Chaos (Tessa Avery Book 1)

by Lucy Roy

  “I see.”

  I was quiet for a moment as I tried to shake off the memory of his blade against my skin.

  “And Atlas? What about my twin?”

  “Atlas is…” Hecate stared absently into the water, gently trailing her bare feet back and forth. “He blamed himself a great deal for your death. Zeus was unaware that Atlas had left Cronus’ side, so when he found him, he imprisoned him. At that point, Atlas’ grief turned him into little more than a shell of the man you knew, so he did nothing to clear his name.”

  “But Zeus released him! Why hasn’t he returned?”

  “He did release him,” Hestia said gently. “Once he knew the truth, not two years later. Atlas has been punishing himself for centuries for your death.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Then why wouldn’t he have returned once his memories of me disappeared? Once he had no reason to grieve anymore?”

  “Unfortunately, that’s something neither of us has an answer for,” she replied. “Hopefully in time, you’ll discover his reasons.”

  A sudden warmth surrounded me, and I felt a slight pressure on my waist.

  “Tessa, it’s time for you to return to the waking world,” Hecate said. “Everyone is waiting for you. Zeus can explain the rest of your brother’s story now that my spell has been lifted.”

  I nodded, blinking back tears.

  Here in this quiet world, I was safe with Hestia and Hecate. They knew my story, they knew who I was, and they didn’t seem to care.

  Out there in the waking world were the people who loved me. Or at least, the Ischyra version of me.

  Would they still love me as a Titaness?

  I felt tears dripping down my cheeks. I looked down at my wrist and ran a thumb over the shimmery purple Ischyra mark. It seemed like eons had passed since my transformation.

  “What if they don’t want me?” I sniffed and wiped at my eyes. “I want my brothers back, but I also want everyone from the last eighteen years back, too. Mary, Nate, all of them. I don’t think I can live in a world where that isn’t possible.”

  “Oh, honey,” Hestia whispered, her eyes brimming with tears as she pulled me in for a hug. “They all love you more than you know. You’ll see.”

  We sat like that for a few more moments before she finally placed a hand on my cheek.

  “Are you ready?” Hestia asked.

  I nodded, wiping away my tears one more time. “I am.”

  She laid a kiss to my forehead. “Then off you go.”

  47

  Tessa

  When I woke, my eyes still burned with tears. I groaned and buried my face in the soft pillow under my head, blocking out the sunlight that was streaming through the massive, richly draped windows.

  After a few moments, I slowly opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. Epimetheus was asleep in a chair next to the bed, arms crossed over his chest and feet propped on an ottoman.

  Mary was curled on a tan chaise that had been pulled up next to him, her hands tucked under her chin and knees pulled to her chest. Her wavy brown hair was a mess, and a small frown rested on her face.

  Something tightened on my waist, and I realized that there was a strong arm wrapped around me.

  “Tessa?”

  A whispered voice spoke next to me and a soft hand touched my shoulder. I rolled onto my back and was greeted with the sight of Nate’s midnight blue eyes, full of concern, looking down at me.

  “Hi,” I whispered, my voice coming out raspy.

  A smile broke across his face and he brushed a hand along my cheek. “Hi.”

  I looked around the bedroom, not recognizing the cherry-stained wood or Grecian style furniture.

  “Where are we?”

  He put a finger to his lips and switched over to mental speak.

  ‘One of the guest wings at my parents’ house.’ His brow furrowed as his eyes continued to search my face. ‘We brought you back here after…’

  I loosened my grip on his hand.

  ‘So you know…everything?’

  ‘Yes, Apollo explained most of it, then Hecate and Hestia gave us the rest. My father is furious, and the twins are beside themselves. Hestia convinced them all to let you rest.’

  A smile pulled at the corners of my mouth.

  ‘Then why are there three people in here with me?’

  ‘Epimetheus has refused to leave. After I spoke with Hestia, I thought it might be good if Mary was here when you woke up, so I snuck her in yesterday.’

