Beautifully Broken

by Amanda Bennett

  “Oh Hannah, how you?” I could hear my words starting to slur. I inched closer to her spilling drops of the contents of my cup along the way. “I see you found a man, hmm?” Nothing was making sense and I could feel my body getting heavy and my lips were becoming numb.

  “Oh my God Bennett, how much have you had to drink?” She grabbed the red cup from my hands, throwing it in the tall black garbage can in the corner. “Let’s get you a water.” She started pulling me inside when I stopped her.

  “No! No! I can’t go inside.” I turned crossing my arms over my chest.

  “What do you mean?” As soon as the question came out of her mouth, I saw her gaze lock on his. “Oh shit Bennett. What is he doing here, and with her?” I could hear the disgust in her voice.

  Gray had only ever dated one person, well besides Hannah. Bobby Jo Levingston, the red headed firecracker who was a bitch to everyone imaginable, especially me. Gray’s friendship and mine was their final undoing. He dated her for six months before she started making my life a living hell, and in return Gray made hers one. Apparently, she had forgiven him. I couldn’t help but watch as his blue eyes looked into hers while they stood grinding together on the makeshift dance floor. As quick as I went to turn away, his gaze caught mine. I could see the sadness and apologetic look in his eyes, but I was pissed and I wasn’t giving in that easily.

  Eight

  His hand was on my arm before I could make it past the small doorway into one of the rooms. I held my face away from him, not wanting to cry. I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes, but I was damn sure not going to let him see that.

  “Bennett, look at me. I didn’t know you would be-” his voice cut off.

  I snapped my head around quickly sending me off kilter. After regaining my sense of balance, I stared deep into his ice blue eyes. “YOU’RE SORRY? You didn’t know I was going to be here, right? That’s what you were going to say. You made me feel like a complete asshole for blowing you off today and then you come here, with HER?” I pointed in the general direction of where Bobby Jo was standing. “How dare you. How dare you Gray. She treated me, your best friend, like absolute shit the entire time you guys were together and now you’re just going to what? Take her home? Get her drunk and then sleep with her?” I unleashed years of frustration on him. I couldn’t stop myself. It was something he had to hear.

  “Bennett, please just talk to me. Not like this, let’s go home and talk. Please!” He had me wrapped in his arms so tightly; I couldn’t squirm out of their hold. I tried to push against his chest but nothing happened. “Bennett you have to talk to me,” he whispered.

  I was about to give in when I heard his voice. “I believe she asked you to let her go.” His voice was powerful and in a second Gray’s arms dropped to his sides with his hands balled into fists. I knew what was about to happen. I positioned myself between the two of them and tried to calm Gray down.

  “Who the Hell are you?” Gray puffed.

  “I’m the guy whose house you’re in. I’m also the guy who is going to have to hurt you, if you try to man handle her again.”

  “ What the Fu-, oh I remember you. You’re the guy who ran into her at school. I knew you were going to be trouble. This has nothing to do with you, so butt the fuck out.” Gray reached for my hand but I was instantly pulled behind Raylon’s muscular frame.

  “I told you not to touch her.” Raylon poked his finger into Gray’s chest.

  “STOP BOTH OF YOU!” I screamed as loud as my lungs would allow. I put a hand on each of their chests trying to separate them. “Raylon you need to back off. You don’t understand enough to get in the middle of this.” I looked up at him with a sympathetic look in my eyes, hoping he would see that I was sorry that I had to choose. “As for you,” I pushed Gray towards the front door, “you don’t get to come up in here with another girl around your arm, and then try to protect me. It doesn’t work that way Gray. You can’t want all of me one minute and then only some of me another. It’s not fair.” I looked into his eyes and I could see that my words were breaking his heart.

  He hung his head before he finally spoke back. “I was upset Bennett. I wanted to bring you here with me but you blew me off, all day. I thought we had an amazing night together. I was so excited to get done with testing this morning and get back to you. I had a whole day planned out. Then you just brushed me off, like nothing happened. I know you feel it Bennett. I’m not stupid, I can see it in your face.” His hands clutched onto the sides of my face as he stared into my eyes.

  “Nothing was going to happen with Bobby Jo, I swear it. I was just trying to make it so every waking thought, in my God damned head wasn’t consumed with you.” He threw his hands up in the air exasperated. “Fuck Bennett, what am I supposed to do?” His hands fell to his sides in defeat.

  I reached for his shoulder to turn him towards me, but he evaded my touch and started walking towards the stairs. “Tell Vince I’m going home. I’ll get a hold of you tomorrow. Good night Button.” He was down the stairs before I could even catch my breath enough to speak. Why did things have to be so complicated between us?

  I made my way back in to find Hannah, when Raylon stopped me in the small hallway leading to the common room. “Are you okay?” He sounded truly concerned, but I just didn’t have the patience to deal with this kind of situation tonight.

  “I’m fine, but I need to find Hannah. I’m sorry.”

  I moved around him and Hannah was standing waiting for me by the first bedroom on the right. “You ready to go Calamity Jane?” She was joking, but I couldn’t help but swallow back the lump starting to form in my throat.

