Secrets According to Humphrey

by Betty G. Birney

“I thought you were friends with Thomas, too,” his mom said. “And Joey.”

  “I am.” Paul hesitated. “But this time I just want Paul and Felipe to come over.”

  Mrs. Green looked puzzled but she didn’t say anything more.

  She left and came back a few minutes later to say that Paul F.’s mother would bring both boys to the house.

  When Small-Paul and Felipe arrived, they came into the bedroom and Tall-Paul closed the door.

  “My mom wanted me to invite Thomas and Joey, too,” Tall-Paul said. “But I talked her out of it. If they came, we couldn’t do our secret club things.”

  “Oh, I almost forgot,” Small-Paul said. He spread his arms like wings and so did Tall-Paul and Felipe.

  “Bata-wata-fata!” they all chanted.

  I don’t think it was really Egyptian. I think it was something they made up.

  “Flying Pharaohs forever!” they added, and they bowed to each other.

  Then they acted normal again.

  “So this is our first real meeting,” Tall-Paul said. “What do you want to do?”

  Felipe shrugged. “I don’t know. Something pharaohs would do, I guess.”

  “I have an idea,” Tall-Paul said. “I was reading about ancient Egypt and they played one of the earliest board games.”

  “Cool,” Small-Paul said. “What did it look like?”

  Soon the friends were on Paul Green’s computer.

  “There it is,” Tall-Paul said. “It’s called senet. They even found games in some pharaohs’ tombs.”

  “I bet I could make one of those,” Fix-It-Felipe said.

  There wasn’t much he couldn’t build. “Let me see!” I squeaked.

  The boys laughed but I was feeling very frustrated because I couldn’t see the computer screen from my cage.

  “Wow, look at the one they found in King Tut’s tomb!” Tall-Paul exclaimed. “It’s beautiful.”

  Felipe began to sketch. “We’ll need a big cardboard box. And game pieces,” he said.

  Tall-Paul found a box while Small-Paul got out some other board games and borrowed the game pieces from them.

  “And little sticks to throw,” Small-Paul said.

  “How about pencils? Or big paper clips?” Tall-Paul suggested.

  “Paper clips would work for now,” Felipe agreed.

  The boys also gathered a ruler and markers as Felipe began to make the game board.

  “The path around it looks something like a snake,” Small-Paul said.

  “Eeek!” I squeaked. It slipped out when I heard the word “snake.”

  I relaxed when I realized he wasn’t talking about a real snake.

  The three friends spent the afternoon making the game and then playing it.

  I dozed off for a while, but woke up once when I heard Paul F. shout, “Take that, Tutankhamen!”

  I fell back to sleep until Paul G. shouted, “Bad move, Amenhotep!”

  I guessed that Amenhotep was another pharaoh.

  “Hey, what about Humphrey?” Felipe asked. “I’ll bet he wants to play.”

  He gently took me out of my cage and set me on the game board. It looked a little bit like an obstacle course.

  I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, but I saw the game pieces on different squares.

  Aha! The goal of the game must be to knock all of them over.

  So I scurried from square to square and knocked them down, one by one.

  Every time a game piece fell, the boys laughed.

  “You win, Humphrey,” Tall-Paul said when all the pieces had fallen. “Even the pharaohs never played a game like that.”

  “Gee, I’d love to show the game to Mrs. Brisbane,” Felipe said as he put me back in the cage. “Maybe we’d get extra credit.”

  Tall-Paul didn’t agree. “No! This is a Flying Pharaohs game. We have to keep it a secret.”

  “Right,” Small-Paul said. “Everything that happens in the Flying Pharaoh Club is a secret.”

  When Small-Paul’s mom came to pick the boys up, Tall-Paul put the board in a drawer.

  “Don’t you tell anyone our secret, Humphrey,” he told me. “Or the ghost of King Tut will come after you.”

  My whiskers wiggled and my tail twitched. “Eeek!” I squeaked.

  “Oh, Humphrey, I was joking,” Tall-Paul said.

  It wasn’t a very funny joke—at least to a small creature like me.

  I scrambled under my bedding and I stayed there for a LONG-LONG-LONG time.

