A Love Worth Waiting For and Heaven Knows

by Jillian Hart

  She felt stronger. Better.

  Peace touched her, not only from the beautiful mountains jutting ruggedly toward the crystal-blue sky and the rolling green meadows in every direction. But from within. She let peace fill up the wounded places within her heart, like light chasing away the shadows, making her whole.

  Alexandra opened the window and breathed in the morning air, letting the warm wind touch her face. This is where she was meant to be. Right here. Right now. She could feel it down deep.

  The sound of a pickup’s engine cut through the serenity of the morning. She figured it was probably Gerald, driving along the main driveway from the farmhouse. When she spotted a bright red truck, she was surprised.

  John.

  What was he doing? John couldn’t begin to explain it as he cut the engine. The little rental house, which had long been the hired man’s house, before the harvesting was hired out, had seen better days, but it had never looked quite so charming as he gazed on it now. That had to do with the woman standing in the threshold, the sunlight streaking auburn highlights into her silken hair that framed her heart-shaped face—the face of the woman he loved.

  You’re in big trouble, John, if you let your feelings get the best of you. He took a steadying breath and hopped out of the truck.

  She was coming toward him in slow steps across the porch, hesitant and demure. The light blue denim shorts and dark blue T-shirt made her look like something in a fashion magazine. With her bare feet, she looked so casually beautiful he couldn’t make his brain function well enough to figure out what to say.

  “This is a surprise.” She leaned one slim shoulder against the support post.

  The first thing he noticed was that her smile shone in her eyes, bright and true and more amazing than anything he’d ever seen. She made him feel more everything than he’d ever felt. Suddenly he was aware he was slouching a little bit, so he stood up a little straighter. And his hair was tumbling into his eyes—he’d better remember to get a haircut.

  Hold on, John. It’s not like you’re going to start dating her. What you feel is one thing, but there’s only one outcome here. She can never be mine.

  “I know it’s early, I don’t mean to interrupt. I just dropped Hailey off at the bus stop. Figured I might as well bring you this, since I had it. Thought you could use it.”

  “Oh?”

  Good thing she didn’t look at him like a woman captivated. She seemed friendly enough, but not coy, not interested in him. That made it easier to hand her the small bag as if it wasn’t a big deal.

  It wasn’t, really. He was simply doing his best to protect her.

  He liked the way she lit up when she looked inside the bag. It made him feel good, as if he’d done the right thing.

  “A cell phone.”

  “Figured you didn’t want to be stranded out here without a way to call for help. Not that you’ll need it. But just in case.”

  “That was thoughtful of you, John.”

  “Had an extra one sitting around.” That was almost the truth, he thought guiltily, as he moved close. So close, the apple scent of her shampoo tickled his nose. He could see the flecks of black in her brown eyes. He could sense the warmth of her spirit, of her soul, as if it were a match to his.

  He jerked back as if burned. Creating distance. Putting enough space between them. Still, he could feel her, as if their hearts beat together. From five feet away.

  What was he going to do?

  Anguished, he walked away, calling over his shoulder in a strained voice he hoped sounded normal enough. “I’ll be late tonight. Got some volunteer stuff in town. Just go ahead and drop Hailey off at Mom’s.”

  “No problem.” Her smile was pure sunshine and genuine appreciation. “Thanks again, John.”

  “Hey, no problem.”

  The way she said his name twisted him up inside. Her dulcet voice, her warmhearted tone… No, he couldn’t do this anymore. He marched across the gravel to his truck, yanking open the door blindly and landing on the seat, breathing as hard as if he’d climbed Pike’s Peak.

  She lifted her free hand, waving in her dainty, female sort of way, a beautiful, just-right way that made him hurt even more.

  He put his truck in gear and raced away, churning gravel and dust in his wake, but he didn’t care. He had to get out of there. Away from her. The image of her grew smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror, a lone woman standing on a crooked porch, watching him go.

