Finding Justus

by Bretz, Amanda

  With a large exhale of breath she unlocked the door, turned the knob, and walked back to her seat. She gave Krystal a smile as she sat down. Better for Justus to pretend that everything was okay, if she told Krystal what she had just done she knew she would face a lecture all the way back to St. Louis.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Justus returned home to her apartment late in the afternoon. After using the restroom she checked her answering machine, even though everyone knew she would be gone for a week, she still had a few messages. The first two were hang-ups. The third was from Alex.

  “Justus…I realize that I shouldn’t have…treated you the way that I did, it was unfair and basically heartless of me to spring all that on you so soon before the wedding…I’m sorry. I didn’t want to have this conversation with your machine, but I can’t get you to answer my calls or see me, so I guess I don’t have much choice. Anyway, I’m rambling. I want to see you. No pressure, no expectations. I want us to talk, I have some things I need to get off of my chest, and I hope that you’ll be willing to listen. Please call me, I love you.”

  Justus fell back against her countertop. She was stunned, as if she wasn’t already confused enough from her week with Miguel, now Alex was calling her wanting to talk, which Justus was pretty sure was code for wanting to get back together. Men, they were more trouble than they were worth.

  With a huge sigh she reached up into the cabinet and grabbed a wine glass, and her favorite bottle of wine. Justus headed for the couch. She needed to unwind a bit. She was worn out from her day of traveling, and when she thought about all the raw emotions swirling through her head, she wanted to scream out of sheer frustration.

  She wanted Miguel, but that would never happen because he lived over a thousand miles away. She didn’t want Alex, yet he was here in St. Louis. It didn’t matter, she was swearing off men for a while. They only made a mess of her life. With a derisive snort, she recalled Miguel’s words as he handed her his information.

  After they had eaten breakfast, they had walked as leisurely as possible back to her cabin. They had taken the long route, in hope of stretching their time together. Once they were in front of her cabin neither of them had known what to say. Miguel had been the first to break the silence.

  “Justus, I’ve had a great time with you this past week. This has been the best cruise I’ve been on so far, and it’s because of you.”

  He had paused to look directly in her eyes. “I want us to stay in touch. Here are my numbers and my email address, too. I want your phone number, also. Come here and give me a long hug and a kiss.”

  Justus had been dumbfounded by his words. They had spent a romantic and amazing week together, and he was talking to her about staying in touch like they were going to be pen pals! She robotically hugged and kissed him and then went inside to grab a pen and paper and hastily scribbled her number on a room service receipt. She could’ve put a fake number on the paper for all the faith that she had in ever hearing from Miguel Amores again.

  So much for hoping he would make the move and ask her to pursue their relationship once they both arrived at home. It really had been just a fling to him, and here she had been getting her hopes up thinking that somehow it had been more to him. And that somehow they would end up being together. How could she have been so naive?

  She knew she had done the right thing by flushing Miguel’s information. He had no intention of calling her, of that she was sure. If she had kept his number, she might’ve called him in a moment of weakness, and made a fool of herself. At least this way she would never have to worry about making a fool of herself. She could simply savor her good times with Miguel. The affair would be something she could look back upon later, when she was older, like Krystal had told her. At least this way Justus had something to rub in her face. After all, she had been with ‘the king of all hotties,’ as Krystal had so eloquently put it.

  Justus looked down at her empty glass and half empty bottle of wine. Had she really drank that much? Had she gotten too absorbed in her despondent reverie to notice that she had drunk so much? She set both the bottle and the glass down on her coffee table with resolve. Okay, new subject, she told herself.

  She remembered her job, and the hotel and nightclub she was decorating. Soon she would be so wrapped up in her work that she wouldn’t have the time or the energy to think about anything else. Thank God for small miracles, she thought. It would be so nice to not only get her personal life off of her mind, but to know that she was doing something for herself and no one else. She would be doing something to further her career in a huge way. Her boss had been right, once the word got out that she had been the designer of the hotel lobby and nightclub, she would be swamped with clients. She was one step closer to achieving her dream. She felt exhilarated at the prospect.

  ***

  “Te queiro…”

  Justus awoke with the phrase spoken by Miguel’s voice resonating in her head. She had dreamt of him. The details were murky, but she knew that she had been dreaming of him, his voice was so clear, it sounded as though he had been right there in her bedroom.

  Justus jumped at the shrill sound of the phone ringing. She turned bleary-eyed to look at the clock, it was after midnight. The wine she had imbibed hours ago had done a number on her head, and the phone sounded as though it was penetrating through her skull. This had better be damned important, she thought at she lifted the receiver.

  “Hello,” she said groggily.

  “Justus, I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

  Upon hearing his voice she bolted upright in bed.

  “What the hell are you doing calling me at this time of night? Let me rephrase that, why are you calling me, period? I already told you Alex, we’re over,” she spat as she started to hang up on him.

  As though he could see her through the phone, Alex blurted, “Wait! Please don’t hang up on me. Hear me out first. That’s fair, right?”

