Beautifully Broken

by Amanda Bennett

  Hannah and I left the bathroom arm in arm, laughing and joking around. It felt good to have Hannah back and I felt like the old me. We turned the corner to meet the guys at the gate, stumbling across a couple practically having sex against one of the outside fences. We both covered our mouths, trying to keep the couple from hearing us laughing hysterically. As we turned to walk the other way I recognized the tattoo covering the oversized bicep that had the woman pinned against the chain fence, I lost it.

  “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! You lying, cheating sack of shit.” Hannah grabbed my arm as hard as she could, trying to drag me away from the situation. We were both fully aware of how bad this situation could turn for me, not for Raylon.

  “It’s not what it looks like Baby.” He pushed the bleach blonde tramp off of his chest.

  “Yeah I’m sure its not Raylon. I’m sure she forced your tongue down her fucking throat, right?” I could feel the alcohol coursing through my veins and I was beginning to get ballsy, which wasn’t going to bode well for me.

  The two-bit floozy tried to reach out for Raylon’s arm in the midst of our screaming match. He pushed the woman away from him and reached out for me. Hannah cut him off with her arm, pulling me in the opposite direction. That only fueled his anger and I knew I was going to pay for it later. Next thing I knew, his firm hand was pulling Hannah’s 110-pound body to the other side of him.

  “Don’t you dare fucking get involved Hannah. This isn’t got shit to do with you.” His eyes were glossed over and filled with anger. His look was fiery and I held my ground, despite knowing I wasn’t going to win this one.

  “Don’t talk to her like that Raylon.” I half shouted.

  “I don’t think you should be raising your voice at me Baby, what do you think?” I watched intently as he cocked his hand back. I braced myself for the impact against my face. It never came.

  Seventeen

  I slid open one eye, when I didn’t feel his hand connect with my cheek. Hannah was standing across from me, staring in disbelief as Raylon walked away towards the exit. I was just as shocked as she was, maybe more so. He had never just walked away. Hannah shrugged her shoulders as I exhaled the breath; I hadn’t realized I was holding when I saw his hand. She latched her arm through mine as we walked in silence trying to find Theo.

  It was near impossible to find Theo amongst the sea of bodies trying to leave the show. “Hannah do you see him anywhere?” We were both standing on our tiptoes, trying to pick him out of the crowd. “Wait, Han I think I see him over there, next to the security guards.” I pointed towards the small chain link fence on the opposite side of where we were.

  We took off at an accelerated pace to catch up with him. Everybody was pushing and pulling on one another trying to stay with their individual groups. We finally made it over to Theo and I could see the tension in his face subside as we came into his line of sight.

  “Where the Hell have you two been? I was about to start kicking some ass if I couldn’t find you.” He pulled Hannah into a tight embrace, only letting go, when he realized I was still clinging to her arm. “Is everything okay?” I could see the worry in his eyes.

  “Yeah, everything is fine. We just got held up at the restrooms. Did Raylon find his way to you?” I didn’t really care either way but I figured I would ask.

  He slid his fingers through his sweaty hair. “Uh, no. I saw him leave with, some other people. I think it’s safe to assume, we are on our own for the rest of the night.”

  I dug deep down inside to pull myself together without showing weakness. “That’s okay with me.” I feigned a smile. “You guys still up to go to Johnny’s or would you rather just head home?” I hoped and prayed that it wasn’t the latter. I didn’t want to be home when Raylon decided to grace us with his presence.

  “I’m good to go to Johnny’s. I think we need to have a good time, don’t you?” Hannah was giving Theo the ‘we are not going home yet’ look. He happily obliged and we were off to the bar minutes later.

  Johnny’s was beyond packed with left over concert enthusiasts and random drunken people. We gradually made our way through the packed bar to a small table in the back. I offered to get the first round, feeling as though I owed it to them for all that they had endured tonight. I slid unnoticed, past the couple of ladies trying their hardest to get Johnny’s attention.

  Johnny was only a few years older than Theo. He had dropped out of college to take over the business when his mom and dad decided that Florida was a better fit for them, not Connecticut. He wasn’t bad looking by any means. I could understand the appeal of a guy his age, owning a bar and being 100% single. He was tall and skinny. His blonde hair sat chin length and his piercing emerald green eyes added to the surfer appeal, he already had going on. He never paid any attention to the girls who came into the bar. He told me when I started working, that he never dated the customers and I would be wise to follow his lead. I never worried about it; I couldn’t fathom the thought of being attracted to anyone who hung out at Johnny’s. I knew exactly what I wanted and none of them could measure up.

  I slid into an empty space that opened up, right in front of him. I smiled a genuine smile for the first time that day. “Hey Johnny, can I get three shots of Absolute, two Blue Moons and a vodka cranberry?”

  “That’s a mighty tall order for such a short little thing,” he laughed as he finished wiping down the bar with a rag. “You betcha doll,” he turned with a wink to fetch our drinks. He looked back over his shoulder while pouring the beers; “you bring that dip shit boyfriend of yours tonight?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “No. We just came from the concert. He took off earlier with some friends that he ran into.” In all actuality, I knew who he had really taken off with and I’m pretty sure Johnny sensed it as well.

