Finding Justus

by Bretz, Amanda

  “I had a great time. We went to the beach last night. It was small and somewhat private. We watched the sunset, and it was beautiful.”

  “Oh, that was the surprise,” Krystal said sounding a little disappointed.

  Justus shook her head and smiled at the memory of the dolphins, she filled Krystal in on the details.

  “That’s really different, and sweet. Not many people can say they have gotten a surprise like that on their second date. So, then what happened?”

  “We had to be on the ship by eight, so we walked and talked on the beach for as long as possible, and then got back on the ship.” Justus stopped her story there as if it needed no further explanation, but Krystal was as persistent as usual.

  “And? Then what? Or am I supposed to assume that since you’ve suddenly clammed up I’m to draw my own conclusions as to what happened next?”

  “Like you haven’t already.”

  “Dodging my questions, coming in late, if you weren’t so surly I’d say you had taken my advice and went back to Miguel’s room.” Justus blushed immediately, but otherwise remained impassive. The two women stared at each other, a Mexican standoff.

  “I can see I’m going to get nowhere fast with this subject. I’ll let it go, for now. Eventually, you’ll tell me what happened,” she said breezily. “I only hope you aren’t mad at him again.”

  “No, it’s nothing like that. Things couldn’t have gone better last night actually.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “It’s not that there’s a problem, exactly. I want to sleep with him,” Justus blurted out.

  “Obviously, I mean what woman wouldn’t? I don’t get it, why does that give you pause?”

  “I don’t understand any of this myself. It’s not like a casual fling is something I couldn’t ordinarily handle. It’s Miguel. Every time I am with him, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because he’s so unlike every other guy I’ve ever met. But then on the other hand, maybe it’s because we’re a lot alike. It just feels different with him.”

  She ran her hands down her face. “Lord! I sound like I’m sixteen and this is my first big crush or something. What’s wrong with me? I don’t usually get so sappy over a guy I just met. The cruise will be over soon and then we’ll never see each other. There’s no future.

  “This is not like dating, so I think I need to take the ‘dating’ part out of it and make it a physical thing. But, what if that makes me feel worse and even more sappy and attached?” Realizing she was rambling on nervously, she stopped and looked to Krystal for help. For the first time since Justus had known Krystal, she didn’t have any words of wisdom or sisterly advice.

  “I really don’t know what to tell you. I can’t say ‘sleep with him,’ and I can’t tell you not to. It’s your decision. You know how it is Justus, sometimes sex makes things better and sometimes it makes things a whole lot worse. The only thing I can say is, go with your gut feeling.”

  Justus wanted to crack a joke and say her gut was telling her it wanted bacon and eggs, but she decided against it, knowing Krystal was trying to be honest with her. She knew no one could give her the right advice about what she should or shouldn’t do. With a defeated sigh, she headed toward the breakfast buffet.

  ***

  “I know this may shock you, but I wish I hadn’t eaten breakfast. The pool is calling my name.”

  “So swim, what’s stopping you?” Krystal asked.

  “Haven’t you ever heard you aren’t supposed to swim for like, two hours after you’ve eaten?”

  “You really believe that?”

  “Who knows? I ate so much at breakfast it probably looks like I’m carrying twins right now.”

  Krystal laughed and assured Justus she didn’t look pregnant in her bathing suit. They both decided to sunbathe for a while before swimming. Justus sat in her chair and turned it toward the sun. Krystal started fiddling with hers, too.

  “Damn,” Krystal said.

  “What?”

  “I forgot my lotion, did you bring any?”

  “Yep, hold on,” she replied as she searched her bag. When she found it, she tossed it to Krystal. Justus watched as Krystal squeezed some into her palms and started rubbing the glistening lotion on her newly tanned legs. A couple of men in their early twenties were walking by and gave Krystal appreciative glances, but completely ignored Justus. As usual, Krystal missed them, but Justus didn’t.

