Hilde made a face at them. “Maybe for you, but I think he’s just right. Not like those silly boys our age.” Behind his serious appearance, she’d spotted a hidden glint of mischief in his amazing blue eyes. No, he wasn’t some dreadfully boring clerk. She could feel it. His eyes had captured her with their meaningfulness. And a man whose favorite actors were Stan and Ollie must have a sense of humor.
As they passed their favorite restaurant, Hilde asked, “Girls, want a soda before we head home?”
“Certainly, but I have to be back before midnight,” Erika reminded her.
“Me too. Say, does your mother never give you a curfew?” Gertrud asked.
Hilde shrugged. “No.”
Her mother did not care what time she came home each night. One of the reasons she’d moved to Berlin had been to get away from her over-protective father and step-mother. So why did she feel stabbed in her heart every time her friends complained about their well-meaning and concerned parents? I should be happy about my freedom. Wasn’t that what I wanted?
She pushed those thoughts aside before hurt and guilt could settle in her soul. Thinking about how she’d left her father after that terrible fight was the surest way to ruin the evening.
As they entered the small diner and placed their orders, she turned her thoughts away from her parents and back to the man who called himself Q. Now, he’s worth thinking about.
Chapter 17
Q looked forward to meeting the beautiful Hilde again all week long. In fact, she occupied so much space in his brain, he even made a mistake in one of his calculations and ended up having to throw away two days of work to start the experiment again.
That was such an unusual behavior for him that he almost decided to forget about her. She was becoming the thing he feared. A distraction.
But after giving it some consideration, he found she intrigued him enough to risk his focus to meet with her. Apart from her obvious beauty, it was more than her looks that drew him to her. The way she dressed and the self-confidence she exuded made him want to get to know the woman underneath.
He sensed she owned an inner strength that was at odds with the way she’d been so tongue-tied at their last meeting. Her shyness had been cute, but he wondered how the real Hilde would behave.
Saturday arrived, and Q made sure to arrive with plenty of time to spare. He parked his car where several roads converged at the big public square in the center of Berlin. Entering the square from the south, he passed the Brandenburg Gate and the Reichstag building, which had been in flames one year before, causing the government to suspend the basic human rights granted in the Weimarer Verfassung.
Q watched the Reichstag and fought down a bitter taste, while he recited a verse from The Sorcerer’s Apprentice by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:
Sir, my need is sore.
Spirits that I've cited
My commands ignore.
People would soon find out that this was only the first of many stages leading Germany straight into a National Socialist dictatorship. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too late by then.
Hilde arrived at the Café Potsdamer Platz a few minutes later from the north. He spotted her buoyant stride long before he could distinguish her face and met her halfway, greeting her with a huge grin. “Guten Tag. How are you, lovely Hilde, on this wonderful afternoon?”
Her cheeks stained with a deep purple blush, and she cast her eyes down as she answered, “I’m fine, thank you.”
Q mused about her adorable shyness and decided to redeem her. “Would you like to get something to drink or eat?”
“Why don’t we have some coffee and possibly a pastry?” she suggested.
Q led her towards one of the tables in the outdoor area, and they placed their order with the waitress. “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you, Hilde. Tell me something about yourself. Do you work?”
She gave him an indignant look. “Of course I work. I finished business school several years ago and was lucky to get a job processing client claims for an insurance company.”
So she doesn’t buy into the Nazi ideology of being solely a housewife and mother. “Were you born in Berlin?” he asked, sipping his coffee as it arrived.
“No, I was born in Hamburg. I lived there until I was eighteen and then I moved here to live with my mother, step-father, and half-brother.”
Q nodded and tabled his questions for later because her voice clearly indicated she didn’t wish to talk about her family. “Well, I’m glad you moved to Berlin. Otherwise, I would have missed meeting the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Hilde blushed and dedicated her attention to her fingernails. When Q watched her in silence, she soon regained her composure and raised her head. He looked into the most beautiful blue eyes he’d ever seen, and his heart warmed.
“So what about you?” she asked.
Q trailed a finger down her hand that lay on the table top. “I was born in Magdeburg. My parents moved to Berlin when I was fifteen, and I, naturally, came with them.”
“So, what do you do for a living?” she asked, her eyes dilating with what he hoped was excitement when he slipped her fingers into his hand.
“I’m a scientist. I studied chemistry at university and have a PhD in engineering. Right now, I’m working for the Biological Reich Institute of Agriculture and Forestry as a freelancer.”
“That sounds very interesting.” She glanced at him with the sweetest expression possible and his heart melted.
“It is, but working with plants is not my passion.”
“What is?” she asked, and he became acutely aware of her warm, soft fingers in his hand.
“Research. Inventions. Making discoveries that can be used for the good of mankind.”
“Like what?” Her eyes lit up with genuine interest, and he felt encouraged to tell her about his passion. Not a single woman he’d gone out with had ever wanted to know more about his inventions. But Hilde did.
He recounted some of his findings, and soon their discussion turned into a light-hearted banter, where they discovered each other’s likes and dislikes. Q enjoyed the conversation and time flew by. Both of them looked surprised when the waitress politely informed them several hours later that the Café was about to close.