  Something had gone wrong. She didn’t know what it was, not exactly, she thought as she wrung out the mop. Soap bubbles popped in the air as she lowered the mop to the floor. She swished hard, breathing heavy, intending to wash this floor better than any housecleaner before her ever had, but little Angel leaped into the way, growling in play.

  John had turned away so abruptly this morning. Was it because of something she did? How could it be? There could be only one logical explanation—he’d stepped so close to her she could feel the heat from his arm on hers. They’d almost been touching. So close she could smell the spicy aftershave clinging to him, and the fabric softener on his shirt.

  Her stomach had flip-flopped strangely and for one moment she’d turned to look at him, at the shaved-smooth cut of his strong jaw and his rugged profile.

  What would it be like to have reached out and laid her hand on his arm? Would he feel as hard and substantial as he looked? And what was wrong with her anyway that she kept thinking of these things?

  She’d like to explain it away, but she couldn’t. The plain truth was that her attraction for John Corey wasn’t fading away. It was growing stronger every time she saw him.

  Just stop thinking about him. You’re just looking for a hero, Alexandra. Someone to save you. From the pain of your childhood. From the heartache of being without a family. From the devastation of falling in love with the wrong man. She’d tried to give those things up to the Lord and look to heaven for that level of deep healing.

  But faith was sometimes a difficult thing. It was hard to trust in the Father’s great love, when she’d never known real love before. She clung to her faith with all she had, but some days it was harder. The Lord works in His own time. She would have to be patient, that was all.

  When the time was right, she would fall in love. The Lord would lead her to the right man, one who was kind. Whose love was true. Right?

  One thing she knew for sure—that man wouldn’t be John Corey.

  Did she embarrass herself this morning? Maybe. Did he guess that she was interested in him?

  Great. How was she going to look him in the eye again?

  Refusing to think about that, she went back to work.

  “John, you awake?”

  Something knocked into his elbow—his friend’s fist. That brought John back to the present. “Yeah, sure. I’m wide-awake.”

  “Didn’t look like it to me.” Zach Drake had been his friend since kindergarten and winked at him, whispering so he wouldn’t distract from the county sheriff giving a talk at the front of the meeting room. “Know what I think? I bet you were daydreaming. You’ve got a woman on your mind.”

  “What I have is indigestion. Ate too much chili over at the diner.”

  “Sure. You just keep telling yourself that. Maybe you’ll believe it.” Zach didn’t take his gaze from the stern-looking man who was now waving a pointer at a chart. “That’s a real nice woman you’ve hired to take care of things at your place. She wouldn’t have anything to do with your mood.”

  “Of course not.” John lied flat-out.

  “Hmm.” As if he knew far too much, being a newlywed himself, Zach winked again.

  John’s jaw tightened so hard, his teeth clacked together. “How did you know about Alexandra?”

  “She went to the coffee shop last night. Word gets around in a small town.”

  Great. Just what he needed. Everyone meant well, sure, but before long Zach wouldn’t be the only one commenting on how pretty Alexandra was. Or how long he’d been
a lonely widower. Not that he cared. Nope, he could take it—well, he thought he could. But if Alexandra was the topic of the local gossip, then it wouldn’t be as hard for that Patrick fellow to track her down.

  He was concerned about her, is all. It was his duty. He took responsibility seriously.

  “Isn’t that her?” Zach gestured toward the only window in the room. The one that faced the alley way where an old yellow VW was turning into a potholed parking lot.

  That was sure Alexandra’s car. John sat up straight, straining to watch as she pulled up in front of a run-down place, where a faded sign from what had to be the fifties proclaimed The Wash Tub.

  Sure enough, she climbed out, car keys dangling from one hand as she pushed the seat forward and wrestled two bulging pillowcases from the back. Why didn’t he think to offer her the use of his washer and dryer?

  Too late now. Every one would notice if he sprinted for the door to catch her. Like Zach, would they all be thinking he was in love with Alexandra? That was no one’s business but his own. His conscience bit him good as he watched her saunter up to the double glass doors.