  ‘And you?’ The fear of rejection that I’d had during my dream walk with Hestia and Hecate returned. ‘Why are you here?’

  He suddenly looked uncomfortable.

  ‘Do you…not want me to be? She seemed to think—'

  My eyes widened at his insinuation, and I gripped the fabric of his shirt.

  ‘No! Gods, no, that’s not what I meant.’ I put a hand on his cheek. ‘I want you here more than you could possibly know.’

  He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine.

  ‘Is it ok if I take a few more minutes with you before we wake the others?’

  ‘Yes, please.’

  He tightened his arm around my waist and pulled me close, letting me bury my face into his chest. I inhaled his clean, familiar scent and tried to get a handle on my spinning thoughts.

  “Oh, thank the gods, you’re awake,” a relieved voice said.

  I shifted and saw that Mary had woken up. Groggily, she climbed into the bed next to me and wrapped her arm around my waist, nudging Nate’s out of the way.

  For a moment, she just lay there quietly, her head pressed against my shoulder.

  “You scared me, Tessa,” she finally whispered.

  I rolled over and looked into her pretty hazel eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “Just promise me that you’re still my BFF and we’re all good,” she said as tears filled her eyes. “If he gets to stick around, I do, too.”

  “Always,” I whispered, pressing my forehead to hers. “I’m so goddamn confused right now, but you will always be my number one.”

  She lifted her head and arched a brow at Nate.

  “You hear that? I’m her number one.”

  “Yes, I heard,” he said dryly. “We should go see the others. The last two days have been…difficult.”

  I nodded, then squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to sort through the mash up of memories that kept swirling around in my mind.

  “Are you okay?” Mary whispered.

  “I’m still having some trouble working all of this out in my mind. I have all of these memories and they’re just…floating around. My old memories keep fighting with new ones. It’s like my mind can’t figure out what’s real.”

  I looked over at Epimetheus’ sleeping form.

  “They’re my brothers, but my memories of loving them are clashing with memories of being terrified of them. My mind keeps wanting to disregard one or the other. They’re just so muddled.”

  “I think you should take your time trying to work out how you’re going to adapt to all of this,” Nate said. “They’ll need to adapt, as well. You’re not the same sister they lost.”

  I stared up at the crystal chandelier that hung down from the recessed ceiling.

  Sister.

  “What if they won’t accept that?” I asked.

  “If you’d seen them these last two days, you’d know that would never be the case,” he replied.

  “He’s right,” Mary added. “Epimetheus hasn’t moved since they brought you here.”

  “I hope you’re right,” I murmured.

  Nate kissed my forehead and slid off the bed. I tried to push myself up, but my arms felt weak. Nate saw my struggle and came around to help me.

  “Thanks,” I whispered, smiling up at him as he slid me into a sitting position. I noticed someone had changed me out of my training outfit and into the skinny jeans I’d bought at Goddesses, a plain, pink tank top, and a white hoodie.

  “Did you dress m
e?” I asked Mary.

  “Yeah, Nate asked me to bring you clothes, and you love those jeans, so…”

  “Thanks,” I said, leaning in for a hug, trying to ignore how restricted I felt in the tight clothing. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I itched for the soft, flowing fabric of jewel colored dresses.

  “Here.” Nate handed me a glass of water from the nightstand.

  I accepted it gratefully and took a large sip.

  “Tessa?” Epimetheus’ quiet voice spoke from the corner.

  Slowly, he sat forward in the chair, and for a moment, we assessed each other.

  “We’ll let you two have some privacy,” Nate said, pulling Mary off the bed.

  Mary opened her mouth to protest but he shook his head.

  “Come on, we’ll go update Yana and Eric,” Nate said.

  “Fine,” she grumbled. “But you better bring me back.” She leaned down and gave me a hug, then gripped me by the shoulders and met my eyes. “We’ll talk soon, okay?”

  I nodded, then squeezed her hands. “Sounds good.”

  After Nate had teleported them away, I met Epimetheus’ gaze and waited for him to speak.

