Beautifully Broken

by Amanda Bennett

  Beautifully Broken

  By Amanda Bennett

  Copyright © 2012 By Amanda Bennett

  All right reserved. Printed in the United States

  No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means

  electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any

  information storage and retrieval systems, without prior written permission

  of the author except where permitted by law.

  The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious.

  Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not

  intended by the author.

  Cover By Amanda Bennett

  For my son Christian and Lincoln, without your undying love I would be incomplete.

  For my brother Cory and sister Stephanie, thank you for always loving me despite my faults. Life would have been quite boring without

  the both of you.

  And lastly, Thank You to Marsha Savery, my high school English teacher. Your love for your students is unprecedented. You taught me how to believe in my work, while encouraging me to be a better version of myself. I will forever be grateful for you.

  Inspiration comes in many forms and for that I am thankful to all of the people in my life, who have one way or another provided me with the insight and courage to keep doing what I love to do.

  Table Of Contents

  Prologue

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Eighteen

  Nineteen

  Twenty

  Twenty-One

  Twenty-Two

  Twenty-Three

  Twenty-Four

  Twenty-Five

  Twenty-Six

  Prologue

  You can’t always predict what will happen in life. I think some of my best memories are of very unpredictable events. The one’s you never see coming, but that make your life that much more worth living. I think on some level, I always knew that I was in love with him. Who wouldn’t be? He was beautiful in a very understated way, smart, witty and had the kindest heart I had ever known. He was always the popular boy, and girls would spend their entire high school career throwing themselves at him.

  We had known each other since the summer before fifth grade, and had been inseparable ever since, at least until now. I should have told him how much I loved him. I would have given my life to have him love me back, without hesitation. I honestly think, that deep down I knew how much he loved me, just as I knew how much I loved him. That’s the thing about life; you never know when yours will get cut short.

  I know now that I should have confided in him, he would have understood, that’s just who he is. There would have never been a look of disgust or pity in his beautiful blue eyes. I underestimated him and myself, as individuals, as best friends and as lovers. That’s the thing about death, it will open your eyes to the most unforgiving things you never knew about yourself. Who would have thought at twenty-two I would find out just how true that statement could be, and the weight that it would carry.

  One

  Four Years Earlier

  I pulled into the parking lot of the high school feeling a great sense of accomplishment. I did it! I had made it through the last year of my high school career unscathed. It was our last day of school before graduation and I was elated. I jumped out of my beat up Toyota Corolla and headed towards Gray’s beautifully lifted Chevy truck. I practically skipped my way into my best friend’s long, muscular waiting arms. Lunging myself into his big burly arms I was beyond grateful to have known this wonderful boy almost my whole life. He hugged me back without trepidation and with true joy. I couldn’t help but squeeze his muscular neck as I planted a swift kiss against his unshaved cheek.

  “We did it Gray! Can you believe it? We actually made it out alive!” I giggled as he gently placed me back onto the asphalt parking lot. “I couldn’t have done it without you.” I smiled up at him. His blue eyes shining back at me.

  “I know, right? Come on, let’s go get this day over with.” He grinned down at me as I laced my arm through his.

  As we walked through the front doors of the school we were about to leave behind, the sadness of it all it suddenly hit me. This is the last time that we would walk through these halls together. The last time we would sit through Mr. Rows boring ass algebra class. The last time we were going to sit and eat lunch under the old oak trees, and the last time he and I would be together all day, everyday.

  I missed him already. Just thinking of him heading off to the police academy and me heading off to college made me want to run away and cry. I stole a look at him through my veil of hair, and noticed the forlorn look that he was wearing on his face. It matched my mood and I knew exactly how he felt. He glanced down at me at that moment, and I could feel the longing running through each of our veins.

  As we approached our lockers, four members of the ‘oh-so-gorgeous’ cheerleading squad come bounding towards us. I wish I could say that this wasn’t a regular occurrence, but I would be lying. Ever since freshman year when Gray started growing into his six foot three frame, filling it out with muscles upon muscles, all the girls started taking notice. It was like someone sent out a memo to every hormonal teenage girl that Gray was single, and filling out quite nicely.

  Gray had always been something to look at. The summer after eighth grade he went from five foot nine and gangly, to an athletic six foot three. He let his copper brown hair grow out a bit, so it now sat longer on top and shorter on the sides. He never let it get too untidy or too long and for that I was grateful. Along with sky blue eyes, he also had a strong squared jaw and amazingly long black eyelashes. I have to admit, Gray was HOT!

  I wish I could say my changes happened right along with Gray’s, but I wasn’t as lucky. Freshman year I went through the inevitable awkward phase that most girls go through. By the end of sophomore year, I was finally fitting in with the rest of the girls at school. I started filling out my five foot eight inch frame with all the right curves. I let my auburn hair grow out so it skimmed the top of my waistband, and I figured out how to apply the right amount of makeup.