  After she had finished the task, she put the lotion on the table between their chairs, yawned and told Justus she was taking a nap. “Don’t let me burn,” she said sleepily.

  “Okay,” Justus replied absently, without knowing what Krystal asked her.

  She was busy thinking about the scene that had played out moments ago. Over the years, she’d gotten used to those types of scenes. It was business as usual as far as she was concerned. Whenever the two of them were together and a man was around, it was always Krystal who got the attention and Justus who got the once-over.

  She suspected it had something to do with the blonde hair and long legs. Men couldn’t seem to get past it. She and Krystal were equally pretty in the face, in her opinion. It was Krystal who had the “ideal” figure though.

  I guess that’s really what men want, she thought despondently.

  Why did it always have to happen that way? Why wasn’t she ever picked over Krystal, much less looked at as well? Just once she would love it if the tables were turned, if every guy within range were checking her out instead of Krystal.

  Justus realized how childish her thoughts were, and immediately felt ashamed. She looked at her sleeping friend and felt a pang of guilt. She wasn’t jealous of Krystal. She couldn’t be. There was too much love between them. Nevertheless, it hurt her ego all the same that almost every man preferred Krystal’s wholesome good looks and slender figure over her exotic looks and fuller figure. Justus suddenly remembered there was one very attractive man that had chosen her over Krystal.

  Miguel.

  He was beginning to be both a source of pleasure and pain to her. She knew she could no longer fight what she was feeling toward him. It was heavy attraction, both physical and mental. However, Justus wondered if Miguel was only attracted to her for physically.

  The combination of the hot sun, her full stomach and the lulling boat caused Justus to get drowsy. As she started to drift toward sleep, she remembered what it was Krystal had asked her to do. Justus bolted upright. She had to make sure Krystal didn’t burn. She picked her watch up off the chair next to her. It had been almost a half hour. Knowing how easily Krystal burned, Justus decided she had better wake her.

  As she sat up, she realized she felt wide awake and anxious to think about Miguel. She needed quiet alone time to do it, too. Krystal would be okay for another ten minutes, wouldn’t she? Justus hoped so.

  Last night had been so special and romantic. She thought of the dolphins for the second time that morning. As she smiled to herself, she realized their date had been fun, too. The two of them had boarded the ship just in time, at eight o’clock. They had walked together down to the shopping areas inside the boat.

  Justus looked at the jewelry in one of the stores and admired a pair of pearl and sapphire earrings. Miguel had entertained her with stories about past cruises he had been on, and she told him about her life in St. Louis. After they had walked the length of the ship twice, he told her goodnight.

  He kissed her and it stole her breath, like all of Miguel’s other kisses had. However, last night, there seemed to be an extra bit of heat in their kiss. Like a fire was building between the two of them and it was just about to ignite.

  “How long has it been?” Krystal asked her as she squinted against the bright sun.

  “Almost a half hour,” Justus lied. It had been almost forty-five minutes, and she hoped her friend didn’t burn because of her carelessness. “Did you have a nice nap?”

  “Yeah, actually I did. I dreamt of hot guys in loin cloths feeding me grapes, and
fanning me with big leaves.”

  “Okay,” Justus said laughing. “You mean you had a fantasy for the past half hour, no wonder you kept moaning like that.”

  Krystal stopped in the middle of turning onto her back. “Hey!” she exclaimed. “I wasn’t really moaning, was I?”

  Justus only laughed at her friend. As Krystal reached for her sunglasses she said, “Hey, look at that, nice bathing suit, if that’s what you can call it.”

  Justus turned to see who Krystal was talking about. It was Tammy, in a white bathing suit that defied decency. It was a one-piece, in name only. It was held together by string and three scraps of fabric. Justus felt nauseated as she watched Tammy ease into the water and flash a toothy grin at a white-haired man.

  “Oh, I hope she knows how to swim, it would be so terrible for her to drown.”

