Good Girls Don't

by Victoria Dahl

  “Nobody’s leaving—”

  “And if Jamie doesn’t step up and become responsible, he’s going to keep pissing you off. And maybe…”

  “Maybe what?”

  “Maybe you’ll finally realize everything you’ve given up for us. Maybe you’ll decide you’re done.” Her voice wanted to break on a sob, but she held it back by sheer will.

  “Tessa!” Eric scolded as if she’d said something inappropriate.

  “I’m afraid,” she said. “I’ve always been afraid, so I lie to you about little things to make sure you’re happy. But now I’m lying to you about big things, too.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. How can you think that?”

  “And what about Jamie?”

  Eric shook his head. “What about him?”

  “You treat him like a little brother!”

  “He is my little brother.”

  “I know, but not at work. He’s an adult. So am I. We don’t need you to take care of everything.”

  “Ah. But then why would you keep me around?”

  “Don’t joke. I’m serious! I don’t want to lose you.” The tears finally broke free then, raining down her face, flooding her throat.

  “Jesus, Tessa.” She felt him drop onto the couch beside her. His arms went around her and she dove into his chest to sob against him. “I’m not going anywhere. Ever. I love my life. It’s not a burden.”

  “You work too much. You’re stressed. You won’t let anyone help you. Instead, you just work harder.”

  “Tessa, come on. I work hard for you guys.”

  “That’s what I mean! You’d be free without us, Eric. And the terrible thing is…” She drew in a deep breath. “I don’t want you to be free.”

  His arms tightened so brutally that it almost hurt, but Tessa didn’t try to squirm away. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “For God’s sake, Tessa, I don’t want to be free. Who would I be without you and Jamie? I’ll admit, I gave up a few things to take care of you two, but you’ve forgotten something. Mom and I were on our own until I was eight. I know what it was like not to have you. You have no idea how thankful I was to be part of a family.”

  “But I heard you,” she whispered, clenching her eyes shut as hard as she could.

  His hold eased a bit. “What?”

  When she shook her head, he leaned back to look at her. “What’d you say, Tessa?”

  She hadn’t meant to bring it up. In fact, she’d told herself she’d never mention it. But now the memory was there, and it writhed inside her, clawing its way free. “I heard you, a few months after they died…. You were talking to a friend.”

  His face was only puzzled. He didn’t remember.

  Tessa took a deep breath. “I couldn’t sleep. I came downstairs, and you were on the patio, having a beer with a friend. I don’t know who. The whole house was dark, and I remember thinking how bright the moon was out there, hanging over your head.”

  “Tessa—”

  “And then you said, ‘Of course I wish there was someone else, but there’s not. I’m all they’ve got, and it doesn’t matter how much I might want to walk away.’”

  She saw recognition in his eyes first, then horror dawned with hard brightness. “Tessa—”

  “I understand. Of course I do.”

  “I can’t believe you heard that. I’m so sorry. My God…”

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have said it. I was just talking. Just getting out my frustrations. I was a twenty-four-year-old kid and I was scared to death. That’s all.”

  “I know. I know that, but…I just…”

  “I’m not going anywhere, damn it. Not even when you want me to.”

  She squeezed his hand.

  “No matter how much Jamie pisses me off. No matter how many guys you date…though I still don’t want to know about that.”

  She couldn’t believe she managed to laugh, but she did.

  “And, Tessa…Mom and Dad didn’t leave, either. They were taken away.”

  “I know,” she rasped, and she did. But it felt the same in her heart. That fear that anyone could disappear at any moment.

  “I should never have sent you to that therapist at the school. She was a quack.”

  Tessa slapped his chest and managed to laugh again. “I’m sane enough. Saner than you.”

  “Yeah, I can’t disagree with that.”

  She let herself rest against his chest for a moment, just feeling the solid strength that had always been there for her. She suddenly remembered the time he’d taken her to the park when she was five, and she’d fallen off the top of the slide. He’d held her then, too, but his heart had thundered against her ear as if it were trying to escape his chest. He’d been terrified, she realized now, but his voice had been all soothing calm as he’d tried to comfort her.