  Of course I had to teach myself, but through trial and error and some assholish remarks from Gray along the way, I figured it out. I had spent my summers working as a lifeguard at the local water park, so I had a nice tan that I made sure to keep up with throughout the winter months. I wouldn’t say that I was as good looking as Gray, but I think I measured up quite nicely with the pretty girls in school.

  I rolled my eyes at Gray as I turned to open my locker. He just smirked and leaned against his locker awaiting the girls’ arrival. “Hey ladies how are we today?” He knew the effect he has on these girls and he totally used it to his advantage, constantly. I couldn’t help but laugh at them under my breath before wandering off to find some of my other friends. Of course, as I turned to leave all I could hear was them swooning over the almighty Gray.

  I made sure not to look back at Gray and his “groupies” as I headed down hallway B to go find Hannah. It only fuels the Gray fire if I watch, so I kept my head down. As I rounded the corner I spotted Hannah mingling with some of the underclassman. Seconds later I was running right into what could only be described as a brick wall. The books and papers I was holding against my chest went flying across the hall in every direction. I stood staring at the ground in disbelief,
getting ready to rage out on whatever imbecile decided to not watch where the hell they were going today.

  “You have got to be kid-” The sentence literally vanished from my mouth as I found myself staring up into the deepest chocolate brown eyes I had ever seen. They were literally smoldering, and burning a hole through my pale gray eyes. Before I had a chance to let myself recover, he was speaking and I was rendered speechless.

  “Are you okay?” His voice was deep and rugged, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. “Hello? I said are you okay?” I finally tuned into what he was saying but could only nod my head.

  I watched intently as he bent his, what has to be at least six foot two frame, down to retrieve my belongings. He was gorgeous, all tanned and defined. His shirt tightened over his bulging back muscles and biceps and I began to swoon. Dammit, I was turning into the cheerleading bimbos and I instantly hated myself for it. His hair was cut into a military style buzz cut and it was the lightest shade of blonde. He almost looked bald, until the sun would glisten off of the tiny spikes. My heart literally skipped a beat. Who was this glorious creature in front of me? I began to compose myself as he stood back up, handing me my belongings.

  “Hi.” I squeaked and instantly blushed at the fact that that was all I could come up with to say.

  “So you do speak?” He laughed and man was it a throaty manly laugh. I couldn’t help myself, I was laughing along with him. “What’s your name?” His voice was just above a whisper and it did things to me, deep down that I have only ever felt once.

  “Bennett? Are you okay?” I heard the all to familiar voice of Gray coming up behind me, and I tried to hide my embarrassment from this beautiful man in front of me.

  “Yeah Gray, I’m fine. I just wasn’t watching where I was going and I ran into…. I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name.” I pointed towards the man in front of me.

  “That’s because I didn’t give it.” He smiled and started walking down the hallway towards the office. “Don’t worry, I have a feeling we will be seeing each other real soon Bennett.” He winked at me and then he was gone. My name sounded arousing coming out of his mouth, and I wanted to know this man more. I started questioning how I would see him again, when Gray’s voice found its way into my thoughts.

  “What the hell was that all about?” He sounded mad.

  “I have no idea. I came around the corner and he ran right into me.” I shrugged and headed towards first period, missing out on talking to Hannah all together. I felt Gray’s arm around my shoulders, and I suddenly wished that we didn’t have every single class together. All I wanted to do in this moment was run to Hannah and gush about the perfect stranger that I just met, but Gray was in full-blown overprotective big brother mode. With a roll of my eyes I continued walking to class.

  “I don’t like that guy Bennett. I don’t know, something about him screams psycho-crazy-stalker guy.” He was glancing down at me when I slapped him playfully on the chest.

  “You don’t even know him Gray.” I slipped through the door to Mr. Bowen’s class and we took our seats.

  Two

  After the fourth period bell rang Gray and I headed off to the lunchroom. As we were standing in line, I flashed back remembering the first time Gray and I met.

  It was the summer before fifth grade and we had just moved into the house right next door to the Weston’s. Gray’s parents had made him come over and introduce himself to me when I first jumped out of my mom’s Tahoe. I stood in the grassy front yard twirling and doing cartwheels repeatedly. I hadn’t noticed when he first walked up, mainly because I was enjoying my brand new freshly manicured lawn.

  We came from Arizona and all I had ever known was rocks and dirt. The Connecticut lawns were amazingly full of life, and brilliantly green. I remember wanting to do nothing but run my fingers through the long blades that stood below my feet.

