SUSY Asylum

by Michael Pierce

  Mr. Gordon stood up, and with a flick of his wrist, made the classroom door slam shut. “Maybe at one time. But for now, you are Oliver Grain.”

  “Why did you keep me in the dark all this time?” I demanded.

  “Your father thought it would be best to keep it from you until you were old enough and ready to return to his side. He thought it would be safer.”

  “I am old enough! I am ready!”

  “You are old enough, but clearly not ready. These are dangerous times and the higher planes are extremely dangerous for you to be in right now.”

  “Provex City?”

  “Provex City is in the first higher plane—and there are more. This is the only place safe for you at this time.”

  “But Kafka’s dead. You must know that, so—”

  “The ambitious side of the Lorne family may currently find themselves without a leader, but their goals have not changed. Your father, Nicholae, still leads the rebellion, making you a primary target. What you did by going to Provex City put you and the ones you love in great danger. That is why it’s imperative for you not to go there until you are really ready. You have no idea of the dangers that could befall you.”

  It seemed useless. Mr. Gordon wasn’t really opening up. He was acting more like an overprotective parent, giving cryptic warnings that I should blindly follow for my own good. I paced around the room. There were so many questions about who I was, who my father was, and where I came from.

  “Is the door to the Room of Enlightenment gone or am I just regressing?” I finally asked, exasperated.

  “It’s gone for now. In light of all that’s happened, I don’t think it’s a good idea to continue our sessions here.”

  “Where then?”

  “My house,” Mr. Gordon said. “So there will be no more interruptions or distractions. No more people weaseling their way into our sessions.”

  “What about Desiree? Are you still including her?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s the best idea. I think it may be too dangerous to keep her involved. And besides, it doesn’t seem like you two are on the best of terms.”

  “She’s not talking to me much right now. It’s a long story,” I said, trying like mad not to picture her face again.

  “That’s too bad, but maybe it’s the best thing for our current situation.” Mr. Gordon looked away, toward the door. A small group of students passed the narrow window in the door. “She was learning very quickly. She doesn’t know about Provex City, does she?” He turned his focus back to me.

  “No,” I lied, trying not to picture our several visits into the city and give myself away. “Of course not.” It was hard to look him in the eyes, but I had to remain strong.

  “There’s something you’re not telling me. My entire duty here is to protect you and it makes things a whole lot more complicated if you are not honest with me. Does Desiree know about Provex City?”

  “No, I swear,” I lied again. I didn’t want to keep dragging Desiree into this since she was probably done with me anyhow. This was my life, my family, my destiny. Our rendezvous into the city were of no real importance. It would be best to just let her fade away and continue on with her old life.

  “How is it that you and Jeremy got to Provex City? I take it that he had been there during much of his disappearance and he was able to remain hidden while my contact searched the upper planes. He must’ve had help. Who helped him? And who helped you? Was it Jeremy or someone else?”

  I couldn’t handle the barrage of questions. There was so much I didn’t know and so much that Mr. Gordon was still keeping from me. He had barely spoken of my father, even now, even with me knowing that they were close friends. Was I also blindly trusting Mr. Gordon? Jeremy blindly trusted Cias, who also had close connections to the Lorne family, and look where it got him—betrayed. How was I to know that Mr. Gordon didn’t have the same kind of secret allegiances? I wanted to trust Mr. Gordon so badly, but in the end, could I?

  “Jeremy did it on his own. I don’t know how. Maybe he had been secretly practicing for years. I don’t know. We’ve never been super close and now at least I know why.”

  “Because he’s your half-brother,” Mr. Gordon said softly.

  “Yeah. We always seemed so different, but I could never explain why. Now I know. And he helped me get there. You opened the door and Jeremy led me through.”

  “There is more than you’re telling me, but I can’t seem to get it from you. I can sense it, but I can’t see it. Your defenses are up. You’re afraid. Of what? Of me?”

  “Before I knew anything of Provex City and Kafka as more than an imaginary bogeyman, I had a dream. A dream of a castle. Of myself as a child. Of Kafka and a man named Cornelius. Kafka killed him. I saw it happen.”

  “It wasn’t a dream,” Mr. Gordon said.

  “I know that now. I was there. The memories are still there.”

  “That is truly remarkable. The pill your mother gave you when we first came to this place was designed to securely lock those memories away. Nicholae had planned to unlock those memories for you to experience again once you were reunited. But you seem to be managing it yourself. The interesting thing will be when those memories get unlocked, there may be more revealed than just the memories of when you were a boy.”

  “Did you know Cornelius?” I asked.

  “Briefly. He was your father’s mentor. He had a son about your age. Cornelius hid him much like your father hid you. But it was reported that his son wasn’t hidden well enough and was killed.”

  “That’s awful.” I said, not wanting to mention that was also mentioned in the dream—or memory.

  Mr. Gordon scratched his nose and rubbed an eye through the side of his horn-rimmed glasses. “I wasn’t going to let what happened to Cornelius’s son happen to you.”

  “When will you take me to see my father?” I asked.

  “I expect it won’t be too long now.”

  “You said that this is the only place where I’m safe. What’s so special about this place?”

