Eyes Wide Open (Healing Hearts #2)

by Renee Dyer

  I watch his face crumble and I hate knowing I put that pain there. “I’m sorry, Tucker. I just need to think.”

  He wipes at the tears on my cheeks and nods his head yes at me. He looks so sad and all I want is to throw my arms around him and stop this hurt for both of us. How did it all go wrong from where we were this morning?

  “Can I ask you something, Adriana?”

  I’m still in his arms and I don’t want him to let me go yet so I say yes.

  “Do you believe in fate or destiny or guardian angels?” He’s staring at me so intently, his blue eyes clouded over with emotion. I’m not sure how to answer him. I’m confused. I need a minute and being so close to him makes me want to believe anything he wants me to believe.

  “I-I’m not sure. Why?” My words come out in a jumble. I’m not sure he can even understand what I said, but a small smile starts to form on his face. What is there for him to possibly be smiling about right now?

  “When I was growing up, Grams always told me that everything in life happens for a reason. The people we meet, the places we end up, it’s all fate. She told me the path I take in life is the path I’m destined to take. I never understood what the hell she was talking about until you. But, the part that really gets me the most is the guardian angels. It all makes sense now, Adriana. Grams was right.”

  There is such awe on his face and I’m even more confused. What is his Grams right about and why is he telling me about guardian angels? Nothing he’s saying makes sense. He looks back to his mom’s grave and smiles as he hugs me tighter to his body.

  My body betrays me, lighting up at his touch. I’m trying not to respond to him with all this confusion in my mind, but I find it impossible. My heart and body ignite any time he’s near.

  “Do you believe in signs?” He’s looking at me again. I shrug because I can’t find my voice. The excitement pouring off him has left me speechless. “This isn’t a coincidence. Us, Adriana, we are not a coincidence. We were meant to meet. It was destiny stepping in and I think we had some help from a couple special guardian angels. You feel it, right?”

  I don’t know how to answer him and I don’t want to bring him down from the high he’s on. I want him to finish telling me about the angels. “I feel so much around you, Tucker,” I whisper, afraid I’ll crush him with my words.

  “I feel so much around you, too.” He raises one hand and cups my cheek, his eyes locking on mine. “When my mom died, I was devastated. It was so much worse when Mikos abandoned me. I thought that I had somehow made her sick and it was my fault she died. I thought that was why my dad didn’t want me anymore.” The pain in his eyes is so real and intense; I know he’s not lying. I feel myself shatter all over again as the realization of how broken I truly am slams into me. I accused this man, who has been nothing short of amazing to me, of being the worst kind of person. All along, he was really bringing me here to introduce me to a person who means the world to him.

  “Grams let me cry it out for a couple days and then she sat me down and told me she was sorry my mom got cancer. She said, ‘Cancer kills sweetie, not you, but do you want to know a secret?’ I’ll never forget that day because it’s when she told me that we never lose the people we love. That when the people we love pass away, on top of feeling them in our hearts, they also become our guardian angels and they help guide us down the paths to our destinies, to our happiness. Do you get it now?”

  I shake my head no, because I’m really not sure what he’s trying to get me to see.

  “My mom dying on Alex’s birthday and him dying on hers isn’t a coincidence. It was part of our destiny. And, I believe our two angels have been teaming up to make sure we found each other. Who else would want to see us happy more than them?”

  I hear the gasp fall from my lips.

  “Oh, Tucker, do you really think that’s true?” I want to believe it. With all my heart, I want to believe Alex helped lead me to Tucker.

  “I do.” His smile warms my heart that had gone cold at the sight of his mom’s birthday. How did I ever think this man was a monster?

  I throw my arms around his neck and let my tears fall. “I’m so sorry for thinking badly of you. Please forgive me.” I can’t look at him, shame making me embarrassed. “I don’t know how you put up with my craziness,” I sob out.

