Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Zombie Jim

by Mark Twain

  I went into the wigwam; Jim warn't there. I looked all around; he warn't anywhere. I says:

  "Jim!"

  "Here I is, Huck. Is dey out o’ sight yit? Don't talk loud."

  He was in the river under the stern oar, with just his nose out. I told him they were out of sight, so he come aboard. He says:

  "I was a-listenin’ to all de talk, en I slips into de river en was gwyne to shove for sho’ if dey come aboard. Den I was gwyne to swim to de raf’ agin when dey was gone. But lawsy, how you did fool ‘em, Huck! Dat wuz de smartes’ dodge! I tell you, chile, I'spec it save’ ole Jim-ole Jim ain't going to forgit you for dat, honey."

  Then we talked about the money. It was a pretty good raise-twenty dollars apiece. Jim said we could take deck passage on a steamboat now, and the money would last us as far as we wanted to go in the free States. He said twenty mile more warn't far for the raft to go, but he wished we was already there.

  I told him the fissythis was spreadin’ far and wide and I wouldn't be surprised if there was no free State no more. I thought about the word quarantine but couldn't figger how to apply it. I said:

  "Mayhap the situation's a-changin'. Mebby tradin’ in diseas't baggers wasn't the best experiment of all time. Those men was huntin'. You never know how far the huntin’ goes on."

  "Mebby so,” says Jim, “but I gots to try fo’ it."

  Towards daybreak we tied up, and Jim was mighty particular about hiding the raft good. Then he worked all day fixing things in bundles, and getting all ready to quit rafting.

  That night about ten we hove in sight of the lights of a town away down in a left-hand bend.

  I went off in the canoe to ask about it. Pretty soon I found a man out in the river with a skiff, setting a trot-line. I ranged up and says:

  "Mister, is that town Cairo?"

  "Cairo? no. You must be a blame’ fool."

  "What town is it, mister?"

  "If you want to know, go and find out. If you stay here botherin’ around me for about a half a minute longer you'll get something you won't want."

  I paddled to the raft. Jim was awful disappointed, but I said never mind, Cairo would be the next place, I reckoned.

  We passed another town before daylight, and I was going out again; but it was high ground, so I didn't go. No high ground about Cairo, Jim said. I had forgot it. We laid up for the day on a towhead tolerable close to the left-hand bank. I begun to suspicion something. So did Jim. I says:

  "Maybe we went by Cairo in the fog that night."

  He says:

  "Doan’ le's talk about it, Huck. Po’ baggers can't have no luck. I awluz ‘spected dat rattlesnake-skin warn't done wid its work."

  "I wish I'd never seen that snake-skin, Jim-I do wish I'd never laid eyes on it."

  "It ain't yo’ fault, Huck; you didn’ know. Don't you blame yo'self ‘bout it."

  When it was daylight, here was the clear Ohio water inshore, sure enough, and outside was the old regular Muddy! So it was all up with Cairo.

  We talked it all over. It wouldn't do to take to the shore; we couldn't take the raft up the stream, of course. There warn't no way but to wait for dark, and start back in the canoe and take the chances. So we slept all day amongst the cottonwood thicket, so as to be fresh for the work, and when we went back to the raft about dark the canoe was gone!

  We didn't say a word for a good while. There warn't anything to say. We both knowed well enough it was some more work of the rattlesnake-skin; so what was the use to talk about it? It would only look like we was finding fault, and that would be bound to fetch more bad luck-and keep on fetching it, too, till we knowed enough to keep still.

  By and by we talked about what we better do, and found there warn't noway but just to go along down with the raft till we got a chance to buy a canoe to go back in. We warn't going to borrow it when there warn't anybody around, the way pap would do, for that might set people after us.

  So we shoved out after dark on the raft.

  Anybody that don't believe yet that it's foolishness to handle a snake-skin, after all that that snake-skin done for us, will believe it now if they read on and see what more it done for us.

