Adrienne nods, biting her bottom lip. Instead of shutting her down as I hoped, I think she’s even more turned on than she was. “I’m sorry.” She can barely get the words out as she stumbles out of my office.
Shaking my head, I grab my keys. I do not have time for this shit.
In my car, I speed off down the street to make my appointment with Dr. Nashito on time, pulling into the parking lot with just a few minutes to spare. I hurry inside, nod at the receptionist, and just as I’m about to sit, Dr. Nashito comes out to get me. I shake his hand and follow him into his office where I sit on the couch and compose my thoughts.
“So, Gabriel,” he says with his notepad on his lap. “Where would you like to begin today?”
“I just had a submissive woman come on to me.”
His eyebrow goes up. “Here?”
“No.” I smile. “At my job. She works there, and I guess she sees something in me that she wants.”
“I see. Did she tell you she was submissive?”
“In her own way, yes. She offered to be what I needed at work.”
“And you reacted how?”
“I told her it was inappropriate and that she needed to get back to work.”
“Good answer. How did you feel?”
“Irritated. I had to get to this appointment with you, and I just don’t need that in my face right now.”
“Because it was tempting?”
“No.” I shake my head. “Actually not at all. Irritated because I’m focused on myself right now, myself and Mia, and she’s just annoyingly in my way. Besides, I never under any circumstance mess around with women at work. Ever.”
“Why is that?”
“I can’t risk it. My work is all I have.” I pull my head back as the words leave my mouth. “Fuck.”
“Let’s explore this.”
I nod. “Okay.”
“You place a great deal of importance on your job, tying your worth as a man to it. Is that a fair statement?”
“Fair.”
“Name another good thing in your life.”
“Sara.”
“Your?”
“Sister. We’re very close, and our family life was… nothing bad happened, just our mom got married a lot, so Sara and I depended on each other. She loves me, but she doesn’t know what I am.”
Dr. Nashito nods writing something down. “Name another good thing.”
I nod my head. “Mia.”
“Mia?”
“The woman that I…” I exhale slowly. “Want back.”
“Did another emotion bubble up when you thought of Mia?”
“No.” The doctor nods, scribbling something. “What did you write?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“Yeah.” He turns the pad around and it says ‘intimacy?’. My eyes meet his. “What does that mean?”
“It’s a topic that I think we’ll need to explore when you’re ready.”
“Why?”
“Are you ready?”
Based on the serious look in his eyes, I decide I’m probably not. “No.”
“Okay. We’ll get back to it. Let’s talk about Mia.”
I smile. “Yeah.”
“We discussed that she’s not submissive, but she showed you some behavior that was. Can you elaborate?”
“Sure. In my typical fashion, I came at her pretty hard, and we just fell into it. I told her what I wanted from her and except for minor changes she agreed.”
“So is it possible that she separates sexual submission from total submission?”
“Definitely.”
“Can you?”
Leaning forward, I clasp my hands together, staring at the floor for a moment before I shift my eyes to him. “Here’s my concern.”
He nods. “Listening.”
“I talked to her yesterday, and it went well. I waited for permission to call, and I felt like yeah, I can respect her boundaries.”
“But?”
“I’m afraid it won’t last.” I rub my forehead. “If I fuck up a second time, that’s it. She won’t give me another chance. Right now, nothing terrifies me more than never seeing her again.”
Dr. Nashito watches me intently, his brow furrows, and eyes reflect concern. “Let’s try something.”
“Okay.”
“Tell me the first word that comes to mind when I say Mia.”
“Beautiful.”
“Another one.”
“Sexy.”
“Keep going.”
“Feisty.”
He nods.
“Brave.”
“Just keep saying words until you run out.”
“Sweet. Funny. Smart. Incredible. Intense. Strong. Kind. Forgiving. Trusting. Delicious.” I smile. “That’s it I think.”
“Now same thing when I say Gabriel.”
