Gerry Bartlett - Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs

by Gerry Bartlett

  I gave him a slow smile, well aware of the camera, then heard Valdez rumbling behind me. Tough. I’d warned him to be on his best behavior. Of course, I’d had ample proof that he was an unpredictable man under all that cute Labradoodle fur. So I grabbed Ray’s hand and pulled it to my lips for a playful nip.

  “Sure would, love. Don’t you like the blue?”

  “Matches your eyes, baby.” Ray put his hands on my waist. “What’s up with this belt?”

  “Stars, Ray. Melanie was thinking of you when she made this belt.” I frowned at Valdez when I heard a gagging noise.

  “Piling it on a little thick, aren’t you, Mel?” Ray laughed. “I like it, but we’ve got two more dresses to see. Let’s move on. Good job, honey.” He turned his famous smile on Melanie and I heard the clank as her pierced tongue fell out of her mouth and hit her pierced lip, another victim of Israel Caine’s charm.

  “Out you go, then, Melanie. Send in Darren next and Glory will change into his dress. You’ll find out the winning design tomorrow night when you see what Glory is wearing when she appears on Israel Caine’s arm at the Grammy awards show.” Zia smiled as Ray settled on the couch again.

  I really was fascinated by those sleeves. Tattoos! How cool was that? But I hurried back to the dressing room. I knew time was an issue. Ray had a schedule for us to follow that included stopping at several parties. I pulled off the dress and took the red one that was handed through the door. This time it fit perfectly so maybe it was just as well that I hadn’t lost the three pounds the night before. I slipped on the shoes, which I loved, and the jewelry and walked out. I really felt like a princess in this one.

  “Wow, Glory. That one is amazing.” Ray jumped up and walked around me. “Really shows off your new body.” He traced the low-cut bodice, then looked at Darren, who was sitting on the edge of his seat. “You were obviously listening to me on this.”

  “Yes, Mr. Caine. You were right. Glory’s got the goods. She should show them off.” Darren coughed when Ray flicked him with a look that should have drawn blood. Obviously Designer Boy had overstepped.

  “This jewelry for sale?” Ray toyed with the diamond earrings in my ears. “They’re perfect on you, Glory.”

  “Of course, Ray. I can put you in touch with the jeweler after the show.” Zia smiled. “Now, Glory, why don’t you tell me why you’re frowning?”

  “Well, I love the dress, the accessories and the way it fits, Darren. But I’m worried about the color. It’s red.”

  “You said that was your favorite color.” Darren jumped to his feet. He sat quickly when Valdez growled. Everyone in the room froze at that sound. They all remembered the Butch debacle.

  “Yes, it is. But how is it going to look against a red carpet, Darren? What if it’s the wrong shade of red? Or I just kind of disappear into the carpet? Do you see my concern?”

  “Good points, Glory.” Zia was thrilled at the controversy. “Well, Darren, what do you have to say to that?”

  “I’m sorry, Glory.” Tears filled his eyes, and he wiped them with his sleeve. “I guess I blew it.”

  “No, wait.” Ray stopped looking down my front long enough to join the conversation. “Didn’t I tell you, Glory? This year is all about saving the environment and global warming. The carpet isn’t going to be red. It’s going to be green.”

  “Seriously?” I turned on him. “You didn’t think to share that little bit of information with me until now?”

  Zia had the same reaction. Her comments would have to be censored. “Why didn’t someone notify us? I have a green dress for the stupid event. Now I’m back to square one. Of all the bleep, bleeping foul-ups.” She took a shaky breath. “Okay, people, let’s rewind.” She smiled at Ray. “That’s good drama. We’ll just edit a little bit.”

  “Fine. I like the dress, Darren, and it’s definitely still under consideration.” I gave him a thumbs-up.

  “Excellent.” Zia clapped her hands. “Now it’s Butch’s turn. Ray, is the dog yours or Glory’s?”

  Ray frowned in Valdez’s direction. “Oh, he’s 100 percent Glory’s animal. Why?”

  Zia frowned. “He attacked one of the designers during the last shoot. It was, well, traumatic. Glory, that’s not going to happen again, is it?”