  “This place—the lowest plane—contains a barrier you and I can cross, but Kafka and your father cannot.”

  “Kafka’s dead,” I said.

  “I know, but it changes things less than you realize.”

  “Then help me understand.”

  “I wish it were that simple. Did you hear a voice talking to you while you were in Provex City?” Mr. Gordon searched my eyes and expression for something more than I would tell him.

  “Yes.”

  “That voice is the reason why you and I can cross, and Kafka and your father cannot.”

  The door opened without a knock and Vice Principal Adams entered the classroom. “Daniel, I’d like to talk with you when you have a minute.”

  “Now is fine. Oliver was just leaving,” Mr. Gordon said, glancing back at me. I took my cue, gathered my things, and left.

  I crossed the quad and marched right up to my sixth period classroom. The door was slightly ajar and I peered in. The advanced art table had one empty stool, which was mine. Desiree and Sara had switched seats. Everyone was talking, laughing, and working. I felt like I would ruin the experience, that I would send the table into a tailspin of awkwardness. Class was already half over, so I turned and headed home.

  I came in the side door. The house appeared quiet until Frolics barged into the kitchen not a second later in a welcoming frenzy of spasms and grunting. At least I had one friend left. I pushed past him, but Frolics stayed close at my heels. Richard was seated in his recliner and I greeted him as I passed the living room.

  After spending most of the day alone, I was craving some interaction and decided to sit with Richard. He looked bored out of his mind. The television wasn’t on. No reading material. He was just sitting there with his cast propped up on the footrest, looking around the room and out the windows.

  “Running out of things to do?” I asked.

  “I’ve never felt so useless in my life. I
’ve never had more than two weeks of vacation since I was nineteen. I’ll have pulled out all my hair before too long.”

  “I would love more time off school. I wouldn’t miss it if I never went back.”

  “Don’t be so eager to grow up. Enjoy the time while you’re young. It goes by fast. And you never know when it will all be taken away.” Richard took a sip from the beer he kept balanced on the armrest.

  Frolics decided he was tired of lying around and jumped up for attention, landing his front paws on Richard’s hurt leg. Richard grimaced and pushed Frolics back to the floor.

  “See how glad he is to have you back?” I kicked off my sneakers and put my feet up on the edge of the coffee table.

  “He’s got a lousy-ass way of showing it,” Richard laughed. “How was your first day back?”

  “Besides having no friends, it was wonderful.”

  “It will blow over soon enough. If they’re true friends, then they’ll get over whatever you guys are fighting about.”

  “That’s such a parent thing to say and it doesn’t make me feel any better,” I said.

  “Okay, well, hopefully things work themselves out. Your mom said you were planning to see the school counselor. Did you get a chance to stop in and see him today?”

  “Her. Mrs. Whitman. Not yet, but I will later this week.”

  “And you’re going to continue attending all of your classes?”

  “Of course.”

  “Then the message from the school about you missing your sixth period was just a misunderstanding?” Richard took another sip while awaiting my reply.

  I managed to get out a weak, “Yes?”

  “I thought so.”

  I could tell from the look in his eyes that he knew I was lying and my playing hooky didn’t go unnoticed. But I believed he was going to let it go this time. I didn’t want to get in trouble and I didn’t want to fight about it. I just wanted to move on.

  I left Richard with Frolics and his beer, and retreated to my room. Mom would probably be home soon with groceries, and if I was already in my room, then I wouldn’t have to help put them away.

  I had more homework thrown at me than I even wanted to think about. There was no easing back into it. Swim or drown. I felt like I was drowning. I had been treading water all day and now I was spent. My muscles were seizing up and there was nothing to grab hold of. There was no one even to call on for help. It was just me; alone. And I was drowning, which was the worst feeling I could imagine.

  I placed the books I would need on my desk in a nice, neat pile off to the side of my computer monitor. Geometry was on top, so I’d start there.

  I leaned back in my chair and glanced around the desk, my attention fleeting and unfocused. That’s when I noticed, on the floor between my desk and the wall, the frayed edge of the carpet. It loosely lifted away from the baseboard and looked as though the corner was no longer nailed down. This was TJ’s room before mine, which made me wonder if this was another one of his secrets waiting to be revealed.

  I rolled back my chair and dragged my desk away from the wall. My hands shook from the suspense as I fumbled around with the corner of the carpet, slowly pulling it up like I was unzipping a body bag. How had I never noticed this before?

  Under the loose corner of carpet, a square piece of the padding was cut away so a college-ruled notebook could be snugly placed between the carpet and the floorboard. I picked up the notebook. It felt like my friend had come home. TJ was finally talking to me again.

  I tucked the carpet back under the baseboards as carefully as possible, repositioned my desk, and held the green notebook in my hands. There was no writing on the cover, but I knew it was his. I fumbled with the cover as I opened it to the first page and then fanned through pages of writing. Settling on a page somewhere in the middle of the notebook, I began to read.