  “Nah, she won’t drown. Her plastic tits will keep her afloat.”

  “Hey, that’s a good one!” Krystal laughed momentarily at the joke at Tammy’s expense. “Aren’t you even going to laugh at your own joke?”

  Justus was too busy glaring at Tammy’s tart display to crack a smile, much less share in a chuckle with her friend. “I find it hard to laugh when she’s around. Miguel and I ran into her last night on the ship and that spiteful wench almost ruined my night.”

  “What did she do?”

  “Oh, just the usual, showed up at an inopportune moment, blatantly flirted with Miguel right in front of my face and acted like I was invisible. Like I said, it was the usual routine with her.”

  Justus explained how she and Miguel had been deep in conversation when Tammy had appeared out of nowhere. As if that weren’t bad enough, the trollop had gone out of her way to press her body-and in the process press her giant breasts-against Miguel’s chest.

  “The coup de grace was when Tammy came within a few inches of his face and invited Miguel to stop by a bar for drinks and ‘whatever might follow afterward.’ I swear, I almost pushed her overboard,” Justus said.

  “What a whore!” Krystal exclaimed as she shot the evil eye to an oblivious Tammy.

  “She disgusts me. I mean she’s so obvious, you know. As well as being a spiteful, vindictive bitch. I really don’t know why it bothers her so much. Miguel and I being together, I mean. It’s not like she couldn’t get some other good-looking guy.”

  “I know why,” Krystal said in a low tone, looking at Tammy. “Number one, you’re not a slut like her and it kills her that Miguel prefers you over her. Number two, the fact that he does resist her is probably somewhat foreign and that makes her even more desperate to have him.”

  “You’re exactly right, Krys.”

  “Let’s get in the pool now, and let her know we’re not intimidated by her cosmetically enhanced body.”

  “And so she can get a glimpse of what a swimsuit is supposed to look like,” Justus said adjusting her red tankini. Her confidence died when she glanced at the shallow end of the pool. Tammy was staring up at Miguel, talking and smiling seductively.

  “I know she’s not talking to Miguel with you right here!” Krystal sped up, and pulled Justus with her, more determination in her stride each time her barefoot slapped against the lido deck.

  “See, this is what she always does,” Justus said nervously as she readjusted her bathing suit again. She hoped Miguel wasn’t enjoying the eyeful of cleavage Tammy had on display in her swimsuit. So far he hadn’t looked up to notice her and Krystal’s approach. He had told Justus he wasn’t attracted to obvious-looking women, but you never knew with men. In her experience they seemed to say one thing and do another.

  As Justus approached and she saw Miguel’s face clearly, she was sure her shoulders must have sagged with relief when she saw the bored look on his face. His eyes started scanning the deck. His gaze found Justus and Krystal, and he started making his way toward them, leaving Tammy to stare after him with an open mouth.

  “Hi, muchachas. I didn’t know you were here,” he said as his eyes looked Justus over. He put his arm around Justus and leaned in to give her a hug and whispered, “You’re the best looking woman out here.”

  When he pulled back his eyes were pure emerald fire and Justus knew he was telling her the truth. She smiled at him with a mixture of pleasure and relief.

  “That’s some ‘bathing suit’ Tammy has on, isn’t it?” Krystal asked him.

  “Oh, is that what it is? As an employee I really shouldn’t be saying this out loud, but what the hell. In that thing,” he gestured with his index and middle fingers running down his chest for emphasis, “she is the definition of vulgarity. A woman shouldn’t feel she has to display her body that way. And if she does then…” he let his voice trail off.

  “Yeah, we get the picture, but enough about her. What are you doing out here?” Justus asked.

  “I had a break between classes. I try to come out here and get fresh air and sunshine whenever I can. I don’t want to keep you two from your swimming. I’ll see you later,” he promised Justus. “Bye, Krystal.”

  They both told him good-bye and started for the water again.

