Rock the Heart

by Michelle A. Valentine

  I sigh. He’s right. Noel should’ve manned-up and told her. Instead he kept it from her, causing her to be crushed.

  Aubrey: You’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to lash out at you. Thank you for telling her.

  Riff: It was the right thing to do.

  I smile.

  Aubrey: So noble...who knew?

  Riff: I wouldn’t go that far.

  Aubrey: I would.

  Riff: What’s your cell number? I hate instant messaging.

  I tap my finger on the side of the phone. Where is this going? It’s only going to torture both of us if we keep this up.

  When I don’t respond right away another message pops up.

  Riff: Come on, friends call each other.

  I nod in agreement. What the hell? He’s right.

  I fire my cell phone number into the message box and hit send. Two seconds later the phone rings showing an unknown number on the ID screen. What the hell did I get myself into?

  RIFF

  I haven’t called a girl I liked since junior high school. They typically call me. The palm of my hand is clammy as I dial her number. I know she said friends only, but that doesn’t work for me. I think about her way to damn much to leave it at that. I need more time with her. I’m not even sure why. I know that the weekend I spent with her was the first time I’d felt alive in a long time. I didn’t dwell on past things I can’t change as much. I even allow myself to picture what a life with her might be like. I don’t want those kinds of feelings. I don’t deserve to have them.

  If I can spend more time with her, I know she’ll eventually piss me off, and whatever this is that I’m feeling will go away. Then I can get back to being the fucking asshole everyone knows and loves.

  She answers on the third ring. “Hello?”

  “Hey. It’s me,” I reply.

  “I’m glad you told her,” she says instantly.

  I let out a heavy sigh, relived she doesn’t think I’m a total dick. “I had to. It was eating away at me.”

  “Why? Because you didn’t like Lanie being wronged?”

  I shake my head. “That’s part of it, but mainly it’s because I think Noel is a gigantic douche.”

  “I thought you were friends?”

  I laugh bitterly. “Definitely not friends.”

  “But you guys got along pretty well when I was there.” I can hear the question in her voice. She wants the details about our beef.

  “The girl Noel knocked up was sort-of my girlfriend.”

  She gasps. “Oh, Zach. I’m so sorry. No wonder you’re pissed. You have every right to be. Were you with her long?”

  “No, not long at all. We weren’t even that serious, really. She was just a chick I kept around to...” I trail off. What will she think of me if I tell her Sophie was a random groupie that didn’t annoy me too much, so I kept her around as my fuck-buddy for a couple months? She’ll probably think less of me than she already does knowing I use women that way.

  “Say no more. I get it. Regardless of what she was to you, Noel overstepped his bounds. I’d be livid if my friend did that to me.” I tilt my head. She gets it. She’s even saying my anger at him is acceptable.

  “It’s so nice for someone to be okay with me being pissed at him for a change.”

  “You mean the twins are okay with what he did to you?”

  I shrug. “They aren’t exactly okay with it, but they do think I need to let it go for the sake of the band.”

  She sighs into the phone. “You shouldn’t allow anyone to walk all over you, Zach. You’re too good of a person for that.”

  I raise my eyebrows. “No one’s ever called me that before.”

  “What’s that, good?”

  “Yeah, asshole, dick, sure, I get those a lot, but never good. Most people end up hating me.”

  “You don’t let them see the caring side of you that I know is in there.”

  “What makes you think I have a caring side?”

  “Because I’ve seen it. The way you were with me...it was nice. I like Zach more than I like Riff.”

  I close my eyes. I should’ve never let my guard down with her. She shouldn’t feel this way about me. I’m not a good person.

  “You still there?”

  I nod, knowing full well she can’t see me, but I can’t bring myself to say anything. My chest squeezes knowing Kitten doesn’t think I’m an evil bastard. This is so not good. It only makes me want her more. Turns out she’s too good of a distraction from the hellhole that is my life. She’s actually allowing me to believe there’s hope for me, and hope is a dangerous thing to a rotten human being like me.

