All My Love (All #5)

by Natalie Ann

  “Why are you getting mad at me?”

  “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at what is going on in your head and what you’re afraid to say to me. I’m mad because I thought you said you wanted to try a new lease on life and I thought you were, and I thought you were happy. I thought you were happy with me. Yet for some reason I get the feeling you’re holding something back. Or pulling back from me and I’m trying to figure it out.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She reached over and grabbed more food to fill her plate, not even paying attention to the amount.

  “Stop lying to me, and be honest. What happened to the girl who blurted everything out she thought? Where is she tonight so I can find out what’s really going on in your head.”

  She looked up from her plate, felt the tears in her eyes, took a deep breath, and said, “I’m afraid.”

  “Of what?”

  “Of getting too close to you. Of relying on you and having to pick up the pieces of my life when you decide our time has run out.”

  “Where is this all coming from?” he asked, running his hands through his hair.

  She didn’t get his frustration. He didn’t look angry as much as confused. “It’s hard for me to separate the life I had growing up from the one I’m living now. It’s hard to push back all the things I was told and believed about people, to what I’m experiencing with you.” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m having a moment. See what you’re doing to me? I don’t cry. I never cry around people, and I’ve cried around you more than I can ever remember in my life.”

  She pushed back from the table, stood up and went to grab a paper towel to wipe her face. She didn’t make it there before he was next to her and had her in his arms.

  “I don’t know where you get these crazy ideas from, Jordyn. I’m not looking for our time to run out. Just the opposite, really. I’m looking at spending more time with you, not less. Why is it so hard for you to tell me what’s going on in your head? You blurt out the craziest things that make no sense, but when something is really important you hold it in.”

  She sniffled a little, then turned her head on his shoulder. “I’m scared. I’m scared and confused and feel like I have nowhere to turn. I have all these questions and no answers. I’ve got all these feelings I’ve never had before and don’t know what they mean. I’m overwhelmed and feel like my life is out of control. I don’t like feeling like this.”

  “It’s not out of control. I’m here for you. I’ve always been here for you. Don’t be afraid to talk to me, and don’t feel like you have nowhere to turn.”

  “I don’t need you to solve my problems.”

  “Who says I am, or can?”

  “You try to all the time, Drew. It’s in your nature, I get that. But you can’t always do everything for me. I like doing things for myself. I like not having to rely on someone for everything.”

  “I don’t think you rely on me at all. You never ask for help. Hell, I have to practically twist your arm to get you to let me do anything for you.”

  “Don’t you get it? I don’t want you to do anything for me. Why can’t you do things with me?”

  He looked startled by what she said. “It’s the same thing,” he argued.

  “No, it’s not. Drew, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me in the last few months. It’s hard to reconcile the life I lived before moving here to the life I’ve got with you. A life I want with you that scares the crap out of me.”

  “It scares the crap out of me too,” he said, grabbing her by the shoulders and looking in her eyes.

  “You’ve never said that before, that you were scared?”

  ***

  Drew looked at the tears on Jordyn’s cheeks. Of course he never admitted he was scared. Why would he? Men don’t admit that. Nor could he admit the panic he felt when she started talking about him leaving her, or her wanting to do things on her own. Like she didn’t need him.

  He’d thought they were getting closer. They’d spent the holidays together, and she even spent time with his family, something he knew she didn’t really want to do. They seemed to get along so well. They never really argued, at least until now.

  “Is this our first fight?” he said, trying to make light of it. Trying to quell the fear lodged in his throat.

  “I guess. It’ll be more of one if you don’t answer my question,” she said stubbornly.

  He’d forgotten about that trait of hers. “Maybe I’m afraid too. How’s that?”

  “What could you be afraid of? You’ve been in relationships before. You know what to expect; I don’t.”

  She couldn’t be this naive. “Just because I’ve been in relationships before doesn’t mean I know what to expect or always feel the same thing.” He took a deep breath, grabbed her hand, and led her back to the table. “Jordyn, this thing we have, it’s different for me. It’s good for me, better than I’ve ever had before or ever thought I’d feel, and I’m afraid of messing up and losing you before I have a chance to see where it goes.”

  “I don’t have anything to compare it to.”

  “That doesn’t make a difference. Why can’t you understand that? Either you feel it or you don’t. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never felt it before. Some people never do.”

  “Are you asking me what I feel for you?” she asked, looking unsure.

  “Yeah, I guess I am.”

  He held his breath. He wasn’t sure how this night turned into this serious of a conversation. A conversation he didn’t know how to address to begin with, but now it was out there and he knew they had to move on.

  If she didn’t say what he wanted to hear, he’d make it through. It was better to know now than to let himself get pulled in even more.

  “It’s good for me too. Too good at times. That’s what scares me.”

  He laughed, a relieved sound coming out. He’d hate to say he felt like he might have tears in his eyes, but he suspected he might be misting up.