  “Is there anything else I want to know about right now?” Eric asked. “Anything you haven’t told me?”

  “Hmm. Well, I didn’t really take a summer art class in eighth grade. Jamie had to retake a semester of math, so I went with him to summer school for two hours every day so you wouldn’t know.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  “No. But it all worked out. He graduated and I did really well in trigonometry when I finally took it.”

  He huffed and nudged her away. “Good God, don’t tell me anything else. I don’t want to know. But no more lies. No cover-ups.”

  “Fine. Jamie’s gotten really difficult about it, anyway.”

  Eric rolled his eyes. “Maybe he has grown up.”

  Tessa’s smile faded and she held Eric’s gaze. “He has. And if I’m going to stop covering up, you’ve got to start being more open.”

  He leaned forward and looked down at his clasped hands. “I’m not really going forward with the Kendall deal.”

  “What about expansion?”

  “We’ll talk about it. All of us. All right?”

  Relief seemed to scramble her insides and turn her muscles to jelly. “Thank you.” She kissed his cheek and gave him one last hug. “I’ll let you get to your run. I need to take a nap before work. But tonight’s a Rockies game. What do you say we have a baseball night at the brewery? We haven’t done that in a while. We could hang out. Watch the game. Play pool.”

  “I thought maybe you’d need some time to make up with Luke.”

  She forced her face to stay calm and neutral. “Nah. That’s over.”

  “Really? Just like that?”

  “You said it yourself. I can’t trust him.”

  Eric frowned, but he shrugged one shoulder before standing up to stretch. “Whatever you say. Just don’t date anyone else, all right?”

  “Oh, sure. No problem.”

  Actually, she thought as she walked out into the pale morning, maybe it wouldn’t be a problem. Luke had been right. She’d never made room for anyone else in her life. She’d only dated for fun and sex. And now…who could possibly be sexier than Luke? She knew from experience that it would be a challenge finding anyone else who could so thoroughly satisfy her. They’d had chemistry, if nothing else.

  Her shoes crunched against the frost as she crossed a small park and came out on her street. She hadn’t noticed the cold on her walk over, but exhaustion was creeping through her now, and she shivered as she moved toward home. The memory of her warm bed pulsed like a beacon as she got closer to her house. Her pillow still smelled like Luke, and torturous as that was, this morning she’d hold it close and sleep with his scent against her.

  But tomorrow she’d change the sheets and move on.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  A FULL WEEK of investigating. Of long nights and sleep-deprived days spent building a solid case against Graham Kendall. And of course, it had come to this.

  “It’s official,” Luke said. “He’s on the run.”

  “I can’t pretend to be surprised,” Simone said.

  “Wanna take a guess where he showe
d up?”

  Simone rocked back in her chair, tapping her fingers against her chin. “Taiwan, maybe. Or Saudi Arabia.”

  “You’re good. He flew to Taiwan.”

  “Well, there aren’t many nonextradition countries that offer the lifestyle he’s used to. Still, he’ll run out of money soon, won’t he?”

  Luke shrugged. “A year or two at the rate he spends it. But I can’t tell whether Daddy will send funds or not. He’s pissed now, but he’s gotten Graham out of sticky situations before.”

  Once they’d started pulling at the house of cards Graham had built, things had tumbled fairly quickly. He had a gambling problem, as they’d suspected. There was also evidence that he was pretty fond of cocaine. And Adderall.

  He’d been running a theft ring in order to sell people’s identities and credit card numbers for cash. Luke knew from experience that they’d never track those connections down. It was a crime that spread itself in spiderwebs over the globe. The middleman was probably in Eastern Europe. The final consumers in Asia and Russia and Africa.

  But all that mysterious, untaxed income that Graham was bringing in? Oh, that was easier to track. The IRS charges alone would likely send him to prison for a decade or two. Then there was the charity tournament. They were only starting to sort through that mess.

