Beautifully Broken

by Amanda Bennett

  “I’m sorry Hannah, for Gray. I’m not sure what his issue is. He was fine up until I ran into some guy in the hall.” It instantly clicked in my head. That was exactly why he was moody. I didn’t quite understand why, we’re best friends and he has never been jealous before. “But the guy I ran into, literally was sex on a stick Han. He was absolutely, unbelievably gorgeous.” I smiled a wide mouth grin as I continued to tell her all about him. How he didn’t introduce himself, and how he said he was sure he would be seeing me around. We laughed and giggled and I couldn’t help but be over the moon excited to find out how I would see him again.

  Hannah and I finished lunch without Gray. He never came back over to walk with me to our next class, and I found this to be rather odd. I searched the halls for him before entering Mrs. Crow’s classroom, but couldn’t find him anywhere. I told Mrs. Crow that I was going to run to the restroom real quick, and that I would be right back. I took off down hallway C to look for Gray. I stopped dead in my tracks when I spotted whom I could have sworn was Gray. I couldn’t be sure because he was making out with a girl in the corner by the exit doors. I started to walk closer when my mouth literally fell to the dingy linoleum floor in shock. Gray was kissing Hannah! How the hell did this happen?

  I shook my head in disbelief. I could feel the tears starting to prick the back of my eyelids, as I turned to run as fast I could to the closest restroom. I wasn’t quite sure why I was crying, but the tears would not stop rolling down my cheeks. I was almost in full-blown hysterics, when I heard the girls’ restroom door open. I grabbed some toilet paper blotting my eyes, trying to keep my crying to a minimum.

  I really didn’t need the whole school knowing I was crying over Gray Weston, of all people. I couldn't grasp why I was even crying. I mean, Gray and I are friends and so are Hannah and I. I only want both of them to be happy, but I felt betrayed. The two most important people in my life, which treat each other like shit in front of me, are actually, what? In love? Dating? Sleeping together? The possibilities were endless and none of it made any sense. I finished blotting my eyes and emerged from the stall, only to come face to face with, GRAY!

  “What the HELL are you doing in here Gray?” Disdain was seething from my mouth. I looked at him with wide angry eyes, until he finally stepped back hanging his head. He looked sad and all I wanted to do was put my arms around him and comfort him, but I didn’t. I couldn’t keep putting his feelings before my own.

  “I know you saw us.” He mumbled under his breath. “I saw you running to the bathroom. I’m so sorry Bennett. I should have told you.” He refused to look me in the eye, and I couldn’t help but release all my pent up anger on him.

  “You’re sorry? YOU’RE SORRY?” My voice was getting louder and I was now yelling at him and waving my finger back and forth. “How dare you say you’re sorry. You two walk around and treat each other like shit all day. You can’t even get along with her when I ask you to do it for, MY sake. You are something else Gray Elliot Weston.” His face paled at hearing me use his full name, but I was beyond caring at this point.

  “How could you keep something like this from me? I thought we told each other everything; apparently I’m the only one who stays true to that. Well, you want the truth? You are a horrible best friend.” I regretted saying the words the minute I heard them pass my lips. I reached out for Gray but he was backing away, heading out of the bathroom. “Gray wait, please come back and talk to me.” He kept walking. “I’m not the one in the wrong here Gray, you are.”

  I ran back to Mrs. Crow’s classroom to grab my bag and left. I ran full speed out to my car, barely catching a glimpse of the taillights of Gray’s truck roaring out of sight. I had just ruined the only relationship, with the only guy I have ever trusted, with my shitty words. I climbed into my car and made my way towards home. I knew exactly where to find him.

  Three

  I could see Gray through the old dilapidated fence that connects our two houses, as I pulled into the driveway of my house. I put the car in park and grasped the steering wheel with both hands before letting out the breath; I didn’t realize I was holding. My words from earlier were coming back to haunt me, and I could feel the hot salty tears start running down my cheeks. I knew I needed to make things right with Gray, even if he had started this whole thing first. I was staring through the bug-ridden windshield out towards my house, wondering what my life would have been like, had I not met Gray. The thought was overwhelmingly sad and I continued to cry.

  I slid my hand into the metal door handle and stepped out onto the driveway. I took in a deep breath and walked toward the conjoining fence, our parents had put in on our eleventh birthday. That was a day to remember. We had a huge party in “our” backyard, because that’s what it had become.

  Our parents decided to buy us one of those commercial grade tree houses. They had the guys who delivered the set tear down the property line fence, before installing it. I remember Gray and I watching out of my bedroom window, perched on the edge of my bed in such anticipation we thought we would die. It was the greatest thing I had ever seen. The whole process took about four hours and we didn’t move, not one inch that whole time.

  Gray would drape his arm across my shoulders and smile down at me through those thick black, beautiful lashes. I was in awe of him then, but not in that way. I interlaced my fingers through his hanging hand and continued to stare outside, until our fathers decided it was time for the surprise.

  Mom’s voice rang through out our house, and we both bolted out of my room into the backyard within seconds. I stood on our porch, mouth open in amazement. Our grass filled backyards had tripled in size. We now had free reign to come and go between each other’s houses, and we were both beyond elated. We shared a quick smile and ran straight out to the large pine wood structure.

