Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Zombie Jim

by Mark Twain

  Mornings before daylight I slipped into cornfields and borrowed a watermelon, or a mushmelon, or a punkin, or some new corn, or things of that kind. Pap always said it warn't no harm to borrow things if you was meaning to pay them back some time; but the widow said it warn't anything but a soft name for stealing, and no decent body would do it. Jim said he reckoned the widow was partly right and pap was partly right; so the best way would be for us to pick out two or three things from the list and say we wouldn't borrow them any more-then he reckoned it wouldn't be no harm to borrow the others. So we talked it over all one night, drifting along down the river, trying to make up our minds whether to drop the watermelons, or the cantelopes, or the mushmelons, or what. But towards daylight we got it all settled satisfactory, and concluded to drop crabapples and p'simmans. We warn't feeling just right before that, but it was all comfortable now. I was glad the way it come out, too, because crabapples ain't ever good, and the p'simmans wouldn't be ripe for two or three months yet.

  We shot a water-fowl now and then that got up too early in the morning or didn't go to bed early enough in the evening. Take it all round, we lived pretty high.

  The fifth night below St. Louis we had a big storm after midnight, with a power of thunder and lightning, and the rain poured down in a solid sheet. We stayed in the wigwam and let the raft take care of itself. When the lightning glared out we could see a big straight river ahead, and high, rocky bluffs on both sides. By and by says I, “Hel-lo, Jim, looky yonder!” It was a steamboat that had killed herself on a rock. We was drifting straight down for her. The lightning showed her very distinct. She was leaning over, with part of her upper deck above water, and you could see every little chimbly-guy clean and clear, and a chair by the big bell, with an old slouch hat hanging on the back of it, when the flashes come.

  Well, it being away in the night and stormy, and all so mysterious-like, I felt just the way any other boy would a felt when I see that wreck laying there so mournful and lonesome in the middle of the river. I wanted to get aboard of her and slink around a little, and see what there was there. So I says:

  "Le's land on her, Jim."

  But Jim was dead against it at first. He says:

  "I doan’ want to go fool'n ‘long er no wrack. We's doin’ blame’ well, en we better let blame’ well alone, as de good book says. Like as not dey's a watchman on dat wrack."

  "Watchman your grandmother,” I says; “there ain't nothing to watch but the texas and the pilot-house; and do you reckon anybody's going to resk his life for a texas and a pilot-house such a night as this, when it's likely to break up and wash off down the river any minute?” Jim couldn't say nothing to that, so he didn't try. “And besides,” I says, “we might borrow something worth having out of the captain's stateroom. Seegars, I bet you-and cost five cents apiece, solid cash. Steamboat captains is always rich, and get sixty dollars a month, and they don't care a cent what a thing costs, you know, long as they want it. Stick a candle in your pocket; I can't rest, Jim, till we give her a rummaging. Do you reckon Tom Sawyer would ever go by this thing? Not for pie, he wouldn't. He'd call it an adventure-that's what he'd call it; and he'd land on that wreck if it was his last act. And wouldn't he throw style into it?-wouldn't he spread himself, nor nothing? Why, you'd think it was Christopher C'lumbus discovering Kingdom-Come. I wish Tom Sawyer was here."

  Jim he grumbled a little, but give in. The skin was peelin’ off his face pretty bad. I couldn't say whether he had too much water or too much sun or what. He was like an ol’ fence in need of a coat of paint. He said we mustn't talk any more than we could help, and then talk mighty low. The lightning showed us the wreck again just in time, and we fetched the stabboard derrick, and made fast there.

  The deck was high out here. We went sneaking down the slope of it to labboard, in the dark, towards the texas, feeling our way slow with our feet, and spreading our hands out to fend off the guys, for it was so dark we couldn't see no sign of them. Pretty soon we struck the forward end of the skylight, and clumb on to it; and the next step fetched us in front of the captain's door, which was open, and by Jimminy, away down through the texas-hall we see a light! and all in the same second we seem to hear low voices in yonder!

  Jim whispered and said he was feeling powerful bad, and told me to come along. I says, all right, and was going to start for the raft; but just then I heard a voice wail out and say:

  "Oh, please don't, boys; I swear I won't ever tell!"