  It’s in that moment I decide I’m going to have her. I don’t care what she said about being friends. I like how I feel with her. I’m a better person with her.

  I’m going to have to make her see she wants me, too.

  “So, tell me about this date you were on last night,” I ask to totally change the subject off my less desirable qualities.

  “It was okay. Nothing big—drinks with a friend.”

  I arch my pierced eyebrow. “Is he your friend like I’m your friend?”

  She laughs. “Definitely not. At least not yet, anyhow.”

  Relief washes through me. I knew she wasn’t like that with everyone. There’s something about me that pulls her in and I need to figure out what it is.

  “So you’re saying you don’t tie him up and visit sex shops with him yet? How did we move to that place so quickly? You used me for my body, didn’t you?”

  “And you didn’t use me for mine?” She tries to be stern, but I can hear the smile in her voice.

  “I will admit your tits are amazing.”

  “See!” she exclaims. “I knew it!”

  I laugh. “Well it’s not just your tits that I like.”

  “Your ass is pretty great, too.”

  “Uh-huh. I told you.”

  Looks like it’s time to admit something real if I want her to take me seriously. “I also like your sense of humor, and you’re cute as hell when you’re feisty. And I like being with you.”

  “I like being with you, too...which is a problem.”

  “Only if you let it be. I like having fun with you.”

  She sighs. “Zach, I explained this in the bar. Our weekend together was great, probably one of the best times I’ve ever had with a man, but that kind of magic can’t last. Soon, reality will set in. You’ll be on the road. I’ll be here in New York. Things will get complicated and this nice friendship we have now will be ruined.”

  The thought of what it’d be like being her friend crosses my mind. If by some miracle of God Lanie and Noel end up working things out, Aubrey will be around from time to time. I don’t think I can handle seeing her, knowing that she’s the one person who believes I’m a good person, while she’s with someone else. I won’t be able to deal. It’ll drive me even crazier than I am right now.

  “I want to complicate the hell out of our friendship, Kitten.”

  “You’re only saying that because I’m saying no. You like a challenge. That’s all this is.”

  “No,” I say, “It’s not. I want you because I just do. Like I told you, I can’t explain why, I just know I do.”

  “Zach...” I can hear the waver in her voice. I nearly have her convinced to be mine.

  As I wait on her reply, Trip’s door springs open. Shit. He’s the last person I need overhearing this conversation. He’ll never let me live down that I have feelings for Aubrey. It’s hard enough undergoing his speculations.

  “Look, Aubrey, I want to finish this talk, but I have to go. I’ll call you later, okay?”

  “Okay. Talk to you soon.”

  I end the call and stuff the phone back in my pocket as Trip makes it to the end of the hallway.

  Trip runs his fingers through his black hair and then slaps his baseball cap on backwards. “Who was that?”

  I narrow my eyes. “No one. Why?”

  He shrugs. �
��You seem weird, like all fidgety or something.”

  I square my shoulders. “I’m not fucking fidgety.”

  He smirks. “You forget how long I’ve knows your ass. You do fidget, especially when you’re uncomfortable. So out with it? Was it your dad?”

  “No? Why would you think it was him?”

  “Because every time he calls you, you get this way—out of sorts. It’s like you don’t know what to do with yourself. On one hand you want to hate him, but on the other you won’t let yourself because you still believe his shitty life is your fault.”

  I pinch the bridge of my nose and count to three. I’m about three seconds from losing my cool on Trip and I don’t want to fucking do that. I know he’s trying to help me. “Leave it, man. You don’t get it.”

  I turn to walk away from him feeling the sudden urge for space, but he grabs my arm, halting me. “I do fucking get it. I was there, remember? What happened to your sister—and your mom—wasn’t your fault. You don’t owe him shit. You have to cut him loose.”

