I Don't Regret You

by Larson, Jodie

  This isn’t right. He seems off. Throwing the blanket back, I shuffle after him, catching up at the bottom of the stairs. “Please don’t be mad. I’m just trying to be careful.” I grab his hand and do my best to convince him that I’m not trying to be hurtful, just cautious.

  In one swift motion, he pins me against the wall and kisses away every doubt I had bubbling up in my head. How he’s able to read me so well when my soon-to-be-ex had a difficult time is beyond me. I’ve never had a man take charge when needed and know when to let me have space to work things out. It’s always been one or the other, not both.

  “Do not, for one minute, ever think I could be upset with you. I’m trying hard to control my impulses and sometimes they get the better of me. I find that I’m constantly reminding myself that you’re at where I was three years ago. You’re figuring out your new life and how to balance family and personal without help. So if anyone needs to apologize, it’s me. If you tell me to back off, I will.” He lets his hands travel around my body, finding every curve there is to offer, including the ones I wish he wouldn’t find. “It’s no secret I want you, but I want you to be ready. And if that means I need to live a little…frustrated…then so be it. I want to see where this goes. I want more than friendship and I think you do too. You just need to get there on your own.”

  Once again, he’s taken the words from my mouth. “It’s strange how well you get me. You’re right, I’m trying to figure life out right now and it’s hard to find that perfect balance between personal and family. Everything is still new so I don’t want to drag you along. If I decide that I can’t handle anything more than this right now, I don’t want to hurt you. It would kill me.”

  “You won’t. Just say the word and I’ll walk away.” It should concern me that he’d walk away so easily, but in this moment, I don’t care. His semi-hard erection is pressing into my hip, completely contradicting everything he said.

  “Okay. If it’s not the right time, we’ll part ways and no one will get hurt.” If only I believed my own words.

  Somehow Henry and I managed to find a routine that benefited both of us. Interesting enough, our weekend time with the kids matched up so it made things easier as far as childcare went. I’d watch them either at my house or his, depending on what we were doing. We never had another sleepover like the first one, even though he tried like hell to make it happen again. I can’t risk confusing the kids. They need boundaries, which is the perfect excuse to keep us at arm’s length. At least while they’re around.

  When the kids are gone, Henry forbade me from making rules. I’m to live my life and follow every impulse my body craves and desires. Pretty sure he means him–not that my body is denying it.

  It’s horrible to revert to third base when you’ve already hit a home run. For my sanity’s sake, I put the brakes on. Things were getting hot and heavy too fast. The guidebook on dating states that if a relationship begins physical, that’s all it’ll ever be. Not that I’ve ever seen an actual copy of said book. It’s more the unwritten rule of the land.

  And yet, here I sit on this crappy Hallmark holiday, thinking of nothing but Henry’s hands all over me. Not what one should be thinking about when trying to write employee reviews. I was a little shocked when Mr. Davenport said I needed to do them, considering I’ve only had my team for a little over a month.

  “It won’t be perfect, but it’ll help you get a jump start on what to expect next quarter,” he said, patting my shoulder. Never thought I’d get the atta-boy from him, but to know he has faith in my abilities is comforting. The other supervisors said they’d help me out since they worked with my team before. At least I wasn’t thrown into the water without a life jacket.

  My desk phone buzzes. Leslie’s bored voice breaks the silence of my office.

  “You have a package up front.”

  A package? Spinning in my chair, I walk to her desk, surprised to see a vase filled with colorful flowers and a small, white teddy bear next to it.

  “Are you sure it’s for me?” I turn the vase and smile at the gesture. The fragrance is amazing. Not to mention whoever sent it knows my favorite flowers: Gerbera daisies, tiger lilies, and a few roses in complementing shades. The bear is about the sweetest thing I’ve seen. Sewn into its hands is a red heart with ‘Be Mine’ stitched in white.

  Forgetting I asked her a question, she snaps her gum to bring my gaze back to her. “Yeah, they’re for you. Didn’t know Mike cared this much about the holiday?”