  The place to buy canoes is off of rafts laying up at shore. But we didn't see no rafts laying up; so we went along during three hours and more. Well, the night got gray and ruther thick, which is the next meanest thing to fog. You can't tell the shape of the river, and you can't see no distance. It got to be very late and still, and then along comes a steamboat up the river. We lit the lantern, and judged she would see it. Up-stream boats didn't generly come close to us; they go out and follow the bars and hunt for easy water under the reefs; but nights like this they bull right up the channel against the whole river.

  We could hear her pounding along, but we didn't see her good till she was close. She aimed right for us. Often they do that and try to see how close they can come without touching; sometimes the wheel bites off a sweep, and then the pilot sticks his head out and laughs, and thinks he's mighty smart. Well, here she comes, and we said she was going to try and shave us; but she didn't seem to be sheering off a bit. She was a big one, and she was coming in a hurry, too, looking like a black cloud with rows of glow-worms around it; but all of a sudden she bulged out, big and scary, with a long row of wide-open furnace doors shining like red-hot teeth, and her monstrous bows and guards hanging right over us. There was a yell at us, and a jingling of bells to stop the engines, a powwow of cussing, and whistling of steam-and as Jim went overboard on one side and I on the other, she come smashing straight through the raft.

  I dived-and I aimed to find the bottom, too, for a thirty-foot wheel had got to go over me, and I wanted it to have plenty of room. I could always stay under water a minute; this time I reckon I stayed under a minute and a half. Then I bounced for the top in a hurry, for I was nearly busting. I popped out to my armpits and blowed the water out of my nose, and puffed a bit. Of course there was a booming current; and of course that boat started her engines again ten seconds after she stopped them, for they never cared much for raftsmen; so now she was churning along up the river, out of sight in the thick weather, though I could hear her.

  I sung out for Jim about a dozen times, but I didn't get any answer; so I grabbed a plank that touched me while I was “treading water,” and struck out for shore, shoving it ahead of me. But I made out to see that the drift of the current was towards the left-hand shore, which meant that I was in a crossing; so I changed off and went that way.

  It was one of these long, slanting, two-mile crossings; so I was a good long time in getting over. I made a safe landing, and clumb up the bank. I couldn't see but a little ways, but I went poking along over rough ground for a quarter of a mile or more, and then I run across a big old-fashioned double log-house before I noticed it. I was going to rush by and get away, but a couple tame bunderlugs hobbled out and went to howling and barking like dogs at me, and I knowed better than to move another peg.

  There was money here; and baggers; and hounds; and armed men, perhaps, with no tolerance at all fer trespassers.

  CHAPTER XVII

  In about a minute somebody spoke out of a window without putting his head out, and says: "Be done, zombys! Who's there?"

  I says:

  "It's me."

  "Who's me?"

  "George Jackson, sir."

  "What do you want?"

  "I don't want nothing, sir. I only want to go along by, but the baggers won't let me. You trained ‘em good."

  "What are you prowling around here this time of night for-hey?"

  "I warn't prowling around, sir, I fell overboard off of the steamboat."

  "Oh, you did, did you? Strike a light there, somebody. What did you say your name was?"

  "George Jackson, sir. I'm only a boy."

  "Look here, if you're telling the truth you needn't be afraid-nobody'll hurt you. But don't try to budge; stand right where you are. Rouse out Bob and Tom, some of you, and fetch the guns.
George Jackson, is there anybody with you?"

  "No, sir, nobody."

  I heard the people stirring around in the house now, and see a light. The man sung out:

  "Snatch that light away, Betsy, you old fool-ain't you got any sense? Put it on the floor behind the front door. Bob, if you and Tom are ready, take your places."

  "All ready."

  "Now, George Jackson, do you know the Shepherdsons?"

  "No, sir; I never heard of them."

  "Well, that may be so, and it mayn't. Now, all ready. Step forward, George Jackson. And mind, don't you hurry-come mighty slow. If there's anybody with you, let him keep back-if he shows himself he'll be shot. Come along now. Come slow; push the door open yourself-just enough to squeeze in, d’ you hear?"

