Good Girls Don't

by Victoria Dahl

“Yeah,” he muttered. “That’s fine.” He smacked the flowers against his other hand. “I’m no good at this, anyway, am I? I learned that the hard way.”

  Tessa waved her hand toward the door. She needed him to go. Now. She needed him to go before she broke down and threw herself into him. She didn’t need him. She’d never needed anyone but her brothers and she couldn’t start needing someone else now. She had to concentrate on making things right with her family. “Goodbye,” she said, but Luke didn’t say a word. He just turned and walked out, closing the door softly behind him.

  And Tessa was alone in her big house again.

  HE SHOULD NEVER have pushed her so hard. Not today. He should’ve backed off and given her a chance to work things out with Eric. But hell, he was just kidding himself with that. She didn’t have room for him in her life today, and she wouldn’t have room tomorrow.

  And maybe he didn’t have room for her. After all, instead of working through his feelings over her, he was shoving them aside as he pushed through the station doors, joining the other cops who sat at their desks, ignoring the real world.

  His partner included.

  He set the flowers on her desk. “They didn’t work.”

  “Oh,” she said, leaning back in surprise. “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure. In fact, she ended it altogether.”

  Simone cringed. “Ouch.” She picked up the tulips and touched one of the blooms. “She really didn’t like these?”

  “She wasn’t in the mood for romantic gestures.”

  When Simone looked up, her eyes snapped from dreamy to alarmed. “Oops.”

  Luke glanced behind him and saw two other detectives watching with hard eyes. Simone set the flowers down on her desk with a smack. After everything that had happened, Luke could only laugh. “Tomorrow let’s go wander around a bridal shop, give them something interesting to talk about.”

  The flowers hit him in the face.

  “Good aim.”

  “Thanks. Now are you ready to work, or did you want to mope a little beforehand? I’m sympathetic to moping right now, so knock yourself out.”

  “Nah, I’ve got a bottle of whiskey waiting for me when I get home. I’ll be fine until then. What’s up?”

  Simone nudged her computer mouse and gestured toward the monitor. “I’ve been checking out that charity golf tournament Graham Kendall pitched to Tessa.”

  “And it’s all totally legit, right?”

  She smirked. “This is his second year organizing the tournament. He’s bragging that last year they raised $465,000 from the sponsors. Everything seemed to go off without a hitch. But I checked the online report of the charity who was supposed to have benefited.”

  “And?”

  “And they took in exactly three thousand dollars from the Kendall Group last year.”

  “Whoa.”

  “And Graham switched charities this year. The first organization never filed a complaint, but I’d bet they weren’t happy.”

  “I think we’d better give them a call tomorrow.”

  “Yeah,” Simone groused. “Tomorrow. We won’t hear from the D.A. until tomorrow. We can’t call the charity until tomorrow. I want something to do tonight.”

  “Believe me, I know.” They both sat sullenly staring at their own desks. Luke occasionally flipped open a file, but his heart wasn’t in it. The breakup was finally sinking its claws into his chest. Strange, how quickly he’d gotten used to the idea of seeing her every night. He didn’t want to spend the night alone, even though he’d spent virtually every night alone for years.

  Shit. He stole a look at Simone before dropping his eyes again. “Simone, do you think I have trouble opening up to people?”

  “Me? If you’re seriously asking me that question, I’m doubting your decision to become a detective.”

  “Everyone has trouble opening up, right?”

  Simone sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s just us. I’m gonna go check on those fingerprints one last time, and then I’m going home. If everyone else can wait to catch the bad guys until tomorrow, I guess I can, too.”

  Luke paged through the printouts she’d tossed on his desk, but he wasn’t a numbers guy. Whatever Simone had managed to glean from the charity reports, Luke would go with that for now. But he could still work tonight. He had two dozen Denver reports to reexamine with an eye toward the Kendalls. Luke would definitely need some coffee.