  “Alex. You’re asking me what’s fair? Look, I’ve told you a hundred times already, and this is about to be one hundred and one. I don’t want to be with you,” she said slowly enunciating every word.

  “Not only did you cheat on me, but you did it in the one hotel in town that I was going to be at that day. If I hadn’t known any better I would say you did it on purpose, that you had actually wanted to get caught.”

  Alex remained silent on the other end of the line.

  “Anyway, you almost cost me the job, you know. I was upset after seeing you, but I had to pretend that everything was just peachy-keen. Do you know how hard that was for me? Wait, why am I even asking you? You don’t care, because you never cared about me! You’re a bastard and I want nothing to do with you. Don’t call me again,” Justus screeched as she slammed the phone down in his ear.

  It took her several minutes to move her hand off of the receiver. She looked down and realized she was trembling with rage and breathing heavily. She needed to calm down. Justus got out of bed, headed for her living room and grabbed her sketchbook and a pencil off of her bookshelf. Sketching was the one thing that always helped her to feel peaceful. She could simply get lost in the patterns and shapes that she created. She started drawing some of the ideas she had for the nightclub’s decor.

  She contemplated calling Krystal at this late hour and telling her that Alex had had the nerve to call her this late and also to call her while they were gone. She voted against it though. It was her problem, no one else’s. She wouldn’t wake Krystal up simply to gripe about Alex. She would however, call her in the morning on her way to work.

  ***

  “No way,” Krystal gasped.

  “Um-hm he had the nerve to call me,” Justus told her as she glanced in her rearview mirror to change lanes. “As if I wouldn’t be nervous enough today, being my first day on this job, and going back to the hotel for the first time since the incident.”

  “No kidding. Good luck, by the way. I have faith in you.”

  “Thanks, on both accounts. Oh, I have
a question for you. I was thinking last night, what are the odds that Alex just happened to be at the hotel on the day I was there. I mean, I told him that I had a meeting there, and I was up for the remodel design. Do you think that maybe he could have done it on purpose, got caught I mean? Like maybe psychologically he wanted me to catch him so he could weasel out of the wedding? I could be way off, psycho-analysis is your thing, but I thought I could run the idea by you.”

  “Hmm, it’s feasible. Of course, there’s the other possibility.”

  “What’s that?”

  “He’s an ass, and it just happened that way because it was fate or whatever. I think someone or something was trying to tell you not to marry Alex and they wanted to make sure you got the message. Sorry, Jus I gotta go, but I’ll come over tonight and I’ll even be nice and bring you a congratulatory dinner. Again, good luck on your first day.”

  “Thanks, I’ll see you later.”

  “Anytime, see ya. Bye.”

  “Bye,” Justus said as she switched the radio on. She nervously scanned through every station at least twice before settling on a morning talk show with obnoxious DJ’s. She needed some background noise to keep her mind busy, at least that way maybe she wouldn’t worry too much about her new project.

  ***

  It turned out that her day went fantastic. The hotel owner whole-heartedly embraced every idea she threw out to him, and told her she had sole control of the redecorating process. Justus plunged head first into her work, and experienced a feeling of vigor like she had the last night she danced with Miguel.

  Each day seemed to get better than the last and she felt as though she were bursting with life and creative energy. The days quickly lapsed into weeks and before she knew it, a whole month had gone by since she had returned to St. Louis and her job. She could forget about Miguel while she was at work, and even on most nights when she was at home or out on the town with Krystal. It was in her sleep that she was plagued by memories of him.

  She repeatedly dreamt of him, at least she thought she must have, because she was frequently woken by the sound of his voice. Most nights he was saying the same phrase in Spanish, “Te queiro.” Other nights she heard him speaking in English. It never dawned on her to find out what the Spanish phrase meant. She merely accepted that she would probably keep having these types of dreams until she met someone else.

  It was the annoyance of the dreams that helped push her toward the dating scene once again. She wanted to meet a decent guy to go out on dates with occasionally. She wasn’t interested in getting serious at the moment, not after two failed relationships, not to mention the fact that her career was just beginning to take off. Justus was completely absorbed in work and loving every minute of it.

  However, the problem with dating, she noticed, was that no matter how nice a guy seemed, or how attractive he was, or how interested he was in her, she didn’t like any of them. They all had one common flaw. They weren’t Miguel. They didn’t make her feel the way he had.

  ***

  How the hell was he supposed to get his business off the ground fast enough? That was the one question that seemed to run through Miguel’s mind his every waking minute since he and Justus had parted. Once he arrived home to the scorching August heat and superficial women of Miami, he realized how badly he wanted and needed Justus in his life.

  He was able to keep his feelings for her at bay while he was on the ship, because he had all those wonderful memories. He strolled around the ship nightly, and remembered their shared conversations under the stars. The dancing that they had done, the meals they had eaten, the pool, the bar, everywhere had reminders of Justus. His cabin especially, it was there he felt he had gotten the closest with Justus. He knew once he got home, he would get Justus back, he had to.