  Reaching his hand across the table, he grasped hers. “It shouldn’t be scary, but I know how you feel. It seems we’re on the same page, at the very least.”

  “Yeah, I guess so,” she said, giving him a small smile. “Now what?”

  “I have no clue.” At least he was feeling lighter than he was ten minutes ago. “Let’s just continue on as is. Don’t be afraid to say things, and don’t hide things from me. I want to help you.” He held his hand up when she started to speak. “I’ll work on it. On how I do things. I’ll work on helping you, or doing things with you rather than for you.”

  He knew he was guilty of that. It wasn’t the first time it’d been brought up to him. His parents had said it before, and his sister, but he never felt it was a bad trait to have. He guessed not everyone felt that way though.

  “I’ll work on opening up more. Though I feel I’ve opened up a lot in the last few months.”

  “I think we both have things to work on, but together we can make it work, right?”

  “Yeah. I think we can.”

  Look Familiar

  Jordyn put her blinker on and turned the rental car down the long dusty driveway toward the ranch the woodworking business was located on.

  By the time she flew out of Albany a few days ago, she was starting to have second thoughts about what she was going to do.

  It was silly, really. All her life she wanted to know something about her history, her lineage, and now that clues were appearing, she was losing her nerve.

  Maybe things were best left alone. Maybe there was a reason her mother didn’t want her to know. Was she protecting her from something?

  The only way to find that out was to explore it. To push her nerves and fears aside and move on full force. She couldn’t keep waiting around for Ben to get her some information. This was her next lead and she had to take it.

  She’d been so focused on finding out about her father that she never really ventured much into thinking about her mother’s side of the family. />
  She guessed it was because she knew her mother. There was no secret there. And she believed what her mother had always told her. It made sense that her mother’s family disowned her when she got pregnant young. Her mother was a strong woman and cared for her and raised her alone as best she could.

  Just because Jordyn had a sheltered life, it wasn’t a bad life. She might not have gotten everything she wanted growing up, but it made her appreciate what she had more, knowing that hard work would get her where she needed to be.

  She was independent now. She was financially stable and able to be on her own just fine.

  Then why was she arguing with herself so much about what she was about to do?

  Bringing the car to a stop in front of an old barn with a sign on the front that read Woodworking, she took a deep breath, gathered her courage and decided to move forward. It’s just a business. It wasn’t like she was going in to actually meet someone who knew her.

  Reaching over and grabbing her purse from the passenger seat, she opened the door and climbed out. Oh, how she missed this warm weather. If anything, this trip got her out of the snow and cold from back home. Everyone told her she would get used to the cold, but she wasn’t. And poor Drew was always sweating in the house and complaining she had the heat up too high.

  Slowly walking forward, she climbed the few stairs to the front door, taking note of the beautiful old rocking chairs on the front porch, looking inviting for people to try them out.

  Pushing the door open, she heard an old bell ring and started to look around. Everything imaginable was showcased in the old barn. New pieces, old pieces refurbished, pieces that looked really old in design but were newly made. The work was beautiful.

  Walking around some more, she discovered herself drawn into the craftsmanship and suddenly found herself in an area of chests.

  None of the chests looked like the one in her house and she started to think that maybe she had the wrong place. She opened one of the new chests up and looked around inside. There in the upper right corner she found the circle design. Nope, this was the right place.

  “Can I help you?”

  She turned to see an older woman coming out from behind a counter and wiping her hands on an apron. “Hi. I was wondering if you could help with a chest I own.”

  She reached into her purse for her phone to show the pictures that she’d taken. She also pulled out some printed pictures too.

  “You aren’t from around here, sweetie, are you?” the older woman said, her accent thick.

  “No. I’m from upstate New York.”

  “That doesn’t sound like a New York accent to me,” the woman said, smiling, the wrinkles around her eyes standing out more.

  “New York via Florida,” Jordyn corrected.

  “You’ve come a long way. Let me see what you have.” The woman reached forward for the printed pictures and looked closely. Jordyn watched as she examined them with a critical eye. “Is there something wrong with your chest? Are you looking to have it refinished?”

  “Oh, sorry,” Jordyn said, feeling foolish for not explaining more. “This chest was handed down to me and I was trying to find out more about it. I noticed the design on the inside and matched it up to your pieces after some research online.”

  “You flew all the way out here to verify that?” The woman looked slightly amused. “I could have given you the answer via email.”

  Jordyn figured that, but she wanted to talk to someone rather than do it electronically. She wanted to be able to feel the person out and ask more questions.

  “I was here on business and decided to swing over. Is this chest one of yours?”

  “It is. Not one that my husband made. I’m not even sure it’s one that my father made. My guess is my grandfather might have made this. It’s pretty old, and the design is something I’ve really only seen pictures of more than anything.”

  Jordyn felt her heart drop. The woman in front of her had to easily be in her sixties, and if she was saying her grandfather made it, there was no way he was alive. Then again, she’d suspected the chest was extremely old.

  “I was kind of hoping you might know who bought it.”