  Another voice said, pretty loud:

  "It's a lie, Jim Turner. You've acted this way before. You always want more'n your share of the truck, and you've always got it, too, because you've swore ‘t if you didn't you'd tell. But this time you've said it jest one time too many. You're the meanest, treacherousest hound in this country."

  By this time Jim was gone for the raft. I was just a-biling with curiosity; and I says to myself, Tom Sawyer wouldn't back out now, and so I won't either; I'm a-going to see what's going on here. So I dropped on my hands and knees in the little passage, and crept aft in the dark till there warn't but one stateroom betwixt me and the cross-hall of the texas. Then in there I see a man stretched on the floor and tied hand and foot, and two men standing over him, and one of them had a dim lantern in his hand, and the other one had a pistol. This one kept pointing the pistol at the man's head on the floor, and saying:

  "I'd like to! And I orter, too-a mean skunk!"

  The man on the floor would shrivel up and say, “Oh, please don't, Bill; I hain't ever goin’ to tell."

  And every time he said that the man with the lantern would laugh and say:

  "'Deed you ain't! You never said no truer thing ‘n that, you bet you.” And once he said: “Hear him beg! and yit if we hadn't got the best of him and tied him he'd a killed us both. And what for? Jist for noth'n. Jist because we stood on our rights-that's what for. But I lay you ain't a-goin’ to threaten nobody any more, Jim Turner. Put UP that pistol, Bill."

  Bill says:

  "I don't want to, Jake Packard. I'm for killin’ him-and didn't he kill old Hatfield jist the same way-and don't he deserve it?"

  "But I don't want him killed, and I've got my reasons for it."

  "Bless yo’ heart for them words, Jake Packard! I'll never forgit you long's I live!” says the man on the floor, sort of blubbering.

  Packard didn't take no notice of that, but hung up his lantern on a nail and started towards where I was there in the dark, and motioned Bill to come. I crawfished as fast as I could about two yards, but the boat slanted so that I couldn't make very good time; so to keep from getting run over and catched I crawled into a stateroom on the upper side. The man came a-pawing along in the dark, and when Packard got to my stateroom, he says:

  "Here-come in here."

  And in he come, and Bill after him. But before they got in I was up in the upper berth, cornered, and sorry I come. Then they stood there, with their hands on the ledge of the berth, and talked. I couldn't see them, but I could tell where they was by the whisky they'd been having. I was glad I didn't drink whisky; but it wouldn't made much difference anyway, because most of the time they couldn't a treed me because I didn't breathe. I was too scared. And, besides, a body couldn't breathe and hear such talk. They talked low and earnest. Bill wanted to kill Turner. He says:

  "He's said he'll tell, and he will. If we was to give both our shares to him now it wouldn't make no difference after the row and the way we've served him. Shore's you're born, he'll turn State's evidence; now you hear me. I'm for putting him out of his troubles."

  "So'm I,” says Packard, very quiet.

  "Blame it, I'd sorter begun to think you wasn't. Well, then, that's all right. Le's go and do it."

  "Hold on a minute; I hain't had my say yit. You listen to me. Shooting's good, but there's quieter ways if the thing's got to be done. But what I say is this: it ain't good sense to go court'n around after a halter if you can git at what you're up to in some way that's jist as good and at the same time do
n't bring you into no resks. Ain't that so?"

  "You bet it is. But how you goin’ to manage it this time?"

  "Well, my idea is this: we'll rustle around and gather up whatever pickins we've overlooked in the staterooms, and shove for shore and hide the truck. Then we'll wait. Now I say it ain't a-goin’ to be more'n two hours befo’ this wrack breaks up and washes off down the river. See? He'll be drownded, and won't have nobody to blame for it but his own self. I reckon that's a considerble sight better ‘n killin’ of him. I'm unfavorable to killin’ a man as long as you can git aroun’ it; it ain't good sense, it ain't good morals. Ain't I right?"

  "Yes, I reck'n you are. But s'pose she don't break up and wash off?"

  "Well, we can wait the two hours anyway and see, can't we?"

  "All right, then; come along."