  Now that he had been in Miami for a couple of days, he knew that his one hope lie in his business. He had figured out that much. It was the only way that he could get Justus back, and it was a risky plan. As he walked into the bank he glanced around in the offices until he found Juan Martinez’s office.

  Miguel had been referred to Mr. Martinez by his friend Mark. Mark and Juan went way back, even farther than he and Miguel, and he had promised Miguel that Juan would move Heaven and Earth to get him his loan, if it was necessary. There was only one requirement of Miguel. He had to put forth a lot of cash as a down payment, more than he had in fact. Miguel was hoping that Mark would be willing to take something in the place of cash, for collateral.

  Miguel walked out of the bank a little fearful and saddened, but determined. He had gotten his loan, and hopefully it wouldn’t turn out to be a total risk for him. He could start on opening his club immediately. He had had his eye on a particular building for over a year. To his relief no one had bought it while he had been out of town. It was near Ocean Drive, the heart of the South Beach party scene.

  He called Justus that night to let her know what his plans were. Unfortunately, he got her machine.

  “Justus, hi. How’ve you been sweetheart? I’m sorry it took me so long to call, but while I was on the ship I knew that once I heard your voice I would want to see you again, and I couldn’t do that until I was back at home. I’ve missed you like crazy though.

  “Guess what? I got my loan, and I’m starting my business. I want you to help me out, give me some interior design advice. Call me when you get home, okay? I can’t wait to hear your voice, mi amor. Bye.”

  ***

  Justus arrived home late that night. She had worked overtime at the hotel, going over color swatches for the nightclub couches. The major refurbishments in the hotel had been made. The only thing left to do was the task of finding the right coverings for the furniture. The project had been on-going for almost a month. It seemed she simply couldn’t find the right colors and patterns. Each time she thought she found something that would work, at the last second she decided it clashed.

  When she stepped into her kitchen, she noticed the light on her machine was blinking. She depressed the button and scoured her fridge for something for dinner. The horrible metallic squeal that came from her machine was enough to make her cover her ears. Frowning, she stopped the message and tried to play it again. No luck, just the same God-awful sound. Damn, she thought. Hopefully it wasn’t anything important.

  ***

  When she told Krystal that her answering machine had given out on her and that she wanted her help in picking out a new one, she started a recurring argument with Justus.

  “See, I told you to get rid of that ancient thing years ago. It still took tapes for crying out loud. That relic was a disaster waiting to happen. Oh, and by the way if you had gotten a home phone that has caller ID like I’ve been telling you to do forever, you could’ve simply called whoever it was back and let them know that you didn’t get their message. But no, you abhor technology. I know the story, spare me the lecture. You refuse to step into the twenty-first century. The only reason you have a cell phone is because it’s supplied by work.”

  Justus sighed. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, spare me. I can’t believe old faithful finally gave out on me. That thing was probably as old as I am. Now I guess I have no choice, I have to go tapeless, so it won’t happen again.”

  “It never should’ve happened in the first place,” Krystal said under her breath.

  ***

  It had been almost two weeks since Miguel had left Justus the message. He had spent many sleepless nights worrying about her rejecting him. He had lain awake thinking of the possible reasons why he hadn’t heard back from her. At first he thought that maybe she was just busy, and then he thought that she had met someone else and didn’t want to talk to him. Although, he couldn’t say he blamed her if she had met someone else. He lived halfway across the country, and he had promised her that he would call her, and he hadn’t for almost two months. Yeah, he had been a real jerk.

  Many of his friends and coworkers had commented on his mental state and mood. Miguel thought that if one more person sarca
stically asked him “who died,” he would rip their head off. Try as he may, he couldn’t shake his feelings of depression and sadness over losing Justus. She was all he wanted in a woman, and if he was going to get her, he had to snap out of his funk and make a way for them to be together.

  He had finally come to the decision that if he was going to see Justus again, he was going to have to perform a sneak attack. He knew her well enough to know that she was head-strong and she might not come to Miami willingly. He set the wheels in motion for his plan.

  Miguel had looked online and called all over St. Louis trying to find the decorating firm that Justus worked for. When he found it, he decided to change his method of approach. He remembered how excited she had seemed when she talked about the project that was waiting for her when she returned home.

  It took him a while, but he finally remembered the name of the hotel. He called and spoke with Mr. Jenkins, the hotel’s owner, about their renovation. He decided that finding out what types of changes she had made there would be the best place for him to start laying out his plan.

  ***

  “Come on in, I’ve got to grab my jacket and then we can leave.”

  Krystal was surprised to see Justus beaming the way that she was. She had called Krystal earlier in the day and told her she had great news, but she was going to have to wait until tonight to hear it. Justus had deemed whatever it was important enough to not only hold off on telling Krystal until this evening, but also until they had arrived at their favorite Italian restaurant.

  After their waitress had taken their food order, Krystal looked at Justus with raised brows as if to say “spill it.” Justus enjoyed delaying her wonderful news. She took out her silverware, carefully placed her napkin in her lap and took a sip of her drink before she opened her mouth.