Here's Looking For You, Grim (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 3)

by Robert P. Wills

  Semfeld put down his egg. “What?”

  “There’s a Second-Hand Sorcery here in town,” said Chéri.

  Semfeld finished peeling his egg. “So, a or our Second- Hand Sorcery might be here in town?” He salted his egg. “We need to check that out and save us a bunch of traveling.” He took a bite of his egg.

  “Well, once we heard about a Secondhand Sorcery here in town, and it was run by a couple of Gnomes, we snuck over and took a look.”

  “Did you go in?” Semfeld put down the last bit of his egg.

  “No, no. We were waiting for you to go over. We were just trying to see if it’s Grimbledung and Drimblerod.”

  “It’s called Second-Hand Sorcery and there are Gnomes running it. Who else could it be?” Semfeld said a little louder than he wanted to. Several patrons turned to look. Even Imran looked over.

  “That’s why we were waiting for you,” said Chéri. “We just went to see where it was.” She shrugged as she picked up her coffee cup. “It’s in a really good location.”

  “I could care less if they found themselves a good location for their shop!”

  Chéri leaned forward. “Keep your voice down, Semfeld.” She shook her head. “Don’t forget who you’re talking to. It’s in a good location to commit a double assassination. It’s far away from nearby businesses. It’s in its own building...”

  Semfeld nodded. “I’m sorry. You’re right.” He smiled. “I did forget who I was talking to. The last time we talked, you were a little more...” He hesitated, not wanting a return to the old Chéri.

  She raised an eyebrow at him. “What?”

  “Well, more rough and tumble, I think I’ll say.”

  “Well, I can be rough and tumble if I need to. But right now, we’re in town trying to blend in with the locals.” She picked up her knife menacingly, then stuck out her pinky. “Like this. When we get out there to the shop, the old Chéri will be alive and kicking, don’t you worry.”

  Overcome by curiosity, Imran shuffled over. “Yooo Ohhh Kayuuhh?”

  “Yes, Imran. Everything is fine,” Chéri assured him. “Could we get a little more coffee?”

  “Uhhhhh.” Imran picked up the carafe and sloshed it around. There was still a little coffee left in it. He did a pass of the table, topping off everyone’s cup then shuffled off with the now-empty carafe. Maybe even two copperuuuhhh. He frowned.

  “Tho let’s have a good breakfast because ith’s our last” Liverioso put the last piece of pancake on his plate in his mouth. “You gonna eat those?” He pointed at the remaining two with his fork.

  “Not me.”

  “I’ll have one, I think,” said Semfeld as he moved it to his plate.

  “Oh!” Liverioso glanced at the double glass doors and sat up straight. “I almost forgot the most important thing!”

  Runion and Earl entered the Eating House. They felt it was important to make their rounds at breakfast and dinner so that the patrons knew that management was keeping an eye on things. “Morning all,” said Runion.

  “Good to see you,” added Earl.

  “They’re friends of...” hissed Chéri

  She cut herself off as Runion and Earl shuffled to the table. Just as Imran returned with a full carafe. “Coffeeeuuuh, Sirs?” He asked the managers.

  “Sure. At the front desk once you’re done with the customers.”

  Earl nodded in agreement.

  “Uhhhhh.” Imran put the carafe down and shuffled towards a table where a (nervous) patron had waved to him. Having just arrived, the ‘en vogue-ness’ of having a Zombie server hadn’t sunk in just yet.

  “So. It’s good to see you up and about, Semfeld,” said Runion.

  “Your partners have been telling me they’ve been waiting for you to be up and around before going over to surprise the Gnomes,” said Earl.

  “You got that right,” Semfeld said. “We’ve got a surprise in store for them.” He picked up his fork.

  Chéri opened her mouth, then thinking better of it, closed it. She went back to sipping her coffee and hoping for the best.

  “Well, I’m sure that will go over really well. After the events in Aution, I’m sure they’ll be really shocked to see you three come through their door.”

  Semfeld smiled. “Shocked” He stabbed a piece of pancake. “To death.”

  “Well, won’t that be a treat?” Earl agreed.

