Here's Looking For You, Grim (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 3)

by Robert P. Wills

  “Do what?”

  “Search the dead. Take their armor and weapons before they get buried.”

  Zoddious threw up.

  “Gads! Let’s go Drim.” As they turned to leave the young Warrior to his retching, Misery approached them. “Greetings Fine Orc. That was a glorious battle.”

  “Thanks!”

  “And we really appreciate that you folk stopped to help.”

  Misery nodded. “Was a good match.” He frowned. “Missed the pickup game though. Took a forfeit there.”

  “Was it a sanctioned game?”

  The Orc shook his head. “No. Bee Bee’s standings still good.”

  “Well, that’s good to hear. When you’re in town for your next game, the first round of drinks for your team is on me.” Nulu smiled at the Orc.

  “Sound good! Thanks!” The Orc grinned at the Trolless. “Real good!” He turned to his teammates. They were involved in post-match stretching. “We head home. When we come back. Trolless say she buy drinks!”

  A cheer went up from the BeckHam Benders.

  Nulu put her hands on her head. “Oh brother. That’s gonna get expensive.”

  “We’ll make it back off the armor and weapons.” Drimblerod assured her. “I’ll hire a couple of people to do it.”

  Nulu nodded. “Deal.” She turned to the remaining townsfolk. “We’re going to head to town. Let’s all help the wounded and take any of our dead.”

  Several townsfolk nodded at her and began to help their comrades.

  “So do you think you’ll get anything out of that Corporal? He seems pretty tough,” Drimblerod asked.

  “I have no experience with interrogating anyone. But we definitely need some sort of plan, that’s for sure. Does anyone you know have experience with interrogations?”

  Drimblerod exhaled. “I hate to say it, but Grimbledung does.”

  “Grimbledung?”

  “Apparently he was pretty good at it, too. Back in the day.”

  “Well, getting locked in a small room with him for an extended period of time would make most anyone crack.”

  Drimblerod started to complain about the insult, then realized that was probably the reason that his partner was so successful at questioning. “It’ll be interesting to watch, in any case.”

  “Then let’s get to it.” She snapped her fingers. “Be right back.” Nulu jogged to where she had stuck her Please stick in the ground and yanked it out. Then she jogged back to Drimblerod. “Hate to leave behind my trusty Please Stick.”

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  Interrogation! Reconciliation. Employ...ation?

  Julie and Grimbledung walked to the front of Akita’s jail. “So you sure you’re okay to talk to him? What if you get excited?”

  Grimbledung waved a dismissive hand. “Interrogating is all about putting on a show. Even when you seem upset, you’re not really upset. You just want to make the other person think you’re upset.”

  “And you’ve done these before.”

  “Sure, sure. Hundreds. Back when the Gnomes were involved in that land dispute in southwest Glasia.”

  “I’ve heard that one of the classic blunders of the Gnome Army was to get involved in a land war in Glasia. They should have stuck with diplomacy.”

  “Diplomacy only gets you so far. First we lose Glasia, then Soal, then Dontbodia.” He shook his head. “No. Next thing you know, we’re all speaking Glasian.”

  “Wait, the Glasian war was over two hundred years ago. Are you telling me you haven’t done an interrogation in over two hundred years?”

  Grimbledung waved another hand at her. “What’s to remember? Ask questions. Get answers. Repeat until done.” He reached for the latch on the door. “You’ll see. Any dimwit can do an interrogation. If you set it up right.”

  Big Julie laughed. “I’m not sure that’s a good endorsement.”

  The pair entered the building. Seated by the far left cell was Akita. He was leaning back in his chair with a loaded crossbow on his lap. The Corporal was standing up against the bars, staring at him. “It’s ‘bout time you two got here. Where’ve you two been?” Asked Akita.

  “You’re surprised that Grimbledung is late?” Julie asked- avoiding the question.

  Akita’s chair clattered back onto four legs. He stood up. “Him no. You, yes,” he said with a grin. His face got serious. “How are the other wounded.? And the fellows that got killed. Are they gonna be okay ?”