  The next day was more fun.

  Tall-Paul showed his parents how much he wanted a hamster by cleaning out my cage and giving me fresh food and water.

  He took very good care of me and Mrs. Green was impressed.

  Then Tall-Paul and his dad made an obstacle course on the living room floor, using blocks and books to create barriers.

  I ran that obstacle course over and over to show Paul’s dad how much fun a hamster can be.

  Even Paul’s big sister and his BIG-BIG-BIG brother came in to watch.

  Mr. Green was impressed, and he gave me a lovely slice of apple once I was back in my cage.

  “So can I get a hamster?” Paul asked his mom and dad before bedtime.

  “Maybe,” they said.

  “Maybe” isn’t a very good answer. But they were smiling when they said it.

  After Tall-Paul went to bed that night, I thought about all the things I had to tell my friend Og when I got back to Room 26.

  But later, when the room was dark and the house was quiet, I thought I saw the ghost of King Tut in front of my cage.

  I was too scared to squeak.

  I raced into my sleeping hut and I didn’t come out until the next morning.

  HUMPHREY’S TOP SECRET SCRIBBLES

  Kings and their treasures are quite nice BUT . . .

  I don’t want to meet the ghost of King Tut!

  10

  Whispered Secrets

  BOING-BOING-BOING!” Og greeted me when I returned to Room 26 on Monday morning.

  “Yes, Og. I had a very nice time,” I replied. “Sorry, I can’t tell you everything, though, because part of it is a secret.”

  Og suddenly leaped into the water side of his tank and splashed loudly.

  “Goodness, Og, what’s going on?” Mrs. Brisbane asked as she came over to check on his tank.

  Og quieted down a little.

  Of course, I knew why he was splashing. He didn’t like that I was keeping a secret from him.

  Up until then, Og knew all my secrets—even the one about my lock-that-doesn’t-lock.

  He was feeling left out and I was feeling VERY-VERY-VERY guilty.

  When my classmates were at recess and Mrs. Brisbane left the room for a moment, I had to talk to him.

  “Og, I’ll tell you the secret. On Saturday, Small-Paul and Felipe came over for their secret club and they made a board game from ancient Egypt and I played, too. But Tall-Paul said if I told anybody, King Tut’s ghost would come after me,” I squeaked.

  Og let out a huge “BOING!”

  “But I’m not scared of a silly old ghost,” I said. I crossed my toes because what I was saying wasn’t true. Just because I’d never seen a ghost didn’t mean there couldn’t be one.

  “BOING-BOING-BOING!” Og sounded worried.

  “And I’m not keeping secrets from you ever again,” I told him.

  “BOING-BOING!”

  “You’re welcome,” I replied.

  A very happy-looking Mrs. Brisbane came back to Room 26, carrying some papers.

  “Get ready for some excitement, boys,” she said.

  I knew she was talking to Og and me, because we were the only boys there.

  “WHAT-WHAT-WHAT?” I asked.

  “You’ll see
,” she said.

  Then Mrs. Wright, the PE teacher, walked in.

  Mrs. Wright isn’t a bad human, but I’d like her a lot more if she didn’t have a big silver whistle hanging from her neck. Sometimes she actually blows that whistle and when she does, my small, sensitive ears quiver and quake.

  “Mrs. Brisbane, there’s something very odd happening with some of your students,” she said.

  Mrs. Brisbane looked surprised. “What’s that?”

  “They’re talking nonsense and waving their arms. Something’s wrong,” Mrs. Wright said.

  “Which students?” Mrs. Brisbane asked.

  “Oh, a lot of them,” Mrs. Wright said. “But not all of them. Whatever is going on, some of your students are being left out.”

  “I’ve noticed some of that behavior,” Mrs. Brisbane said. “But when I’ve asked about it, I haven’t gotten a straight answer.”

  “Students on the playground need to play proper games,” Mrs. Wright said. “Please get to the bottom of this and stop this behavior now.”

  “I will,” Mrs. Brisbane said. “I definitely will.”

  Mrs. Wright fingered her whistle and I braced myself.