  “He’s unbelievable, a damn dream come true! I mean, he completely snubbed Tammy, made a beeline for you, and then hugged you right in front of her. That was great.”

  “I know, on all accounts. Burr! It’s still a little cool this morning,” Justus said as she stepped into the pool.

  “Don’t I know it,” Tammy whimpered, as she slinked up the pool steps beside Justus.

  She immediately caught Tammy’s meaning, it was difficult not to. Not only could Justus see right through the white bathing suit now that it was wet, but her nipples were dark and protruding from the cold water.

  “I think I’m going to vomit,” Krystal said. Tammy continued walking toward her lounge chair, as though she didn’t hear her.

  “She disgusts me!” Justus said for the second time that morning. “She’s no doubt out searching for Miguel. Since he didn’t take the bait before, she’s hoping he will now that she’s ‘cold!’”

  Krystal started laughing at Justus’ take on Tammy. “Some people will do anything for a little attention. It’s really pathetic, though. I mean, if she wasn’t such an evil wench, I could almost feel sorry for her. It’s apparent the chick has got some issues.”

  “See, that’s the difference between us, Krys .I don’t feel pity for her or her pathetic ways,” Justus said laughing. “Come on, I think we’ve waited long enough to swim.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Justus and Krystal spent their days relaxing. Justus spent her nights with Miguel, and they were anything but relaxing. As Justus lie in bed now thinking about her past nights with Miguel, several words came to mind, none of them implied tranquility. Passionate, feverish, exciting, fun, but relaxing? Definitely not.

  Each day she felt closer to Miguel, and to herself. She wanted to know Miguel intimately and personally, and she knew he felt the same way. They had yet to be completely alone and out of a public atmosphere, but Justus knew it was a matter of time.

  She also felt like she needed to share something very personal with Miguel. Yet at the same time, she thought sharing too much too soon might turn him off. The last thing a man wanted to hear from a casual fling was her life story, which is what she felt she must do to be truly honest with him and herself. She was being pulled in two different directions, and at any minute she could be torn directly down the center. In so many ways, Miguel and she were very similar, but Justus was also very different from him, and the differences, she feared, would be their demise.

  “I’m putting way too much thought into this,” she whispered to herself. She turned to her side to see Krystal sleeping. It was still dark outside, Justus figured it must have been somewhere around four or five in the morning.

  She got out of bed, and crept to the patio, being careful where she stepped in the dark cabin. She slid the door open slowly, making as little noise as possible. It was still fairly dark outside, but the sky was starting to
lighten up in the east. She sat on one of the lounge chairs and continued her reverie as she watched the sunrise.

  Justus hugged herself as she thought about last night. She and Miguel had gone to one of the clubs on the ship for dancing and drinks. It was one of the more sophisticated bars on the ship. It was completely opposite of the funky club they had been to on their first date.

  There were no strobe lights or huge speakers. The atmosphere was more intimate and the bar much smaller. Instead, there was a small stage with a live jazz band and a medium-sized dance floor. Each table had miniature candle lanterns that served as a light source. The bar was the single ornate object in the understated club, and it was constructed out from beautifully carved mahogany wood.

  “I like this place. I wouldn’t have come here with Krystal, but I’m glad you brought me here. Even though it’s smaller, at least I don’t have to yell to make sure you hear me.” When Justus looked up into his eyes she became almost mesmerized by their color. Because of the candle light, his eyes seemed to be glowing. She felt herself become lost in the green pools, and she decided she needed to steer the conversation somewhere neutral, and fast.

  “Do you always teach on this ship, or does it depend? I mean do they just put you where they need you?”

  Miguel was nodding his head as he sipped his rum and Coke. “Both, but I prefer this ship. I guess I’m sentimental about this one, because it was the first boat I taught on. I have been on this ship five times. I’ve taught on another smaller boat only twice. I love the size of this ship.”

  “So, you have been on this boat five times in the last three years?”