  I’d already noticed that the entire crew had given Valdez a wide berth since arriving. That had just made him grin and wag his tail. Yeah, Mr. Innocent. “It had better not. Butch won’t be carrying scissors this time, will he?”

  “No, no sharp objects at all. Guess the dog thought Butch was going to hurt Glory. Can you imagine? With such a huge prize at stake?” Zia laughed and touched Ray’s hand, then she stood and straightened her purple knit micro-mini dress. Two inches shorter and it wouldn’t have covered her butt at all. Trust me, Ray was noticing.

  “Will someone assure Butch that the dog isn’t going to attack him?” She smiled at me. “Glory, let’s play it safe. Could you please put your dog in the bedroom for this part of the shoot? Butch has been under a doctor’s care since that little dustup with your pooch last night. I think it would help if we didn’t have to worry about a repeat.”

  I glanced at Valdez. He’d added a lolling tongue and a dumb look to his repertoire. He wasn’t fooling me. If Butch or anyone on the crew—no, make that anyone in the room—even looked at me cross-eyed, he’d go for the jugular and not care who got it on film. I couldn’t blame him. After what Trina had pulled, he was right to be cautious. Unfortunately, he’d be really happy if Ray gave him an excuse to go ballistic.

  “Sure, Zia. Valdez can stay in the bedroom, but I have to leave the door ajar. He needs to know he’s in on the action. Otherwise he’ll just bark nonstop and spoil everything. He can get pretty noisy. You don’t want to take that chance, do you?”

  “No, of course not.” Zia winced as she settled on the couch again and crossed her long legs. “Honey, have you considered obedience school? Or even, dare I say it, kenneling the creature when you travel?”

  Valdez obviously decided to prove he didn’t need to be shuttled off to some pet hotel or school for naughty dogs. He ran up to her, all wagging tail and lolling tongue. In an instant, the model jumped up on the coffee table, screaming at her assistants to “do something.” One picked up a throw pillow, then screeched when Valdez knocked it out of her hands with his wagging tail. That sent the others scurrying into a huddle behind the cameraman. Zia was on her own.

  “Zia, please. He’s just trying to be friendly.” I grabbed his collar to be on the safe side. “He’s not growling, is he?” He also wasn’t sitting. Instead he gazed at Zia adoringly before he “accidentally” bumped the table, sending her toppling over the edge.

  “No!” She landed on the one assistant who’d been brave enough to venture out of the pack and come to her aid. That poor guy had obviously not expected to play cushion for her and they both fell on the floor in a tangle of arms and legs. I swear the air turned blue from Zia’s curses. The camera caught it all, of course. There’d have to be a lot of bleeping.

  “So sorry. Really. He’s going straight into the bedroom. See?” I tugged on V’s collar and pulled him out of the room.

  “Bark and you’re dead, mister.” I glanced at the assistant assigned to help me with the wardrobe changes. Time for a mental message to my bodyguard. “You think I don’t know that table bump was deliberate? When I change clothes you’d damn well better turn your back. You’re not checking out my underwear.”

  He grinned and looked at me with such innocence I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. When Zia had landed on that producer she’d shown the room her leopard print thong and her awesome butt. I stood and brushed my skirt, then walked carefully to the living room where order was being restored. Hair and makeup artists were hard at work on Zia, and Ray lounged on the couch trying not to laugh.

  “Destroy that footage. If I see it on the Internet, I’ll have the jobs of everyone in this room. Do you hear me, people?” Zia’s face was red behind a clou
d of powder and hair spray.

  I’m sure the guests on the thirtieth floor had heard her. I kept my distance. “Uh, Zia, should I go change now?” My answer was a wave that I took as a yes.

  I made sure Valdez faced the wall, then removed the dress that was my favorite so far and took the black chiffon that was thrust through the door. I looked it over. Butch had made it into culottes and added a belt. At least the tentlike creation no longer provided stadium seating. Now it just offered a cozy booth for two.

  When I walked out this time, Butch sat on the sofa between Ray and Zia. He jumped when he saw me, clearly edgy and afraid my wild dog would come rampaging out with me. Zia had developed a tic, casting nervous glances at the bedroom door too. Swell, now I was an irresponsible pet owner. I decided to ease their minds and went back and shut the bedroom door. Valdez could hear through it and break it down if he thought I needed him. These people had been through enough. The tension in the room eased immediately.