  He rose stiffly to his feet, his body a mass of aching tension, but when he got to the kitchen, he dumped out the coffee and started from scratch. At this time of night, any leftover coffee would likely be pure poison. He grabbed a Styrofoam cup and reached for the sugar, only to find an empty box. “Crap.” Opening the cupboards revealed nothing more than ancient leftovers of snacks and taco sauce packets, so Luke left the coffee to brew and walked farther down the hallway to search out the supply closet. They couldn’t be completely out of sugar. There would’ve been a rebellion.

  He reached for the closet door just as he registered a rush of hushed voices sneaking past the corner. There was nothing back there but an office they occasionally used for polygraph tests.

  Luke froze with his hand on the doorknob of the supply closet and tried to focus his hearing on the conversation. When he got nothing, he eased his head past the corner in time to see Simone spinning around and stalking back toward him. Her head was down, her hands balled to fists. And behind her, watching her walk away, was their boss, Sergeant Pallin. In the moment before he spotted Luke, his face revealed every emotion in clear lines. Frustration, heartache, longing.

  It was the truth, laid out right in front of Luke, and his stomach dropped to his feet.

  He must have made some noise, because Simone and Pallin looked up at the same time. Luke registered the shock on both their faces before he retreated and walked back to his desk, the scent of brewing coffee taunting him as he passed.

  Their boss was the father of the baby. Luke knew it as surely as he knew his own name. Simone had slept with their boss—their married boss—and that was why she couldn’t tell anyone.

  He watched from the corner of his eye as she approached her desk, and he knew immediately that her strategy was to fake her way through this. She’d pretend Luke hadn’t seen, or that if he had, he hadn’t connected the dots. She tucked all her files into one drawer and grabbed her purse. “I’m out of here. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Simone—”

  “Good night.”

  She turned away, and Luke just sat there in shock, staring at her back as she grew smaller. But the moment Simone disappeared around the corner, he surged to his feet. No way was he letting this lie for another day. He hurried after her and caught up before she reached her car.

  “Simone, I’m not blind.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She stepped around him and continued on.

  “It’s him. I know it is. Don’t deny it.”

  “Luke, please. Just…please.” Her voice thickened with tears.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t unsee it. I’m not judging you, okay? Don’t think that.”

  Simone drew a deep breath and came to a sudden halt. “You should,” she whispered. “Why wouldn’t you?”

  “Because we’re friends, that’s why. Come on. Talk to me.”

  “No.” She shook her head, and Luke dropped the hand he’d started to reach out. But then she put her palm to her belly and took another breath. “Not out here.”

  She tilted her head toward the car before she got into the driver’s seat. Luke joined her and closed the passenger door very carefully so as not to spook her. “Do you want to get something to—”

  “He’s the father,” she said quickly. “Please don’t tell anyone, ever. If his wife finds out…”

  “What happened?”

  “The usual thing.”

  “I know, but…Simone…”

  “He was separated,” she blurted. She wrapped her hands around the steering wheel and
squeezed. “I know that sounds clichéd. He told me he left his wife. He told me he didn’t love her anymore. But it was true. He’d moved out. They were getting divorced.”

  “Okay,” he said, though even to his ears, his voice sounded stiff.

  “Regardless, it was a mistake. He’s my boss. He was still married. And in the end… She was the one who’d kicked him out, and when she asked him to move back in, he went. He went.”

  “Did he know you were pregnant?”

  “No. Even I didn’t know. We just… We thought it was over. I won’t pretend I wasn’t hurt, but I told myself that I deserved it. I screwed around with a married man. I’d fallen for my boss. Jesus, Simone, how stupid can you be?”

  Suddenly he could see it so clearly. How alone she’d been. How utterly isolated. She couldn’t tell anyone, not even Luke.

  “He wants to be married to her, Luke. And if she finds out, he won’t be. It’s just that simple.”

  “So he gets off scot-free?”