  “Ah, I see. Who you here with?”

  “Hannah and Theo came with me. They’re over at the back table. I offered to get the first round. I’m sure you’ll see them in a few minutes when we need refills.” I grabbed one of the drink trays we rarely used, knowing I wasn’t going to be able to heft the plethora of drinks back to the table on my own.

  He wiped the spot on the bar he had spilled some of our shots. “Sounds good doll, but you know your money is no good here. Now get going, before I change my mind.”

  “Thanks Johnny.”

  I turned to walk back over towards my friends. I didn’t think it was possible but the bar was beginning to get even more crowded than it had been just ten minutes ago. I raised the tray above my head and slid in between and around nearly every body around me. I sat the tray down and divvied up the shot glasses in front of me.

  “Here’s to the one’s we love, the one’s we lost and all the assholes in between.” The three of us laughed before taking our shots. I could feel the warmth of the alcohol reaching my toes. Tonight, I didn’t want to feel a single emotion but inebriation.

  Six shots, four beers and one Irish car bomb later, I was well beyond three sheets to the wind. Hannah and I had made our way onto the desolate dance floor, only to make it more so, with our inebriated dance moves. My mind had finally stopped over-thinking and overanalyzing every detail in my life for the time since we had been out. My mind was too fuzzy to comprehend how to walk, let alone think about anything requiring my direct attention.

  Hannah tapped me on the shoulder, letting me know she was going to the bathroom. I nodded and continued swaying with the music. Half way through one of my twirls I caught sight of Theo heading towards me. He looked quite serious but I didn’t care. His strong hands softly grabbed my arms once he made his way over to me. I was caught off guard and instantly my body stiffened under his touch.

  “Sorry Bennett, you know I wouldn’t hurt you.” His hands let go of my arms and flew into the air. “I think maybe we should get going soon.” I saw the look in his eye and I knew he wasn’t to be argued with, so I nodded my head in agreement.

  Theo grabbed a couple bottles of water fr
om behind the bar before returning to the table. Hannah was still in the bathroom and I was hoping she was feeling okay. Theo instructed me to drink my water and I did as he asked, without question. I was in no mood to argue with anybody, whether the argument was heavy or not. I sat looking at Theo, wondering if he planned on being with Hannah forever. I knew it was none of my business but I figured someone deserved forever. Hannah was an amazing girl. She was absolutely beautiful, had a one of a kind personality and she really seemed to love Theo.

  I thought to hell with it, I was going to ask him. I opened my mouth to speak, when I caught a glimpse of Raylon’s tattoo covered arm pushing through the onslaught of bodies. My eyes opened the size of saucers and it didn’t get passed Theo. He turned his head just in time to catch Raylon, before he lunged at me.

  “Not so fast there killer. Just leave her be for the night.” Theo was tucking Raylon’s arm up behind his back effortlessly.

  “Fuck you, Theo. This doesn’t concern you. Let me the fuck go!”

  His words were slurred and I could only imagine how much alcohol he had consumed. My mouth was extremely dry. I was willing myself to say something, anything to defuse the situation but I was at a loss for words. Alcohol clouded my thoughts and judgment, preventing me from looking him in the eye.

  Theo tucked Raylon’s arm up with a bit more force this time. “Dude we have all had too much to drink. There is no reason for you to come in here, demanding she listen to you. Let’s walk home and cool off a bit, huh?” My eyes were pleading for him to not let Raylon take me home.

  Hannah emerged from the bathroom looking rather pale. I guessed she had been throwing up because she looked like she was going to fall over. I reached out and guided her to the chair next to mine. I slid one of the waters to her, nodding for her to drink. We only lived a few blocks from the bar, so I was all too willing to huff it home. Hannah gave me a questioning look and I shrugged my shoulders.

  “What the hell is he doing here?” As she pointed her bottle in Raylon’s direction she sent water sloshing all over the tabletop. Theo immediately interjected before Raylon could get snippy with her.

  “I was just getting ready to take him home Babe. You ladies going to be okay walking a few minutes behind us?” His genuine concern sent waves of jealousy rolling through me.

  I nodded and tucked Hannah under my arm before gathering our belongings. I waved my good-bye to Johnny while passing the bar to leave. I saw the look of concern on his face but I didn’t stop to try to put his mind at ease. If he only knew what would be waiting for me at home, anticipating my arrival. The cool night air smacked me in the face like a cold glass of ice water. I wasn’t expecting it to be this cold already, although I had no idea what time it was.

  Hannah mumbled a few words under my arm, before she started slipping down the side of my body. I quickly adjusted my arm underneath her to support her dead weight better, but I was struggling to make it a few feet. I squinted through my drunkenness to see how far ahead Theo and Raylon were. I couldn’t see them anywhere and panic shot through me. I spun my head side to side, glancing in every direction trying to find them. Hannah was all but passed out now and I was getting worried that we wouldn’t make it home.