“Twisted. Dark. Dominant. Strong. Brave. Smart. Intense. Unkind. Untrusting. Scared.”
“What are you scared of?”
“I don’t know. Losing her, I guess.”
He nods. “Do you like who you are?”
“No, or I wouldn’t be here right now. I mean…” I sigh. “There are some good parts of me. I love my sister, and I’m good to her. I’m a good friend. When people need me, they can count on me. I’m generous. I’m good looking.” I laugh, but Dr. Nashito just smiles in return. “I think if it wasn’t for this need to control, I’d be a great guy.”
Dr. Nashito nods. “Okay, Gabriel. Now, give me just one word to describe how you feel about Mia. Just the best word.”
I rack my brain as words swarm my mind, flying at me like leaves on a windy day. After a moment, one word stands out more than the others. It leaves me breathless until the feeling of panic and stress is completely replaced with nothing I’ve ever felt before. Something so comforting, it feels like a much-needed hug. I blink rapidly several times.
“Gabriel? Do you have your word?”
Slowly I nod. “I do.” A smile falls on my lips. “Devoted.”
After leaving my appointment, and agreeing to another appointment tomorrow, I dial Sara’s number, hoping she’s not too busy to answer.
“Hey, Meatball.”
I laugh. “Hey, Gingerbread. You busy?”
“Not for you. What’s going on?”
“I was wondering if I could swing by and take you to lunch.”
“Lunch? Um…”
“What’s wrong?”
“I always have lunch with Mia.”
“Oh, gotcha. Okay, well we can catch up another time. I was just out and thought if you had time—”
“Why don’t you join us?”
“Nah, I don’t want to intrude.”
“How are you intruding?”
“Me and Mia…” I sigh.
“I know. You took a break, but it didn’t sound like it was bad between you guys. You can’t eat together?”
“I’d love to, Sara, I would, but it’s not up to me. It’s up to Mia.”
“Give me five minutes.” She hangs up before I can even say anything. I decide to keep driving in that direction, just in case I get a chance to see her. I won’t get my hopes up, though. There’s no way she’ll say yes.
As I approach their office, my phone rings again. “Hey.”
“She said okay.”
My heart feels like it’s bouncing in my chest. “She did? You’re not fucking with me?”
“Of course not. I asked her if it would be okay if you joined us and she said sure.”
“Is that really what she said?”
Sara laughs. “Okay, she said it’s a free fucking world, but that sounded like sure to me.”
I shake my head. “Not to me.”
“Listen, Gabriel I know Mia really well. If she didn’t want you to come she would’ve been very clear about that.”
“True. She’s not exactly passive about her feelings.”
“Nope.”
“I’ll pick you both up in ten?”
“We�
��ll be ready. See you soon.”
“Bye.”
As I finish my drive, I can barely breathe. In just a few minutes, I get to see Mia again. I just hope she’s as excited as I am. When I reach their office, I take a moment to pop a mint in my mouth and check my hair and then laugh at myself for acting like a dumbass. I can’t help it, though. I just want her to want me.
Taking a deep breath, I exit the car and walk inside, reminding myself that all I have to do is show her that I can be a stand-up guy. I can be the man she needs. I have to be.
STANDING IN THE MIRROR, I check my reflection. I’m as nervous as I was that first meeting at Starbucks, maybe more, because now I know what he… I close my eyes and exhale slowly. I know what he sounds like, how he looks at me, how he kisses. I should’ve said no to lunch, but I couldn’t. I’ve convinced myself that I’m doing it for Sara, but I know the truth. I’m doing it because I’m dying to see him. After checking my teeth, I walk back to my desk where Sara is already waiting with a huge grin on her face.
“Ready?” she asks.
“Yep.”
I grab my handbag, and as we walk down the stairs, Gabriel comes into view. His back is turned to us as he gazes out the window, but when Sara calls his name, he turns toward us. His eyes move directly to me as a smile spreads across his lips, and I stumble, actually fucking stumble, at the sight of him. Sara notices, grabbing my arm.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine. I just tripped.”