  His body tenses and he pulls me out to arm’s length. I struggle against him and try to get back to his body, needing to be close to him, but he’s having none of that. His eyes dart back and forth, searching my face. But, I’m not sure what he’s searching for. I look back at him and offer a weak smile. His eyes soften and a smile starts to turn up the corners of his lips.

  “There was a time in my life I was so lost I would have reacted the same way you did. I can’t judge you for that.” I search his face now; search for the truth in his words. I find that and understanding staring back at me.

  “Thank you for not giving up on me.” I swear my heart will overflow from all the emotions bursting from me.

  He graces me with one of his double dimpled smiles and I find myself becoming too focused on his full lips. The heat from the sun has nothing on what this man can do to me. He incinerates me with one look.

  “Sweetness, I have no plans to give up on you. I just got you back. Have you not seen the smile that’s taken up permanent residence on my face since you’ve come back into my life?”

  I blush at the compliment. I want to make him happy. I want to be with him, but I’m scared my level of broken will be too much for him. “I’ve noticed,” I say shyly. “Promise me one thing, if my issues get to be too much, you’ll do what’s best for you. I’m trying, but I’m still a mess and I don’t want to hurt you with my past.”

  I watch his eyes darken, a storm brewing in the depths as his brows lower. He’s no longer smiling and it hurts my heart. I wasn’t trying to hurt him, but I have to be honest.

  “You really don’t get it, do you?” he asks, exasperation clear in his voice. “I have been fucking miserable since you walked out of my life. Every day you remained silent was another day that I struggled to get out of bed, to want to breathe. If you think for one second I’m going to willingly walk away from you then think again. I will not let you go again, Adriana. Not without a fight.”

  My heart soars at his words, but my mind, my stupid mind, warns me that he needs to know what he’s up against. “I’m just trying to be honest with you, Tucker. I’m not completely over Alex. I haven’t figured out how to say bye to him yet.” I’m wringing my hands together, wondering if he’ll decide I’m more work than I’m worth.

  Grabbing my hands in both of his, I’m not prepared when he brings his lips to mine. It’s a soft, sweet kiss and it’s over as quick as it began. He pulls back and I get lost in his eyes again. The color of the sky holds nothing over the color I see when I look into his eyes. “Have I asked you to give up or say bye to Alex in any way?” His tone is gentle. I shake my head no, unable to form words. “Do you want to know why?” Part of me is scared, the bigger part is intrigued, but I still can’t find the words to answer him so I nod my head yes.

  “Grief runs in stages. You have to live through and feel all of them or you’ll never heal. I want you to heal, Adriana. Alex was one of the biggest parts of your life. I don’t expect you to ever say bye to him. I sure as hell have never said bye to my mom and I don’t plan to. I know I’ll never stop loving her and I don’t believe you’ll ever stop loving him. I’m okay with that.” Another tear falls down my cheek. I can’t believe he doesn’t want me to let go of Alex. That he’s okay with me still loving him. How on earth did I find this man? “I know it hurts and some days it feels like it’s not worth getting out of bed, but I promise you, it does get better. I want to be here, with you, as it gets better. I know it won’t be easy. I know there will be times when you push me away. Hell, you may even feel like you’re cheating on him. I don’t know. What I do know is I want you. All of the beautiful, broken pieces of you. I came into t
his with my eyes wide open and as long as we both keep our cards on the table, I think we can make this work.”

  I don’t let him say anything else. He doesn’t need to. I’m his. For as long as he’ll have me, I’m his. I propel my body into his and force our lips together, sending a silent apology to his mother for being so stupid about her son earlier. In my head, I whisper to her that I will be better, be what he deserves. As I mentally tell her how I plan to show him what he means to me, I put all that I can’t say into the kiss. I need the connection too, the connection from our bodies touching and the connection from our kiss. I just need him. His strong arms wrap around me, warming me in a cocoon of happiness and a new bond forms between us. I know I will not willingly let him go.