  Zia smiled. “Well, Glory, what do you think of the changes Butch incorporated into his design? He obviously had to do the most drastic alterations after your reaction last time.” Zia was totally composed again, though I noticed she’d broken one heel and someone had used clear tape to keep it in place.

  “Yes, he really listened to my concerns. This is 1000 percent better.” I held out the flowing black pants. This was the kind of dress I would have killed for in a size twelve. It would have disguised my hips and made my waist look small by comparison.

  “The black looks great on you, Glory. It shows off your pale skin. Love the low-cut front and back.” Ray stood and walked around me. “Not sure about pants for such a big night.”

  “I like the pants. They’re called culottes, Ray.” I smiled at Butch. “I feel free in them. Like I don’t have to be scared my skirt will blow up and show the world my underwear.” Which, by the way, was a plain beige thong since I needed to do laundry. I’m sure Valdez would have been very disappointed if he’d managed to sneak a peek.

  “I kept the dress loose too, Glory, and the belt adjustable.” Butch flushed. “I know it won’t happen, of course, but, if you did gain some weight, you could still wear this dress.”

  “I love that!” I looked at Zia. “He did a really good job of accessorizing too. The shoes and jewelry are perfect with this gown.”

  “Well, Butch, seems like you might have pulled off a miracle here. You were the underdog coming into tonight, but looks like you made the right changes to get back into the race. Of course we’ll all have to wait to see what Glory is wearing at tomorrow night’s Grammy awards show to see which one she picks as her winner.”

  Zia stood and faced the camera. “And of course our regular judges will decide, after that and after seeing the footage from these events, just who will go home and who the final two designers will be on Designed to Kill.”

  “That’s a wrap. Good job, people.” The director signaled and the crew started packing up their gear.

  “Thank you so much, Mr. Caine, Glory.” Butch shook our hands. “That dog’s not around, is he?” Just then we heard a bark from behind the door. “I’m out of here!” He ran toward the hall.

  Zia smiled and air-kissed Ray. “Me too! We’ll have a camera crew at the, ha-ha, green carpet to see your pick, Glory. I’ll conduct just a brief interview with both of you right on the spot. You’ve got to be there early, you know.”

  Ray and I looked at each other. The whole Grammy thing was one big logistical nightmare, starting with the fact that it was on the West Coast. At least in February sunset was still relatively early, but we’d be rushing to get there before Ray had to perform. Luckily his duet was slated to be late in the program and the award presented after that.

  Ray just smiled and nodded. “Check with Nathan. I believe you have his number. Coordinate the time with him because I can’t be late for my performance.”

  “No, no, of course not. I’ll call Nathan in the morning.” Zia finally remembered I was standing there.

  “Oh, Glory, you get all three dresses, of course. They’re yours now. Shoes and bags too. The vendors get rolling credits at the end of the segments, so they donated the accessories, except for the jewels, of course. Any hints for me on which dress you’ll pick?”

  “No, Ray and I’ll talk it over. And I’d like to get my best friend’s opinion if I have time.” I shut up when I realized Zia wasn’t listening. Free stuff—I couldn’t argue with that.

  She waved a hand and an assistant came out of the bedroom, Valdez racing out ahead of her. “Did you leave everything in Ms. St. Clair’s closet?”

  “Everything except these.” The woman handed me three velvet bags. “Those are the jewels for each gown. They’re marked so you’ll know which one goes with which dress. Of course one of these bags is empty because you’re wearing one set.” She looked down at Valdez. “The dog was fine, just stayed by the door once you shut it.” She glanced at Zia. “Don’t know why he did those things out here. But then, animals sense—”

  “Go on, Rita, help the others pack.” Zia waved her away. “Ray, Glory, a courier from the jeweler will be at your hotel first thing the morning after the Grammys to pick up those bags. You know the jewelry is just on loan. Insured, of course. But we don’t want to have to deal with any problems, now, do we?”

