes, can’t stare into those blues that I’ve grown accustomed to looking at over the last few months. If I do, I’ll fall into old habits, become attached and lose another piece of myself. Not yet, not when the broken pieces are finally mending back together.

  Loud, thunderous footsteps echo behind us, pulling our joined hands apart.

  “Mom! This house is so cool. Did you know they have a pool table downstairs?” Cassie’s talking about a mile a minute. Luckily, I’m fluent in Cassinese and understood her perfectly. Jacob rolls his eyes behind her.

  “I hope you’re not making a mess as you go through the house.” I look between my two angels. I know they wouldn’t, but with as hyped up as Cassie is, I wouldn’t put it past her to be forgetful of her manners.

  “We’re not.” Jacob’s still holding Luke’s hand, which is about the sweetest thing I’ve seen. Those two have become little buddies. With Jacob being older, I thought maybe he’d be annoyed by it, but honestly, I think he’s excited for another male to be around, regardless of the age.

  “Don’t get too wrapped into anything. Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

  “Okay, Dad.” Lauren tugs on Cassie’s arm. “Come on. I want to show you my collection.” The two girls fly down the hallway while the boys wander into the living room to play video games.

  When I look back at Henry, he’s chuckling and shaking his head.

  “Told you the house wouldn’t be quiet.”

  He leans down, his arm brushing mine before whispering into my ear. “It actually feels like a home again.”

  Without warning, he kisses my cheek and returns his attention to the stove. All I can do is stare with my mouth hanging slightly ajar. While I should agree that the noise is comforting after experiencing the quiet over the weekend, I get a nagging sensation like there’s more to his statement than what lies on the surface.

  No. I’m doing it again. I mentally slap myself and drain the glass of wine.

  “Let me help with something.” I need to move, be useful. Sitting here, watching him do all the work will drive me bonkers. I’m a doer. Being idle isn’t something I’m used to.

  He looks over his shoulder with a smirk. “If you want, you can set the table.”

  Perfect. As much as I enjoy cooking, it pales in comparison to Henry’s. It’s better to leave it to the professional. Opening several cupboard doors, I find everything I need and finish my task just in time as he calls for the kids. They come stampeding in from both directions, actively talking, though not over each other.

  As the six of us eat the chicken parmesan Henry created, I catch myself drifting into another dream. Normal nights of doing this often, the kids regaling us with their stories from the day, laughing at horrible jokes, and just being happy all around.

  This would be something new. A fresh start.

  STOP!

  I’m doing it again. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly through my nose as I focus on Lauren and Cassie’s story.

  After the dishes are done, we head downstairs and pair up for a few games of pool. It starts out
with boys against girls. Then we break it down even more: Lauren and Cassie, Luke and Jacob, and me and Henry.

  The two of us watch the kids as they battle it out. Henry gives Luke a hand at times, which causes Lauren and Cassie to voice their displeasure. Cheater was chanted more than once. Lovingly, of course.

  By the end, the boys were victorious. It didn’t help that Henry was distracting me by standing near the pocket I was aiming at all the time, putting his hips in perfect alignment of my eyes. When he wasn’t in front of me, he was behind me, trailing a toe up my calf. I know he was doing it on purpose so the kids could win, but he started something else. Something hungry that’s been starving for years and now wants more.

  Thank God the kids are here.

  “Movie time.” Luke runs to the cabinet and pulls out several movies.

  I glance down at my watch. “Kids, it’s getting late. We should probably think about going home soon.”

  “No,” Cassie whines. “One movie. Please?” Again with the puppy eyes and quivering lip. I need to grow more of a backbone with her. But they’re going through enough with the divorce crap, so I cave.

  “One movie. That’s it.”

  Everyone curls up on the floor under a fortress of pillows and blankets. Henry pulls me into his side on the couch as we flip on The Avengers.

  I side-eye Henry, whose shoulders shake from suppressed laughter. “What? I never said I didn’t have nerd tendencies too.”

  Within minutes, I find myself snuggling into his shoulder, finding that perfect spot for my head in that space near his neck. He slouches down until our heads rest against one another. When he wraps an arm around my shoulders, I relax and let go.

  Partway through the movie, I look at the floor, only because we haven’t heard a peep in over a half hour. All four of them are curled around each other, lost in blissful sleep. It’s probably the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

  “Looks like we’re the last two standing.”

  Henry turns his head, a wicked gleam in his eye. “We can fix that.” Without warning, he grabs my waist and pulls so I’m flush against the cushions. “Now we’re lying down.”

  I bite my lip, mainly to stay quiet. Not sure how I managed not to squeal as the world flipped on its side for a moment. His hard body presses against mine while his fingers run through my hair. There should be that awkward point of what to do with my hands and arms. Do I keep them trapped by my side? Do I let them hang? Or position them so I end up with a cramp later?

  It never happens. I’m able to keep control of my arms and hands, letting them lead the way instead of overthinking everything. First to go: the baseball hat. It was off once since I’ve been here and that was during dinner. As hot as he is with it on, he’s even hotter without it. And that can be said for more than the hat.

  Having the same idea, we lean into each other until our lips touch softly, moving with little hurry or worry about what will happen. I didn’t know we could be this quiet.

  Everything feels better when I’m kissing Henry. Nothing matters, worries don’t exist. It’s as if the world has stopped spinning, leaving me the only thing in his gravitational pull.

  He slips a hand under my sweater, kneading my breast enough to awaken the beast.

  I let my head fall back, breaking our connection. “Not here in front of the kids.”

  He shifts his gaze over to the four little darlings still snoring under the blankets. “Fine, we’ll go upstairs.”