  We sit in each other’s embrace for several minutes, neither of us eager to let go. An understanding has passed between us that we are an “us” without having to have the conversation. Pulling back, I place a quick kiss to his lips and with a smile on my face, I say, “Let’s go get your Grams.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Tucker

  I know Adriana’s watching me say my ‘see ya laters’ to my mom and it’s a little weird to me that I’m totally okay with it. I wanted to bring her here to have my mom see her. I want her to understand what she means to me without having to say things I’m not ready to say yet. I don’t think she’s ready to hear them either. Even though I feel the difference in us, I know we have a long way to go.

  Touching my fingers to my lips, I place them to mom’s headstone before I turn to Adriana and take her hand in mine. Her beauty will never stop making me weak in the knees and her shyness about it only increases how gorgeous she is. The sun shining down on her makes the red in her hair come to life like a fire has sparked up all around her. She’s radiant, glowing, and all I want is to take her into my arms and proclaim to the world that this woman is mine.

  In the car, she touches up her make-up because she’s afraid Grams will be able to tell she was crying. I don’t think she’s any less stunning than she was when she first walked out of the hotel bathroom earlier, but she doesn’t seem to believe me so I let her do her thing. If it brings her comfort, then who I am to stop her? I’ve never understood why women feel the need to put make-up on. Most of them look better without it.

  My angel is one of those women.

  There’s a smile on her face the entire drive and I want to pull over several times to kiss her. Hell, I want to ravage every part of her body, but now is not the time. I feel bad that I’ve let my emotions over not seeing Adriana for so long keep me from Grams. I know she’ll expect me to have visited mom, but I let my appetite for Adriana’s body overrule all thought this morning and my thoughts should have been on Grams and getting to her sooner. Guilt eats at my insides and I’m desperate to get to her now.

  Now that I feel more certain that Adriana isn’t going to run from me again.

  We drive to the hospital in a comfortable silence. I sneak small glances at her every now and again and an elation consumes my heart at the small smile that never leaves her face. I’m in a state of bliss each time I peek at her and see the corners of her lips turned up. I always want to see her this way. I reach my hand over, place it on her thigh, and squeeze, keeping my eyes on the road. I’m afraid if she looks in my eyes, she’ll know I love her.

  I fear that more than anything.

  Her hand covering mine brings me out of my mental landslide. Her warmth spreads through me and I decide to let things take their course.

  I pull into the hospital, park, and quickly run around the car to open her door. I want her to feel adored every second. As I grab her hand and drag her along with me, her hazel eyes bore into mine and I’m lost all over again. There’s a lightness to my step, a bit of carefreeness, if that’s even a word, to my attitude and I don’t ever want to lose this. I’ve found my bliss and it’s this tiny angel at my side, who’s made me feel that all is right with the world.

  “Mr. Stavros, is it true your grandmother is in intensive care?”

  What the fuck?

  “Tucker, who’s this woman? Is she replacing Victoria?”

  I look side to side and see the small group of paparazzi gathered at the opening to the hospital. I mentally curse at myself for being so stupid. I know better than to just walk into any public place without checking my surroundings, but I was so wrapped up in Adriana that I lost my head. For both our sakes, I won’t make this mistake again.

  I look down at her and see the fear in her eyes, but she’s standing straight with her head held high and her hand still in mine. She’s not letting them see her fear. Pride consumes me at seeing her warrior side come forth. I tug her hand and force myself past them without saying a word as they continue to barrage us with questions. I’m beyond thankful that she follows my lead and says nothing.

  When we’re safely on the elevator, I pull her into my arms, whispering apologies for the nightmare she was forced into just for being a part of my life. Her hushed, “Shh’s,” make me want to drop to my knees and tell her I’m not worthy of her, but I know she’ll argue with me and I’ll only embarrass her.

  Grams looks a thousand times better when we walk into her room. She’s still a little paler than I would like to see and I can tell she’s tired, but compared to last night there’s a major improvement. I see her examine Adriana and I know she can tell she was crying. She holds her arms out to us and we both give her a hug. I love that she already has a bond with my girl.

