Reasons to Leave (Reasons #1)

by Lisa J. Hobman

  ****

  They lay snuggled together for another hour. Smiling and caressing but saying very little. Once again worry crept into Jason’s mind about what would happen when she left. He fought it away, doing his best to concentrate on the fact that her eyes were sparkling once again and he’d had something to do with that. What he had taken away, he had also begun to put back. It felt so good. He focused on the little flecks of grey that he could see in her eyes. He focused on the way she wet her lips with a flick of her tongue right before she kissed him. He thought back to the intense, earth shattering orgasm that had racked his body, rendering him an incoherent mess. If he wasn’t so sated he could feel embarrassed about his cries. But frankly, he would do it all over again…and he hoped to.

  He traced her arm with his fingers and watched as little goosebumps rose at his touch. “Today is freedom day, so the kids are allowed to take the bus into the nearby town with my staff as chaperones. It’s meant to be of benefit to the kids for their independence, but it’s also supposed to be a day when the accompanying teachers get to chill out. So…”

  “So, there really is a freedom day? I thought that perhaps Matt at the cycle place had got his wires crossed somehow.”

  Jason cringed. “Oh…yeah…no I just…I didn’t want you getting involved with him. He’s a bit of a ladies man if you know what I mean.”

  She smiled up at him. “Hmm, a little jealous maybe?”

  He chuckled. “Okay, now who’s being arrogant?”

  She tapped his chest lightly. “I am not! I just think that you were being a little possessive.”

  He manoeuvred to face her. “Oh? And you haven’t looked daggers at Dorcas much at all, have you?” She was silent for a few minutes, and he wondered if perhaps he’d hit a nerve. After chewing on his lip for a few moments whilst he decided how to put things, he spoke, “I’m going to be completely honest with you, okay? Dee and I…we kissed…once…a long time ago, but I didn’t feel anything for her and so I put a stop to it. She’s like a kid sister to me. I think she has a wee bit of a crush…I admit that. But I don’t see her that way.”

  She nodded, looking thoughtful. “I knew there’d been something between you. I have a kind of radar for these things.” She flopped onto her back. “She still wants you. I’m sure of that.”

  “Hey.” He leaned over her. “She’s not getting me, so it’s a moot point. Can we just get back to what we’re going to do today? I have a few ideas.” He raised his eyebrows playfully.

  “Oh yes? And am I to guess that they involve me…maybe staying here…in bed with you…naked?” She smiled. “To help me chill out obviously…not because you have an amazing body that I may have become addicted to.”

  He chewed his lip and turned one side of his mouth up. “Well no…obviously to chill out…and…you know…sleep.”

  She bit her lip and nodded. “Well yes, sleep is very important.”

  “It is…very.” He raised his eyebrows to emphasise his words.

  “I mean, they say an average of eight hours a night is a good ball park figure.” She traced the line of his chest tattoo with her fingertips again, acting coy.

  He pursed his lips and tried to look serious. “Eight hours…absolutely.”

  She looked up at him through her long lashes. “And you know, if sex happened to occur at any point during that time… Well, that’s exercise and—”

  “Exercise is vital to good health, so that would be totally acceptable.” Jason pulled his lips in, trying not to laugh at her playful nature. He was loving this side of her.

  She nodded, a grin spreading across her face. “Totally.”

  She giggled, making Jason’s insides flip. God she was so adorable. After a while, he spoke again, clasping his hands in hers. “But maybe we do need to talk. You go home in a few days, and I…I don’t know how to feel…what to think.”

  She rolled over onto her front and propped herself up on her elbows. “We knew this would happen, Jason.”

  “Yes, but that doesn’t make it any easier. How do we deal with everything? What do you say to people? I…I still don’t want to go back. I can’t go back, Stevie…ever.”

  Her eyes filled with sadness. “I was afraid you’d say that.”

  He sat up. “Look, let’s go get breakfast, and then we’ll come back here and spend the day together, eh? We’ll figure this out. I promise.”