  I reached into my purse, trying to find my cell phone. We didn’t live in a bad neighborhood but I had been working at this bar long enough to know what lurked around at all hours. I felt the smooth metal between my fingers, breathing a sigh of relief. I dialed Theo’s number faster than I thought possible. After three rings, he finally picked up. He sounded completely out of breath and agitated.

  “Bennett…. Ben…Bennett. Where.Are.You?” I heard panic in his voice and Theo rarely, if ever panicked.

  “Theo calm down. We’re okay, but Hannah has all but passed out on me and I can’t carry her. I need you to come back and help me.” He didn’t say anything and when I thought maybe our call had been disconnected, he let out a loud sigh.

  “I lost him Bennett. I have no idea where he went. We wrestled around for a minute before he clocked me in the jaw and took off. I NEED to know where you are, now!”

  The worry in his voice made me start to worry. “I don’t know Theo. I think we’re in between 6th and Oak.” I found myself scanning my surroundings keeping an eye out for Raylon.

  “Don’t move. I’ll be there in thirty-seconds.”

  The phone went quiet and I adjusted Hannah’s slouching position against me. I suddenly felt extremely unsafe and wanted to run to the safety of my house, even if my house had Raylon waiting for me.

  Eighteen

  I didn’t hear him come up behind me until I was face down on the asphalt. I could taste the metallic tinged blood under my cheek. The tiny fragments of gravel were already imbedding themselves into my skin. I slid my hands up to the sides of my face to push myself up but I was met with resistance. Something hard was digging into my back, rendering me immobile. The ringing in my ear started to cease as Hannah’s shrill voice broke into my thoughts. I couldn’t make out what she was saying, but I could hear the panic in her voice. The only thing I could make out was Theo, pleading with bystanders to call 911.

  I squeezed my eyes shut tight before reopening them, trying to focus. I was able to lift my head enough to brush some of the pieces of gravel from my cheek. My hand felt the warm thick liquid on the tips of my fingers, making my stomach convulsed. My attempt to push myself up again resulted in the hard object in my back propelling me further into the ground. I felt a forceful tug on the back of my head and then my face was slamming into the hard asphalt below me. Tears rolled down my dirt-ridden face, meshing with the dripping blood. My head collided with the ground one more time before my world went black.

  When I came to, I was disoriented. Red and blue bounced off of the buildings and mulching trees, making my head spin. I didn’t attempt to move this time. I simply stayed in the position I had landed in, flat on my belly. Minutes later, a pair of rubber-covered hands reached for my limp body, rolling me onto my back. I gasped at the intense pain shooting through my spine. My eyes tried focus on Theo and Hannah, who were looking down at me. I didn’t have to ask what happened, I already knew who did this to me.

  I felt Hannah’s dry lips press against my forehead. Her hot tears were dripping onto my face and I couldn’t stop my tears that were brimming behind my eyelids from spilling over. “I love you Bennett. You’re going to be okay, I promise.” The confounded look on her face, told another story.

  “Where is he?” I croaked.

  “They have him in the cop car across the street. I didn’t think he was going to stop.”

  I shook my head, willing her to stop crying. I was going to be fine. Somehow or another, I always survived. “I’m fine Han.” I tried to smile but my lip was too swollen to move.

  “Theo tried to stop him. He showed up just a minute too late. Don’t hate him Bennett, please.” I couldn’t understand why she would assume that I would be mad at Theo.

  “Hannah I’m not mad at Theo. Where is he?” I tried to turn my head to the side, but the paramedic was making my head immobile.

  “You can’t move your head Miss. There was trauma to your spine and we need to make sure your okay before you go moving around.”

  I was growing impatient still being on the hard uncomfortable ground. I just wanted to go home to my bed. I wanted to put this nightmare behind me. “Do I need stitches?” I honestly didn’t care if I did or not, but I wanted away from here.

  The voice above my head answered in a hushed tone, “No Miss, but I highly suggest you go to the hospital to get checked out.”

  “Can you please just let me sit up? I’m fine.” I tried to push myself up onto my forearms but I was met with resistance.

  “You really shouldn’t Miss. We need to make sure there is no permanent damage.” His tone was pleading but I didn’t want to go through the embarrassing trip to the hospital.

  “Look, I can move my hands.” I wiggled my fingers to demonstrate. “I can feel
my legs, so there is no spine damage. My head barely hurts, I’m fine.” The last part was a lie. My head felt like someone took a baseball bat to it, repeatedly.

  His hands moved from the side of my face to my shoulders. He put his weight behind his biceps, helping me into a sitting position. My spine felt stiff but I suffered through it. “Thank you.”

  His hands slid under my armpits to help me stand when I heard Theo interject, “I’ll take it from here.” I was relieved to not have to keep up the charade; Theo knew I wasn’t going to go to the hospital.

  The police questioned me for a few minutes, asking if I wanted to press charges against Raylon. I refused to do it, knowing that it would be much worse after a night in jail. One squad car escorted us home, while the other took Raylon to his buddy’s house in the next town over. Hannah never left my side. She wrapped her arm so tightly around my waist that I was finding hard to breathe. I let her walk me into my bathroom and then put my hand up to tell her to let me be. She protested a bit but retreated back into my room to let me shower by myself.