  She stopped to redistribute her load. The bags didn’t look heavy, just bulky. And it was all he could do not to leap out of his seat and help her. She managed okay, and smiled at a woman exiting the Laundromat with a child on her hip. What a smile. John figured a man could look on that smile for the rest of his life and never tire of it.

  And even his guilt wasn’t strong enough to chase away the love he felt when she slipped through the doors and out of his sight. Leaving a yearning for the sight of her sweetness and her goodness that did not fade.

  Alexandra pushed in the money slot and hit the start button. The dryer hummed to life, squeaking a little as the big drum started to turn, tossing her sheets and towels into a colorful whirl. She’d done a quick load earlier in the week so she had towels, but she was wearing the last of her clean clothes. Good thing the Laundromat wasn’t busy. She could use three of the four machines.

  Digging into her jeans pocket for more quarters, she didn’t bother to turn around when the door opened. Looked like she spoke too soon—now there would be a sudden rush for the washing machines, knowing her luck. Well, maybe she’d only use two of the machines, since that would be polite.

  “Hey, stranger.” John set two disposable cups and a white paper sack on the lid of the washing machine beside her. “I come bearing gifts.”

  “Again? Hey, I like this.” Okay, so she’d add generous to the list of John’s admirable qualities. “Are those cookies from the coffee shop?”

  “Yep. Being the stellar guy I am, I’m even going to share these double-chocolate-chip-fudge cookies with you. For a price.”

  “I knew there was a catch. Some things are too good to be true.”

  “Exactly.” He popped the top off of one cup. “Do you want peppermint or apple cinnamon?”

  “Peppermint.” She took the cup he offered. “My favorite. What’s the catch? They say nothing is ever really free.”

  “You’re a wise woman, Alexandra. For a cookie and this cup of tea, I’m going to ask you to use my washer and dryer next time you need to. I’m not about to let you go to this kind of trouble.”

  “This is no trouble. I’m used to Laundromats. I have a book, see?” She gestured to a paperback facedown on top of the dryer. “Besides, how can I use your machines? That would be taking advantage of you.”

  “The way I see it, we’re taking advantage of you.”

  “How exactly are you doing that? You’re giving me shelter and a job. You’re watching over me, in case I run into trouble. And you’ve let me become a part of your family, just for a little while. I owe you.”

  “Guess it’s a matter of perspective. See, I owe you because my floors shine when I walk in the door, and the towels smell really good and they’re all clean and folded up on the shelves. And my TV screen has never been so dust free.”

  “That’s why you’re paying me.”

  “Wait. There’s more. Hailey is happier with you in our house. Her puppy is housebroken because you took the time to teach her. Hailey told me you agreed to bake cupcakes for the school party next week.”

  “In a moment of weakness, I said yes. Actually, I’ve discovered I can’t say no to her.”

  “A common malady when it comes to Hailey. I have the same problem myself.”

  “I didn’t notice a bit.”

  That made him chuckle, and a dimple dug into his cheeks. A smile that made him open wide, and she could see the heart of him. Struggling to always do right, fearing he always fell short. Vulnerable and strong, and all too human. A man who brought tea and cookies to a woman who’d been down on her luck.

  He’d never hurt her. Or anyone. She realized it in a heartbeat, as if heaven had whispered in her ear. Deep inside, where it mattered, behind the dependable father and Good Samaritan and the faithful son and the loyal friend, John Corey was a trustworthy man. Down to his soul.

  Paper rustled as he held the bag open for her. “Try one. There’s no heaven on earth, but this is about as close to it as anyone can get.”

  “That good, huh?” She took a bite and sighed as her taste buds detected the rich fudge and real chocolate chips.

  “Thought you’d like it.” He seemed pleased as he tossed the drained tea bag into the air. It made a perfect arc into the nearby garbage can. “Can you beat that?”

  “You look awfully confident. You don’t think I can.”

