If she tells Alex he will beg her to stay, he will plead with her, and because of her feelings for him, because of how much she loves him, she knows all too well that she will give in. She won’t be able to remain steadfast and determined because whenever she sees Alex hurting, she goes to him without question. She won’t be able to stand causing him pain, seeing that look of hurt and betrayal in his eyes, so perhaps it is best that she slips out quietly, saving them both the pain of a heart-breaking goodbye? It is selfish. Abbey knows it. She is taking the easier option, the coward’s way out… but it is the only way she can stomach the thought of walking away from him. Her Alex. Her beautiful, messed up, complicated boy. If only things were different, but there is no hope in wishing - and as she unwillingly acknowledges the fact that she may never see him again, her devastated tears keep falling.
Once Abbey’s plan is in place, all she can do is wait. It feels like the ultimate betrayal and she just wants it to be over. Her bag is packed in the bottom of the wardrobe and a handwritten note explaining her actions is stowed away in the back pocket of her jeans. ‘A note… after everything we’ve been through together… it all ends with a pathetic note…’ she scolds herself. It is pitiful, she is pitiful, but as her stomach turns with disgust at her own actions, she reminds herself that it is the only way. It’s what she has to do and she knows she can’t back out now.
Due to Alex’s insomnia, sneaking out in the middle of the night is easier said than done. But at 3:00am on a Thursday morning, he finally falls into a deep, heavy sleep and Abbey’s window of opportunity opens. She lies on her side for the longest time, staring at him longingly. He looks peaceful and rested… and so much younger. He is so incredibly lost and she prays to god above anything else that he eventually gets through this and finds his way.
She takes in every inch of his perfect face, committing it to memory while fighting the urge to reach out and touch him, knowing how easily he can wake. She doesn’t want to go. A huge part of her wants to stay in this moment forever and she has to physically force herself to get up, to climb out of bed and throw on her jeans and hooded top. Moving as slowly and as quietly as she can, she pulls out her bag and slides the wardrobe door shut before creeping back over to the bedside table and laying the note face up. She looks down at Alex again, lifting her hand to her face while holding in a gut wrenching sob, wishing that she could kiss him one last time. As the unbearable ache in her heart almost consumes her, she musters all the strength she possibly can and quickly turns on her heel, striding out of the bedroom, down the hall, out of the kitchen and into the waiting lift.
As she presses the button for the ground floor, she completely breaks down, dropping her bag at her feet and leaning forward, resting on the mirrored wall as she wails inconsolably. It is over. It is done. She has really left him. As the doors slide open a few moments later, she races through the lobby and outside into the early morning stillness, reaching for her mobile and calling a taxi, which arrives in less than five minutes.
“Are you alright love…?” The driver asks as Abbey bundles herself clumsily into the back seat.
“I’m fine…” She mutters, unconvincingly.
“Where to…?”
“Meanwood please…” She sighs, rubbing her hands across her tired face, “I’m going home…”
With hardly any traffic on the roads, the taxi pulls up outside Abbey’s house quicker than she would like. She thought she would have time to calm down, to figure out what she is going to say and do when she sees her family for the first time in months. But her time is up. She pays the driver and climbs reluctantly out of the car, standing aimlessly at the bottom of the driveway as she stares up at the house. It seems smaller somehow and unnervingly alien… not how home should feel at all. Unsure of what to do, she approaches the door with caution, grasping her key in her hand. It doesn’t feel right, as though it is rude and totally out of line to just let herself in after all this time. So instead, she takes a deep, calming breath and knocks once, loudly.
After a few seconds the landing light turns on and she sees a figure approaching the door. Is this a mistake? What if she has burnt her bridges and they don’t want her back? Why the hell would they? Abbey’s instincts are telling her to turn and run but she can’t. He nerves are paralysing and she is frozen, rooted to the spot as the latch slides back and the key turns in the lock.
Peter opens the door and stares impassively for what feels like the longest time, frowning drowsily as he stands there in nothing but his grey joggers with his mouth hanging open as if he can hardly believe what he is seeing. Abbey can’t find her voice but she doesn’t need to. Peter lurches forward without a word and grabs her by the arm, pulling her forcefully into the house and into an all-consuming embrace. He grips her so tightly she can hardly breathe, but she returns his hug, just as fiercely.
A few seconds pass - and as Abbey wonders with apprehension whether her mum has slept through the commotion - she hears a short, quiet gasp, followed by footsteps racing down the stairs. Without looking up she feels Janet throw her arms forcefully around them both, encasing her in love and comforting her, as she is overcome with an enormous sense of relief.
Dr. Morris turns the last page of the bound, A4 document she is reading and removes her glasses with a satisfied smile. Abbey sits across from her in the large, comfortable leather arm chair just as she has done twice a week for the last three months. The office is small, warm and cluttered… and in the short time that Abbey has been at Trinity and All Saints rehab centre, it has become reassuringly familiar. It is a far cry from how she first felt when she walked through those doors, completely devoid of hope with no idea what the future might hold. She can appreciate now, sitting here at the end of her treatment, just how far she has come - and it is all thanks to this woman. Although part of her is glad that her time here is over, the idea of leaving these safe and comforting surroundings is more than a little terrifying.
