Rock the Heart

by Michelle A. Valentine

  Big Bertha rolls down the road, taking us to the next city on our tour. I hate being trapped on here at a time like this. More than anything I want to hop on my bike and drive for a few hours to try to clear my head.

  I hate that I’m so fucked up that no one can stand to be around me long term.

  “Fuck you, bitch. I got you!” Trip yells at the television as he smashes buttons on the game controller.

  I shake my head. “What’s with you guys and video games?”

  Tyke shrugs, but never removes his eyes from the screen as he fights his brother. “I could ask you the same thing about the Oreos.”

  My shoulders tense. Oreos are special to me because of my sister, but that’s not something I share with anyone. The twins know all about my family and the trauma we went through, but that’s only because they knew me when it all happened. What I wouldn’t give to block out my past. It’s too fucking painful to think about. I don’t deserve to be alive, let alone have any happiness. Oreos and the happy memories of me and Hailey together tied to them are the only positives I allow myself.

  When the game ends, Tyke gets up and grabs his notepad. “I’ve been working on some new lyrics. I want you guys to tell me what you think.”

  “I’m down,” Trip says.

  I close up the cookies and push them aside, eager to work on some music. After I grab my Gibson from the front of the bus, I sit down on the love seat glad to have something to occupy my mind.

  “Okay, the beat goes a little something like this.” Tyke slaps the table in front of him to a steady beat. “And I’m thinking the bass sounds raunchy.”

  He starts making low-pitched noises with his mouth while keeping time on the table. I close my eyes and allow the melody to fill me. It’s a dirty beat and my fingers glide over the threads as the vision of the cords I need to play flood my brain.

  Like every other time we write a song, I strum the first notes that come to mind. We play it through for a couple minutes and Trip sits down and takes over the drum beat and we start again, only this time I open my mouth sign the lyrics on Tyke’s paper. The parts he still needs to write I improvise with a little humming.

  “Through the rain cloud—there you were...hmmmm, hmmm, hmm,” I sing.

  Trip nods his head. “Yeah, I like it.”

  We run through it a few more times, each time getting it tuned finer. “It’s great, man. The bones are solid.”

  Tykes grins. “Thanks, bro. You know how it is when I write. I never know until we start putting it together if it’s going to work or not.”

  I roll my eyes—always the self-doubter. “I think you got something with this one.”

  We wrap up our jam session and Lanie opens the door and makes her way down the hallway. Her hair is a little frizzy from sleep and she squints at the bright lights.

  I glance over at the clock. Damn. It’s nearly four in the morning. She’s probably pissed we woke her up.

  “Hey, if it isn’t sleeping beauty,” Trip teases. “Lonely back there in the love shack?”

  A blush creeps up into her cheeks as we all laugh. She squeezes in next to me on the love seat and lowers her chin to avoid our stares.

  Trip and Tyke gravitate back to the Xbox to resume the game they were playing.

  Trip looks over at Lanie and smirks. “Lanie, since he isn’t here, you have to tell us what Noel was like when you guys dated before.”

  “Yeah,” Tyke agrees, while adjusting the bandanna on his forehead. “We need dirt—the good stuff. Did he get the crap kicked out of him in school? We need ammo to torment him.”

  She shrugs. “Sorry, guys. There’s isn’t much to tell. Noel’s pretty straight laced. He doesn’t have many secrets.”

  “That you know of,” I chime in.

  Her head snaps toward me. “What’s that supposed to mean? You keep alluding to some big thing Noel is keeping from me.”

  I shrug. She really doesn’t have a fucking clue. Damn him. I knew it. “It means just that.”

  “Noel doesn’t keep things from me. He doesn’t like secrets between us.”

  “Well maybe you should—”

  “Dude!” Trip cuts me off. “Now is not the time, man.”

  “You don’t think she should know? I guarantee he hasn’t told her. Look at her face.” I point to Lanie. “She has no fucking clue what I’m talking about. I’m trying to look out for her. She’s a nice girl and I don’t want to see her get hurt.”