  Big Julie nodded. “They’ll all pull through. How’s Bonk? I heard he got stabbed as well.”

  “Just a little prick really. By the time that dagger had stuck through the Halfling, there weren’t much left to stick out the other side.”

  “That’s good to hear. So the only ones who came out on the short end of this was the Halflings,” said Julie. “And since they’re the ones who started this entire commotion, I don’t feel too sorry for them.”

  Colossus turned from the bars and sat on the bed that occupied the far corner of the cell.

  Grimbledung cleared his throat. Loudly. “Well, I suppose I’ll be the one asking the questions, then.”

  Pozzuoli entered the jail. As if on cue. He was carrying a long rope.

  Grimbledung turned to look at the Dwarf. “What are you doing here?”

  “We’re here to take-a care of that Halfling!”

  Colossus moved to the bars to watch the interaction.

  “I’m going to do the talking with him,” said Grimbledung. “That’s all there is to it.”

  “You wanna him to talk? Then I got the thing right here.” Pozzuoli held up the rope. “Wanna string him up to make-a him talk?”

  “What? Hang him? How is that a way to make him talk?”

  Colossus moved to the corner of the cell closest the pair.

  “Well, you-a see, you get him up off the ground. Then you get a bunch of sticks and you whack him with them.”

  “Like a piñata?”

  “Well, kind of. The stuff that-a come out is no like candy.”

  Grimbledung looked at the Halfling. “Well, how about I see if we can do this the reasonable way first?”

  Pozzuoli, wanting nothing better to do that to go back to his shop, skipped his next three lines and went to the closing. “Well, ifa you need me, you know where I am.”

  Grimbledung narrowed his eyes at the Dwarf. “You do that.”

  Pozzuoli slung the rope over his shoulder and marched out.

  Grimbledung turned back toward the Halfling. “Go sit in that chair so we can talk.” He moved to Akita. “Let me in and lock the door behind us. If he gets out of his chair, put a bolt right through his head.”

  As he moved to the cell, Grimbledung picked up a chair.

  Nulu entered the jail as Pozzuoli left. “Where’s Pozz going with that rope?”

  Julie shook her head and waved off the Trolless. “Grim’s got it under control,” she whispered. “I think.”

  Akita shifted the large crossbow to one hand and unlocked the cell with the other. Colossus dutifully remained in his seat as Grimbledung entered.

  Akita locked the door behind him then placed the cocking stirrup between the bars. He sighted down on Colossus, finger on the trigger release. “Got ya covered, Grim.”

  Grimbledung put his chair down. He didn’t sit in it. “Are you going to behave?”

  “Probably not.”

  Grimbledung sat down. “Fine then.”

  Drimblerod snuck into the jail and stood beside Nulu. “Is he talking?” He whispered.

  Nulu shook his head.

  Grimbledung cleared his throat. “So. Tell me why you are attacking Julesville.”

  “No.”

  “Would you like a drink. I can get you a drink if you’ll tell me why you’re attacking Julesville.”

  “No.”

  “You know all your friends are dead and the only way you can keep their story alive is by telling it to me. Don’t you love your friends?”

  “No.”

 
“Well, I wouldn’t either if I were you. They fought horribly and got killed when they had superior numbers. I’d hate them so much, that I’d tell anyone anything I knew just to get back at them. What about you?”

  “I wouldn’t.”

  “Well, how about if we keep you in here forever then? You’ll die of old age in this jail. Never seeing any of your friends or family again!”

  “They’re all dead.”

  “Or we could let you out so that you could go make new friends, start a new family. You’re young and fit and I’m sure you could do that. Just tell me why you were attacking Julesville.”

  “No.”

  “Well, I’m sure you would tell me if you knew but you’re probably so low ranking you barely knew where the mess tent was. How’d someone of your rank even get through the day?”

  “I’m a Corporal.”

  “And with that rank, I’d imagine you were involved in any and all planning. Planning that included why you were attacking Julesville. You should tell me that plan.”