“So…” Dr. Morris smiles, “How do you feel…?”
“I don’t know…” Abbey replies, honestly, “Happy, I think? Grateful, but nervous too… I know the hardest part isn’t over…”
“No. But you’ve come a hell of a long way Abbey; you should give yourself credit for that…”
“I guess…”
“You have…” She reiterates, holding the bound document aloft to stress her point further, “This is everything, right here. Everything you’ve lived, everything you’ve been through, everything you’ve survived. It’s a hell of a lot for anyone to deal with, let alone someone as young as yourself… but you got through it. You came here and you dealt with your demons. You didn’t think you could write down your story at first, you struggled with it… but here we are. Our last session together and you’ve managed it. I’m proud of you…”
“Thank you…” Abbey grins, sincerely.
“It’s pretty powerful stuff…” She notes, flicking back through the pages, “How did you feel, writing it all down?”
“Good. Well… not so much at first… and it was difficult at times, but that was the point wasn’t it? To force me to look back, to process it all…”
“And have you…?”
“I’m getting there…” Abbey nods, “It’ll take more than a couple of months in this place to get me fully back on track but it’s definitely helped, writing it all down, working through it… so thank you…”
“It’s why I’m here…” Dr. Morris smiles, appreciatively, “Now comes the challenging part…”
“And by that you mean the rest of my life…?” Abbey jokes.
“Yes. One that is positive, fulfilling and drug free. I have every confidence in you, Abbey. I know you can move on from this. You’re an extremely bright and capable girl who took a wrong turn but this isn’t the end of your story, there’s plenty more to come…”
“Do you really think people can go back to the life they had before all this…?” Abbey asks, still not entirely convinced.
“I do. I know you can have a happy and stable life again. It won’t be completely the same but I think you already know that. You’ve changed and you’ve grown and now is the time to move forward, without letting your past hold you back. What happens next is entirely up to you…”
Abbey wishes she had the same faith in herself as Dr. Morris seems to have in her, but the idea of heading back out into the real world is an unbelievably daunting one. She can’t stay here forever though, and no matter how much a part of her wants to hide away for the rest of her days, she has to face the music eventually.
Abbey zips up her suitcase and wheels it over towards the door, turning back and pausing for a moment as she says goodbye to the room that has been her home for the last ninety days. It is time to close this chapter and move onto the next, and she can do it, she knows she can, with her own determination and with the support of her family… who are currently waiting for her downstairs in the lobby. Abbey exits the lift and Janet rushes straight over to her, hugging her proudly as Peter takes her suitcase out of her hands.
“Alright Mum, let her at least get to the car before you start smothering her…!”
“I’m just so happy to see you…” Janet beams and Abbey can’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm, “Have you got everything…?”
“Yep…” Abbey nods, “I’m good to go…”
“Then let’s get you home…”
Abbey hugs Peter in greeting before following him out of Trinity and All Saints main reception area. She walks hand in hand with Janet towards the car park where Anna is waiting next to Dom with an excitable Amelia wriggling in her arms. Abbey smiles brightly at her welcoming committee, greeting them all warmly before they climb into the waiting cars and set off on the long drive back home to Leeds.
A grieving twin, a teenage runaway, a drug addict; Abbey has been all of those things, but as they head slowly down the long, winding driveway with the rehab facility shrinking smaller into the distance, she can feel all of those personas gradually slipping away. She closes her eyes and sighs deeply, feeling a welcome sense of release while at the same time mentally preparing herself for what is to come. Abbey is ready to start a fresh, to move forward like Dr. Morris had said, and she is more determined than ever to turn her life around and make the most of this second chance.
During the time Abbey spent in rehab she did a lot of thinking, a lot of soul searching, and as a result her relationship with her family couldn’t be in a better place. She had been scared and worried at first, fearing that the damage caused by her actions would be permanent and things would never be the same between them again, but it was a worry that turned out to be unfounded. Family is family after all, and they were just as keen to work through their problems as she had been. There was a lot of talking, some of it heated, some of it more than a little unpleasant, but it was necessary for them to discuss their differences under the watchful eye of Dr. Morris, whose idea of family therapy sessions once a fortnight turned out to be the best thing about the entire process. Finally discussing their feelings together means a huge weight has been lifted and it really does feel like they have wiped the slate clean. It is a new beginning… for all of them.
The one thing that Abbey is genuinely terrified about is her impending return to school. She is to start her final year of sixth form all over again, only this time she won’t be the ‘new girl’… she will be the girl that everyone is talking about.
The girl who went off the rails and ended up in rehab.
The girl who got expelled for fighting and has only been allowed back in under strict supervision.
The girl who not only lost her twin brother, but her best friend too.
She will no doubt be the topic of discussion for quite a while to come and those personas that she tried so hard to shed will be lurking in the background and on the lips of all the gossip mongers, but it is to be expected. If it were somebody else in Abbey’s shoes, she knows she would probably be talking about them too. It is human nature after all. She will just have to deal with it the best she can.