  “How was my Lily this morning?” she asks with a twinkle in her eye.

  “She was as beautiful as ever,” I answer back. This has been our routine since I was a boy. It made it easier for me to go visit my mom’s grave when I didn’t want to at first. Being able to talk to Grams like she was still here made all the difference for me and I love that we never changed this. “And how are you, Grams? You look better.”

  “I feel better, sweetie. The doctor was waiting for you to get here before coming in to check on me again, but I think I’ll be okay to go home. I’m mostly just tired.”

  I’m sure the doctor is waiting for me, I think pettily. He’s waiting to ogle my Adriana again. I can feel my blood start to boil, but I don’t want to upset either of these women so I give them both a big smile. “I need to make a call. I’ll slip out into the waiting room real quick and ask at the nurse’s station to send the doctor in as soon as he’s available. Then we can spring you from this joint. Sound good?”

  As I walk out of the room, I watch them chat like they’ve been friends for ages and feel another small piece of my heart heal. I’ve never let anyone get close to my Grams because I was afraid she would be taken from me. Now, I’m sharing a person I love with her and she seems to love her too. I didn’t realize how much my heart needed this.

  Dialing the number to a person I loathe, I wait through four rings before he answers. I don’t wait for his hello. “Cal, we have a problem. The paparazzi are here and I’m pretty sure that Grams is going home today. I’m going to need you and one of your police officers to help get us out of here without them knowing. Grams doesn’t need any extra stress.”

  I spend a few minutes going over a plan with him and make sure he understands how it will work. He had better pull this off. After the bullshit flub up with not getting a hold of me when Grams was admitted to the hospital, he damn well better make sure he gets us out of here without the paparassholes catching wind. The only thing that saved him from being six feet under was his ability to prove that he did call me; he just didn’t leave a message.

  Cal Coopmans Junior is a prick. He was in school and he is now. He’s the chief of police, which he had been elected into after his dad was shot in the line of duty and could no longer perform his job duties. But, he in no way fills his dad’s shoes. Cal Senior was a great cop and is an even better man. He was never happy when I beat his son’s ass growing up, but he always understood why I did it. He knew I couldn’t tolerate those football punks picking on the
kids they thought to be geeks or easy targets. It pissed me off and they were an easy way for me to work off my aggression.

  I’ve had Cal Junior on my payroll since I got my first big acting gig. I want to make sure Grams is protected. Until now, there haven’t been any hiccups. I do worry that if he’s willing to take my money, then he’ll take someone else’s, but I think he’s too fond of Grams to ever do anything to hurt her. Everyone around here loves her. She’s a member of the church, gives free ballroom dances at the local youth program, and has given free ballroom lessons to many couples for their weddings. There are so many ways Grams has cemented herself into the hearts of this community.

  Certain I have a plan to get my ladies safely home, I head to the nurse’s station and ask them to send the doctor in when he’s available. I’m glad Jenny isn’t working. I don’t feel like dealing with her.

  The nurse on duty assures me the doctor will be by shortly so I head back to be with the only ladies who occupy my heart.

  We laugh and joke. Grams tells embarrassing stories of my childhood and we generally have a good time, considering our location. It’s obvious to me that Adriana and Grams have become close already and I couldn’t be happier about it. Grams is asking me about Eddie when Dr. Fuckwad comes in. He walks straight to Adriana and shakes her hand, telling her how nice it is to see her again. I notice how his hand lingers a moment too long and I want to rip it away from her.

  I have to grip the sheets on the bed to keep myself from punching the douche. How does he not get the message that’s she’s off the market? When he shakes my hand, I make sure I crush his hand in mine. There’s a message to be sent. I’m not happy and I want him to know it. I can see pain shoot through his eyes and it sends a little satisfaction through me, but I feel like a dick too. I shouldn’t stoop to this level. Letting go of his hand, I walk over and snake my arm around Adriana’s waist as numb nuts starts to look Grams over.