  I didn't hurry; I couldn't if I'd a wanted to. I took one slow step at a time and there warn't a sound, only I thought I could hear my heart. The baggers were as still as the live folk, but they followed a little behind me. When I got to the three log doorsteps I heard them unlocking and unbarring and unbolting. I put my hand on the door and pushed it a little and a little more till somebody said, “There, that's enough-put your head in.” I done it, but I judged they would take it off.

  The candle was on the floor, and there they all was, looking at me, and me at them, for about a quarter of a minute: Three big men with guns pointed at me, which made me wince, I tell you; the oldest, gray and about sixty, the other two thirty or more-all of them fine and handsome-and the sweetest old gray-headed lady, and back of her two young women which I couldn't see right well. And more baggers, mebby a half dozen, quite a posse. The old gentleman says:

  "There; I reckon it's all right. Come in."

  As soon as I was in the old gentleman he locked the door and barred it and bolted it, and told the young men to come in with their guns, and they all went in a big parlor that had a new rag carpet on the floor, and got together in a corner that was out of the range of the front windows-there warn't none on the side. They held the candle, and took a good look at me, and all said, “Why, he ain't a Shepherdson-no, there ain't any Shepherdson about him.” Then the old man said he hoped I wouldn't mind being searched for arms, because he didn't mean no harm by it-it was only to make sure. So he didn't pry into my pockets, but only felt outside with his hands, and said it was all right. He told me to make myself easy and at home, and tell all about myself; but the old lady says:

  "Why, bless you, Saul, the poor thing's as wet as he can be; and don't you reckon it may be he's hungry?"

  "True for you, Rachel-I forgot."

  So the old lady says:

  "Betsy” (this was a dead woman), “you fly around and get him something to eat as quick as you can, poor thing; and one of you girls go and wake up Buck and tell him-oh, here he is himself. Buck, take this little stranger and get the wet clothes off from him and dress him up in some of yours that's dry."

  Buck looked about as old as me-thirteen or fourteen or along there, though he was a little bigger than me. He hadn't on anything but a shirt, and he was very frowzy-headed. He came in gaping and digging one fist into his eyes, and he was dragging a gun along with the other one. He says:

  "Ain't they no Shepherdsons around?"

  They said, no, ‘twas a false alarm.

  "Well,” he says, “if they'd a ben some, I reckon I'd a got one."

  They all laughed, and Bob says:

  "Why, Buck, they might have scalped us all, you've been so slow in coming."

  "Well, nobody come after me, and it ain't right I'm always kept down; I don't get no show."

  "Never mind, Buck, my boy,” says the old man, “you'll have show enough, all in good time, don't you fret about that. Go ‘long with you now, and do as your mother told you."

  When we got up-stairs to his room he got me a coarse shirt and a roundabout and pants of his, and I put them on. While I was at it he asked me what my name was, but before I could tell him he started to tell me about a bluejay and a young rabbit he had catched in the woods day before yesterday, and he asked me where Moses was when the candle went out. I said I didn't know; I hadn't heard about it before, no way.

  "Well, guess,” he says.

  "How'm I going to guess,” says I, “when I never heard tell of it before?"

  "But you can guess, can't you? It's just as easy."

  "Which candle?” I says.

  "Why, any candle,” he says.

  "I don't know where he was,” says I; “where was he?"

  "Why, he was in the dark! That's where he was!"

  "Well, if you knowed where he was, what did you ask me for?"

  "Why, blame it, it's a riddle, don't you see? Say, how long are you going to stay here? You got to stay always. We can just have booming times-they don't have no school now. Do you own a dog? I've got a dog-and he'll go in the river and bring out chips that you throw in. I got my own bunderlug, too. Does whatever I tells him. The best of the lot. Do you like to comb up Sundays, and all that kind of foolishness? You bet I don't, but ma she makes me. Confound these ole britches! I reckon I'd better put ‘em on, but I'd ruther not, it's so warm. Are you all ready? All right. Come along, old hoss."