  She raised her hands, holding them up for long seconds. Finally, she let them drop. “It’s my decision, isn’t it? I could’ve gotten rid of it. I could’ve put it up for adoption. It’s my choice.”

  Luke shook his head in disbelief. “Won’t he even help?”

  “You think his wife won’t notice five hundred dollars a month in child support?”

  “Jesus!” Luke slammed his fist onto the dash. “He can’t just leave you like that.”

  “That’s the way it has to be. No one can find out. Not just because of him, but because of me. I don’t want to be that woman. The one who slept with her boss. The one who was made a fool of by a married man.”

  “No one will—”

  “Seriously, Luke? I’m a black woman. And a female cop. Half the guys on the force probably think I spread my legs to get where I am.”

  “That’s not true.”

  Simone’s dry expression radiated scorn.

  Luke cursed and scrubbed his face in an attempt to dislodge some sort of rational thought, but his shock was wearing down and exposing fury beneath. And frustration.

  “Promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

  “Of course I won’t tell anyone! In fact…I’m completely unattached now. Just tell people I’m the father. Okay? Then they’ll stop asking. The talk will die down. No one will care.”

  Her tears had dried, thank God. And she actually smiled when she punched him in the shoulder.

  “Ow! I could have you arrested for that, you know.”

  “You’re an idiot. But a sweet one. Thanks, but you’re not really unattached.”

  “Oh, I am.”

  She shook her head. “I’ve got to go with my gut here. You’re not unattached. And even if you were, you won’t be forever. You can’t be dragging a fake baby mama around behind you. It tends to scare the nice women away.”

  “I scare those away all by myself.”

  “No. Maybe you do have trouble opening up, but you’re just a man, after all.”

  “Yeah.”

  “But I saw you with her. You were ready.” She reached to give him an awkward hug, and when he hugged her back, his hand accidentally touched her belly. It was surprisingly hard and something shifted beneath the surface.

  “Oh, shit!” he yelped, jerking back.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It, uh, moved.”

  “Feels like an alien, doesn’t it? I swear to God, I have nightmares that it’s going to burst out of my stomach like a monster. But I think it’s pretty harmless.”

  He laughed, but kept a suspicious eye on her belly. He could see it moving.

  “Don’t look so freaked out. Here…”

  She reached for his hand and started to pull it toward her stomach, but Luke jerked back. “Gah!” he cried out.

  Simone laughed, then she laughed harder, choking on her own breath as tears ran down her face.

  “Sorry,” Luke muttered, holding his hands close to his body so she couldn’t grab him again.

  “I thought you’d been reading baby books,” she gasped out.

  “Yeah, well, I’ve never actually been around a pregnant woman before. It’s strange.”

  “It’s strange for me, too. I didn’t exactly grow up in a nursery. I promise you the idea of having a whole other person inside of me is damn weird. And when my stomach moves like that… Yeah. Alien flashbacks, big-time.”

  “Well, just keep that over there.”

  She laughed until she cried again, and Luke felt a hell of a lot better when he got out of the car. Still, when he got back to his desk, he spotted Pallin closing up his office, and Luke’s fury returned like a lightning strike.

  Sergeant Pallin walked out without looking in Luke’s direction, but Luke followed his every step. The man was going home to his wife. To his kids. To his cozy house in the Boulder foothills. And Simone was going home alone to her small apartment.

  Luke believed in justice. Hell, cops knew better than most that justice was a fickle bitch, but he still needed it. He worked toward it every day. How the hell was he supposed to sit here for fifty hours a week and stare at that bastard without punching him in the face?

  But Simone was right. If it got out, it would hurt her, too.

  Damn it.

  He was a man, and a cop, and it was his job to make things better, but lately… Shit, lately he couldn’t seem to help anyone, not even himself.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  TESSA DIDN’T SLEEP at all. She couldn’t.