When we reach the bottom, I pray he addresses Sara first, but he doesn’t, walking straight for me with his arms extended. My head tells me not to walk to him, but that message doesn’t make it anywhere else, and in seconds, he’s holding me. I lean my head against his chest, inhaling his masculine scent, and feeling the warmth of his body. God, I miss him.
Pulling myself away, I gaze up and smile. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
We search each other’s eyes, and there’s so much emotion in his, I have to look away.
Sara clears her throat. “Um, you know what, I think I have a meeting.”
“No,” I blurt out. “No, you don’t.”
Gabriel smiles, patting Sara’s shoulder. “Forgive me, Gingerbread.” He pulls her into a hug, swinging her around, but keeping his eyes on mine. “Let’s go eat.”
We walk outside together, and I wonder what kind of dynamic this will be with Sara with us. It’s a test for both of us for sure.
“Why aren’t you at work?” Sara asks him.
“I had an appointment earlier, and a man’s gotta eat, so I came here.”
“Cool. Where should we go?” she asks.
“Hmm,” Gabriel says. “Hold on.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket. “Let’s see, this hummus and steak dish looks good.”
All three of us laugh. “Should we go there?” Sara asks.
“I’m in,” I say.
“Sit in front, Mia,” Sara offers, grinning.
I just shake my head as Gabriel opens the door for me. As he walks around the car, Sara shoves my arm from the backseat, and I turn around. “Stop it.”
“He so likes you.”
“Sara, stop.”
“Okay, I’ll be good.” She giggles like a kid with a bag full of candy on Halloween.
Gabriel slides in the driver’s seat. “What?”
“Nothing,” Sara and I say at the same time.
As we drive, my heart doesn’t beat fast like it usually does around him. No, instead, it’s an odd sense of calm and… shit.
“You okay?” Gabriel asks.
“Why?”
“You gasped.”
“Oh. Um, just remembering something on my calendar at work later.”
“Oh.”
I couldn’t tell him the thought I just had, that being next to him felt like the safest place I could be. How could I feel safe with him when he’s the most dangerous man I’ve ever met? When he broke my trust? Why does he confuse me so much?
Just a moment later we arrive at the restaurant, and as we get out, Gabriel pulls my arm slightly as Sara walks in front of us.
“You look amazing.”
“Thank you. So do you.”
“Thanks for saying I could join you. It means a lot to me.”
Smiling, I reach out to touch his cheek but then pull my hand back. “You’re welcome. Let’s go in.”
“Okay.”
We join Sara inside and are seated shortly. Gabriel sits across from me creating just enough distance to allow me to breathe. I am so wrapped up in this man it’s ridiculous. Our server comes over and we all order, then sit quietly for a moment, until Sara thankfully fills the silence.
“How’s your week so far, Meatball?”
He chuckles sipping his water. “It’s been a tough week, to be honest. I’ve challenged myself to do some soul searching, and, well, it’s not the most fun I’ve ever had.”
My heart tugs a little at his words, so I just sip my water.
“Are you okay?” Sara asks.
Gabriel’s gaze is fixed on me. “I’m gonna be. I hope.”
Sara’s eyes shift between us. “Do you guys need a minute alone? I can go to the bathroom.”
“No,” he says. “You can hear what I want to say because it’s for you too.”
I shake my head. “Don’t.”
“No, Mia, it’s good.” He takes a deep breath. “I think sometimes in life it’s easy to forget what’s important and get caught up in a lot of shit that’s not. I’ve had a few days to reflect on how I was living, and how I see the world after I had my ass handed to me by the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Sara nudges my arm as I just smile. “That’s sweet, Gabriel,” she says. “Right, Mia?”