  “Do you remember…anything?”

  “I do,” I said, absently picking at a loose thread on the blue quilt over my legs. “It’s a little confusing, though.” I dropped my hands and sighed. “Very confusing, actually.”

  He rested his arms on his knees and tapped his fingers together.

  Finally, he raised his eyes to mine.

  “What happens now, Tessa? You’re my sister, my best friend, yet it’s as though you don’t even know me.”

  “I do know you, Epimetheus.” I threw back the blanket and moved to sit on the ottoman by his feet. “I’m just having troubling reconciling my old life with my new one. Two days ago, you were helping me train. I was terrified to fight you. That memory doesn’t fit with my original memories of you. It’s going to take time to work through all of that.”

  “I understand. It’s just—”

  He leaned forward and rested his head in his hands.

  “What is it?” I put my hand on his head and ran my hand through his messy, dark blond curls. I had vague memories of doing the same thing to soothe him when we were younger.

  He lifted his head to look at me, and I saw tears falling down his cheeks.

  “After you and Mother died,” he began. “We all…well, we all sort of spiraled a bit when you were taken from us. Watching your bodies burn on your funeral pyre…we all became lost in our own way.”

  I had to blink back more tears as I realized exactly what they’d had to live through once they’d thought me dead. They’d had to burn our bodies, watch as our ashes returned to nature, and learn how to live without us. Two pieces of their hearts had been ripped away in a way they’d believed to be irrevocable.

  I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry again, then met Epimetheus’ gaze.

  He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Prometheus blamed himself, of course, and closed himself off to everyone. He felt he should’ve seen it coming, so he wrote off Olympus entirely and went to go live in the human world. Atlas lost the will to live, and I…I became so lonely, Tessa. Nothing made sense to me anymore.”

  He lowered his head and stared at the floor for a moment before continuing.

  “Without you and our brothers, I was so, so lonely,” he whispered, his voice thick with tears. “Lonely enough that I accepted Pandora from Zeus without even considering what the consequences might be. I thought if I could start a family of my own, it might get better. I had no idea…” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “And then she was taken from me, too. I know it wasn’t real, but I’d tasted love, or the illusion of love. Then it was ripped away, and I was forced to watch as humans suffered for my mistakes.”

  “Gods, Epimetheus,” I murmured, pulling him into my arms. He pressed his face to my shoulder and gripped my arms as sobs began to rack his body. In that moment, fury at Zeus and all who helped him trick my brother sparked in my mind. I knew they’d atoned, I knew that Zeus had released my brothers from their prisons, and I knew he felt horrifically guilty about all he’d done. Yet here, holding Epimetheus as he cried, I hated him.

  I held him until his crying jag ended. After a few moments, he pulled back and let out a laugh.

  “I thought this would be a happy reunion.”

  I gave him a watery smile. “It’ll just take some time to…get back to normal, I guess. Or as close to normal as possible.” I rubbed a hand across my forehead. “I don’t even know what normal is right now.”

  “I’ll give you all the time you need,” he promised. “Prometheus, too, I’ll make sure.”

  “Thank you.” I frowned, considering my thoughts just a few moments earlier. “Epimetheus, can I ask you something?”

  “Of course.”

  “Are you really okay with all of this? Working with Zeus, I mean, after what he did to you?”

  His eyes searched my face for a few seconds before responding. “I am. If you’d asked me that two thousand years ago, my answer might have been different, but yes, I can say that I’m okay allying myself with him once again.”

  “You’ve got no concerns at all?”

  He cocked his head to the side and smiled. “You’re asking a lot of questions for someone who just woke up after a three thousand year-long nap.”

  I swatted his shoulder and laughed.

  “Very funny. Seriously, though. None?”

  “If I didn’t have concerns, I’d be a fool. I think we’ve all learned from our mistakes, but I won’t ever forget what he did, or what I did.”

  I nodded slowly, digesting his words. “Okay. If you can do it, I can, too.”

