Beautifully Broken

by Amanda Bennett

  I knew I was going to break his heart, but better his than mine at the moment. I needed to keep some of my dignity in tack. It wasn’t all a lie; I really did have things I needed to pick up for school. I just needed some time to process and deal.

  NO WORRIES, IF UR BUSY

  UR BUSY. LET ME KNOW

  WHEN YOU GET DONE.

  G

  I knew he would be pissed and after his text, I decided to leave it alone. I knew we would hang out again before he left. I felt bad for ignoring Gray all day but I just couldn’t bring myself to get wrapped up in, whatever it was that was happening between us. My feelings were growing way beyond friendship, and I knew that was hopeless.

  I turned onto our street at half past ten. I noticed that his front porch lights were turned off and I assumed he was in bed. Okay, more like I was hoping he was in bed. Not likely, seems how it was only 10:00pm on a Saturday night. I didn’t know how to explain any of this so Gray would understand.

  I closed the door to my car as quietly as I could. I stared in the direction of his front door as I threw my hip into the door closing it the rest of the way. I let out the air I was holding and turned to head inside.

  “Holy shit gray, you scared the Hell out of me. What is your problem?” I smacked his chest while clutching mine to catch my breath.

  “Me? Why were you being all sneaky, closing your car door all-quiet? Are you avoiding me?” There was emptiness in his voice.

  I slid my finger down his cheek, “No I’m not avoiding you. I didn’t know if your mom was sleeping or not. I didn’t want to go around slamming doors. That’s all.”

  LIAR!

  My subconscious yelled at me. I made my way around his tall figure, making my way to unlock my front door. He was right behind me.

  Damn it!

  “Well, I’m glad you made it home okay.” He started off towards his house then yelled back across the lawn, “Oh yeah, Hannah was looking for you earlier. Looks like you were avoiding her too.” His long legs pulled him further from me.

  “Gray, wait.” I paused briefly, “You want to come inside?” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. Great Bennett, let’s go ahead and complicate things even more.

  “No, that’s okay. I’m going to go out for a bit with Vince. See ya later Bennett,” he yelled right before he disappeared into his house.

  I stood on my porch, mouth agape. Did he seriously just turn me down to hang out with, Vince? I was utterly confused and disappointed. Gray never turned down the chance to hang out with me. Maybe he was trying to distance himself as well, or maybe, I was just being that big of a bitch. I shrugged my shoulders and made my way inside. I fixed myself a frozen dinner and headed into my room to finish getting things together for my first semester at Connecticut University.

  I set my food down on my desk and noticed the note still lying on my bed. I crawled onto my stomach and lay there staring at it, hoping it would tell me what to do. I was beyond confused with everything that was going on. It didn’t help that my emotions were strewn about all over the place.

  I snuck a glance towards Gray’s window and noticed him sitting at his desk. That’s weird; he said he was going out with Vince. Who knows, maybe he changed his mind.

  Vince had been Gray’s best friend since middle school. They both played on the same football team, and ended up playing on our high school team. They were both heading to the academy together, go figure. Those two and their damn Bromance. I chuckled to myself.

  Vince was a good-looking guy. He was smaller than Gray. Vince only stood at about five feet ten inches, and he was tall and lanky. He was fit, but had nowhere near the same muscle structure as Gray. I used to have a small crush on Vince in middle school. He had naturally bleach blonde hair and light blue eyes. He used to flirt with me a bit back in the day, but Gray put a stop to that before it could go anywhere. Not that I would have ever dated Vince anyway, the minute he opened his mouth, he became such a douche. I couldn’t even stand to be around him half the time these days.

  I didn’t realize how long I had been staring until his brilliant blue eyes caught mine. I blinked and tried to look away. When my eyes came back to focus on his window again, he was gone. I shrugged to myself and went to my desk to eat my dinner.

  Around eleven o’clock my phone alerted me to a text message. I half ran to my bed to see who it was. Disappointment clouded my expression when I saw it was only Hannah.

  HEY GIRLY. BIG PARTY

  TONIGHT, YOU IN?

  HAN

  I really wasn’t in the mood to go to a party, but I was so sick of hanging out at home by myself all the time. I let out a sigh before I text her back.

  I’M IN. COME GET ME

  IN 20;)

  I pulled myself off of my bed and forced myself to get a little dolled up. I only had twenty minutes, so I had to make it quick. I sat at my vanity and brushed mascara on my lashes, and swiped some dark pink shadow across my lids. I brushed some bronzer and powder over my face and finished it with a pale pink lip-gloss my mother had bought me. I had straightened my hair earlier, so I only had to run a brush through it to make it look presentable.

  I opened my closet door and stepped in, lost. I had no idea what to wear to a party. Hannah always dressed to the extreme, showing too much of, well, everything. I on the other hand, rarely showed anything at all. Every time we had gone out over the summer, I was sure to wear jeans and a loose fitting shirt. I didn’t like the attention like she did.