  Semfeld nodded as he put the pancake in his mouth.

  “Well, I have to tell you, we really appreciate your hospitality,” said Chéri, desperately wanting to change the subject since it seemed like Semfeld was going to mention wanting to kill the Gnomes and ruin everything. “And we’re going to pay you back...”

  Runion waved a hand dismissively.

  “That’s not necessary,” offered Earl.

  “...by letting people know that if they’re coming to Cool Springs, then the R&E or E&R Eating House and Inn is the place to go,” she finished. She was well aware that the pair would never accept any money, but the offer to direct business to them would be appreciated.

  “Well, we appreciate it.” Said Earl.[30]

  “And if you’re ever traveling back through Cool Springs, you’ll have to let me know how things went with the Gnomes,” added Runion.

  “Send them our regards,” suggested Earl.

  “What?” Liverioso asked.

  “You’ll have to tell us how thing went.” Said Runion again. “And tell them we said hello.”

  “Sure thing, Runion,” said Chéri. “Count on it.” She gave Liverioso a glance and he went back to finishing his pancakes.

  “Well, we’ve got to hobnob with more customers. You can check out any time you want.” Said Runion.

  “But you can never leave.” Finished Earl.

  “What?”

  The pair looked at Semfeld. “It’s a business slogan we’re trying out. We might put it under the sign out front.” They both gave a shrug (one shoulder each). “A patron of ours is a patron for life. We’re testing it out.”

  “Well, it’s catchy, I suppose,” offered Semfeld.

  With a wave, Runion and Earl moved off.

  Chéri sat back. “You almost blew that, Semfeld.”

  “How am I supposed to know...”

  “You never mention any sort of killing to anyone in public. That’s how you end up in jail.”

  Semfeld sat back as well. “Sorry about that. I guess I’m still out of sorts.”

  Liverioso nodded at them. “Well, finish eating then we’ll get our stuff and go over to thith Thecond Hand Sorthery and see what is going on.”

  Semfeld nodded. “That sounds like a good idea.” He looked at Chéri. “Is it?”

  Chéri shrugged. “It’s as good as any. It gives us a full day to ride away from here so we’ll have a bit of distance between us by nightfall.” She thought for a moment. “Those two families might not have their clothes out so we might not get another change of clothes.”

  “Is that it?”

  “Well, the Shamblers might not be out in the field. If they’re not there, we’ll need to wait.”

  “We’ve done well enough with only two Shamblers,” offered Semfeld.

  “We’ll need to wait.”

  Semfeld nodded. “Fine. So we can go take care of those Gnomes first.”

  Chéri shook her head. “No. We need the Shamblers to be out on the field when we’re making our run for it, not sitting in a stall that we can’t get at without causing a ruckus that ends up forming into a posse that turns into a mob that turns into a lynching.”

  Semfeld frowned.

  “Either way we’re leaving town; if that’s the new Second-Hand Sorcery, then we kill them, steal the extra Shambler, and make a run for it. If it’s not then, then we steal the extra Shambler and then make a run for it.”

  “Fine.” Semfeld stood. “I’m going to get ready to go.” He teetered as he stood, having to put his hand on the table to steady himself. “Maybe I’ll just lie down till we
’re heading out. I’m still a little shaky.”

  “The fresh air will do you good,” said Liverioso as he wiped up the last of the syrup from his plate with a piece of pancake. “You’ll see.”

  Chéri stood as well. “I’m going to get packed and ready to go as well.” She looked at Liverioso, “See you upstairs. Let’s go Sem.”

  The two went upstairs as Liverioso finished off the last of his coffee.

  Imran shuffled over. “Duuuuunnnne?”

  “”Yes, Imran. Thath’s it for uth. We’re checking out.” As Liverioso stood he reached into his belt pouch and pulled out two copper coins. “Thankths,” he said simply.

  The new tongue! The new tongue! “Wann a takeout bag for the rouuuhhhhd?”

  “That’d be great. Thankths.”

  Imran nodded as he deftly picked up the two copper -lest one of the busboys napped them instead. Mary, the head busser, was in the market for some new legs. This time of the same length! “Commin uhhhhhp.” He pointed to the front desk. “There.”