  So they started, and I lit out, all in a cold sweat, and scrambled forward. It was dark as pitch there; but I said, in a kind of a coarse whisper, “Jim!” and he answered up, right at my elbow, with a sort of a moan, and I says:

  "Quick, Jim, it ain't no time for fooling around and moaning; there's a gang of murderers in yonder, and if we don't hunt up their boat and set her drifting down the river so these fellows can't get away from the wreck there's one of ‘em going to be in a bad fix. But if we find their boat we can put all of ‘em in a bad fix-for the sheriff'll get ‘em. Quick-hurry! I'll hunt the labboard side, you hunt the stabboard. You start at the raft, and-"

  "Oh, my lordy, lordy! Raf'? Dey ain’ no raf’ no mo'; she done broke loose en gone I-en here we is!"

  CHAPTER XIII

  Well, I catched my breath and most fainted. Shut up on a wreck with such a gang as that! But it warn't no time to be sentimentering. We'd got to find that boat now-had to have it for ourselves. So we went a-quaking and shaking down the stabboard side, and slow work it was, too-seemed a week before we got to the stern. No sign of a boat. Jim said he didn't believe he could go any further-so scared he hadn't hardly any strength left, he said. He was all sapped inside. But I said, come on, if we get left on this wreck we are in a fix, sure. So on we prowled again. We struck for the stern of the texas, and found it, and then scrabbled along forwards on the skylight, hanging on from shutter to shutter, for the edge of the skylight was in the water. When we got pretty close to the cross-hall door there was the skiff, sure enough! I could just barely see her. I felt ever so thankful. In another second I would a been aboard of her, but just then the door opened. One of the men stuck his head out only about a couple of foot from me, and I thought I was gone; but he jerked it in again, and says: "Heave that blame lantern out o’ sight, Bill!"

  He flung a bag of something into the boat, and then got in himself and set down. It was Packard. Then Bill he come out and got in. Packard says, in a low voice:

  "All ready-shove off!"

  I couldn't hardly hang on to the shutters, I was so weak. But Bill says:

  "Hold on-'d you go through him?"

  "No. Didn't you?"

  "No. So he's got his share o’ the cash yet."

  "Well, then, come along; no use to take truck and leave money."

  "Say, won't he suspicion what we're up to?"

  "Maybe he won't. But we got to have it anyway. Come along."

  So they got out and went in.

  The door slammed to because it was on the careened side; and in a half second I was in the boat, and Jim come tumbling after me. I out with my knife and cut the rope, and away we went!

  We didn't touch an oar, and we didn't speak nor whisper, nor hardly even breathe. We went gliding swift along, dead silent, past the tip of the paddle-box, and past the stern; then in a second or two more we was a hundred yards below the wreck, and the darkness soaked her up, every last sign of her, and we was safe, and knowed it.

  Jim sat still. Baggers was good at sittin’ still. They was already dead, so it was only a matter of bein’ themself's. No tics or twitches or nothin'.

  When we was three or four hundred yards down-stream we see the lantern show like a little spark at the texas door for a second, and we knowed by that that the rascals had missed their boat, and was beginning to understand that they was in just as much trouble now as Jim Turner was.

  Then bagger Jim manned the oars, and we took out after our raft. I notices that Jim is missing a finger, the li'l one on his left hand. The knuckle-bone is pokin’ out and the meat is dark. I says:

  "Jim, how'd you lose your finger?"

  He looks at his hand on the oar like he's surprised and says:

  "I din’ know I did. Blast! Now I's comin’ all apart."

  That was what he feared, o’ course. Comin’ all apart. He said he couldn't hazard a guess where or when he lost his digit, an’ he surely didn't feel it.

  "Dat's how she goes, I reckon."

  Now was the first time that I begun to worry about the men-I reckon I hadn't had time to before. I begun to think how dreadful it was, even for murderers, to be in such a fix. I says to myself, there ain't no telling but I might come to be a murderer myself yet, and then how would I like it? So says I to Jim:

  "The first light we see we'll land a hundred yards below it or above it, in a place where it's a good hiding-place for you and the skiff, and then I'll go and fix up some kind of a yarn, and get somebody to go for that gang and get them out of their scrape, so they can be hung when their time comes."