  The woman laughed. “I’m sorry, dear. We keep good records, but not that far back. I can tell you that for as old as the chest is, it most likely was bought by someone local. That doesn’t mean it hasn’t traveled. Then again, you’ve moved around with it, so there is no saying where it’s been.”

  “It was worth a shot. I appreciate your time.”

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help to you. What’s your information in case I come across something?”

  Jordyn pulled her card out of her purse and handed it over. “All my information is there. I appreciate the offer.”

  The woman took it, looked at it closely then lifted her eyes and looked at Jordyn more carefully. “Montgomery. Are you from Texas? Or is your family from Texas?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t think so. Honestly, that is what I’m trying to find out. That chest is one clue.”

  “You’ve got a look to you. Hang on.” The woman turned and yelled into the back room, “Frankie, come on out here.”

  Jordyn watched as an older man came out wiping his hands on a stained apron. “What do you need, Marion?”

  “This lady came all this way from New York looking for information on a chest that had been handed down through her family.” Marion handed over the pictures, then said, “Does she look familiar to you?”

  Frankie looked over the pictures first, then lifted his eyes to Jordyn and she held her breath. “She’s got the look of Betsy to me. It’s the coloring of her hair and eyes. Not the height though. Betsy was just a little thing.”

  Libby was a lot shorter than Jordyn. Maybe Jordyn got her height from her father. “Who’s Betsy?”

  “Betsy is a girl that was friends with my son, Frankie Jr. Little thing used to hang around our house all the time. That is until her family up and left in the middle of the night. Rumor has it they found God. Her family was pretty religious and walked around preaching the bible and all.”

  “What was her last name?” This was too easy in Jordyn’s mind.

  “Betsy Thompson, I think. Something like that.”

  “What was your mother’s maiden name?” Marion asked her.

  “Montgomery. My mother never married.”

  “Sorry,” Frankie said. Maybe there was no relation. “There were a couple of girls in that family. He had a few wives. I don’t remember if all the girls were his or not, but I don’t think so. It was a weird situation.”

  “Weird how?” She was getting more questions than answers, and was regretting this trip now.

  “There were always kids coming and going from their house. They were part of this religious organization back then. I could use the word cult loosely. They didn’t do any harm, but they were some crazy people with some crazy beliefs.”

  “What was the name of their religion?” It didn’t hurt to ask. It was probably another dead end in her eyes, but she was here anyway and she could look into it at another point.

  “Triple H Haven,” Marion said. “They’re based out west, still in Texas. I doubt you’ll find out much about them though. They are a pretty tight closed group. It’s a ranch, almost like a reservation at this point. The kids are all homeschooled and such. No one really knows that much about them.”

  Jordyn nodded, and extended her hand out. “Thanks for your time.” Frankie went to hand the pictures back to her. “No keep them,” Jordyn said. “If you think of anything else, will you let me know?”

  “Sure will,” Frankie said.

  “Sorry we couldn’t be of more help to you. But I’m glad to know your chest still looks in as good of shape as it does.”

  “Thanks. I take good care of it.”

  ***

  “I don’t know what I thought I’d find out,” Jordyn said to Drew the next night.

  On the flight home she let it all roll ar
ound in her head. It was another lead and one that probably wouldn’t materialize into anything. A couple living on a ranch saying she looked like someone they remembered as one of their child’s friends that moved away. What kind of memory was that? It wasn’t anything.

  “It was worth a shot,” Drew said.

  “I know. But Thompson is as common of a name as Montgomery, so I fully expect to come up empty-handed. Not to mention they said I’m unlikely to find anything on this religious group.”

  “You never know. A lot of groups use social media to recruit.”

  “I get the feeling this might not be the case. Not when he said they were very secretive. Honestly, Drew, I don’t think I want to know if I’m connected to them.”

  “Don’t believe in God?” he asked her.

  “I didn’t say that. I’ve never been exposed to any religion at all. Not one way or another. It’s something that was there around me, but never talked about. Not in a good or bad way. That makes no sense if my mother did have something to do with the Triple H Haven. You’d think she’d have this huge opinion, positive or negative.”

  “That does make sense.”

  “I’m going to put it from my mind right now. I’m tired and I’ve missed you.”

  “Aw, just what I wanted to hear.” He pulled her into his arms and held her tight, making her feel so happy to be back.

  She’d gotten home over an hour ago and was exhausted. Multiple layovers and then the drive back to Saratoga with the time change wore her right out. “It’s true. I did miss you.”

  “Did you wish I were there with you?” he asked around a grin.

  She knew he was joking. The odd part was, she had kind of wished he were there. “Maybe.”

  “Really?” he asked, looking excited over the possibility.

  “Yeah, you’re kind of wearing on me. Let’s go to bed and I can show how much I really missed you.”

  On Your Toes

  Tuesday morning, Jordyn laid her head on her desk. She’d found very little on the Triple H Haven, just as she suspected.