  Trip rubs his forehead. “I know. I know. But, it’s not our place to tell her.”

  Lanie waves her hand. “Guys, I’m right here. Tell me what the fuck is going on.”

  I set my eyes on her. She really does look clueless, like she trusts him completely and it makes me feel pity for her. She has to know. I don’t give a fuck who gets mad, least of all Noel. I’ve had enough of his shit. “Lanie...Noel has a girlfriend.”

  She furrows her brow. “What? No way! You guys are messing with me.”

  Tyke frowns, and I shake my head.

  “I—I don’t believe you. He wouldn’t...No.”

  I toy with the hoop through my bottom lip. “It’s true, Lanie. I’m sorry.”

  She clutches her chest. I can literally see her struggle for air to breathe. She gasps with her eyes wide and then turns pale.

  Fuck. I’m not prepared for this big of a freak out.

  Tyke drops to his knees in front of her and places of his hands on her shoulders. “Breathe, Lanie. You’re white as snow.”

  There’s a long pause as she processes the information and for a second I feel guilty for telling her, but know deep down it’s the right thing. Hopefully, this pain will be like a band-aid. One quick rip and done.

  She raises her head and questions, “How long?”

  “How long what, Lanie?” Tyke asks.

  “The girl. Has he been with her long?” Tyke looks to Trip then to me for an answer. He hates being wrapped up in drama of any kind. Guess it’s up to me to field this one.

  I roll my lips into a line, and this is harder to do than I thought. “Not long—only a few months.”

  “This whole time—why would he do this?”

  “Because Noel Falcon is a selfish prick,” I say. “He doesn’t give a shit about anybody but himself.”

  She scrubs her fingers down her face. “Oh, god. I can’t believe this.”

  I touch her shoulder gingerly. “I’m sorry, Lanie. He’s a shit.”

  Her face twists and it’s obvious she’s fighting back tears. Her legs wobble as she pushes herself up from the seat.

  “Lanie? Are you all right?” Tyke asks.

  “I’m fine,” she says before heading towards bedroom door, slamming it behind her.

  As soon as she’s gone Trip turns around and glares at me. “Jesus! What the fuck was that?”

  I rub my forehead. I knew he’d be all over my ass. “Don’t start. It had to be done, man.”

  “But I told you, nothing good would come of doing that.”

  My eyebrows crinkle. “Her knowing is good. Noel needs to take some responsibility for his actions. Someone needed to force his hand.”

  “And that had to be you? Don’t you know how much shit this is going to stir up? We’re already struggling to keep this band together as is. Do you want to fuck this all up on purpose for us?”

  I shake my head. “No! I just...”

  I stop myself from yelling out that Noel’s a selfish prick and I’m done with that fucking asshole.

  I sigh. “Look, I’ll go talk to her, okay.”

  Trip glances at his brother and then back to me. “You better fix this, man. This band is my fucking life.”

  I shove up from the love seat and head towards the back of the bus. I knock softly on the door. I feel like a complete ass for saying anything now, but she needed to hear the truth.

  When she doesn’t answer, I open the door slowly. The mattress is bare and the sheets lay in a massive heap in the corner of the small room. She’s a fucki
ng tornado when she’s pissed.

  Her tear streaked face stares up at me, and I can see how torn up she is. Her shoulders sag as she pats the spot beside her on the bed.

  I give her the best smile I can muster, but I know it’s sad “You okay?”

  She shakes her head, “Yes.”

  “That’s not very convincing.”

  She sighs and her voice quivers. “I know, but what choice do I have?”

  I tilt my head. “You have all the power here, Lanie. Noel screwed you over like he did to me. That’s who he is. But you have the power to do what’s best for you and get the hell away from him. I would if I could, but I’m kind of stuck here.”

  She snorts. “I know the feeling.”

  “Ah, yes, the job—I almost forgot about that. Well, I guess you and I are both screwed by him.”

  She turns toward me, clearly trying to figure me out. “You mean you’d leave this band if you could?”