  He smiled and ruffled my hair. “You know, I realized something today,” he said, letting his hand drop back to his lap. “When we were sparring, you told me I was going easy on you after you won. I think I’ve figured out why.”

  The corner of my mouth pulled up in a grin as a dim memory tugged at my mind. “Because you could never win against me?”

  He laughed, and I let him wrap his massive hands around mine.

  “Once you started your weapons training, Atlas would always call our matches because we took too long.” He smiled softly. “You do remember.”

  I squeezed his hand. “I’m starting to.”

  I sighed and looked at the heavy wood door that separated us from whoever still waited outside.

  “I guess I should go face everyone?”

  “You can teleport now,” he said with a grin. “I’ll give you a head start if you want to take off for a bit.”

  I considered it for a moment, then shook my head. “No, I can’t hide from this.” I stood, then rolled my neck a few times to ease the stiffness two days in a bed had left.

  “No, I don’t suppose you can,” Epimetheus said as he rose from the chair and took my hand.

  Just as he was about to open the door, Prometheus walked in. He stopped when he saw us, and his eyes ran over my face. His mouth opened, but no sound came out. Finally, he closed the distance between us and pulled me to his chest in a bone-crushing hug.

  “Ease back, Prometheus,” Epimetheus murmured. “She’s still a bit fragile.”

  Prometheus released me, only pulling back far enough to keep his hands on my shoulders. “Are you alright?”

  “I am.” I smiled. “A little woozy and pretty confused still, but I think I’m okay.”

  “Tessa—” A pained expression came across his face. “I don’t know how I didn’t know…gods, you were right in front of me. I should’ve—”

  “You think you should’ve known about this?”

  “Well, I am the—"

  “Don’t pull that ‘god of forethought’ nonsense right now.” I put my hands on his cheeks and looked him in the eye. “That makes you intuitive, not all knowing. Please, stop.”

  He closed his eyes and nodded. “We should go. Zeus wants to see y
ou, and I’m quite sure Hera wants to ensure that you don’t intend to seduce her husband now that you’re a Titaness again.”

  My eyes widened. “You—did she say that? Ew! That’s Nate’s father!”

  Prometheus laughed and brushed a hand over my hair. “I think your time as an Ischyra has had a detrimental effect on your vocabulary,” he said. “And Hera hasn’t outright said as much, but you know how she can be.”

  “Yes, I do,” I muttered. I ran my fingers through my hair and immediately hit several snags. “Hang on, I need to do something with my hair.” Someone had left a hair tie on my wrist, so I began to pull it into a ponytail.

  “Here, let me,” Epimetheus said, taking the tie from me.

  I smiled as another long-forgotten memory flashed in my mind.

  “Clymene… Mother taught you how to braid my hair,” I said fondly. “I remember that.”

  He laughed as he began combing through the strands, twisting them into a loose braid. “Yes, well, you hated to have your hair down and she got tired of doing it. You couldn’t do it on your own, so I offered.”

  “I couldn’t manage it in this life, either. Yana, my roommate, tried to teach me.”

  “Don’t think so highly of him just yet,” Prometheus said, laughing. “He only wanted to be on your good side so you’d put in a word with Athena.”

  “Yes, well, do you blame me?” Epimetheus said, giving my shoulders a quick squeeze as he finished up my hair.

  I paused, trying to remember.

  I looked up at Prometheus. “Athena and I—we were friends. Right?”

  “Damn good ones.”

  I nodded, trying to recapture the memories of our friendship. “Does she know?”

  “She does. She’s waiting with the others.”

  “Alright,” I said with a sigh. “Let’s go, then.”

  We made our way out to the living room and found Zeus sitting in an arm chair facing the fire, gazing into the flames. Apollo stood next to the fireplace, sipping a glass of amber liquid and staring at the floor. Hera and Hestia were sitting on one of the Victorian style sofas and Athena was sitting across from them. Her feet were bare and tucked underneath her legs, and her brow was furrowed.