  Luckily, she decided not to blow it, which was a big relief to me.

  “Class, I need your help,” Mrs. Brisbane said when my friends were back from break. “I want someone to explain why you’ve been acting strangely lately. I’ve noticed it and Mrs. Wright has noticed it.”

  Nobody said a word.

  “I’ve seen some of you doing these odd movements and nodding, waving, muttering strange phrases,” she continued. “Would someone like to tell me what’s going on? How about you, Thomas?”

  “I don’t know what they’re doing, either. And that’s the truth,” he replied.

  “I believe you, Thomas,” Mrs. Brisbane said. “How about you, Kelsey?”

  Kelsey’s face turned almost as red as her bright red hair.

  “We’re just being silly,” she said.

  Mrs. Brisbane looked at Tall-Paul. Then she looked at Small-Paul. “I know you boys will tell me the truth,” she said.

  It’s hard not to tell the truth when Mrs. Brisbane is looking at you like that.

  “We have a secret club,” Tall-Paul said. “It’s kind of an Egyptian thing. I think some of the others have clubs, too.”

  “It’s just for fun,” Small-Paul added. “We have secret signals and things like that.”

  “Do you have a club, Phoebe?” Mrs. Brisbane asked.

  Phoebe nodded. “With Kelsey.”

  The room had been very quiet up until then, but suddenly I heard someone sniffle.

  It was Holly!

  Mrs. Brisbane grabbed the box of tissues from her desk and hurried to Holly’s table. “Holly, what’s wrong?”

  “I’m not in a secret club,” she said. “No one asked me.”

  No one asked her! I was unsqueakably shocked.

  Phoebe and Kelsey looked surprised, too.

  “I thought you were in Rosie’s club,” Phoebe said.

  “I thought you were in Phoebe’s club,” Rosie said.

  Mrs. Brisbane handed Holly a tissue. “Please raise your hand if you’re in a club,” she said.

  Only three students didn’t raise their hands: Thomas, Joey and Holly.

  I wasn’t sure whether to raise my paw or not.

  I wasn’t officially in a club, but I knew most of their secrets.

  Joey looked at Thomas. “I thought you were in the club with Simon and Harry,” he said.

  “I thought you were,” Thomas said. “Maybe we should start our own secret club.”

  Joey grinned. “Yes, and we’ll invite Holly!”

  I saw Holly smile a little bit through her tears.

  “That’s a nice idea,” Mrs. Brisbane said. “But I have a better idea: Get rid of the secret clubs. Now.”

  Someone moaned.

  “You see how hurtful it can be to form secret clubs and leave some of your classmates out, don’t you?” Mrs. Brisbane asked.

  “I certainly do!” I shouted.

  Even if my friends can’t understand me, sometimes I have to squeak up.

  Mrs. Brisbane paced back and forth in front of the class. “I can’t control what you do outside of this classroom, but from this moment on, there will be nothing to do with secret clubs in Room Twenty-six. Not a signal, not a silly word, not a glance, do you understand me?” she asked.

  My friends all nodded and looked terribly sorry.

  “Secrets have their place but they have a way of getting out of hand,” Mrs. Brisbane explained. “I know you all like Thomas and Joey and Holly, but you hurt their feelings.”

  My friends looked even sorrier.

  “I had another lesson planned for now, but first I think we should all play a little game,” she said.

  No one seemed to be in the mood for a game, but when Mrs. Brisbane told them to put their chairs in a circle, my friends all did.

  Mrs. Brisbane wrote something on a piece of paper and folded it.

  “All right. I’ve written a secret message on this paper. I’m going to whisper what I wrote in Holly’s ear. Then she’s going to whisper it to Simon and you’ll go all around the circle, whispering the words you hear. You can’t ask the person to repeat it. Just pass on what you think you heard.”

  She leaned down and whispered in Holly’s ear. Holly nodded and turned to whisper in Simon’s ear.

  Simon looked puzzled. But he couldn’t ask Holly to repeat what she’d said, so he whispered in Rosie’s ear.

  Rosie laughed and then whispered in Felipe’s ear.

  And so it went, all around the room.

  The last person to receive the message was Thomas.