  I nod. She has no clue how much I wish I could be free of Noel and his bullshit. “In a heartbeat. I can hardly look at the guy without wanting to kick his ass. But, this band is my life. It’s all I’ve ever known. I can’t walk away, no matter how much I want to.”

  “I’ve noticed there’s some tension between you two.”

  I laugh, but it has a bitter edge to it. “Yeah, well, when your best friend fucks your woman, you’ll have that.”

  Her eyes widen. “Noel...”

  “Yes,” I answer her unspoken question. “His girlfriend is my ex, Sophie.”

  Lanie throws her hand over her mouth and darts out of the bedroom. The paper-thin walls in the bathroom don’t muffle sound at all. I hear every heave as she loses all the contents of her stomach.

  When Noel gets back, I’ll have a fight on my hands—spilling this secret will not go over well.

  Chapter 13

  RIFF

  Noel throws open the curtain to my bunk and lunges inside. “You fucking told her?”

  “You can’t have them both,” I yell back the moment he grabs handfuls of my shirt. I knew this moment was coming as soon as I told her. “I won’t let you do that to Sophie.”

  I hear Lanie’s voice in the background. “Noel, stop!”

  In a split second, Noel loses it. He yanks me from the bunk and throws me down on the hallway floor. I try to stand, but before I get the chance, Noel’s on me, connecting a hard punch against my jaw.

  I grunt and grab Noel into a tight headlock when he dips his head down. If it’s one thing I know how to do well, it’s fighting. Dad would come at me every time he got drunk, so it was learn to protect myself and fight back or get the shit kicked out of me.

  Noel flings his arms wildly, his fists crack against my ribs and knocks the wind out of me for a second.

  “Stop it!” Lanie yells again.

  Trip and Tyke’s curtains fly back and they jump out of their bunks. The twins get in-between us and eventually yank us apart. My chest heaves as I taste metallic on the tip of my tongue. That fucker was going for blood.

  We’re both still red-faced determined to get at each other as he fight against Trip and Tyke.

  “I can’t believe you fucking told her!” Noel shouts while still in Trip’s firm hold. “You need to mind your own damn business.”

  I laugh harshly. “Me? Mind my own business? You make it pretty hard to do when you’re fucking my girlfriend behind my back!”

  Noel’s mouth drops open. “She came to me. I didn’t go after her.”

  “And that makes it fucking okay? Jesus, Noel, you were my best friend—my brother and you still screwed me over. I’m not going to let you do that to Lanie.”

  “I was going to tell her!” Noel shouts with his arms spread wide.

  “When? When were you going to tell her? After Sophie has the baby?”

  Out of the corner of my eye I notice Lanie falls back against the wall. A baby isn’t something I told her about. I figured if I told her about Sophie, Noel would fess up about knocking her up on his own. But in the heat of the moment, I said it to further piss him off.

  Noel’s body stills and his eyes snap to Lanie. She shakes her head under his stare and slowly backs away from him.

  “Lane?” Noel says her name as heads back to the bedroom. “Lane, wait!”

  She slams the door behind her and Noel instantly jerks his gaze at me. “This isn’t over, motherfucker.”

  “It is for you,” I snap back.

  He glares at me for a second longer like he’s debating on trying a round two with me, but he knows better. I’ll fucking end him if he comes at me while I’m ready for him.

  He shakes his head and heads after her.

  “Come on, man. Let’s head over to the hotel and chill out for a while.” Trip pats my shoulder.

  Trip walks me back to our floor in the hotel, keeping an extra eye that I don’t turn around and charge the bus to go after Noel again.

  “I can’t believe he yanked you out of the bunk like that,” Trip says.

  I shrug. “I would’ve probably done the same thing. I basically ruined things between him and Lanie.”

  Trip shakes his head. “It was good you told her, though. I hate keeping secrets from people.”

  I nod, but don’t answer because I’m keeping things from Aubrey, too—things she may leave me for when she finds out.