  I bite my lower lip. “Um, actually, Mike filed for divorce.” Not sure what possessed me to blurt that out, but I’d rather not have her think he’s done something nice when he doesn’t deserve the praise for someone else. Considering I know exactly who my admirer is. Damn him.

  Leslie frowns, giving me a look that’s borderline sympathetic. I almost fall over from shock. She’s showing human emotion? I didn’t think she was capable of it. I’d convinced myself that she was half Vulcan due to her lack of personality. “I’m sorry to hear that. Not that I’d say this otherwise, but he was really an asshole. Glad you’ll be rid of him soon.”

  A feather could knock me over right now. “Yeah, um, thanks?” What is the appropriate response to that? I collect my items and give her a nod as I retreat to my quiet solitude. Only it doesn’t stay quiet for long. Brenda follows me inside and shuts the door behind her.

  “Okay, who sent you flowers?” Before I have the chance to set them down, she plucks the card from the stem and tears into the small envelope.

  “Hey! Pretty sure that’s addressed to me.” At least I hope it is. Brenda has been a godsend over these last couple months. Ever since I ran into her before Christmas, she’s made sure I was never the outcast at work. I haven’t eaten alone since she decided to take me under her wing. Heck, I’ve even been to her house for dinner one night when the kids were at Mike’s. Having a friend to talk to has made this whole process easier.

  Brenda’s practically laughing as she hands over the card. “Wow. You need to hang on to that man with both hands. If you let him get away, I’ll hound you daily until you change your mind.”

  I glance down at the script I’ve come to know.

  What a goof! I can see him filling this out at the flower shop, laughing because he thinks he’s the funniest person on the planet. Okay, I’ll admit, it’s cute and a clever way to ask me out. He gets bonus points for being creative.

  “We’re friends.” With lots of benefits.

  “Friends?” She quirks a brow. “No one is just friends and sends flowers on the holiest of romantic holidays. Why do you keep denying yourself? That man is H-O-T. You need to jump him the minute you see each other.”

  “Brenda!” Heat creeps up my cheeks at her insinuation. Henry’s been a good sport, but after his major case of blue balls, would it be appropriate to break the rules just for tonight?

  She tosses her hands in the air and sits on the corner of my desk. “Look, I know you want to keep him at a distance, but your divorce is almost finalized. Soon it won’t matter. You two can fuck like bunnies everywhere you want and no one will care.”

  “My kids probably would.” Glad she can see the humor in her words as she laughs.

  “You get my drift. You’ll be free and can do whatever you want. It’ll be like a rebirth for you.”

  I shake my head. “Every relationship I’ve ever had started fast. I never had time between them and look what happened.” I blow out a breath. “I don’t want to screw this one up.”

  “Because you like him.”

  “Exactly. I’m tired of being the serial rebound relationship person.”

  Brenda places a hand on mine. “Stop comparing teenage relationships to adult ones. They’re nothing alike. Time between relationships is irrelevant. It’s the person you’re with that makes the difference.”

  I shrug. “I’m still keeping him at a distance.”

  With a huff, she stands and opens the door. “Think about it?”

  �
�Okay.”

  When she’s gone, I pull out my phone.

  Me: Thank you for the flowers and the bear.

  He doesn’t answer right away. In fact, it takes a good hour before my phone alerts me to a message.

  Henry: Sorry, had to prep for tonight. You’re welcome. Does this mean you have an answer for me?

  Me: Yeah, don’t quit your day job to be a poet.

  Henry: Ha ha ha.

  I pause and say a silent prayer before my fingers fly around the screen.

  Me: My answer is yes.

  Henry: I’ll be stuck here at the restaurant because of the dinner special, but afterward I’m all yours.

  Me: That works for me.

  Henry: Come down and eat. Dinner will be on me.

  Me: I’m not bugging you when you’re busy. As soon as you’re done, swing by my place.

  Henry: You drive a hard bargain. I’ll make sure to hurry and get out as soon as I can.