  “Nope. I was all-state in high school.”

  “Really? So was I. I was a starter on the girls’ varsity.” She wound up and sent the bag spinning into the can. “Two points.”

  “Here. Let’s go two for two.” He crumbled a napkin and aimed and missed. “Aw. I can’t believe it.”

  “Some of us have it. Some of us don’t.” She sent a napkin in a perfect arc and it made the metal garbage can ring when it hit. “I guess that extra cookie belongs to me.”

  “If I would have won, I’d share.”

  “Sure, go ahead and make me feel bad. I’m a chocolate-cookie hog.”

  “Hey, I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but it’s a real problem. One I’d sure be happy to help you with. Maybe it’d be best to give me the whole cookie—”

  “Here’s half, mister, and be grateful.” She broke the soft cookie in two pieces and held out the larger one for him.

  His fingers brushed hers and there it was, the connection she’d felt before. Like grabbing hold of a high-voltage line. There was no mistaking the power of it.

  “After Hailey’s last day of school, we always head up into the backcountry for an old-fashioned camp-out. We hike, we bird-watch. We get all the nature we can stand and then we come home where there’s running water. Electricity. My sports channel.”

  “I bet you two have a great time, but I’ll miss Hailey.” And you. “This works out great. I’ve been wanting some time to go clothes shopping—”

  “No, that’s not what I meant.” What was he doing? A sane man wouldn’t do this, but the words tumbled out of his mouth anyway and he couldn’t stop them. Maybe he didn’t want to. “I want you to come with us.”

  “Camping? You and me? Alone?”

  “Hailey will come, too. You’ll be as safe as a kitten, and I’ll be a complete gentleman. You have my word.”

  She hesitated. Should she? On one hand she’d love to go. She could read it in his eyes, hear it in his voice and feel it in the air between them. He wanted her to go with him. He wanted her company. Not as a housekeeper, but as a woman.

  As a woman he cared about?

  “I’d love to.” She shouldn’t have said it that way, but when he smiled, she felt it all the way to the depth of her being.

  Days later when Alexandra was waiting for Hailey’s swimming lesson to finish, she tried not to let her imagination get away from her. It was too easy during the warm sunny days to believe John might feel for her the same way
that she felt for him. Since he did invite her on the camping trip.

  It was scary to feel this way about a man again. But John was different from any man she’d ever known. He was good to the core. Everyone said so. The friends she’d made in the Bible Study group told her one story after another of his brave rescues on the county’s search and rescue team. He was the town’s volunteer fire chief, always with a hand out to help.

  No doubt about it. John was a good man. He had a good heart. He would make a fantastic husband.

  What if John was ready to marry again? Sitting in the shade of a park bench, she closed her book thoughtfully. What if he was falling in love with her?

  “Alexandra!” It was Michelle from the Bible Study group. “I thought that was you. Hey, I wanted to tell you that choir practice is today at seven. Kirby and I decided we’d better stop by to pick you up. It’ll be harder to say no with both of us pressuring you, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Hey, have you ever thought about a different haircut?” Michelle, one of the town beauticians, ran her fingers through the ends of Alexandra’s hair. “When you get a chance, come sneak down to the Snip & Style. I’ll give you a courtesy cut.”

  “Some people might be wary of a free haircut.”

  “Oh, right. Well, I’ll try not to shave you bald or scorch your scalp with the curling iron. I’ve never done that before, but there’s always a first time, I guess.”

  “Sure. That makes me feel better.”

  “Thought it would. Sorry, I couldn’t resist teasing. See you tonight!” Michelle trotted away.

  The distant din of children’s voices grew louder as the classes let out. The walkway became crowded as moms and their kids arrived for the next class. Alexandra tucked her paperback into her purse, soaking up the feel of this day. A toddler dashed past, running all-out, while a slim young woman shouted, “Travis, you come back here!” He ran harder, but his mother was faster. Laughing at her renegade son, she scooped the little boy up into her arms and he squealed.