  I roll my eyes and stare up at the ceiling. “I can’t do that. It’s my fault we don’t have a family. He wouldn’t have a drinking problem and could hold down a job if my mom were still around. Don’t you see, his shitty life is my fault!”

  Trip pulls his lips into a tight line and then lets go of my arm. “I hope one day you can see the truth. You’re not the bad one in this situation. You were only a kid. Your dad needs real help, not financial help like you give him.”

  “Yeah, well, sometimes life is what it is, Trip. We’re both fucked up in the head, and no amount of professional help is going to change that.” I don’t give him time to say anything because I don’t want to fucking hear it.

  To think a few minutes ago I was actually giving myself permission to have a little happiness. Sometimes reality’s perfect timing socks me in the nuts with a reminder that I’m an asshole that doesn’t deserve anything good.

  I need to leave Aubrey alone, but I’m afraid at this point I can’t. She’s worked her way into my head, and I don’t see any other way of getting her out other than letting her see the ugly side of me that sends her running for the fucking hills. We’ll have to see how long I can hold out.

  AUBREY

  It’s been a few days since I talked with Zach. I waited for his phone call that night, but my phone never rang. He was probably still drunk from the night before. That’s the only explanation I have for him talking crazy about wanting a relationship.

  I sigh as I grab the Black Falcon file from the drawer and open it up to work on sponsorship letters for the campaign like Isaac asked.

  I glance across the hall at his open office door across from my desk. Since we had drinks the other night, he’s left it wide open every day. It’s almost like he’s waiting on me to make the next move. While I would love to focus my undivided attention on his advances, my stupid heart won’t let me. Somehow, I allowed a crazy, tatted-up rocker to get under my skin.

  I promised myself the time I spent with him would be the last of my wild days, not the beginnings of another guaranteed heartbreak.

  The shrill ring of my desk phone breaks me out of my thoughts. “Yes, Mr. Walters.”

  Isaac chuckles into the phone. “That’s not a good sign. I’m back to Mr. Walters.”

  Heat fills my cheeks. “I’m sorry. It seems more, I don’t know, formal, I guess.”

  “Yes. I suppose it does. Do you mind bringing those sponsorship letters in as soon as you have them written up? I want to double check them before you send them out.”

  I raise my eyebrows. He doesn’t think I’m capable of typing a letter? I’m a little put off he wants to check it like we’re in the second grade, but what can I do? He is my boss. “Sure. No problem.”

  “Great. See you in a bit.”

  I shake my head and try to refocus on the document on my screen. The words flow, but not as easily as they did before he put the nugget of doubt in my brain that I might actually suck at this job.

  When I’m finally finished printing the last one, I grab the stack and head into Isaac’s office.

  He’s working away on his computer. His black-framed glasses perch on his nose as he stares intently at the work on the screen. The black suit-jacket is a stark contrast to the bright green tie he’s wearing, but it works. It totally helps bring out the green in his eyes.

  He smiles when he notices me in the doorway. Isaac leans back in his chair and rubs his hand over the back of his blonde head. “Come in. Have a seat.”

  I sit stiffly in the chair across from him after laying the letters on his desk. He inspects each letter one by one, carefully reading over my work right in front of me.

  I try to relax a little, but every muscle in my body is clenched tight. It’s hard being judged, especially by a man who wants to date me. The last thing I want is for him to think I’m a moron and question why he hired me in the first place.

  I cross my ankles together and tug at my skirt while I wait on him to say something. The corner of his mouth twitches at one point and my heart squeezes for a second. “Something wrong?”

  He glances up. “Oh, no. It’s great.”

  My shoulders relax. “Okay good.” I stand and hold my hand out to collect the papers from him. “How soon would you like me to send these to potential sponsors?”

  He grimaces and pulls the papers away from my grasp. “Actually, I was thinking of rewriting these.”

  I tilt my head. “I thought you said they’re great.”