  “I’d better sneak around the camp the other way so that I’m not seen. I need to get clean clothes and undies.”

  “Hmm, I think I prefer you out of them all together.” He leaned and slapped her bottom, making her squeal.

  “Reynolds! I’ll get you back!”

  He jumped up and dashed to the bathroom, locking the door before she could retaliate.

  ****

  The early morning sun was warm against Jason’s skin as he lowered himself to the sun lounger in his small garden area. He didn’t need a bigger space considering the forests, mountains, and rivers were only just through the trees. He closed his eyes and raised his arms above his shirtless body, feeling glad that he chose to wear his shorts and make the most of the sun. He didn’t know how long Stevie would be before she returned, but he figured now that the picnic was all prepared he could relax for a while.

  Before too long he had drifted off.

  He opened his eyes on his old bedroom. It was the day of the Leavers’ Ball. His mum and the bastard had left for work, and Dillon had presumably gone too, seeing as his music wasn’t blurting from his room like it usually did.

  Jason glanced around his room. His trophies and medals for various achievements in sport, writing, maths, and chess, were dotted around the space. His pin-board displayed photos of Stevie. His soul mate. Her long dark auburn hair blowing across her face, a beautiful smile fixed in place, and freckles just visible on her nose. They’d been at one of their picnics down by the river. Their favourite place. She looked so happy. But today was the day he would break her heart. Today was the end. The only other way out of this hell was suicide, but he couldn’t do that. Not to Stevie.

  He had to stay in the world where she was. At least he could take comfort in that even if he wouldn’t actually be with her anymore.

  He’d had enough of the punishments for ridiculous mistakes. He wasn’t perfect. And no matter how hard he tried, he never would be. His father would never accept him for who he was, faults and all. He would never be the doctor his father so desperately pushed him toward being. He had no clue how long the beatings would continue if he stayed, and now that he was older the urge to hit back was stronger than ever. But he refused to lower himself to that level. No. He would rise above it. He would choose his own destiny.

  He’d booked a train ticket north and would be joining the army now that he was eighteen and free to do so. His belongings were packed into a bag along with the certificates he would need to show his grades up to now, his identity, and his date of birth. He pulled the photo of Stevie by the river from the pin board and sat on his bed.

  “I’ll love you forever, Jason Reynolds. You’re my puffin.” She had smiled when she had handed him the little pin badge of the sea bird. He took it with a smile but felt rather puzzled at her choice of gift. He had made her a little silver coloured heart pendant in his metal work class and had engraved it for her.

  “Puffin?”

  “My puffin,” she repeated as her cheeks blushed the most beautiful shade of pink. “They…they mate for life…and no matter how far apart they are through winter, they always find each other again. That’s me and you, Jason.”

  Tears welled in his eyes as he remembered her words.

  This was going to be the longest winter.

  He placed the photo back on his nightstand. Taking it would only remind him of what he had left behind. Seeing her smile would torment him and drive him insane. Instead, he reached for the little puffin pin badge she had given him. It would remind him without forcing him to look into those clear blue eyes of hers, where
he would drown along with his resolve and get on the first train back.

  No, he had to make this a permanent exit from his life as he knew it.

  No more.

  He would take no more.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Day Five Of Hell

  Stevie managed to sneak back unnoticed to her cabin. She flicked on her iPod as she readied herself for a day with Jason. The first track on her random selection this time was a little more upbeat. “I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes)” by The Used resonated through the room and she danced around, singing along. Trying her best to ignore the meaning of the lyrics and the effect they were having on her, she tidied her hair and slipped on some white lace undies. Dressing in a pair of lilac shorts and a fitted white T-shirt, her mood was happier and she had no idea why. Before the day was over, she and Jason would have to talk things through and discuss the dreaded F word.

  The future.