  “Just get me out of here, please?” She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and pushed our way to the front door. I didn’t look back to see if Raylon was looking my way. Honestly, I didn’t care.

  The car ride was eerily silent. I couldn’t process what had happened through my drunken haze to have a coherent thought. Hannah knew not to push it; she just kept the radio up enough for some background noise. A little bit later we pulled into my driveway and I couldn’t help but notice that Gray’s truck wasn’t in the drive.

  A part of me was almost hoping he would be waiting for me. I should’ve known better. When Gray was upset or mad, home was not the first place he went.

  I waved good-bye to Hannah. My wobbly knees carried me to the side gate leading to ‘our’ backyard. I wanted to go straight to the tree house. That was where I felt the safest, and right now I was feeling anything but. My vision was still blurry making me stumble across the grass in search of the ladder. I could barely make out the shadowy figure, when my knee slammed right into the edge of it.

  “Ouch!” I cursed under my breath. I reached out and grabbed hold of one of the metal slats. I pulled up my leg to go climb, but fell again. This time I fell onto the grass.

  “Son of a bitch!” This seemed impossible. I reached out one more time determined to at least get half way up. I made it to the second step before slipping again and falling flat on my back onto the wet ground. The sprinklers must have just gone off before I got home because my ass was slowly getting wet. I gave up and decided just to lay there in my drunken haze, not caring about anything.

  I heard a laugh and immediately sat up looking around. When I heard it again I searched the dark backyard, stopping when I saw his face through the doorway of the tree house. He was here. Wait, what was he doing here? And who did he think he was laughing at me?

  “Oh you think this is funny, huh?” I couldn’t help but laugh along with him. It was kind of funny.

  “If the roles were reversed, you know you would be laughing your ass off.” He extended his arm out for me to take his hand. I tried more than once, but failed miserably and fell back onto the grass laughing hysterically. After Gray stopped laughing at me, he finally came out to help. I reached my hand out for him to take it, but in a second he had me in his arms and he was walking up the ladder.

  Once we were inside he sat
me down on the couch and went to the mini fridge, coming back with a bottle of water for me. I nodded in appreciation and gulped down half of the bottle before taking a breath. As I leaned forward to set the bottle down on the small coffee table, I felt his strong arms wrap around my waist. He pulled me back onto his chest and kept his arms where they were. I rested my head back against him wrapping my fingers through his.

  “I like this.” I mumbled.

  “So how much did you drink tonight there, lil miss?’ It came across like a joke, but I knew he was being serious.

  “Not a whole lot.” I lied.

  “Uh huh, I bet. You seemed pretty tanked when I showed up.”

  “How would you know? You were busy with your paws all over that redheaded skank.” My hands flew over my mouth realizing what I had just said. “Sorry Gray.”

  “Trust me Bennett, I noticed you.” I knew he was rolling his eyes.

  “Where’s your truck Gray?” I turned my head slightly to listen for his response.

  “Uh, I was drinking Bennett, I took a cab. I can’t afford to get popped with a DUI right before I head off to the police academy.”

  I felt like an asshole for even asking, now that I thought about it. “Me too. Well, not the cab part but the drinking part for sure.” I giggled.

  “I figured as much.” He chuckled.

  “Whatever Gray, I’m aloud to drink if I want to.”

  His arms squeezed my waist tighter before letting go completely. Just as I was turning to object, his lips crashed into mine. In an instant I was on my back on the couch with Gray hovering above me. There was pure lust in his eyes as I pulled his face back to mine. Our kisses started out soft and gentle, familiarizing ourselves with one another again. But they quickly turned heated. When my lips fell open, Gray took full advantage.

  Our tongues massaged one another’s in a loving motion. Our pace became faster and he began nibbling my bottom lip, slowly moving down to my chin. He kissed me along my collarbone, making my heart rate skyrocket. Every inch of me was a live wire and on fire, for Gray. I pushed my hands into his hair and gave a small tug. He responded by peppering kisses all down my sides while slowly lifting my shirt up.

  I heard the zipper on the side of my halter-top and froze. I was suddenly very nervous for what was going to happen next. Gray must have sensed my nervousness because his lips were suddenly on mine. This kiss was different. I could feel the yearning pulling at him. My worries melted away as we intertwined our tongues again. I raked my fingernails down his back, and found the hem of his shirt. With one swift move I was pulling his shirt over his muscular back and head. Once he discarded his shirt on the floor, I continued to run my hands over every crevasse and muscle I could find.

  My insides were yearning for him to touch me. I wanted to feel him all over me. His fingers fell to the button on my pants, and I wiggled them down my hips and off my legs. He gently laid me back down and hovered above, just staring at me. I was all of a sudden feeling very insecure. I didn’t move a muscle, even though my mind was yelling at me to cover up. He slowly shook his head and leaned in right next to my ear, “You are absolutely stunning.” He kissed right below my earlobe and I could feel it all the way in my core.