  Just like the devil, Roland Kendall appeared when summoned, stepping out of Sergeant Pallin’s office along with two attorneys, the division commander and the D.A. Nobody looked happy.

  “He pulled some powerful strings to get his son out of trouble in Denver. That’s why Graham moved his little operation to Boulder,” Luke murmured. “I can’t believe his dad won’t help him in Taiwan.”

  “Yeah, but now that Roland knows it wasn’t just a one-time deal…”

  “We’ll see.” It was surprisingly easy to let it go. He and Simone had done their jobs. For now, Graham Kendall was untouchable in Taiwan, but he wouldn’t be robbing any more Boulder businesses from there. In the end, he’d serve his time. Eventually.

  Unlike some people, who didn’t pay any consequences for their actions. Luke glared at Sergeant Pallin as he walked his guests out.

  “Have you talked to Tessa yet?” Simone asked.

  He turned his glare on her, but she only glanced innocently up from her monitor. “You know I haven’t.”

  “You should call her.”

  “No.” No. It was just that simple. He’d traveled from guilt to sorrow to resignation in the past few days. Now he was stuck at fury. If he wasn’t open enough, then Tessa Donovan was a sealed vault. He’d made one mistake—one—and she’d tossed him aside like garbage.

  He’d reached his lifetime limit of being treated like a disposable commodity. If Tessa thought he wasn’t good enough, if she thought he wasn’t honest and open and worthy, then that was the end of it.

  Or that was what he kept telling himself, anyway. It worked pretty well during the daytime.

  “All right.” Simone sighed. “I’m heading home. I have to admit that I can’t keep up with you anymore.”

  Luke threw her a surprised look.

  “I start desk duty in a week.”

  He didn’t smile, because Simone’s face was hard with resentment, but he was damned relieved. “I’ll try not to have any fun out there without you.”

  “You’d better not.”

  She left with shoulders slumped in defeat and a decidedly pregnant sway to her step. Halfway to the door, she met Pallin on his way back in, and Luke watched her gaze fall to the floor. Pallin stared straight ahead. He didn’t see the way her eyes rose to touch him as he walked away.

  Luke’s anger solidified into a hot, burning sphere beneath his sternum. Not all of it was caused by Pallin, but his rage was thrilled to find a ready target.

  He should go. Get out of here and go to the gun range to try to lose his anger in shredded targets. But then it occurred to him that Tessa would love going to the gun range, and the hot ball in his chest burned brighter.

  Telling himself not to, he rose and walked to Pallin’s office. Pallin was just settling into his chair when Luke stepped in and closed the door.

  “Asher. What can I do for you?”

  “I’m not concerned about what you can do for me, Sergeant.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what you mean.” He didn’t. Not at that moment when he said the words, but Pallin’s face grew tight with suspicion as the seconds passed.

  “You’re just going to leave her like this, huh?”

  Pallin’s face lost all color in the time it took Luke to blink. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Yes, you do. Don’t fuck with me. She needs child support. Hell, she needs all kinds of support, but apparently you’re not up for that.”

  Pallin swallowed hard and glanced past Luke to the room beyond. “You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?”

  “You’re an asshole,” Luke snarled.

  His boss’s shoulders dropped. “I didn’t want this. I thought my marriage was over. I swear to God. And by the time we found out about this…”

  Luke put his fingertips on the man’s desk and leaned forward. “She. Doesn’t. Deserve. This.”

  “I know. I know that! If I could, I’d… Look, I’m going to give her as much as I can, as often as I can. I swear. And I wish…” His eyes teared up, and he rubbed them hard with his hand. “Please don’t tell any one.”

  Luke nodded and straightened, staring down his nose at this man he’d once liked. “You can’t stay here.”

  “What?”

  “You can’t stay here and be her boss and her ex-lover and the father of her child.”

  “But—”

  “Maybe you’re not getting this. I won’t allow you to stay here. Is that clear enough?”