Before I can answer, he continues. “I’m being honest, not sweet.” He reaches across the table and takes mine and Sara’s hand in each of his. “I just want to say that the two of you are the most important women in my life, and I’m going to treat you like that.”
All I can do at this point is nod and smile. Fortunately, our food comes providing a distraction for me. I know he’s being genuine, and it moves me to my core.
“How was your week so far, Gingerbread?” Gabriel asks, swiping his pita bread through the hummus on his plate.
She shrugs. “Okay. Sort of having guy problems.”
He pauses, narrowing his eyes. “Did he treat you wrong?”
“Oh, no, nothing like that. He’s super nice. He’s great in fact. I really like him.”
“So what’s the problem?”
I wait to see if she’s really gonna tell her brother what she told me. She looks at me, and I shake my head no.
“What?” Gabriel asks.
“It’s private,” Sara says.
“Private? From me?”
“Yes. You don’t tell me all the details of your love life.”
Gabriel nods and smile. “Touché.”
She grins and pierces a tomato with her fork. “It’s nothing you’d want to know anyway. It’s about sex.”
He makes a face like he just smelled something foul. “You’re right. I do not want to know about my sister’s sex life just, you know, that he’s kind to you.” His eyes shift to mine. “Like a real man should be.”
I avert my eyes, focusing on my steak.
“He’s kind, Gabriel,” Sara says. “It’s more like, just… I can handle it.”
“Okay, but if you need me, you’ll tell me?”
“Of course.”
“That’s all I ask for.”
We eat in silence for several minutes, then Gabriel directs his attention to me. “How’s your week been?”
“Okay, I guess. Boring. Empty.”
“I can relate.”
Sara sighs dramatically, rolls her eyes, and puts her fork down. “For the love of God, you two!” We both look at her, then each other, then her again. “It doesn’t take a degree in psychology, although I have one, to realize you two are so hung up on each other,
it’s stupid. Why are you taking a break,” she says, using her fingers as quotation marks, “when it’s so obvious you want to be with each other?” She moves her head back and forth between us. “You’re sitting there whining about a tough week.” She points at Gabriel. “And you talking about being empty. What the hell you guys? PS- it’s Tuesday. You’ll both be a wreck by Friday if you keep this up. Just get over whatever nonsense happened last week and be together. How hard could it be?”
After a moment of stunned silence, Gabriel chuckles. “Well, I guess she told us.”
“I guess so.”
“I’m leaving,” Sara says. “I can walk back from here. You two obviously need to talk.”
She stands, hilariously wrapping her gyro in a napkin, pats the table, then walks out, leaving me and Gabriel alone.
Once she’s gone, I turn and face him. “What the hell just happened?”
“I guess she wants us to talk.”
“Yeah.” Picking at my meal, I think about what to say next. “Should we?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
“Mia, seeing you… I just want to hold you bad. So badly.”
I nod, staring at the table. “I can’t yet. I need time to think.”
“I know. I meant what I said earlier about soul searching and how important you are to me.”
“I can tell when you’re being genuine. It shows in your eyes.”
“I know it hasn’t even been a three weeks since we met, but, Mia, there’s something about you that just won’t leave. I’ve never felt that way before.”
“Do you think it’s because…” I close my eyes and exhale. “Because I’m not easy for you to get?”
“I understand why you might think that, but that’s not it. It’s because I recognize everything you bring to the table. I recognize how amazing and strong and beautiful you are. I recognize how incredible a relationship between us can be. The chemistry alone is off the chart. I know you feel it too.”
“Yeah.”
“There’s a good man inside me, Mia, I know there is, and I’m digging him out and letting him see the light.”
“You’re a good man, Gabriel. That was never the problem.”
“You give me too much credit.” He shakes his head. “I’m a man that doesn’t know what to do with a woman like you, but I’m learning, and I’ll be back, and when I am, I’m gonna be good for you.”
Reckless Devotion: Book 2 Page 4