  All she wanted to do was live in the moment, but even a dreamer like her knew that this was not something she could do forever. Finding Jason again had been completely unexpected, quite traumatic but…overall…wonderful. The sad and terrifying thing was that she knew it couldn’t last. There was too great a distance between them, and he would never move back down south. She couldn’t possibly leave London and move here. It just wasn’t happening.

  Three years ago after suffering muscle weakness her mum had been diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis and Stevie had vowed never to leave her side for any longer than absolutely necessary. It was a condition neither had heard of before and the news had come as a shock initially. Despite Dana’s protestations that she could look after herself Stevie had resolved that her life would remain in London where she could be close by should her mother’s condition worsen. There were no real definites with MG—each case being quite different—and there was no cure. There were very few people who knew about the diagnosis as Dana was determined to live as normal a life and possible, and for the most part she succeeded. So whilst Jason promised a solution, she just didn’t see there being one. And to add to that after what she had witnessed of the whole long distance thing, she just knew it wouldn’t work.

  It never worked.

  She found David sitting on the steps to his cabin, listening to his MP3 player with his eReader in hand. She strolled across and he pulled his ear buds out as she approached.

  “Hi Stevie, what you up to today?”

  “I’m…I’m…look…can I speak to you in confidence?” She sighed.

  He frowned. “Yes…yes of course. What is it? Has something happened?”

  She cringed a little. “Well, yes…and no…but…mainly yes.”

  His tone changed. “Has this got something to do with Reynolds?” He looked ready to hit someone—namely Jason.

  Holding up her hands, she tried to reassure him. “Yes…but it isn’t what you think. Can we go inside for a few minutes?”

  “Sure, come on in. Do you want a coffee?”

  “No. Thank you, though.”

  Once inside the cabin, she sat in the chair in the corner of the room. “I want to explain something to you about Jason and I…and why the observations you made were actually fairly close to the truth.”

  David sat down on his bed. “Oh?”

  “The thing is… And this is going to sound crazy but please bear with me… When I was a teenager, Jason was my boyfriend. I was in love with him.”

  His eyebrows rose. “What? How?”

  “We were at school together. But when we were eighteen…we…kind of…erm…lost touch. I had no clue he owned this place or I might not have come. He…he broke my heart back then. And seeing him this week completely out of the blue like this has stirred up a whole lot of memories. It’s been difficult to see him but amazing at the same time. We have a lot of things to work through. But it appears there are still feelings there on both sides. I have no clue where this will go, if anywhere at all, but I wanted to explain why I’ve been acting so…strange.”

  David stared open mouthed for a few moments. He ran his hands over his head and then let them flop to his lap. “Bloody hell. Seriously? So you came here and had no clue? None at all? And then here he was…your long lost first love?”

  She nodded. “Yep, that about sums it up.”

  “Bloody hell.”

  She smiled. “David you said that already.”

  “Sorry, I’m just shocked. It’s like something you read about… Like fate or some other such bullshit that I don’t even believe in. But here’s living proof that I’m probably wrong about that.”

  “Well there had to be a first time for you being wrong, eh?”

  He grinned. “So…you’ll be spending freedom day with Reynolds then?”

  “If you don’t mind. We really need to talk.”

  “Yeah…yeah…I bet you do. Lots of catching up to do, I bet.”

  “You could say that. And please…the circumstances behind all of this are very personal. I won’t tell you all the gory details but suffice it to say that this has not been easy on either of us. So not a word to anyone, okay? The kids certainly don’t need to know.”

  David made a zipper gesture over his mouth, turned an invisible lock, and threw the imaginary key over his shoulder.

  She smiled warmly. “Thanks, David. I appreciate this.”

  “Hey, that’s what friends are for, you know. And look, I really am sorry for my attitude about the whole thing yesterday. I was way out of order.”

  She made a dismissive gesture with her hands. “It’s forgotten.”