  “No.”

  “Well, I hate to break it to you, but we already know why you were attacking Julesville. I just wanted to hear you say it, so that things go easier on you.”

  “What?”

  “We have files. Lots and lots of files. All of them explain exactly what you had in mind. So you might as well tell us because we already know the entire plan.”

  “Then you don’t need to hear it from me.”

  “So you claim to be a Corporal. I’d imagine a Corporal would know the plan and obviously you don’t. So there’s no way you’re a Corporal. Prove to me you’re a Corporal by telling me the plan. Then I’ll believe you.

  “Not a chance.”

  “Tell me the plan.”

  “No.”

  “Tell me the plan.”

  “No.”

  ‘TELL ME THE PLAN!”

  “Nope.”

  Grimbledung stared at Colossus with a slight smile on his face. He nodded once, then twice at the Halfling.

  The Halfling stared back.

  “Get out of that chair and move to this one!” Grimbledung stood up and moved beside Colossus. “Get over there!”

  Colossus cautiously stood, keeping an eye on Akita. He moved to the other chair and sat in it.

  “What was the plan?”

  Colossus shook his head.

  “I say we just let the Dwarf have him,” said Julie (as if on cue) from outside the cell.

  “Well, that wouldn’t be a nice thing to do,” countered Grimbledung.

  Colossus looked over his shoulder at the Human.

  “Well, that’s what I say we should do.” She deadpanned.

  “No, no. Let me handle this.” Grimbledung patted Colossus’ knee. “I’ll keep you safe in here and make sure those others don’t’ get you. Just tell me the plan.”

  “No.”

  Grimbledung looked around the room, then leaned in close. “It’s okay . Just play along. I’m actually a spy for the Halfling Empire. I’ll get you out of this. Just tell me the plan and that will help me get you out.” He winked for good measure.

  “No way.”

  “How about if we put you in a cell all by yourself then. Without any other Halflings to talk to?”

  Colossus looked around. “That’s where I’m at already.”

  Drimblerod shook his head as he moved to the bars as Grimbledung started from the top of the list again[32].

  Grimbledung cleared his throat. “So. Tell me why you are attacking Julesville.”

  “Uhm, Corporal?” Drimblerod said.

  Grimbledung’s eyes got large as he looked at his partner. “Hey!”

  The Corporal looked over his shoulder at Drimblerod. “I don’t want a drink.”

  Drimblerod pressed on. “You realize that Chéri isn’t dead, right?”

  Colossus scooted his chair around - making sure he didn’t stand up and draw the fire of the Constable. “What?”

  “She fell into an Abyssmal Box. Not a Box of Annihilation. She’s still alive. I just thought you should know that.”

  Tears welled up in Colossus’ eyes as he sat back in his chair. Shakily he stood and moved to the bars. He grabbed hold of them as Akita backed up and tracked him with the crossbow as he did. “Are you sure?”

  Drimblerod nodded. “I am positive she’s not dead.”

  Colossus slid down the bars to his knees. “Thank the Lord High Priest.” He looked up at Drimblerod. “Do you know where she is?”

  Drimblerod shook his head. “I’m not really sure where the box leads to. But we could find out, I suppose.”

  “Really?”

  “If you told us why you were attacking Julesville. Maybe move past this. Start working together like civilized folk.”

  “Really?”

  Drimblerod nodded. “I mean, wars start and wars end. And when they end the people who were fighting end up working things out. From what I hear, there is talk of a peace treaty with the Great Halfling Empire.”

  Colossus stood. “We were attacking Julesville because Aution was already burned to the ground and the Lord High Priest wanted it razed as an example.” He paused for a moment. “And I thought you killed my dearest Chéri.”

  “Well, we didn’t. And now that there is an armistice between the Halflings and pretty much everyone else. Are there any other backup plans to stage an attack?”

  “It was all or nothing.”

  “Will you talk to any other groups of Halflings that maybe haven’t gotten word that the invasion is off?”