  But that idea was a failure; for pretty soon it begun to storm again, and this time worse than ever. The rain poured down, and never a light showed; everybody in bed, I reckon. We boomed along down the river, watching for lights and watching for our raft. After a long time the rain let up, but the clouds stayed, and the lightning kept whimpering, and by and by a flash showed us a black thing ahead, floating, and we made for it.

  It was the raft, and mighty glad was we to get aboard of it again. We seen a light now away down to the right, on shore. So I said I would go for it. The skiff was half full of plunder which that gang had stole there on the wreck. We hustled it on to the raft in a pile, and I told Jim to float along down, and show a light when he judged he had gone about two mile, and keep it burning till I come; then I manned my oars and shoved for the light. As I got down towards it three or four more showed-up on a hillside. It was a village. I closed in above the shore light, and laid on my oars and floated. As I went by I see it was a lantern hanging on the jackstaff of a double-hull ferryboat. I skimmed around for the watchman, a-wondering whereabouts he slept; and by and by I found him roosting on the bitts forward, with his head down between his knees. I gave his shoulder two or three little shoves, and begun to cry.

  He stirred up in a kind of a startlish way; but when he see it was only me he took a good gap and stretch, and then he says:

  "Hello, what's up? Don't cry, bub. What's the trouble?"

  I says:

  "Pap, and mam, and sis, and-"

  Then I broke down. He says:

  "Oh, dang it now, don't take on so; we all has to have our troubles, and this ‘n ‘ll come out all right. What's the matter with ‘em?"

  "They're-they're-are you the watchman of the boat?"

  "Yes,” he says, kind of pretty-well-satisfied like. “I'm the captain and the owner and the mate and the pilot and watchman and head deck-hand; and sometimes I'm the freight and passengers. I ain't as rich as old Jim Hornback, and I can't be so blame’ generous and good to Tom, Dick, and Harry as what he is, and slam around money the way he does, and I don't own a crew of dirty bunderlugs to work my wills; but I've told him a many a time ‘t I wouldn't trade places with him; for, says I, a sailor's life's the life for me, and I'm derned if I'd live two mile out o’ town, where there ain't nothing ever goin’ on, not for all his spondulicks and as much more on top of it. Says I-"

  I broke in and says:

  "They're in an awful peck of trouble, and-"

  "Who is?"

  "Why, pap and mam and sis and Miss Hooker; and if you'd take your ferryboat and go up there-"

  "Up where
? Where are they?"

  "On the wreck."

  "What wreck?"

  "Why, there ain't but one."

  "What, you don't mean the Walter Scott?"

  "Yes."

  "Good land! what are they doin’ there, for gracious sakes?"

  "Well, they didn't go there a-purpose."

  "I bet they didn't! Why, great goodness, there ain't no chance for ‘em if they don't git off mighty quick! Why, how in the nation did they ever git into such a scrape?"

  "Easy enough. Miss Hooker was a-visiting up there to the town-"

  "Yes, Booth's Landing-go on."

  "She was a-visiting there at Booth's Landing, and just in the edge of the evening she started over with her friendly negro woman in the horse-ferry to stay all night at her friend's house, Miss What-you-may-call-her I disremember her name-and they lost their steering-oar, and swung around and went a-floating down, stern first, about two mile, and saddle-baggsed on the wreck, and the ferryman and the negro woman and the horses was all lost, but Miss Hooker she made a grab and got aboard the wreck. Well, about an hour after dark we come along down in our trading-scow, and it was so dark we didn't notice the wreck till we was right on it; and so we saddle-baggsed; but all of us was saved but Bill Whipple-and oh, he was the best cretur!-I most wish ‘t it had been me, I do."

  "My George! It's the beatenest thing I ever struck. And then what did you all do?"

  "Well, we hollered and took on, but it's so wide there we couldn't make nobody hear. So pap said somebody got to get ashore and get help somehow. I was the only one that could swim, so I made a dash for it, and Miss Hooker she said if I didn't strike help sooner, come here and hunt up her uncle, and he'd fix the thing. I made the land about a mile below, and been fooling along ever since, trying to get people to do something, but they said, ‘What, in such a night and such a current? There ain't no sense in it; go for the steam ferry.’ Now if you'll go and-"