  Gray ran right up the ladder into the smaller version of our actual houses. I slowed my pace and walked around the tree house with precision. I wanted to take it all in. I ran my fingers along the wood, lifting them before I could get a splinter. I took in all the beauty that was ours. It had a ten row metal ladder, that lead up to the small cutout door. Once inside it opened up into a two-room playhouse. It was painted pink in one room and blue in the other. Our names hung across the two pieces of wood that met across the doorway, before sprouting out to make the steeple for the ceiling. I couldn’t help but touch everything.

  There were four windows total. All but two of them faced our back doors. The main room or living room part had a small TV with a brown suede couch sitting across from it. In my room there sat a white wicker chair and matching side table. They were brand new. I smiled with pure and utter joy. Gray’s room had a black suede recliner with a black lacquer table next to it. All of our books, journals, toys and small belongings cluttered each room with love.

  Our parents let us spend almost the whole day out there, until it was time to get ready for our party. I pulled Gray into a hug before ducking my head and rushing into my house. I was excited to put on my party dress. My mom had found it for me at one of those fancy shops at the mall. The pink satin draped down my body, resting right above my knee. It had two small cap sleeves, and a sweetheart neckline that was lined with black daisies. I stood in front of my full-length mirror for half an hour before finally heading into the living room, meeting up with my mom and dad.

  When I reached the archway that opened up to the living room, my mom’s tears started to fall. I did a small twirl and ran into her arms. I thanked her at least a hundred times for the dress, and turned just as my dad swooped me up into the next hug. He held me tight against his chest and whispered “my sweet baby girl” into my ear, then released me.

  I wiped away the small tears with the back of my hand as I walked into the bathroom, right off of the front room to make sure I still looked okay. I was one of the most memorable days of my short life. My tears dried up, remembering all the happiness of that day.

  As I reached over to unlatch the fence, I looke
d up to see Gray sitting on the ladder watching me with bated breath. My gray eyes met his thunderous blue one’s and I mouthed ‘I’m sorry.’ He shook his head and for the first time in three years I saw a tear fall down his sun kissed cheek. This was my undoing, I ran right into his arms. Nothing else mattered, not what he did, not what I did, just him and me at this moment. I needed to comfort him as he once comforted me when no one else in the world could.

  My arms wrapped tightly around his neck as I kissed his neck, right below his earlobe. “I’m so unbelievably sorry Gray. I should have never said that. You know I didn’t mean it, right? Tell me you know that.” I was in tears while grasping onto him for dear life. If he couldn’t or won’t forgive me, my life would fall into a million pieces.

  “I’m sorry too Bennett. Of course I forgive you.” His big arms snaked around my waist and pull me into his lap. “You know you’re the one girl I will always love, don’t you?”

  I gently leaned up to kiss his cheek to reassure not only him, but also myself. “I do know that Gray.” I slowly ran the back of my hand down his face, stopping just before I reached his jaw line. “Gray, why didn’t you just tell me?” I didn’t want to ruin this moment between us, but I had to know.

  He pushed his fingers through his hair while letting out a gasp of air, before looking into my eyes, with a look I have never seen on Gray Weston’s face before. “I didn’t want to see the look on your face that you have right now. You’re looking at me as if I have three heads. It’s not like that with Hannah, I promise Bennett. A couple months ago when you stayed to help the dance committee, she and I ran into each other in the parking lot. I told her I was sorry for always being a dick, and that we should try to make things, pleasant, before we all graduated.

  She agreed. I bent down to give her a quick hug and she kissed me. It was a swift peck to my lips, but then it dawned on me that I have only kissed one other girl, besides you.” I watched the blush reach his cheeks and I could tell that he was embarrassed. I was his first and only other kiss, besides his stupid ex-girlfriend. I smiled shyly up at him while he continued.

  “So, I pulled her in and kissed her again. It wasn’t a lustful kiss, but it helped me feel...something. We snuck around, just kissing, whenever we could. We both knew that if you ever found out, you would hate us, so we decided not to tell you. Today, in the hallway, it was the last time Bennett. I was running late to class and saw Hannah walking towards the office. I ran up to her and told her that now that I was leaving,” he looked at me, waiting for my reaction.

  “I also told her that I needed to tell you, and make things right before I left. Then we kissed for a few minutes. When I pulled back to say good-bye to her, that’s when I heard footsteps running down the hall. I turned around and there you were. I was mortified. I wanted to crawl up into a ball and die. I could never imagine hurting you.”

  I shifted my weight on his lap, draping a leg over the side of the cold metal ladder. I could see the hurt in his fallen face. I gently grabbed his face cradling it in my hands and with absolute certainty, I kissed him. This was not a small chaste kiss. This kiss meant more, much more. I poured every ounce of my beating heart into this one kiss. I cracked my lips and he took full advantage, exploring my mouth tenderly and lovingly.

  I pushed my hands into his hair and lightly tugged. We were now fully intertwined and locked together, as our kiss lasted for what seemed like hours. I hesitantly let go pushing my forehead onto the bridge of his nose. I couldn’t find the strength to open my eyes.