  In the middle of one of my careless twirls, I ended up hitting him across the chest with my outstretched arm. I instantly turned around and began crying. I had felt so badly for hitting this poor brown haired little boy standing in front of me. I took the two steps it took to reach him, and threw my arms around his shoulders in a deep hug. I continued to cry and apologize profusely. He just simply hugged me back and told me that he was okay, and not to worry.

  I had looked up at him through my glossy, tear-ridden eyes knowing that we were going to be the best of friends. He told me his name was Gray and all I could say was, “like my eyes” as I pointed at my hooded eyes. I told him my name was Bennett and he gave me a quizzical look that I knew all to well. I explained to him that it was my mother’s maiden name and that I would never meet my grandfather, whom she absolutely adored, so she bestowed the name onto me.

  We remained inseparable for our whole childhood. Our parents became the best of friends as well, and we rarely spent a meal apart from each other. We stayed outside playing in either of our yards until the streetlights came on, and then we headed to our individual houses. There were many nights that our parents would let us stay the night with each other, and we never knew anything different.

  Holidays and birthdays were always spent together. We knew each other like the back of our hands and I never questioned what would happen if one of us should move. Our childhood was surreal. Our parents were wonderful to us and to each other. I loved Gray’s parents almost as much as I loved my own. It’s amazing how one little event can change the lives of everyone around you. I never pictured my life without my parents, mostly because I was young and naive. Gray’s and mine idealistic lives would change forever in the months before and after our sixteenth birthdays.

  “Hey, what ya thinking about so hard over there?” Gray playfully bumped into my shoulder, instantly bringing me back to reality.

  “Oh nothing.” He knew I was lying so I revised my statement. “I was just thinking about the day I moved next door to you.” I smiled at the fond memory and so did he.

  “Who would’ve thought that my very best friend would end up being the annoying, cry baby little girl from next door?” He laughed as he leaned down to kiss me on my forehead.

  “Ha ha, very funny Gray. I could say the same about you.” I started laughing uncontrollably as I headed towards our spot under the oak tree, where Hannah was patiently waiting for me. I would say that she was waiting for ‘us’, but when Hannah and I became friends in the eighth grade, Gray took to not liking her immediately. I think he was jealous that I now had to split my time between the two of them, when he was so used to having me all to himself. I walked a tiny bit faster to get to Hannah before Gray, but I failed miserably as he was right by my side the whole way.

  “Hey Han, how’s your day been so far?” I rolled my eyes towards Gray trying to make the conversation light. I hate it when they can’t be civil towards each other. Hannah has never minded Gray. She never took a liking to him like all the other girls in town, but she put up with him and played nice for my benefit. I loved her even more for this.

  “Hey Bennett, hey Gray. My day has been okay but it’s the last day, so, I mean how bad could it really be? How’s our valedictorian on her last day of high school? You finish your speech yet? Her face beamed with pride and I beamed back at her knowing I could have never made it this far without her- oh and Gray.

  I sat down on the grass next to her and Gray. I noticed he was trying to ignore us, the best he could. I knew Gray all too well, and I knew he was just patiently waiting for me to bring up the hot guy in the hall.

  “I’m great. I finished my speech last night. I would love it if you could come over after school and proofread it for me. I’m so nervous it’s unreal.” I could feel Gray’s eyes boring into the back of my head with jealousy that I didn’t ask him to read it first. I just ignored him and smiled at Hannah.

  “That sounds good to me. I wanted to bring by a couple of dress choices for graduation so you can help me pick one anyway. Gray you can come over and help too if you want. I know how much you can’t stand to b
e away from Bennett for too long.”

  “HANNAH!” I shouted. “Behave.” I shook my head, “You know I still don’t understand why the two of you can’t just get along, at least for my sake.” I shook my head in disbelief while eyeing Gray through my eyelashes.

  “It’s okay Hannah. I’m sure whatever you choose to wear, you’ll look just as plain as always.” He growled as he headed off in the direction of the other members of the football team.

  I rolled my eyes at his petty behavior. I looked over and saw that Gray’s words had hurt Hannah, more than she even thought possible. Hannah isn’t ugly by any means, or plain. She doesn’t stand out amongst the sea of pretty girls in school but she can hold her own. She was only about five feet four inches tall, but she was extremely petite and slender.

  She didn’t have very many curves, but it fit her small body not to have them. She kept her shiny black hair cut into an A-line hairstyle, and she had amazing emerald green eyes. Hannah didn’t wear much makeup but she didn’t really have too. Her face was flawless, sprinkled with the smallest amount of freckles and her ivory skin, making her hair and eyes stand out unbelievably so. I think that’s why Hannah and I got along so well, we are one of the same, cut from the same cloth. It was a non-materialistic cloth and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.