  ****

  Stevie arrived at Jason’s cabin to find him lying on a sun lounger in his garden. He was shirtless and wearing board shorts. There was a serene smile on his face. His eyes were closed and his arms were stretched over his head. She could see every single defined muscle on his torso, and her eyes were drawn to the V, which pointed south. Her heart skipped at the sight. She noticed a silvery scar on his side like someone had gouged a chunk out of his flesh. She wondered if this was one of the permanent reminders of his so-called father’s abuse. The thought made her shiver involuntarily as nausea rose within her.

  He must have sensed her presence as he opened one eye and a grin spread across his face. “Hey, gorgeous. You’re back and you look sexy as hell. I thought you’d changed your mind.”

  “Absolutely not. I wanted to see what you had planned for me on our freedom day. So, are you going to tell me?”

  He held his hand out to her and she went to him. He pulled her down so that she sat on him, and he leaned up to meet her face to face. “Guess what I’ve been thinking about since you left this morning?”

  “Hmm…let me think.”

  “Nah…too slow…I’ll tell you.” He reached up and cupped her face in his hands. “In all of my life, I have never witnessed a more beautiful sight than every single time I see you.”

  She scrunched her face. “Huh? That makes no sense, you crazy man.”

  “It makes complete sense. It just means that every time I see you, you look more beautiful than the last time.”

  The heat rose in her cheeks as her heart swelled at his romantic words. They were spoken like a man in love. But she didn’t dare hope that he was. Her heart was at breaking point already. The tiniest little nudge and it would shatter all over again.

  “So what are we doing?”

  “Well, I’ve prepared us a delicious picnic that we’re going to take through those trees where a little surprise awaits.” He kissed her deeply, caressing her tongue with his own.

  Once he pulled away, she rose from his lap so that he could retrieve the basket of goodies. He took her hand and led her to the bottom of his garden area and through a slight gap in the trees. A beautiful sight greeted her. The cornflower blue sky lay overhead, and the sun cast dancing spots of light along the water. The river looked so clean and the bank they stood upon was covered with wild flowers. The air smelled fresh, and a welcome cool breeze bounced off the water.

  “Ja
son, this is so beautiful. It…it reminds me of…” Her words trailed off as she was momentarily transported back in time to their very own special place by the river.

  He lay a blanket out under a large sun parasol that he had already pushed into the ground to shield them from the sun’s rays.

  He held his arms out wide. “It’s my very own little patch of paradise.”

  She took a lung full of the fresh Scottish air. “Hmmm, you got that right.”

  They settled on the blanket, and he took out a bottle of wine and two tin cups. Pouring the amber liquid, he carefully glanced up at her. She tried to stifle a laugh but failed.

  “Hey! What’s so funny?” He pretended to be hurt. “Only the best for my gorgeous Stevie you know.”

  “Well gee, thanks, Jace. It’s good to know you remember how important I am.”

  He stopped what he was doing. “You called me Jace.” He smiled. “No one’s called me that in…well…ten years.” He handed her a cup of wine.

  “Really? So what do you get called? I bet you had a nickname in the army. Everyone seems to get a nickname in the army.” She grinned.

  His cheeks coloured. “Yeah…well…let’s talk about something else, eh?”

  She wagged her finger at him. “No, no, spoilsport! I think I’ve hit a nerve! Come on, spill it, Reynolds.”

  He rolled his eyes, put his drink down and flopped onto his back covering his eyes with his arm. “No…it’s really silly.”

  “Exactly! That’s why I neeeeeed to know! Come on!” She prodded and poked him in the ribs.

  “Okay! Okay! I give in. But you’ll never see me the same again.”

  She pulled her lips in to stop the grin and held two fingers up to her head in a kind of salute. “I swear I won’t laugh. Guide’s honour and all that.”

  Jason peeked out from under his arm. “Well it’s clear that you were never a Girl Guide.”

  She gasped in feigned shock and put her hand over her heart. “What do you mean?”

  “Well that was not a Girl Guide’s salute.”