  His overly large hands lifted my chin up, so I was now looking into his endlessly blue eyes. They were as blue as the ocean, and I found myself lost in them. I couldn’t bring myself to look away, no matter how hard I tried. His eyes were burning bright with lust, love and longing. He had wanted this for far too long, and it was written all over his face. I realized now that I may have wanted this just as much, if not more than him. I smiled at the thought. He pressed his soft puffy lips against my swollen one’s in a swift kiss, but he lingered for a couple seconds too long. I took my chance and pressed our lips together one more time.

  Four

  I must have dozed off because when I came to, I was alone in my bedroom. I rolled over onto my side and stared at my small cozy abode. I hadn't changed it, not once in the eight years that I had been living here.

  My small white wooden desk still sat in the far corner by my closet door. My bulletin board had grown in size over the last eight years, and now took up half of the pink wall across from my door. I still slept in my full size bed, with quilt made by my mother when I was only two years old. Across from my bed stood my eight drawer mahogany dresser, cluttered with pictures of me and my parents, and me and Gray. I rolled over a bit more staring at the small, framed picture on my matching nightstand. It was a small picture of my mom and dad when I was first born. They were staring into each other’s eyes with more love than I have ever known or felt in my life.

  My dad was holding me in his right arm, with his other arm wrapped tightly around my mother's waist. As I ran my finger across the picture a stray tear fell onto my pillow. I missed them dearly and my heart was yearning to feel their touch. I carefully set the picture back down sliding myself up against my headboard. I sat staring blankly out the window when I heard voices coming from the kitchen. This was an unusual occurrence, given the fact that my kitchen only ever housed Gray and myself since my parents died.

  I pushed myself up off my bed and lazily walk towards the voices and clattering sounds. I stopped dead in my tracks when I spotted Gray and his mother in my kitchen, cooking dinner. The picture playing out before me came off as odd. Gray and his mom hadn’t been getting along since he made the decision to go into the police academy this fall. As if hearing my inner thoughts, they both turned to stare at my shock-ridden face.

  “Well Dear, don't just stand there. Come sit at the table while Gray and I finish making dinner.” His mother crooned. Her sleek copper brown bob swayed as she walked towards me.

  “I'm a little confused.” I said, as I let her lead me to the dining room table. I sat back watching as Mrs. Weston moved gracefully around my kitchen, just like my mother used to. I smiled at the memory of my mother.

  “Gray told me you two had quite the day today, it was his idea.” She whispered the last part in my ear as she set the French bread on the table. The aroma of oregano, basil, tomatoes and garlic pleasantly tickled my nose. It suddenly dawned on me, I hadn't eaten all day, and I was mouthwateringly hungry.

  “It smells great Mrs. Weston, but really you didn't have to do this, I manage just fine.” I tried to stifle a yawn.

  “Call me Reagan Dear. Mrs. Weston was Daniel’s mother you know that. Like I told you, Gray here is the one who has done everything, I just cut the bread.” She gave me a whimsical smile and went to search for glasses in the cupboard.

  “They’re in the cabinet above the stove.” I said, waiving my hand in that general direction. I nestled into the chair at the small glass dining room table, staring at Gray and his mother as they interacted with one another. I had forgotten how much he and his mother looked alike. Gray inherited almost all of his looks from his mom. Her electric blue eyes, and copper colored hair were identical to his.

  I admired his mother for all that she had been through. After Gray’s dad died a few years back, she managed to keep herself strong and composed. She never left Gray to fend for himself. If anything, she showed even more love than any adolescent could imagine needing.

  Gray’s father, Daniel died in September of our junior year. Mr. Weston had been a homicide detective for ten years before his shocking death. Mrs. Weston had never minded her husband’s line of work; she was amazingly supportive of his sometimes-dangerous job. Of course she worried, as any wife of a detective would, but he always seemed to stay out of harms way.

  The day he died was the day a piece of Mrs. Weston died as well. From what I could gather of that day, he and his partner were investigating a
homicide in a small apartment complex outside of New Haven. The first officers on the scene had cleared the apartment before Mr. Weston and his partner entered.

  Ten minutes into their search a neighbor had come by to let them know that they heard a strange noise from the apartment above. Two men, shooting in their direction, were ambushing Mr. Weston and the other officers, a few minutes later. Mr. Weston caught a bullet to his chest and died instantly.

  After school we had headed home without a care in the world, until we spotted Mrs. Weston waiting for us on their front porch, coffee cup in hand and a tear stained face. Gray broke down instantly, knowing what it was she was going to say. Me on the other hand, I stood looking dumbfounded at the both of them, not knowing what was wrong.

  As soon as Mrs. Weston could speak again, she explained to me that Mr. Weston had died. My heart broke into a million pieces for the second time in a matter of 4 months. Gray and his mother were devastated, Gray refused to leave his house for a month. Mr. Weston was like a second father to me, so I guess I took the news almost as badly. He was one of the kindest men I had ever had the pleasure of knowing. The Weston's took me in as one of their own the minute we all met one another, and that’s where we stayed.