“May I drive you home?”
“That would be nice.”
Q walked by her side, leading the way to his automobile, and after going several yards, he reached over and took her hand in his own. He opened the door for her, and she gave him directions to her house. Once there, he asked, “May I ask you out again?”
Hilde nodded. “I would like that.”
“Me too. I had such a wonderful time today.”
“So did I.” She led him up to the front door of the five-story apartment building, suddenly acting more nervous than she had all day long.
Q watched her carefully, trying to decide whether he should kiss her or not. He really wanted to, but her nervousness had him deciding to place a brief kiss on her cheek. When he pulled away, he was glad for his decision. She seemed distraught, biting her bottom lip.
Moments later, he walked away, feeling happier than he could remember. She’s definitely going to be my wife.
Chapter 18
A few days later, Q picked her up from her place of work and took her out to dinner at a local restaurant. It was a lovely spring evening, and they were able to sit outside at a table near the back of the garden area.
The nicely arranged garden, with lush green bushes and beautiful flower beds boasting pink peonies, blue clematis, and white lily of the valley, smelled of the coming summer and lightheartedness. A feeling so many citizens of Berlin had almost forgotten existed.
Hilde was clearly as enchanted by the peaceful surroundings as he was and they relaxed into their seats, enjoying their dinner and each other’s company. When a flower girl came by their table, he purchased a red rose for Hilde, smelling it before handing it to her with a wink. “For you, my dear.”
> “Thank you,” she said as she took the rose and touched his hand in a caring gesture.
Q watched her for a moment and on an impulse, he asked, “Would you like to come with me to visit my brother Gunther? He lives in a small town about two hours from Berlin by car. You’ll love the peaceful atmosphere there.”
“Now?” she asked with a twinkle in her eyes.
“Of course not.” He grinned. “In two or three weeks from now. We’ll leave early on a Sunday morning. Make a full day of it.”
She made a face as if she was pondering his question before she burst out laughing. “I’d love to.”
Q smiled back and thought what a lucky man he was. Later, he escorted her from the restaurant and drove her home. He walked her up to the doorstep, and this time, he didn’t hesitate to kiss her. They shared a passionate kiss and were still locked in one another’s arms when the sound of a female chuckle came from behind them.
He quickly released Hilde and stepped away, watching the older woman as she came forward and eyed him with blue eyes so similar to Hilde’s. “Don’t stop on my account.”
Hilde was clearly embarrassed as he could see by the chagrin that crept onto her face. He stepped in front of her and addressed the woman. “Good evening. I’m very sorry for the disturbance. My name is Wilhelm Quedlin.”
“I’m Marianne, Hilde’s mother.” She started to unlock the door and then turned back and noticed his black Ford sitting on the curb. “You came here by automobile?”
Q nodded and wanted to leave, but Marianne touched his arm. “Why don’t you come on in, Wilhelm?” she asked before turning to her daughter. “Hilde, no need to keep your beau outside.”
She led the way into the staircase and up to the third floor. Q followed her, not exactly sure what to think. He’d expected Hilde’s mother to reprimand him for kissing her daughter on the doorstep, but inviting him in? That was pretty unusual.
Marianne unlocked the apartment door and seated him on the big couch in the tiny living room, and Q took a look around. It was sparsely furnished. An antique wooden bureau adorned the wall opposite the sofa and to the left was a beautiful cupboard holding the good china. The centerpiece of the room was a glass coffee table surrounded by a dark leather couch and two matching chairs. Every piece was of timeless beauty. Hilde’s mother obviously had good, and expensive, taste.
When Hilde went to sit down at the far end of the couch, her mother tsked at her. “Go sit next to your man. For goodness’ sake, he’s going to think you’re a prude.”
Q looked from mother to daughter, feeling the tension between them, and it dawned on him why Hilde never wanted to talk about her family. It was so different from the way he and his mother treated each other.
Hilde reluctantly moved closer to him, careful to leave enough space between them to avoid any accidental touch. Her awkwardness was visible on her face, and he could sense it in the tension she emitted.
Her mother didn’t seem to notice. “It’s so lovely to have you here, Wilhelm. Hilde hasn’t talked much about you. Tell me, what is it you do for a living?”
“I’m a scientist.”
“Oh, how interesting. You’re a professor at the university?”
“Not quite. I work at the Biological Reich Institute for Agriculture and Forestry in the field of plant protection.”
“You work for the government. Now that is promising. Tell me more.”
“The Reich Institute is funded by the state, but we’re not actually working for the government. We’re an independent scientific institution.” At least for the time being.
Marianne went on to ask questions about his background, his automobile, his flat, and he couldn’t help but compare his current situation with the interview he’d had with the bank clerk when he’d applied for the loan. Biting back a laugh, he waited for her to ask to see his bank account statements.
But one look at Hilde’s agonized expression sobered him up. “It’s been a lovely discussion, Gnädige Frau, but I should probably head home now.”