  There’s something about a little text banter that always puts a smile on my face. Brenda’s right. No reason to keep punishing myself over something that may or may not happen. Maybe my past relationships were doomed from the start, regardless of when they happened. Would it have been the same outcome if I’d waited a year between them? Judging by Mike’s demeanor, probably.

  It’s harder to concentrate on my task at hand now that I’m all excited for tonight. Questions come pouring in left and right: will he be hungry? Should I make dinner? What should I wear? What if he expects more?

  I wipe my clammy palms on my pants as my heartbeat kicks up a notch.

  Well, this should make the night interesting. A basket case who knows nothing about love trying to put together a perfect romantic night. What could possibly go wrong?

  Waiting is the worst part. I’ve been through a half of a bottle of wine already and my nerves are still all over the place. It’s not like we haven’t been intimate before. Why is this so different?

  You’re thinking too much. Relax. Henry likes you. The rest will take care of itself.

  For once, my inner voice makes sense. Well, it seems to make sense when I’m thinking about Henry.

  Pulling the hem of my dress down, I shift on the couch, making sure to face toward the door. I want to see his reaction the minute he walks in. It’s nothing much. Just a couple candles, the flowers he bought me, and some chocolate-dipped strawberries. I still wasn’t sure if he would eat beforehand or after, but I figured this would be a great dessert.

  I glance at the clock. Almost ten. I’m guessing he’ll be any minute. I was surprised when I wasn’t asked to pick up a shift tonight, though I’m sure the boss may have had a hand in that. Though it would have made more sense to have me there so we could see each other more.

  And what are the odds that both kids were invited to the Valentine’s Day dance at school and a slumber party after? It’s like the universe knew Henry and I needed this night.

  As soon as the knob clicks and unlatches, I sit up taller, fluffing my hair and adjusting my legs so they give the illusion that I’m lying here casually. Like Cleopatra. ‘Cause that’s normal. When he comes around the corner, the world slows. No baseball hat, which I love. Less for me to fling across the room. Not that it’ll happen. But in case it does…

  It’s the blue plaid button-down that has drool running like a river out of the corner of my mouth. Sleeves rolled up, the hint of a white undershirt peeking out of the top two buttons, and his dark denim jeans that showcase his narrow waist. My favorite jeans.

  Suddenly, my little black dress seems like the best idea ever. No man can resist the LBD.

  Henry pauses, licking his lips as he takes a few steps closer to the couch. “You were waiting for me?”

  I nod. “Not long.” Which is a complete fabrication. I spent two full hours cleaning my house then another two hours picking out what to wear and perfecting my hair and makeup. After that, it was lounging on the couch watching some TV. Good thing I clicked it off when I heard the door. He doesn’t need to see that.

  Another step closer, then another, and another. Soon he’s towering over me, leaning down to brace against the back cushion and armrest so he’s directly hovering over my face. God he smells good. Clean soap and his Gucci cologne. I may have snooped around his house while watching his kids one day to figure out what the intoxicating scent is. And I may have purchased a bottle of it for him.

  Our lips are separated by mere inches. Henry smiles and I feel myself mimicking it. Between the smile, his cologne, and close proximity, my nerves are on overdrive. He’s teasing me, keeping just far enough away so he’s not touching my body but close enough to drive me wild.

  Seduction level: master.

  “Were you thinking about me?” His tone…fuck. So low, almost gravelly in nature. My heart is trying to escape my chest, beating so hard I can feel it hit my ribcage.

  I nod. There’s no way words are going to work right now. Not with my mouth hanging open, practically begging him to fill it with his tongue.

  The couch dips as he presses a knee next to my hip. “You lit candles. They make your face glow. Did you know I had this exact picture in my head all day long?”

  Shaking my head, I run my hands across my stomach, trying to calm the butterflies within. He glances down and takes a hand in his, lacing our fingers together so my hand is on top.

  “Can you talk?” When I shake my head again, he smirks, dragging me so I’m sitting up, my legs slung over his. “You know, I had all sorts of plans for tonight. I wanted to take it slow, show you what romance is like because I know you’ve been missing it.” He looks around, quirking a brow. “Where are the kids?”