  He bites his lip. “They are great...for a first try. You haven’t quite hooked the reader with your sales points. The bones are there, but I need to spruce it up a little for you before you send them out.”

  “You don’t think I’m capable of correcting my own work?”

  He shakes his head. “No. no. You misunderstand. I want your work to shine.”

  I frown. “Yeah, but if you fix it, it won’t be my work anymore. It’ll be yours, Isaac. Lying about my skills and sleeping with my boss is not how I intend on moving up in this company.”

  He stands and motions with his hands for me to keep my voice down and then he points towards the open door. “Look. It’s not like that, okay. I see how bright you are. You’re a hard worker and someday you’ll do big things on your own. I’m trying to help you get to the next level faster.”

  “I don’t want to move on any faster than I’m ready for.”

  “Is that why you haven’t named a date when we can go out again?”

  My stomach clenches. “I want to take things slow, okay. I have the habit of moving too fast in relationships and always wind up getting hurt. I want to change that. I want to start taking things slowly. I’m tired of all the flings. I want to find someone who is real and genuine—someone who loves me for me.”

  Isaac steps around the desk and closes the door. He turns to face me once we are trapped inside alone. He takes a step toward me then takes my hand. “Well, maybe I can be that for you. I like you, Aubrey. I want to see where this goes. I’m a patient man. I’ll give you time to see that maybe we can be more if you let it.”

  I stare down at our fingers twined together and think about how it feels nice, but it’s missing that spark—the one filled with excitement. I’m attracted to Isaac, but the chemistry between us feels forced. It doesn’t feel natural. Maybe this is how it is when you settle for something you don’t really want. I know deep down my heart craves Zach, but he’s too unpredictable. He’ll only hurt me. Isaac is the safe way to go, but my feelings for him won’t be instant. “I think I’m going to need lots of time.

  He nods as I glance up at his face. “That, I can give you.”

  We stand still for a few more seconds, waiting on the other to make a move. Finally, he says, “Guess we should get back to work. I’ll have these edited and back to you by the end of the day.”

  I smile as he lets go of my hand. “Thank you.”

  I rush out of the room, needing space to figure out what
the hell just happened in there. One minute we’re talking about work, the next minute he’s trying to figure out our relationship.

  I rub my forehead. A rush of pain hits me between the eyes. I haven’t had a stress headache since my last week of finals in college.

  I pull open my bottom desk drawer and open my purse to look for the Tylenol. I notice a little blue message light flick on my phone, indicating a message. I tap my screen. There’s a missed call and a message from Zach.

  I lean back in my chair and play the message. He has about the worst timing in the world.

  “Aubrey, hi, it’s me. I know I fucked up by not calling you. It’s what I always do—fuck things up. I won’t blame you if you tell me to go jump into traffic or something, but I would really like a chance to apologize. Call me back when you get this.”

  My teeth pinch the inside of my lip between them. This is exactly what a relationship with him would be like—constant fighting and breaking up. I don’t want that. I’ve been through those enough already.

  I throw my phone back inside my purse and slam the drawer shut. My co-worker, Sadie, at the next desk over whips her head in my direction wearing a scowl on her face.

  I throw my hands up. “Sorry.”

  Sadie rolls her eyes and turns back to her computer. God I miss Lanie at times like this. Most of these people are stuck up asshats. She helped liven this place up a little. I haven’t heard much from her over the past few days—not since Noel cornered her into staying because she’s contracted to stay on the tour.

  I need to call her and check in—make sure everything is okay with her.

  I turn my attention back to my computer and an instant message pops up from Zach.

  Zach: You around?

  He’s persistent when he wants to be. Too bad he isn’t consistent on his follow through. I was so close to giving into him and trying a relationship with him against my better judgment. It’s actually a great thing he blew me off the way he did. I got to see his true colors early.

  I close the message box and log off the site completely. No more distractions. No more going down the bad boy path. Hopefully, if I ignore him he’ll give up and move on.