  Tonight I was going to throw caution to the wind and wear the pink and black pin striped halter top that Hannah had given me for my birthday this summer. I didn’t give myself time to talk myself out of it. I discarded my bra on the floor of my closet and slid the silky halter over my head. I zipped up the side and pulled on my favorite pair of skinny jeans. I grabbed my black boots and socks and made my way to the kitchen.

  I didn’t bother looking in the mirror before leaving because honestly, I wasn’t trying to impress anyone so I didn’t really care all that much. A few minutes later, I heard Hannah’s horn honk. I grabbed my purse off the hall table along with my keys and locked up. Excitement was slowly starting to creep through my veins as I jogged to the passenger side of her car.

  “Hey Han,” I yelled over the music she insisted on blaring through the speakers. I slid in and buckled my seatbelt not knowing where we were going, and not really caring for once.

  Hannah reached to turn the stereo down a bit before talking. “Hey girly, you look HOT!! Every guy at this party is going to shit their pants when they see you. Love the top.” She smiled and winked at me knowing I had never dared to wear the top she bought me, before now. “Where’s Gray on this lovely evening?” She chuckled to herself. “Isn’t he like attached to your hip?”

  I could see her roll her eyes. “He’s not attached to my hip Hannah. I think he’s hanging out with Vince tonight. Who knows.” I shrugged and continued to look out the passenger side window. As much as I didn’t want it to bother me, it did. I usually knew where Gray was and what he was doing, but he was acting so weird lately.

  Hannah’s voice cut through my thoughts like a knife. “Well, who cares? We are going to have a blast. I heard about this party from my sister. She says that it’s supposed to be killer. She’s meeting us there. Its in the dorms next to hers.” Hannah smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen on her face. I questioned whether a guy had something to do with it, but knew better than to ask.

  Thirty minutes later, we were pulling up in front of Missy’s dorm at Connecticut University. Hannah and Missy hadn’t always gotten along like they did now. Missy was four years older than Hannah and she never let Hannah forget it. They looked nothing alike, and I always found it rather odd. Missy was about my height and a bit on the pudgy side. We used to tease her, saying that she gained the freshman fifteen and never got rid of it. She didn’t like that at all. They had the same green eyes, but while Han had really dark hair, Missy was platinum blonde.
>
  She used to come home on the weekends and take us out, until she became too cool for her little sister to be tagging along. Now that Missy was entering her last year of college, she seemed a bit nicer. At least until we start attending school with her this semester. I always thought that Missy was secretly jealous of Hannah and all the attention she would attract from guys. There was really no other explanation for the way she treated her.

  I checked my lip-gloss and hair real quick in the side mirror before exiting the car. The night air had turned crisp, and I suddenly wished I had remembered a jacket. The leaves were just beginning to start to turn their glorious brown and orange hues, and I couldn’t help but notice some of the fallen buds along the walkway. Connecticut was definitely a beautiful sight to behold when fall started coming around.

  I walked briskly to catch up with Hannah and looped my arm through hers as we made our way to the doors. “Thanks for inviting me Han, I really needed this.” I squeezed her arm to my side in a half attempt at a hug. “I know you do Bennett. Come on, were going to have so much fun.”

  Missy was walking down the hall towards the party when we reached the top of the staircase. “Missy!” Hannah yelled to get her sister’s attention but Missy just kept walking.

  “What a bitch! Oh, I can see this is going to be fun.” Hannah sighed.

  We eventually caught up to Hannah’s sister and she played it off like she never heard Hannah. Yeah right! We entered into a big four-room dorm. I had never seen one this size before. Granted I had only ever seen Missy’s room and a few others, but still this place was huge in comparison. There was a big open common room with a small kitchen to the left and then four big bedrooms with their own doors in every corner. It was the perfect party pad that’s for sure.

  When we walked in we didn’t notice a single individual. We had only been to three other parties in Missy’s dorm, but we usually ran into the same crowd at every one.

  “Don’t worry, I’m sure we will run into someone we know.” Hannah nudged me.

  We headed straight for the drink table. I wasn’t much of a drinker so I decided to stick with soda for now and be DD. Hannah poured herself a vodka cranberry, and an extra shot of vodka to get warmed up. “You sure you don’t want a drink?” Hannah yelled over the music that a DJ was spinning in the back corner. “We can always crash at Missy’s if we need to.”

  I shook my head, “No, I’m okay for now. I’ll just stick to soda.” I smiled lifting my can at her. She clanked her shot glass to my aluminum and waved for me to follow her onto the balcony outside. The air felt at least ten degrees cooler being up on the seventh floor. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself.

  We ended up running into Leslie, a girl we met at our first party. She was your quintessential college party girl. She belonged to one of the sororities and was currently dating one of the most gorgeous guys I had ever seen, and the star quarterback. She was stunning. She looked exactly like Malibu Barbie with long straight blonde hair, almond shaped blue eyes and a rack that even I was jealous of.

  “Hey girls, how are you ladies doing? It’s been far too long since we have partied.” Leslie hugged us both, a little too tight for comfort. I could tell she had been drinking since way before now.

  “Hey Les, we’ve been busy getting ready for school next week. Where are all the hot guys at?” Hannah shouted.