  Cold corn-pone, cold corn-beef, butter and buttermilk-that is what they had for me down there, and there ain't nothing better that ever I've come across yet. Buck and his ma and all of them smoked cob pipes, except the dead woman, which was gone, and the two young women. They all smoked and talked, and I eat and talked. The baggers had been rounded up and put to a room all by themselves. I could hear ‘em mumblin’ and mutterin’ through the wall. The young women had quilts around them, and their hair down their backs. They all asked me questions, and I told them how pap and me and all the family was living on a little farm down at the bottom of Arkansaw, and my sister Mary Ann run off and got married and never was heard of no more, and Bill went to hunt them and he warn't heard of no more, and Tom and Mort died, and then there warn't nobody but just me and pap left, and he was just trimmed down to nothing, on account of his troubles; so when he died I took what there was left, because the farm didn't belong to us, and started up the river, deck passage, and fell overboard; and that was how I come to be here. So they said I could have a home there as long as I wanted it. Then it was most daylight and everybody went to bed, and I went to bed with Buck, and when I waked up in the morning, drat it all, I had forgot what my name was. So I laid there about an hour trying to think, and when Buck waked up I says:

  "Can you spell, Buck?"

  "Yes,” he says.

  "I bet you can't spell my name,” says I.

  "I bet you what you dare I can,” says he.

  "All right,” says I, “go ahead."

  "G-e-o-r-g-e J-a-x-o-n-there now,” he says.

  "Well,” says I, “you done it, but I didn't think you could. It ain't no slouch of a name to spell-right off without studying."

  I set it down, private, because somebody might want me to spell it next, and so I wanted to be handy with it and rattle it off like I was used to it.

  It was a mighty nice family, and a mighty nice house, too. I hadn't seen no house out in the country before that was so nice and had so much style. The room that was just to put the baggers in was bigger than what some families call a home. It didn't have an iron latch on the front door, nor a wooden one with a buckskin string, but a brass knob to turn, the same as houses in town. There warn't no bed in the parlor, nor a sign of a bed; but heaps of parlors in towns has beds in them. There was a big fireplace that was bricked on the bottom, and the bricks was kept clean and red by pouring water on them and scrubbing them with another brick; sometimes they wash them over with red water-paint that they call Spanish-brown, same as they do in town. They had big brass dog-irons that could hold up a saw-log. There was a clock on the middle of the mantelpiece, with a picture of a town painted on the bottom half of the glass front, and a round place in the middle of it for the sun, and you could see the pendulum swinging behind it. It was beautiful to hear that clo
ck tick; and sometimes when one of these peddlers had been along and scoured her up and got her in good shape, she would start in and strike a hundred and fifty before she got tuckered out. They wouldn't took any money for her.

  Well, there was a big outlandish parrot on each side of the clock, made out of something like chalk, and painted up gaudy. By one of the parrots was a cat made of crockery, and a crockery dog by the other; and when you pressed down on them they squeaked, but didn't open their mouths nor look different nor interested. They squeaked through underneath. There was a couple of big wild-turkey-wing fans spread out behind those things. On the table in the middle of the room was a kind of a lovely crockery basket that had apples and oranges and peaches and grapes piled up in it, which was much redder and yellower and prettier than real ones is, but they warn't real because you could see where pieces had got chipped off and showed the white chalk, or whatever it was, underneath.

  This table had a cover made out of beautiful oilcloth, with a red and blue spread-eagle painted on it, and a painted border all around. It come all the way from Philadelphia, they said. There was some books, too, piled up perfectly exact, on each corner of the table. One was a big family Bible full of pictures. And there was the Julius Caesar book, about his wars and how the world was made up of three pieces. Another one was Pilgrim's Progress, about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough. Another was Friendship's Offering, full of beautiful stuff and poetry; but I didn't read the poetry. Another was Henry Clay's Speeches, and another was Dr. Gunn's Family Medicine, which told you all about what to do if a body was sick or dead. And there was a smaller book by Dr. Redman, cheaper lookin’ and ratted around the edges, which talked about bunderlugs. Words like decomposition and aggression. It told how the dead was no more human than a stone or a dog, but could be put to good work depending on several factors. Things I mostly already knowed. There was a hymn book, too, and a lot of other books. And there was nice split-bottom chairs, and perfectly sound, too-not bagged down in the middle and busted, like an old basket.