  “I’m gonna go toss my shit in my room and use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

  I plop down in the chair next to the elevator. “I’ll wait for you right here.”

  Thinking about Kitten makes me want to hear her voice.

  AUBREY

  The sound of Maroon 5 from my cell phone wakes me up. I roll over and grab it from my nightstand. It’s Lanie. Why is she calling so early in the morning?

  I smile when I answer, “What’s up, lucky girl? How’s that fine man of yours?”

  There’s a long pause on the line before she says, “Not good.”

  As soon as the words leave her she’s bawling into the phone. I sit up in bed, immediate concern rocks me. She’s falling apart. Did she find out about Diana’s plan to take the charity away from her?

  I have to know what’s going on. “Aw, baby cakes, tell me what happened?”

  She sniffs. “He’s such an asshole.”

  A heavy breath leaves my lungs as relief washes through me. I’m sad she’s hurt, but I’m glad it’s not because of me and what I’m keeping from her. “Did he hurt you? I’ll kill him if he laid a finger on you.”

  “Nothing like that. He’s just...” She takes a deep breath. “Noel has a girlfriend, Aubrey.”

  “What!?” I screech. “What do you mean he has a girlfriend?”

  “I guess he has for a while, but that’s not the worst part.”

  “What can be any worse than that?”

  “She’s pregnant.”

  I gasp. “Like, with a baby?”

  “Yes. She says it’s Noel’s.”

  “Oh, my god. Screw the job, Lanie. Run away as fast as you can from that freak show. Come home.”

  She’s quiet for a second and then she calls out, “Just a minute.”

  “Who is that?” I question. It better not be Noel. He better thank his lucky stars I’m not there to punch him square in the balls.

  There’s a rustling noise on her end of the line like she’s moving around. “It’s probably just housekeeping.” After a distinct sound of a deadbolt unlocking, I hear her say, “What are you doing here?”

  Noel’s deep voice rumbles and asks, “Can I come in?”

  There’s a thump as the door closes and then she sighs into the phone. “Aubrey, I’ll have to call you back.”

  “Is it him?”

  She whispers, “Yes.”

  I inhale deeply through my nose, trying to hold in my anger. “Tell him to fuck off, Lanie. You don’t need to put up with his shit.”

  “I will. I promise.”

  “You call me back if you need me. Hear me?”

  “
Okay,” is all she says before disconnecting our call.

  I flop back against my pillow and rake my hair back from my forehead. What a mess. If only I could’ve seen this coming...

  My lips twist. This is exactly what Zach was trying to warn me about. Why didn’t he tell me or her for that matter? Just further proves why I can’t date a guy like him. That whole bros before hoes mentality is sickening.

  I open the message box to Zach and see the last message he left me.

  Riff: Why?

  I shake my head. There’s so many reasons why I can’t date him. This situation with Lanie doesn’t help.

  Aubrey: Because men like you keep girlfriends on the side.

  I toss my phone back on the nightstand and head into the shower to get ready for work. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me what Noel was up to. Why make me try and guess?

  I scrub vigorously in the shower, running through everything Zach ever said to me about Noel. There’s nothing I can recall that screams Noel wasn’t exactly single.

  I know it’s not Zach’s fault that his friend is a douchebag, but he knew exactly what was going on. He had to. And he didn’t tell me, or more importantly, Lanie.

  I run a fluffy towel through my hair, sopping up the water as I walk back over to my cell. The blue message light flashes. I pick it up and touch the screen.

  Riff: Lanie called you?

  I roll my eyes.

  Aubrey: Of course she called me. We don’t keep things from each other.

  After I hit send, I think about how that isn’t exactly true either. I’m keeping something from her too, but I’m doing it to protect her, not out of selfish gain.

  Riff: Look, I’m the one who told her, okay? I was trying to help her. I told you I didn’t think it was a good idea for them to be together.

  Aubrey: You should’ve told me, so I could break it to her.

  Riff: I struggled with it because it wasn’t exactly my place to tell her and I didn’t want you involved.