  When he starts to stand, I pull him back down. “Not there, either. I don’t want them searching for us if they wake.” Henry rests his head against my shoulder, letting out a puff of warm air in the process. “I don’t like it either, but we can’t be reckless about this.” And I don’t want to start something we can’t finish.

  Rolling over so he’s wedged between me and the couch, he relents and gives in to my request. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  I pick up his hand and kiss his knuckles. “Don’t be sorry. Just bad timing.”

  “No, I should be sorry.” He returns his hand to my waist. “I said I’d move at your pace and here I am directing the activity. From now on, I’ll be a good boy.”

  “Where’s the fun in that?” I elbow his side. He lets out a grunt and laughs into my hair.

  “True. But for now, I’m just glad I have you here.”

  Lacing my fingers with his, I pull them up so our combined hands rest under my chin. “Me too.”

  “Joss? You awake?”

  What in the hell? Slowly, I blink my eyes and an unfamiliar room comes into focus. The walls are the wrong color and where in the hell did that TV come from? My heart rate kicks up a notch until Henry’s warm hand slides across my stomach, catching the bare skin at the hem.

  “Wha-what time is it?” The night replays in my head. We came downstairs to watch a movie, Henry and I were cock blocked from messing around by our kids, and then…and then…

  “It’s around six.” His morning voice is completely sexy, especially as he whispers low in my ear. It causes the nerve bundle between my legs to come alive, forcing me to press my thighs together to quell off the sudden desire building inside. Now is not the time or place for this. I look to the floor and see all four kids still huddled together under the blankets. I’m almost shocked they’re still asleep. Normally my kids would be up, regardless that it’s a weekend. They must have tuckered themselves out enough last night.

  “We spent the night?” I crane my neck to get a good look at his face. It should be illegal to look this good so early. Especially before coffee.

  Henry chuckles into my hair. “Not exactly the way I wanted our first sleepover here to go, but I can’t complain when I’m still waking up to you in my arms.” He finds that magical spot on my neck and I melt into his embrace. Damn. A girl should wake up like this every morning.

  “No, I can’t complain either.”

  “So I have a question for you.”

  “Hmm?”

  We sit up and adjust the blanket over our laps. When did he put that over us? “I have to work today and I’d rather not take the kids in if I don’t have to.”

  I know exactly what he’s getting at. “Sure, I’ll watch them.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  Cupping his cheek, I kiss the corner of his mouth. He responds with a quick movement to press our lips together instead.

  “I want to. You have work and since I don’t work weekends when I have the kids, it makes total sense.”

  “You sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

  “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to.”

  He blows out a quick breath. “Thanks. I’ll try not to stay late.”

  I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “Don’t rush on our account. We’ll be fine, though I’ll take the kids to my house so we don’t destroy yours.”

  “No, no. Stay if you want. Either way works for me.”

  I’m not sure I could stay at his house without him here. It’d be too weird. Our quasi-relationship isn’t quite to that point yet, though I could be wrong. We’ve had months to strengthen our friendship, grow it into something worthwhile and valued. And that sprouted into something more, at least on my part. I care about him and his feelings, but I don’t want him to think this is all I want. And I still need to tread lightly. This needs to be fun with little emotions as possible.

  “I’ll leave it up to the kids, how’s that?”

  The answer seems to appease him. “Just text me to let me know where you’re at.”

  “That I can do.”

  Henry darts off to get ready for work while I snuggle back into the warmth of the couch. Without another thought, I press my nose into the pillow. Mmm, it still smells like him. Tucking the blanket under my chin, I practically wrap myself around the pillow and fall back into darkness.

  Lips press against my temple, running down my cheek before curling to meet my lips. I hum in appreciation as he deepens the kiss, coaxing my tongu
e out to brush against his. I turn to get a better angle, only to find his hands in my hair as soon as I face him. Henry gets down on his knees, bringing us closer together. I weave my fingers into his hair, thankful that he hasn’t put a hat on yet.

  “I like seeing you here,” he murmurs against my lips.

  Blinking my eyes open, I find his smiling back. “In yesterday’s clothes on your couch?”

  Shaking his head, he kisses me once more, this time not letting me get another word in. “In my place.” He brushes my tangled mess of hair away from my face. “Stay here today? I’ll leave the spare key on the kitchen counter in case you want to go home and change. And if you’re comfortable, pack a bag for you and the kids. Have another sleepover. This time we won’t have to spend it in the basement.”

  It’s a tempting offer. Completely forget my life and seamlessly merge into his. But that defeats the purpose of what I need to do. I need to find who I am, know that I can make it on my own without depending on a man. Sure, I won’t turn down help, but I’m not going to integrate myself into his life because mine is in shambles.

  I cup his cheek. I’ve gotten used to his stubble and rather like it. “I think it’s best if we don’t plan too many sleepovers, especially with the kids. We can’t let them know what’s going on, or run the risk of them catching us in a compromising position.” I bring his face down to press our foreheads together. “How about this; I’ll stay here today with the kids, that way when you get home, you won’t have to run around town to get them. I would like to go home to shower and change clothes so the kids can play there for an hour or so. Then we’ll come back here, have dinner, and that’ll be the end to a great day.”

  I know that’s not what he wants. Hell, I’m not even sure that’s what I want. Everything screams for me to follow this relationship with Henry, see where it goes. Waking up next to him is far better than waking up alone. But we need boundaries. For now.

  Henry sighs and stands, letting me sit up. “That works for me. The key will be on the counter. Whatever you can find in the fridge is yours to make. Feel free to raid the pantry as well.” He pauses then kisses my head. “I’ll see you tonight.”