  “Oh, don’t you worry little lady, they will start flowing in like water in no time.” She winked.

  Hannah and Leslie stood off to the side talking about who knows what when I felt my back pocket vibrate. I slid my phone out and saw that I had a new text message from Gray.

  HEY SORRY ABOUT EARLIER.

  HOPE YOUR NIGHT IS GOOD.

  VINCE & I ARE HEADED TO A PARTY,

  CATCH YA TOMORROW.

  G

  At that very minute I was beyond livid. I pushed past the new bodies that had taken over the back balcony, to smoke and chitchat. I made my way over to the drink table and poured a tall shot of vodka in a random shot glass. I threw it back and slammed the glass back down on the table.

  Once my distorted face went back to normal, I filled up another and shot that one back too. I could feel the warm liquid coating my insides and I knew it was only a matter of time before I would be feeling the effects. I was in the midst of pouring myself another shot when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Thinking it was Hannah; I quickly turned with a second shot in my hand ready for her. I must have turned too quickly because one of the liquid filled glasses was now all over some guy’s shirt.

  “Oh shit. I am so sorry.” I reached back to the table for some napkins and absentmindedly started wiping off his shirt myself. I slowly looked up from beneath my lashes and my voice literally caught in my throat. It was him!

  “It’s you.” I finally stuttered.

  “It’s you.” He smiled, and I melted. His teeth were perfectly straight and bright white. His lush lips pulled up over them in the most perfect smile I had ever seen.

  I couldn’t help but smile back. “It is me. I’m Bennett by the way. I don’t think we ever had a proper introduction.”

  “Hi Bennett. I’m Raylon. Welcome to my place.” He held his arms out as if I was supposed to be impressed.

  I laughed, a real laugh for the first time in weeks. “This is a nice place you have here,” I winked.

  He laughed a loud boisterous laugh that made me smile from ear to ear. My faded memory of the first time we had met didn’t do him justice. He was in incredible shape. His black shirt hugged every curve and ounce of muscle that made up his upper body. His T-shirt was paired with ripped jeans and a pair of flip-flops. He was the epitome of sex, and he was standing here talking to lil ol’ me.

  “Are you okay?” I heard Hannah come up beside me a minute later. “Oh my gosh have you been drinking?” Her eyebrows were pulled together, a smile tugging at her lips.

  “Yes Hannah, I am drinking.” I couldn’t help but smile. Hannah was always trying to get me to drink. I never wanted to, until now.

  “Well, thank the fucking Lord. It’s about damn time you stopped being so good all the damn time.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulders while handing me a cup of some concoction she had made. I could already tell she was beyond drunk, but I was quickly starting to catch up.

  I threw back the drink and reached for another before I realized that Raylon was still standing in front of us. “Oh sorry. Han this is Raylon, Raylon this is my best friend Hannah. He’s the guy that ran into me in the hall the last day of school.” I arched my eyebrows at her.

  “Oh...well Raylon, seems you left quite the impression on our lil Bennett here.” She smiled over at me, “Well, it was nice to meet you Raylon. I’ll come catch up with you in a bit, Bennett.” She turned and gave thumbs up behind his back so he couldn’t see her.

  “Sorry about my friend.” I said.

  “Nothing to be sorry about. She seems like fun.” He smiled while taking a sip from his red solo cup.

  “She is. So, what year are you?” I knew I sounded stupid but it was the only thing that came to mind.

  “Senior. I’ll actually be graduating in January, a couple months before all these losers.” He chuckled as he waved his arms towards everyone in the room.

  I couldn’t help but laugh with him. His laugh was contagious. “I see. Well then, maybe I will see ya around for the next couple months. I mean before you leave us losers.” I feigned being hurt but then chuckled when he leaned in to apologize.

  We eventually made it onto the couch and we talked about anything and everything. He was the only child of a divorced couple. He had lived with is mom, and his dad never came around. He just turned twenty-three at the end of summer. He had played football since he was six and he made it to Connecticut University on a full ride scholarship for it. He and his mom are very close. He talks to her almost every day and he has only ever had one serious relationship, in high school.

  I started to tell him the Cliffs Notes versio
n of my life, leaving out all the bad when I heard an all to familiar voice announcing his presence. I slowly stood up and rounded the corner, when he came into view. He stood with both arms up drink in one hand like he was some kind of God at this party. I took notice of Vince standing a little bit behind him, and then I noticed the small redhead directly underneath Gray’s arm. His arm came down gently around her shoulder and I watched as he kissed her on the top of her head.

  “Someone you know?” He had just witnessed me staring, shit!

  “I thought I did but that’s not him.” I turned and grabbed his hand so he would follow me back to the table where the drinks sat. I downed three more shots of vodka and then made myself a cocktail, consisting of vodka and a tiny splash of cranberry juice. I was feeling better already.

  “You might want to slow down a bit there, kiddo.” He said smugly.

  “I think I know what I can handle. Oh, and don’t call me kiddo.” I spat back and turned to find Hannah. She was still on the back patio, only now with a tanned muscular arm wrapped around her waist as she stood still talking to Leslie.