  “Sleep-sleepover.” I should get a medal for even getting those words past the lump in my throat. Or maybe it’s my heart? My whole body is buzzing with excitement and anticipation. What plans did he have? Will he still show me even though I managed to hijack them?

  Henry’s mouth curls into a devilish smile. “That’s what I was hoping you’d say.” Without warning, he digs his fingers into my hair and pulls me closer. Our mouths have the same idea as our teeth clash slightly from the force. Twisting and twirling, alternating between deep licks and shallow touches.

  Now, I thought I’d experienced every kiss Henry had to offer. I was wrong. So wrong. This is more animalistic, desperate without being needy. His hold tightens on the hair at my nape, craning my head back to deepen our kiss before breaking away to trail his lips down my neck.

  My nipples tighten almost to the point of pain as he continues his exploration of my skin, following the deep cut of my dress. Breaths, short and fast, echo through my ears as I try to maintain my focus. Instead, I give in, wrapping my arms around him, pulling his body flush against mine. Our hips align, sending a pulse straight to my core. Henry must sense it because he pulls at my knee, bending it to wrap around his waist, letting the seam of his jeans hit me right where I need it.

  Stars spark behind my lids with each deft roll of his hips. Our gasps and moans the only noise filling the quiet room. Somehow I manage to twist my fingers into his thick hair, guiding him to where I need him most.

  He catches my drift but surprises me when he sits up, kneeling between my spread legs. With slow, precise movements, he unbuttons his shirt, taking his time as his gaze never leaves mine. It’s my own personal strip tease. He tosses the shirt behind the couch. If I thought the plaid was my favorite, I was mistaken. The white t-shirt clings to the lean muscles of his chest.

  Nope. I want him to wear that with those jeans for the rest of his life.

  I try to sit up, wanting to help him rid of more clothes, but he gently pushes me back down. Turning his head, he sees the dessert tray I set up.

  “You read my mind. Tonight calls for something sweet on my tongue.”

  He dips his hands beneath the skirt of my dress, hooking his fingers into the sides of my panties and drags it down my legs. The black lace joins his shirt. Fire dances in his eyes as he pushes my knee
s apart more.

  “What do we have here?”

  Oh shit. I forgot. Brenda talked me into going to the waxing studio earlier this week. She said it’s to help strip away my worries. Not sure how ripping hair out of sensitive places is going to change my life. I don’t know why I listened to her.

  I try to move my hands to cover my bare pussy, but he swats them away. “Don’t you dare. I have plans.”

  Plans? I watch as he takes a chocolate-covered strawberry from the plate.

  “Open your mouth.” He trails the tip over my lips. I can practically taste the chocolate before I follow his lead. “Take a bite.”

  A small drop of juice dribbles out from the corner of my mouth. Henry wastes no time in licking it away. Another pulse circulates between my legs. The cooler air doesn’t help drive the sensation away. In fact, it’s intensified.

  Henry brings the berry to his mouth, taking a bite where I had. He licks his lips before ducking between my legs. With his lips covering my clit, I cry out, clawing at the cushion, the back of the couch, anywhere I can grab onto. The chilliness of his tongue from the berry mixes with the heat my body is giving off. The hot and cold amplifies my need. Not to mention giving me something I’ve never experienced before.

  “Damn, that’s a good berry.” He licks his lips again before diving back for seconds, this time not coming up for the show.

  Everything melts away as I focus on his tongue, working between my opening and my clit, eating me like I was the sweetest dessert he’s ever had.

  “Henry, God, please.” I don’t know what I’m begging him to do. Back off? Give me more? Don’t stop? Running my fingers through his hair, I pull at the roots and widen my legs to give him more room. He takes advantage, pushing my thighs down with his hands. I don’t know where the strawberry went and frankly, I don’t care. Henry is building me up higher than I’ve ever soared.

  Something cold presses against my clit; liquid running down my pussy. Henry’s there to lap it up immediately. The scent of fruit and sex fills the air.