  Now some color returned to his cheeks. “I can’t just leave. This is my career. And what the hell am I supposed to tell my wife?”

  “You just planned to stay here and treat Simone as nothing more than another employee?”

  “I…I don’t have a choice!”

  “There are plenty of other police departments around here. Denver, Aurora, Fort Collins. And smaller cities where they’d be glad to have you. You’ll start looking now, and when you find a position, you’ll tell your wife it’s an opportunity you can’t pass up. And then you’ll get the hell out of here and never come back.”

  “Or what?”

  Luke smiled. “Or you’ll leave here under very different terms. Sergeant.”

  The fire in his chest faded as he walked out of the building, but unfortunately it left ash behind. He didn’t even feel a spark of hope when his phone rang. It wasn’t Tessa. More than a week had passed and she wasn’t going to call.

  Just as he expected, when he flipped open his phone, it wasn’t her. What he didn’t expect was an L.A. area code. “Hello?”

  “Luke? Hi. It’s Eve.”

  He stopped at the curb, too shocked to keep his legs moving. He’d seen her only a short while ago, but somehow it was different hearing her voice on the phone. Like they were alone together. “Oh,” he finally said. “Hey. How are you?”

  “I’m great. Really great.”

  “Good. You looked great when I saw you.”

  “So did you,” she answered, before they both stumbled into a silence.

  Frowning, he slipped his keys from his pocket and made himself move to his car. “So…”

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s just strange, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” He sighed as he got in and shut the car door and closed his eyes. “It is.”

  “I’m sorry about the other day. At your mom’s. It wasn’t my intention to surprise you like that.”

  “I know.” With his eyes closed it felt like they were sitting in the car together. Luke opened his eyes and stared straight ahead.

  “I should’ve told you then,” she said, the words slow and careful. “I mean, I would have, if I hadn’t been so shocked to see you.
I’m getting married.”

  “Congratulations. I figured it out, actually.”

  Her sigh was filled with relief. “You were always the smart one.”

  “Not always,” he murmured.

  “No.” He heard the phone click against her earring when she shifted. “No, but that wasn’t a normal time for either of us. It was hard. I’m really sorry for… I don’t know. Everything?”

  Luke closed his eyes again, too damn tired to keep them open. “Me, too.”

  “I could’ve handled it a lot better. I was young and stupid.”

  “We both were. Hell, we were too young to deal with marriage, much less cancer.”

  “Yeah. Maybe we were. So…you don’t hate me anymore?” He thought he heard a catch in her voice and felt an answering tightness in his chest.

  Did he hate her? Had he ever hated her? That part of his life felt too far away for him to tell now. “No, I don’t hate you. I’m happy for you. I hope he’s a good guy.”

  “He is.” She hesitated. “For what it’s worth, I think I’ve learned how to be better at this. I kept too much inside before. I never let you know how lonely I felt, even when you were sitting right next to me. And by the time I told you, it was too late. We couldn’t get back from there.”

  He could’ve argued with her. He could’ve told her that she was the one who couldn’t get back to him. But what the hell did it matter now? She was right; they’d been young and stupid. They hadn’t stood a chance.

  “It’s nice to hear your voice,” she said softly.

  “Yeah, you, too.” And he meant it. But he suspected it would’ve been even nicer if he knew he was heading home to Tessa. But tonight, the bottle would have to do.

  FRIDAY EVENING WAS ALWAYS the liveliest night at the brewery. They usually had a band, and there was a great one tonight. But even without the music, the air thrummed with happiness as their customers bid farewell to another workweek. Everyone was happy. Even Tessa pretended she was happy as she tapped her toe to the electric fiddle and drew another round for table nine.

  But she wasn’t happy; she was just restless, and resentful. She should be happy. Her shoulders were lighter, her heart less full of worry. Jamie and Eric had called a tentative truce, and Jamie had solemnly apologized for sleeping with a thief, or at least a thief’s accomplice. It felt like a wound had been lanced, as if pressure had suddenly been released.