  Liverioso nodded. “Great.” He walked towards the stairs. Effron had his back to him, sorting keys. Liverioso quickened his pace and was halfway up the first set of stairs before Effron turned around. Relieved, Liverioso slowed his pace. Now to get rid of those stupid Gnomes, then we can get on with our lives. He moved up the rest of the stairs to the room. Semfeld was lying face-down on his bed.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  You Can Check Out, But You Can Never Leave

  “You awake?”

  Semfeld grunted.

  “Well, we should get going. We’re loothing daylight.”

  Semfeld rolled over. “It just doesn’t make sense.”

  “Well, that’s just what the sun does.”

  “Not that. I mean why those two Gnomes would be set up here. Who said they were set up here?”

  “The Guardian at the Magician’s Guild.”

  “Was that before or after he knew we were cast out?”

  “Before, I think.” He thought back. Now he wasn’t sure. “But I can’t imagine he’d lie about something like that. He’d give general directions to juth about anyone.”

  Semfeld moved to a sitting position. “I suppose so. We will definitely check it out.” He stopped and appraised Liverioso for a moment.

  “Whath?”

  “Thanks for what you did for me.”

  “Whath are friends for?” He smiled. “And I think it helped Chéri out to actually care about someone for a change.”

  “Did you and her?” He pointed at the door.

  Liverioso shook his head furiously. “No, no! We juth took care of you, thaths all.”

  “Did you tell her?”

  Now Liverioso was silent. Finally he spoke. “Yeth. Over dinner that firsth night.” He smiled. “She said she could asthk around, see if any assassins knew where she was.”

  “That was really nice of her.”

  “What was really nice of me?” Chéri poked her head through the doorway. “Don’t go telling people I’m nice. I have a reputation to uphold, you know.”

  Semfeld laughed. “No one will hear it from me.” He narrowed his eyes. “No matter how nice you are to us.”

  “You want to see how nice I can be?” She cracked her knuckled. “Let’s go see who exactly is running Second Hand Sorcery in this town. I’ll show you nice.”

  “Well, we don’t’h have a lot to pack, so I think we should head out.

  Semfeld stood. “Let’s go then.”

  The trio moved out into the hallway. Lang was standing there. “Th’ bags.” He said. He held out his massive hands. It seems more an order than a request.

  “We don’t have any bags.” Semfeld held up his bedroll. “Just a couple of bedrolls. Three small ones, really.”

  “Hand’em ov’r.” He reached for them clumsily. Semfeld stepped back, and then thinking better of it, offered the bedroll to the ZombieOrc. “Rest o’em too.” He growled.

  Liverioso and Chéri followed Semfeld’s example and handed theirs over.

  “These Zombies. They’re all fishing for tips.” Semfeld shook his head. “What is that doctor up to?”

  Chéri appraised the Orc as it turned and shuffled off, clutching the bedrolls to his chest. “I’d give him a copper, nonetheless. Hate to get that brute upset.”

  The trio followed the beast as he trudged down the stairs slowly. Finally, after what was twice as long as normal, they all reached the front desk.

  Effron appraised them all. “What a motley looking crew you are.” He waggled his eyebrows at Chéri. “Motley.”

  Chéri looked up at Lang. “Punch him in the face and I’ll give you two copper.” She said quickly.

  Effron’s eyes got large.

  Lang dropped the three bedrolls, and with speed belying not only his size, but all his other previous movements, the ZombieOrc lunged forward. Putting one hand on the counter for balance, he executed a quick jab at Effron’s nose. Even with no windup, the blow knocked the human back against the wall of keys behind him. He slid to the ground, nose gushing blood.

  “Pay the Orc,” said Chéri to Liverioso.

  Liverioso reached into his pouch and pulled out two copper. They were now down to a three silver coins. “We’re down to three silver.”

  Lang, in a motion used by bellhops everywhere, held out his hand while not making eye contact.

  Liverioso put the two copper in the massive hand. “Thankths Lang. I think.”