  TJ & Desiree (A)

  Desiree was beautiful, but TJ could never tell her that. She sat on his bed, leaning against the wall, like she did almost every afternoon. She typically wore form fitting jeans, an ensemble of casual blouses, and purple socks. She had been letting her bangs grow out since Christmas and they were falling in her face all the time, forcing her to constantly swipe them to the side. Her hair was naturally wavy and almost always down. He liked it that way.

  TJ put his violin back in its case. She seemed to like listening to him practice, so he played for her a little each day, then more when she left while he waited for his parents to get off work.

  “Let me show you what I was just playing. I learned it last night,” TJ said, sitting down at his computer and pulling up iTunes. An acoustic guitar accompanied by a solemn, ethereal voice poured from the speakers.

  “Who’s this?” she asked, lying down to rest her head on his pillow.

  “Elliott Smith. A friend told me about him recently and got me hooked.”

  “I like it.”

  “I hoped you’d say that. I burned you a CD. You’ve gotta start with Figure 8.” TJ showed her the CD on his desk. “Remember to take it with you.”

  After listening to three songs from three separate albums, TJ turned off the music.

  “Hey, I was listening to that,” Desiree said, pouting.

  “Sorry. I’ve got lines to memorize. You want to run through them with me?”

  “Oh, of course. You’re a big-time actor now,” Desiree said teasingly.

  “This is my biggest role so far, so yeah, I’m stoked.” TJ grabbed the script of Almost, Maine from his backpack and tossed it to Desiree. “You can be Allie’s role. Our scene starts on page six.”

  Desiree flipped to the right page and their scene began. TJ already had half of his lines memorized, and for the ones he forgot, he leaned over Desiree’s shoulder to read the first few words. Desiree didn’t simply read the lines, but passionately got into character.

  It soon became apparent to her that this was a romantic scene, not one between mere friends. He saw her looking up at him with seemingly conflicted emotions.

  “It says here we have to kiss,” Desiree said, breaking out of character.

  “I know. We obviously don’t have to practice that; I just need to have my lines down.”

  “Sorry, I kinda killed the scene. Let’s start over.” She flipped back to the beginning of the scene and started from their first line.

  Desiree stood up with him and more than got into character, she got into the scene. TJ didn’t glance over at the pages Desiree was holding and when he forgot a line, he improvised, moving the scene seamlessly forward. When it came to their kiss, the scene didn’t stop. Desiree wrapped her arms around his neck, papers and all, and planted her lips on his.

  TJ thought he was dreaming and hoped he hadn’t died without noticing.

  Desiree pulled back. “Was that okay?”

  TJ didn’t have any words, practiced or improvised, and instinctually grabbed her back to continue their first kiss. He felt her breathing. Her tongue. Her hands nestled in his hair. His lips began to tingle, and then grew wonderfully numb. He couldn’t believe he was kissing his best friend since elementary school, for whom he’d been secretly pining after for the better part of a year. He was the first to notice that she wasn’t a little girl anymore. And he felt that, too, as she continued to kiss him with fervor that wasn’t meant for just friends.

  After several minutes, they could both barely breathe. Desiree plopped herself down on the edge of the bed.

  “What’s happening here?” TJ asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Do you like me?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “It feels like you like me.”

  Desiree stared up at him, biting her lower lip and entwining her ankles.

  “I like you,” TJ said. “I hope that’s not weird.”

  “It’s not.”

  TJ knelt down in front of her and placed his hands on her thighs. “Does this bother you?”

  “No.”

  “How about this?” H
e moved his hands up to her waist and couldn’t believe what he was doing, that he was really touching her like this. This wasn’t tag or play-fighting anymore.

  “No.”

  “And how about this?” TJ lightly brushed back her hair, placed his hands behind her ears, and softly kissed her again.

  When their lips finally parted, Desiree whispered, “No.”

  “You may not know this, but I’ve liked you for a while.”

  “I knew.” She smiled, looking almost guilty at first, but then her emerald eyes seemed to actually sparkle. “And now I think I feel the same way.”

  TJ shook his head and couldn’t have wiped the silly grin off his face if he tried.

  Then her expression suddenly darkened. “I’m not sure how I feel about you kissing Allie now.”

  “I’ll pretend I’m kissing you.” TJ paused. “You know, it just so happens—and I wasn’t planning this whatsoever—but tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day. Would you like to…umm…be my valentine?”

  “How convenient.” Desiree smirked and cupped one of his hands in hers. “I expect presents.”

  12

  In Between

  I needed a new art project, but nothing was jumping out at me in the magazines. The table was quiet and I was seated next to Sara. Desiree was diagonal from me, immersed in her watercolors. Sara was drawing a woman holding a crying child in her arms. Her pencil sketch was nearly finished. And here I was, the only one at the table, with absolutely nothing. I felt like I was always two steps behind.

  “So, what’s wrong with you two anyway?” Sara asked out of nowhere.

  “I—”

  “Nothing,” Desire said. “I just needed a change of scenery, that’s all. It’s not like I switched classes. We’re all still right here. A change of perspective, if you will. A classroom paradigm shift. Inspiration for the creative process.”

  “You’ve obviously put a lot of thought into your game of musical stools.” Andy laughed.

  “I put a lot of thought into everything I do.”