  “They’ll be fine, Zia. But tell him we’ll leave them in the safe downstairs. I’ll have instructions for the front desk. If I decide to buy anything, I’ll be in touch with the jeweler personally later.” Ray walked Zia to the door. She was limping because her heel wouldn’t stay on. “We’ll be sleeping in. Big night for me, win or lose. There are some after-parties.”

  “Of course. But I bet it’s a win.” Zia gasped when Valdez followed Ray to the door and gave her a toothy grin. “Bye, now.” She ran out of the suite, finally jerking off her shoes when they slowed her down. The last of the TV crew with their equipment was right behind her.

  “Glad that’s over.” I carried the jewelry into the bedroom. I’d have to hurry and change so we could leave. Valdez was going to have to stay here and I knew he wasn’t going to like it. Too bad. No way was I taking a dog to a party. And I wasn’t going to let him shift into human form either. Ray and I should be able to get along without extra protection. This whole paranoia thing was getting ridiculous. As far as I could see, no one in Los Angeles was out to get me. Not since Trina was safely whammied and taken care of.

  When I stepped out of the bathroom in my green dress again, Valdez was waiting for me.

  “If you don’t want me to know your plans, Glory, you should block your thoughts.”

  “You’re not going with us, V.”

  “Then take Brittany.”

  “Oh, right. There are already rumors that Ray’s got something going on with his hot female bodyguard. So now we can add to the story that we’re a threesome. I don’t think so.” Do you blame me? Even wearing a six, I felt like a bloating munchkin next to the tall beautiful Brit. For a moment I toyed with the idea of wearing a pair of the real diamond earrings. They were fabulous. But in the end, I chickened out and stuck with my fake diamond studs. The real jewels went into the safe in the closet.

  “You think Caine can protect you?” Valdez wasn’t giving up.

  “From what?” I picked up my evening bag and my cell from its charger. I glanced at it. No missed calls. So Jerry hadn’t bothered to check on me. I sighed, then stuck the phone inside my purse and headed for the living room. “You’re being paranoid.”

  “Have you forgotten Trina?”

  “She’s been handled and is no longer a threat.” I saw Ray on the phone and walked over to stare at the night sky. “Forget it, V. We’ll have Ray’s mortal bodyguards with us in case any of his fans get overly enthusiastic or the paparazzi bug us. That’ll be enough.”

  “She’s right. Limo’s downstairs. The guys are waiting in the lobby. Let’s go.” Ray pulled on a charcoal gray Armani jacket over his silk shirt. He looked every bit the
world-class rocker who made women melt and slip him their room keys. Don’t laugh. There was a pile of them on the minibar.

  “This is on you, Caine. Take care of our girl.” Valdez followed us to the door.

  “Our girl?” Ray put his hand on my waist. “Glory’s a woman, more than capable of taking care of herself. Now you’ve got a night off, man. Spend it finding your own woman.” He pushed me out into the hall and closed the door.

  “Was that necessary?” I looked back.

  “I thought so. You can’t keep dragging him everywhere you go, Glory. I can take care of you tonight if there’s anything that needs doing.” He punched the button for the elevator. “Have I told you how incredible you look? The tabloids are going to go nuts.”

  “Thanks, Ray. But, sweetheart, I’m the vintage vamp here. I’ll take care of you.” I kissed his open mouth, then stepped into the elevator and hit the button for the lobby.

  “Just when I think you can’t get any sexier . . .” Ray pushed me against the back wall as the elevator doors slid shut. “So you’re the alpha in this pack?”

  I grinned up at him. “Is two a pack?” I ran my hands up his chest. “Don’t wrinkle my dress, Ray.”

  “It’ll be worth it.” He leaned in and kissed a path along my jaw to a spot behind my ear, making me shiver.

  “Probably.” I sighed when he moved down to press his open mouth against the pulse in my neck. The elevator shuddered to a stop.

  “Looks like we’re interrupting something, DeeDee.”

  Ray didn’t lift his head, just moved closer. I could see DeeDee, her expression never changing from neutral, like she’d caught two strangers making out.

  “We’ll wait for the next elevator.” She shoved her date back and hit the button so the doors closed again.

  I pushed Ray off of me. “Chicken. Couldn’t you have at least said hi to your bed buddy?”