  I could feel the wetness starting to pool in my panties as I wriggled underneath Gray, wanting him to touch me anywhere and everywhere. I’m guessing Gray could sense my anticipation because in the next second, he was ripping my halter from the zipper up and throwing the shreds that were left, on the table next to us. Our kissing became more intense and I pushed my hand down to his waistline while he was preoccupied with my mouth. I fumbled with the button and zipper, mostly due to my inebriated state but also because of my nerves. Gray laughed under his breath and reached down to give me a hand.

  A moment later his pants and boxer briefs were on top of my clothes on the wood planked floor. Our hands ran across every inch of each other’s bodies. I wanted to know every last part of him, while committing it to memory, in case this was our only time together. Our breathing became more rapid as he slowly entered me. He pulled back a little bit to make sure I was okay and with a nod from me, he pushed himself in further.

  I could feel my walls starting to clench around him and I knew I wouldn’t last long. Gray stayed at a steady pace and never took his eyes off of mine. It was the most intimate moment I would ever share with a man, and I couldn’t believe that the man I was sharing it with was Gray Weston.

  We both found our release together a moment later. Gray pulled out of between my quivering legs and laid his head on my chest. As our breathing began to even out, I reached for his face for him to look at me.

  “I am starving.” I whispered and he began to laugh.

  “I was afraid you were going to ask me to leave.” He gently rolled off of me and handed me his shirt. “Here put this on. Let’s go inside and get you something to eat.” He kissed my forehead before reaching for his jeans. I couldn’t tear my eyes away as he pulled his jeans over his muscular thighs. I couldn’t help but stare at this amazingly handsome man in front of me. He left his top button unbuttoned, accentuating the ‘v’ muscles as he reached for my hand to help me stand. “How are you feeling?”

  I was quite sore but I didn’t want Gray to feel like he had hurt me, so I decided to lie. “I feel great. Never better.” I smiled as we headed into my house.

  Gray cooked us up some omelets and we ate in silence. My mind was moving about a million miles a minute needing time to process what had just happened. I didn’t regret having sex with Gray, not for a minute. But, had I just given myself to a man who couldn’t give himself back?

  “You sure you’re okay?” He glanced at me as I shoveled the last bite into my mouth. I nodded, not wanting to lie to him. I knew how hard it was going to be for me to have him leave. If it was going to be that hard for me, I could only imagine how hard it would be for him. I scooped up both of our plates and ran them under some hot water before placing them in the dishwasher.

  His taught arms wrapped themselves around my waist as I closed the dishwasher door. Before I could react, his hand was sliding up the inside of my right thigh. I let my head fall back against his shoulder, wanting to soak up every touch. As his hand reached my mound, a small moan escaped my lips.

  “Are you sure you feel okay enough to go again?” He whispered in my ear and it sent goose bumps down the whole right side of me.

  “Mmmmhmmm,” was all I could manage to say.

  Gray wrapped me up in his arms and made his way down the hall to my bedroom. He gently laid me on my bed, sliding his shirt up and over my head. He tossed it aside, along with his jeans and then he was back on top of me. He brushed the hair away from my face without ever breaking eye contact. I could feel him looking into my soul and my body shivered in response. This is what it was like to be loved. True. Honest love.

  As Gray’s hand slid between my legs, my hand reached down and found his excitement pressing against my thigh. I wrapped my hands around him and slowly moved it up and down his length. A small moan escaped from between his glorious lips as I continued the motion. His hand found my mound again and began circling over my wetness. I arched my back into his body, needing to be closer. My hand slowly made its way back up over his chiseled abs and over his chest and around to his shoulders.

  As he lowered himself over me, he pushed into me with full force. My nails dug into his skin over his shoulder blades, as if I was holding on for dear life. He eased back and again pushed into me, this time with more force than the first. My nails dug deeper, and I let out a painful but pleasurable cry. Again, we found our release together. I buried my face in the crook of his neck as he stilled himself with me wrapped in his arms.

  I could feel his hot uneven breath against my neck, as we lay intertwined with one another. His breath began to become more even when I heard him whisper something. I didn’t hear him the first time, so I asked him to repeat himself.

  “I love you Bennett. I'm head over heals
in love with you.”

  I wasn’t sure how to respond. Of course I loved him, I always have, even if it took me this long to admit it. I knew if I responded with the same heartfelt emotion, that everything would change for us and that worried me. I quickly decided that I was done worrying, if I had learned anything in the last two years, it was that life is too short. I was done trying to deny myself the same love that I knew he had always felt for me, so I gave in.

  “I love you too Gray.” With those three words, I felt my heart melt and I finally found a piece of happiness.

  Gray pulled the comforter up over my bare back when I started to shiver. It was getting to the point in the year where the heater was going to become a necessity at night. I lay my head across his chest, listening to his heartbeat underneath me. It was a soothing and comforting feeling to have him this close. His hand traced small circles across my back and I could feel my eyelids getting heavier with sleep. I was just about to drift off when he cleared his throat.

  “Gray, are you okay?” I whispered.