  “All right, Thomas,” Mrs. Brisbane said. “Stand up and tell the class the secret message.”

  “It doesn’t make a lot of sense,” Thomas said. “But here goes: I think bumpy frogs have a sweet cub, but I want snoring mules.”

  For a few seconds, nothing happened.

  Then suddenly everyone burst out laughing.

  I wasn’t laughing because the message didn’t make any sense. Why would Mrs. Brisbane whisper that to anyone?

  “Thomas, here’s the paper with the real message. Please read it,” Mrs. Brisbane said.

  Thomas stared at it and then he smiled. “It says, ‘I think Humphrey and Og have a secret club, but I don’t know the rules.’”

  “We don’t have a secret club!” I squeaked, but no one could hear me over all the laughter.

  “BOING-BOING-BOING!” Og twanged loudly.

  Then Mrs. Brisbane called on all the students to say what they’d heard.

  “I think jumpy Og has a secret cub, but I want to know mules,” Nicole said.

  Sophie had heard, “I think bumpy Og has a sweet club, but I go to school.”

  “Snoring mules” had come from Harry.

  And “jumpy Og” became “bumpy frog” when Kelsey passed the message along.

  It may sound silly, but Og is a bit jumpy and bumpy and he is a frog. But I’ve never heard of a snoring mule!

  “How could the message change like that?” Tall-Paul asked.

  “They did it on purpose!” Rosie said.

  But Mrs. Brisbane said that no one did it on purpose. “This game shows how when we spread secrets and rumors, the words get fuzzy and the information passed along isn’t correct. Unless you do want snoring mules.”

  She paused while everyone giggled. I giggled a little bit, too.

  “I wanted to show you how secrets can get out of hand,” she said. “I know the last thing anyone wanted to do was to hurt anyone else.”

  My friends looked serious again.

  Then Slow-Down-Simon raised his hand. “Mrs. Brisbane, can we
play the game again?”

  And they did.

  The day moved so quickly, I was unsqueakably surprised when the final bell rang.

  I moved to the front of my cage and squeaked good-bye to everyone.

  I was HAPPY-HAPPY-HAPPY to see Holly walk out with Phoebe and Kelsey. And she was laughing!

  Felipe, Tall-Paul and Small-Paul waited for everyone to leave and then approached our teacher.

  “Mrs. Brisbane, I know you don’t want to hear any more about secret clubs,” Tall-Paul said.

  “That’s right,” she said.

  “But in our club, we made a version of an ancient Egyptian board game called senet,” Felipe said. “We thought it would be fun to share with the class.”

  Mrs. Brisbane smiled. “I think so, too. Bring it tomorrow. In fact, maybe all the clubs will share their secrets with the rest of the class.”

  The Flying Pharaohs looked pleased as they left Room 26.

  Mrs. Brisbane seemed pleased, too.

  “Humphrey and Og, let me tell you something. In all my years of teaching, I can say that there’s never a dull day.”

  “I know!” I squeaked. “I’ve only been here a short time, but I haven’t seen a dull day yet!”

  Which was true. In fact, I’d never seen a day where I hadn’t learned something new about humans.

  Soon, Mrs. Brisbane left and the room was quiet again.

  It was just getting dark when I saw the door open. It was too early for Aldo to arrive, so who could it be?

  For a moment, I was afraid it was the ghost of King Tut!

  But it was Ms. Mac. In fact, I could smell that it was Ms. Mac, who was the best-smelling creature I’d ever known.

  “Hi, Humphrey and Og,” she said. “I heard a lot of laughing coming from your room today.”

  “They played a silly game!” I told her. “It was FUN-FUN-FUN!”

  “Oh, Humphrey, I’ve been looking at different pets for my first-graders. I haven’t found the perfect one yet. Except for you,” she said. “And Og.”

  “BOING-BOING!” Og thanked her.

  “So tell me,” she said. “If I get another hamster, will your feelings be hurt?”

  I was silent for a minute.

  On the one paw, I didn’t really want Ms. Mac to get another hamster. I was afraid I’d feel jealous, the way I felt when Og first came to Room 26.