“Nonsense, and please call me Annie.” She looked at her daughter. “Wilhelm can come by whenever he wants. He–”
“Annie,” Q interrupted and stood up, “I’m very thankful for your generous welcome, but I’m afraid I have to get up very early tomorrow morning and should bid goodbye.”
Hilde’s mother stretched out her hand, “I hope to see you again soon. And don’t worry about bringing my daughter home late. I won’t even mind if you drop her off in the morning.”
Startled, he looked down at Hilde, who was looking down at her wringing hands. “I’ll see you on Saturday, my dear.”
Q left the apartment and walked back to his car, trying to process what Annie had said. He’d never been in such a strange situation. Did she just invite me to sleep with her daughter? What kind of weird, twisted relationship is this?
***
Hilde wished the floor would open up and swallow her whole. Q hadn’t shown any sign of annoyance, considering her mother had been almost vulgar. But then again, Q was always nice to everyone, regardless of who they were.
But now he probably wouldn’t want to see her ever again. She hid her face behind her hands and wanted to scream.
When her mother returned from walking Q to the door, Hilde couldn’t take it anymore and shouted at her, “What was that all about? Do you want him to believe I’m a tramp?”
Annie waved away her daughter’s concern. “Oh, don’t be that way. That’s what young people do. You should be enjoying life.”
Hilde shook her head in disgust. She wasn’t fooled at all by her mother’s acceptance of Q. The minute she’d seen his automobile parked at the curb, Hilde had seen the Deutsche Mark symbols in her mother’s eyes. “You’re unbelievable. The only reason you like him is because you think he has money.”
“Well, doesn’t he?”
“Maybe or maybe not. I don’t care.” Hilde fought the urge to grab her mother by the neck and shake her until her brains rattled.
“You should,” her mother said, straightening the pillows on the couch.
“You’re always looking out for yourself.”
“What’s wrong with that? When you’re older, you will understand having a husband to provide for you is important. And in these troubling times, it’s doubly important that he has enough money and a safe job.”
“I don’t need a man to take care of me.” Hilde stomped her foot.
“Whoever put those silly ideas in your head, it wasn’t me. I tried to teach you the right things. A good woman stays at home and raises her children. She does the laundry, has a warm meal on the table for her husband when he comes home from work, and makes sure her children behave in a way she and the Führer can be proud of.”
“And what if that isn’t the life I want? What if I want to provide for myself?” Hilde growled, her eyes squinting in fury.
Annie raised her head for a moment to look at her daughter before she busied herself dusting the coffee table. “My dear daughter, you need to start paying attention. This is what we women are meant to do. It doesn’t do you any good to rebel against God and your Fatherland.”
Hilde opened up her mouth to respond, but her mother bulldozed over her.
“In this dire economy, everyone has to make a sacrifice, and when good men are out of work, it’s selfish and anti-German for a married woman not to voluntarily give up her job so a man can work and provide for his family.”
Hilde had heard of women being fired from their jobs for exactly that reason. She knew everything about the Nazi ideal of a “good German woman” and she disagreed with almost every single point of it. “I want to be free and independent. But you wouldn’t understand that, would you, Mother? You haven’t worked a single day in your entire life.”
“You don’t know how difficult raising two children is,” her mother answered.
It was the first time she’d acted this rude against her mother, and while she knew she was crossing the line, she
couldn’t hold back anymore. The bottled-up emotions of twenty years had reached the boiling point, and the words left her mouth like an explosion.
“Raising children? I don’t remember you being around when I was young. You didn’t raise me; you never even loved me! You dumped me off at Granny’s house to go traipsing around with your new lover. And I seriously doubt you had much to do with raising my half-brother.”
“You ungrateful little tramp!”
Hilde caught her breath and stared her mother down before she stalked towards her bedroom. “That’s right. I’m ungrateful. I don’t appreciate how you abandoned your two-year-old daughter while my father was at war. I’d rather be ungrateful, thank you very much.”
She slammed the door to the bedroom and sank down onto the bed in desolation. But instead of the tears she’d expected, her eyes stayed dry, and a sense of relief washed over her. There, she’d said it. She’d told her mother how much she’d suffered from being abandoned as a child.
Chapter 19
Hilde was early for work because she’d hurried out of the house, wanting to avoid her mother. The entrance door was still closed, so she took off for a walk around the block. Her eyes cast to the ground, her shoulders hunched, she shuffled along and shrieked when she bumped into someone and felt herself embraced by two strong arms.
“I called out to you, but you were in your own world,” Q’s familiar voice said before he pressed a kiss on her lips.
She gave in to his kiss and let him hold her a few moments longer before she broke free and straightened her summer dress. “You still want to see me?”
“Why wouldn’t I want to see you, sweetest of all women?” he asked, stroking a finger down her cheek.
“Because, you know, yesterday…my mother…she was… I mean...”
He took her chin into his hands and gently forced her to look at him. “Liebste, Hilde. I will only judge you on your own actions, never on those of other persons. So, shall we still meet on Saturday?”
She nodded and sent him a happy smile. “Thanks for coming. I was worried you’d never want to see me again.”
Unrelenting: Love and Resistance in Pre-War Germany Page 9