Prior to her first day back, Janet accompanies Abbey to a meeting with Principal Grant and she is hugely grateful for her support. He is still as irritating as ever, but due to the way her previous enrolment at Eden Comprehensive ended he seems to be even more dismissive of her than the last time she was sitting in his office. Abbey accepts that he has a reason to feel the way he does, but his no nonsense lecture about how if it were up to him she would never have been allowed back into ‘his school’ in the first place… isn’t exactly the pep talk she was hoping for.
At least the obvious disdain he feels towards Abbey means he wants as little to do with her as humanly possible, which suits her just fine, and after Janet graciously reminds him that it wasn’t his decision and that Abbey has been accepted back in whether he likes it or not, he turns a vivid shade of purple before abruptly escorting them out. As a parting shot, he reminds Abbey for the tenth time that he will be ‘watching her closely’ and tells her that from now on it will be Mr Harper helping her get back on track, and he sincerely hopes that she ‘makes the most of her education, instead of squandering it’. ‘Prick’.
“Well that was delightful…” Janet remarks sarcastically as they wander back through to reception, “He’s a shitty little man isn’t he…” Abbey bursts out laughing and shakes her head at her mother’s unexpected assessment.
“Good to see that’s another thing we agree on these days Mum…”
“Yes well, if he gives you any trouble you tell me. I’m not having him persecuting you, it’s not fair…”
“I promise you’ll be the first to know. Thanks for fighting my corner…” Abbey smiles and Janet tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear before giving her a gentle hug.
“Of course, what are Mum’s for?” She grins, before glancing hurriedly at her watch, “I have to get to my meeting… are you alright to see this Mr Harper on your own?” Abbey’s heart lurches and she swallows hard as the thought of seeing him again fills her with a range of crazy, conflicting emotions. Nerves, fear, regret, guilt and much to her annoyance… excitement. She has butterflies battering her stomach and she is unsure whether it is a good thing or not. It is definitely a complication she could do without, especially when she needs to be focused in order to get her grades back up to scratch.
“Yeah, it’s fine, don’t worry… I’ll see you at home…”
Abbey slowly makes her way through the familiar corridors and over towards Mr Harper’s office. She knew he was still acting head of sixth form, so as soon as she was accepted back into Eden Comprehensive this meeting became pretty much inevitable… she just hadn’t really thought about it until now. She had tried to push it to the back of her mind instead of adding it to her list of things to worry about.
She rounds the corner by her old locker and peers through the thin glass window in the door. Mr Harper is sitting at his desk, resting his chin on his hand as he scans the computer screen in front of him. He has a slight frown on his face, his hair is in disarray and the top two buttons of his shirt are undone in a casual manner. As Abbey appraises his appearance she vividly recalls the last time she was here, when they almost kissed. Her stomach lurches and she quickly clears her head, trying to focus on the fact that he is her teacher and not, under any circumstances, her boyfriend. ‘Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it…’ she chants over and over in her mind as she taps lightly on the door before entering.
Mr Harper instantly rises from his seat with a surprised expression on his face, but despite his evident shock, there is a slight smile playing at the corner of his mouth that reveals he is genuinely happy to see her.
“Hi…” Abbey nods, shyly.
“Abbey… come in, take a seat…” She hangs her bag on the back of the chair opposite Mr Harper’s desk and perches lightly on the edge, struggling to look him directly in the eye, “How are you?” He asks.
“I’m well thanks…�
� She smiles, “Better…”
“I’m really glad…” He states, sincerely, “It’s good to see you…” Abbey wants to tell him that it is good to see him too, but she stops herself, as if speaking her mind might somehow betray her true feelings.
“Abbey…?” Mr Harper’s tone forces her to look up and their eyes meet properly for the first time. He pulls his chair round to the other side of the desk and sits down in front of her, careful to leave a significant distance between them, “I want to start by apologising, about what happened the last time we spoke. I crossed a line. I want to assure you that it won’t happen again…” Much to her surprise, Abbey’s heart sinks a little and she hopes the disappointment doesn’t show on her face.
“It’s OK… you were just trying to help. It was my fault, I was a mess…”
“You’ve been through a lot; it’s good to see you’re feeling better though. You look really well…” He adds his last statement with a slight reluctance and there is a brief moment where neither of them speak. It is clear to Abbey that they are both thinking about the almost kiss and she can feel the tension between them building.
It is confusing the hell out of her to say the least. It is obvious that she is drawn to him, but this strange chemistry between them seems to be more than based on physical attraction alone. It isn’t something she is looking for or something she particularly wants to feel… but she can’t seem to help it. She has just come out of a serious and complicated relationship. A relationship with someone she really, truly loved. Surely, it is too soon to be moving on? In truth, she still loves Alex, even now. The fact that she is reduced to tears whenever she so much as thinks about him makes that fact fairly obvious. She misses him like crazy. Perhaps that is why she is drawn to Harper in this way? She is trying to replace something that she has lost, or at least the idea of something? But then that doesn’t explain away their previous encounter which happened when Alex was still very much a part of her life? ‘Confusing as hell…’ Abbey confirms to herself, rolling her eyes a little.
Even Angels Fall Page 39