  At first, she’d lain in bed and chased plots through her scattered brain, trying to find a way to make things right with Eric. She planned a hundred different schemes and discarded them all as the hours marched past.

  Then she’d gotten melancholy. Weepy. She’d thought about all that her brothers had done for her. All they’d sacrificed. And of course, she’d thought about her parents. Her big, good-natured dad and his booming laugh. Her soft, smiling mom and the way she’d said “I love you” twenty times a day.

  Three in the morning had found her sitting in the middle of her second-floor hallway, riffling through boxes of pictures she’d pulled from the closet.

  The dust that coated the boxes told her how long it had been since she’d opened them. She didn’t like to look backward. There was no point to it. Plus…it hurt. It hurt so badly that the moment she’d opened the first box and caught sight of a picture of her mom, she’d begun to cry.

  But she’d sorted through the pictures, letting herself feel how much she missed them. They hadn’t been perfect. Her dad had worked too much and missed dinner more often than not. Her mom had yelled when she got stressed and snuck cigarettes on the porch when she thought no one was watching.

  But they’d loved each other, and they’d loved their kids, and that was more than some people ever got.

  That was what she’d always told herself when she’d felt like wallowing in self-pity. Look at all the people who’d never known their fathers. Look at all the kids being raised in foster care. Her family had been great for so many years, so how could she feel sorry for herself?

  But it wasn’t so hard to pity herself, apparently. She looked at her parents’ faces and felt the sharp grief of loss, hardly dulled since that first year without them. She looked at Eric’s face and missed his carefree, easy smile. He hadn’t smiled like that since then. Not once. And Jamie…she knew he was changed, though she couldn’t put her finger on it. He was angrier, certainly. As likely to start a fight as to finish it.

  Luke was right. She was afraid they’d leave. She was afraid they’d be swept away on a sudden wave and never come back again. But maybe she’d been trying to prevent that catastrophe in the wrong way.

  At five o’clock, she got in the shower and stayed there until the hot water inched toward cool. By the time she dried her hair and pulled on a sweater and jeans it was after six. Eric left for his jog by seven every morning. She hoped he wouldn’t mind her interfering with his exercise.

  His
lights were on by the time she walked over, so she knocked and held her breath.

  Eric frowned furiously at her when he opened the door. She felt her heart drop, but then he pulled her inside and glared into the darkness as if to warn criminals off. “What are you doing out this early? It’s still dark.”

  “All the muggers are in bed now. It’s all right.”

  Eric started to stuff his hands in his pockets, but when he realized he was wearing sweats, he crossed his arms and cleared his throat.

  “Um…” Tessa couldn’t think how to start. “Do I smell coffee?”

  “Oh, sure. Of course. Just…have a seat.”

  Perfect. They’d been reduced to the role of awkward acquaintances. She slumped into a chair and waited for Eric to bring her a cup of coffee as if she were a guest.

  He delivered her cup and then perched on the chair opposite her as they both sipped and avoided each other’s eyes. When she couldn’t take it anymore, she set down the coffee. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

  “It’s all right.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  He shrugged, still avoiding her eyes.

  “I just… Ever since Mom and Dad died, I’ve wanted to make things easy for you.”

  “For me? I’m fine.”

  “I know,” she said automatically. But then she shook her head. “Eric, you took on a family when you were supposed to be out partying and living your own life.”

  “Come on, Tessa. Lots of guys get married at that age. It was no big deal.”

  “Of course it was a big deal! Why do you say things like that? You gave up everything—”

  “I gave up an apartment and a few weekends.”

  “Eric…” She set down her cup and rubbed her eyes, trying to hold tears at bay. “I lied because I was afraid.”

  “Afraid of what?”

  “You and Jamie fight all the time. If you keep fighting like this…”

  He raised his eyebrows in question.

  “It’s okay that you’re in charge, Eric. You’ve been doing this longer than either of us. But you can’t be in charge and constantly fight with him. He’ll leave. Or he’ll fight you until you leave.”