  “I suppose I could do that…”

  “I see. So will you swear to behave yourself while in town?”

  Colossus considered that. If the tables had been turned, every one of them would have been in stocks, hanging from ropes, or worse. The fact that they were even considering allowing to remain in the town, and on his own, took him aback. “Why would I stay in town?”

  Drimblerod shrugged. “Well, this is where Chéri fell accidentally into our Abyssmal Box, so I imagine she’s going to try and make her way back here. If you left here, she’d most likely not find you.”

  Colossus moved back to the chair and sat in it. He leaned over, putting his elbows on his knees, he held his head. The prospect of seeing Chéri again was overwhelming. Could he trust this odd mix of races? Would they trust him? Should they?

  No one said anything for a long moment.

  Finally, Colossus raised his head. “All right. I’ll not harm you folks and swear on the head of the Lord High Priest that I will abide by the town’s laws.”

  Akita lowered the crossbow.

  Colossus stood again. “But when Chéri arrives, I will... We will leave.”

  “As the Mayoress of Julesville, I accept your oath,” said Big Julie. “However, seeing as how you are a Corporal in the Army that was until very recently, trying to burn us to the ground, I must insist that you are closely monitored by our Constable.”

  Colossus looked at Akita. “I agree to those terms.” He looked around the cell. “So I am to remain here until she returns?”

  Julie considered that. With Halflings, honor came above all else. If the Corporal swore to behave himself, there was no reason to doubt him. Still the townsfolk might not look at it that way. “You are only required to stay in the cell at night.”

  “What time is that?”

  “From an hour after the sun goes down to two hours after it comes up,” said Akita, falling back on the standard curfew.

  Big Julie nodded. “That works for me. Corporal?”

  Corporal Colossus looked between the pair. “But I am destitute. How will I pay for any food or clothing I need?”

  Grimbledung moved in front of the Halfling. “We’ll hire you during the day. Doing odd jobs, stocking, testing wands. That sort of thing. And we’ll pay you half the going rate.”

  Colossus nodded. “I accept.” He put out his hand.

  Grimbledung slapped it.

  Colossus started to slap
it back, then hesitated. “When does this arrangement start?”

  Big Julie stepped forward. “I think we should give it a couple of days before you wander the town. Just so I can spread the word that you’re here under... house arrest we’ll call it.”

  “Fine.” Colossus slapped Grimbledung’s hand.

  “Akita, if you would please,” Grimbledung gestured toward the cell door.

  Akita obliged by unlocking it. After he left, he relocked the cell. “I’ll bring ya something to eat in a little bit.”

  Colossus nodded then went to his bed. He flopped on it face-first. He had a lot to think about. Foremost was that Chéri was alive and possibly moving in his direction.

  “I’ll see you all later at the Duck Inn,” Akita glanced at the Halfling, “and give you any updates.”

  Nulu nodded. “Sounds good to me.”

  Big Julie nodded as well. “I think we should all go and leave the Constable to his work.

  With nods all around, the quartet left the jail.

  As soon as the door closed, Grimbledung hopped back and forth. “Told ya it would work!” He waggled his ears for emphasis.

  “Couldn’t we have just started with telling him about Chéri?” Drimblerod asked.

  “Amateurs,” Grimbledung scoffed. “There’s a certain pageantry to interrogation you know.”

  “Pageantry?” Asked Big Julie.

  “I have to say, that was the biggest load of pageantry I’ve seen in a long while,” offered Nulu.

  “Well, now that that’s over with, I have to say, I’m famished!” Said Grimbledung. “Anyone want to join me for a meal?”

  Nulu grinned. “Well, I’m going that way anyway, so sure. Let’s go eat.”

  “I’m a little peckish too,” admitted Big Julie. “I’m in.”

  Drimblerod put his arm on his partner’s shoulder. “Well, I don’t know how I doubted you. That worked out just about as well as it could have.”

  Grimbledung waggled his ears. “Right? Once Chéri shows back up, those two lovebirds will pack up and leave. I mean, what could go wrong?”