  “Oh, no. Thanks are in order. That was two well-spent copper,” Chéri assured him. “Let’s go.” She tossed her key over the counter where it bounced off the unconscious Effron’s head. Semfeld just laid his on the counter.

  Liverioso took the three sacks of food that were sitting on the counter. “I kinda like these Zombies. Pretty reliable, I think.”

  “Come back ag’in.” Lang waved at the trio as he moved to his spot by the side of the counter. As soon as he got there, he stared straight ahead; standing in the exact position he was in when they first saw him.

  Semfeld, Liverioso, and Chéri left the R&E or E&R Inn and Eating House and moved to the street. “What an experience that was.” Semfeld looked over his shoulder. “I hope we’re never back in that strange place.”

  Liverioso nodded. “Me too.”

  As Runion and Earl had said ‘they could check out but would never (really) leave - Both were unaware that in their old age, they would become long-term residents of the establishment.[31]

  “So where is this place?”

  Chéri pointed down the street, away from the Magician’s Guild. “It’s that way at the edge of town. We’ll past the Grass Livery on our way there. I hope that Shambler’s out eating. If all goes well, we can kill them, grab the Shambler, hook around the Livery, and be on the Forest Road before anyone even knows what happened.”

  Liverioso nodded. “We should check to see if more clothes are out drying.”

  With that, the trio made their way down the street towards what they were hoping was their Second Hand Sorcery. As they passed the Livery, they saw that there were several Shamblers, Horses, and even two Donkeys in the field- besides their two. There was also a Shambler hitched to a wagon. A stable boy was unloading bags of feed.

  “Looks like we’ve got about half an hour before he’s done.” Chéri pointed ahead. “Let’s get this over with quick-like. A wagon would be a nice addition.”

  Ahead and to the left of the Livery stood a lone building. Above the door was a hand painted sign. It read Second Hand Sorcery.

  “Thath’s it, then.”

  “Well, the first rule of assassin work is to not rush into things. Let’s just watch and see what’s going on before we barge in there.”

  “Thath’s the first rule?”

  “There’s lots of first rules.”

  Semfeld pointed. “Look! There he is!” Sure enough, a squatty Gnome was ambling toward the wand shop. As he walked by a couple of passers-by, he gave one of them a shove. “That crazy
Gnome.”

  The Gnome turned to look around the street before entering the shop. He looked like Grimbledung. “He looks like Grimbledung,” offered Liverioso. “Acts like him too.”

  “I don’t recall him having a beard.”

  Liverioso looked at Chéri. “Maybe he grew it after leaving Aution?”

  “Maybe.” She narrowed her eyes.

  The Gnome opened the door to the shop and disappeared inside.

  “Well, there’s nothing else we can do from here.”

  “Right, Gents. Let’s go.” Chéri started across the street.

  “Wait! Don’th we need a plan or something?”

  “You can over plan these things.”

  “Thath a rule too?”

  “Yep.”

  They stopped at the door. It didn’t open for them. “Well, at least they don’t have as many Mechanimated items,” offered Semfeld. He reached down and worked the latch on the door. He pushed it open. “Assassins first.” He gave a little bow.

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  Second Hand Sorcery - yrecroS dnaH dnoceS

  “My pleasure.” Chéri marched into the shop. There was no one at the counter. “Why am I not surprised?”

  As Semfeld closed the door behind him, Chéri looked around. “Lot smaller than the other place.”

  “Well, they probably lotht a lot in the fire.”

  A Gnome came through the curtain behind the counter. He was carrying a large box that blocked his view. “Be with you in a moment. Peruse the merchandise while you wait.”

  Liverioso and Semfeld exchanged glances. Chéri put her hand on her dagger.

  The Gnome hobbled to the counter and placed the box on it. He stepped to the side. “Welcome to Second Hand Sorcery,” he said.

  “Who are you?”

  “I’m the proprietor, of course. Me and my partner, to be exact.”

  “You run this store?”

  “We prefer shoppe.” The Gnome spread his arms out wide, “Here at Second Hand Sorcery.”

  “But...” Began Liverioso.

  Another Gnome burst in from the backroom. This one looked familiar.

  “Hey! What you doin’ with that box? Can I have that box?”