Gerry Bartlett - Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs

by Gerry Bartlett

  “You’re awfully quiet, Ray.” I leaned against the elevator wall to take the pressure off my aching feet.

  “I’m going to wake up Nate and ask him about my contract.”

  “It’s pretty late.” The doors opened and I pushed myself up and out to head down the hall.

  “Tough.” Ray pulled out the key card and opened the door when we got there. “I need some answers.”

  Valdez sat in front of the TV, his paw on the remote. He was fast, but not fast enough.

  “Pay-per-view mud wrestling?” I looked at Ray.

  “You’re reimbursing me for that, asshole.” Ray stalked over to Nathan’s door.

  “He’s got company. She’s noisy. That’s why I had the TV on.”

  “Tough shit.” Ray pounded on the door. “Nate, I need to talk to you. Now.”

  After a tense two minutes, Nate opened the door a crack. “Not a good time, bro.”

  Ray grabbed Nate’s arm and jerked his best friend into the living room. His naked best friend.

  “Ray!” I turned my back. Oh, boy. Nate’s hours in the gym had sure paid off. There was a mirror across the room and I realized I still had an excellent view.

  Ray glanced at me and handed Nate a throw pillow. “Cover yourself. Glory’s getting off to this.”

  “Am not.” I couldn’t hide my grin, though, as I sat on the couch and kicked off my shoes.

  “What the hell is this about?” Nate looked longingly back at his dark bedroom, then closed the door. “I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

  “Too damned bad.” Ray frowned. “I met Chip Rollins tonight. We discussed my contract.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Nate picked up another pillow and covered his nicely toned tush.

  “Yeah. Seems Chip owns me. His word. Why the hell would you make a deal like that for me, Nate?” Ray paced the floor. “And, news flash, Chip is a vampire.”

  “The hell you say.” Nate fumbled his pillows for a breathless moment, then regained control. “No freakin’ way.”

  “Ray!” I couldn’t believe he’d just ignored Chip’s warning. And if he didn’t think Chip would read Nate’s mind the next time they met, he was crazy. Ray had just put Nate in incredible danger. I didn’t say anything else, though. One crisis at a time.

  “I’m not Chip’s property, Glory. Nate knows what I know.” He frowned and shook his head. “But obviously that doesn’t go both ways, does it, Nate?”

  “I did the best I could for you, Ray.” Nate dropped the back end pillow to put his hand on Ray’s shoulder. “I was up against a wall. Your drinking was getting out of hand and everyone in the music business had heard the rumors. Sales were flat on your last album and reviewers called the work sloppy. The only hit to come out of the thing was the duet with Sienna Star, and that’s because the woman’s a perfectionist and you know it. That’s why we’re here at the Grammys this year.”

  Ray jerked away from Nate and strode over to the open doors at the balcony. “No one said anything to me about all this.”

  “Not that you remember anyway.” Nate glanced back at me, then followed him to the doorway. “Ray, there were no other offers. You want to make records and, without a major label backing you, there’s no distribution. Chip’s got that all locked up. You have to work with him.”

  “Thanks a lot.”

  “No, man, this is good news. Don’t you see? The Chipster will understand your condition. Am I right, Glory?” Nate looked to me to back him up.

  I got up and walked to Ray’s other side. “That’s what Chip said, Ray.”

  “Yeah, right before he started issuing orders and making threats.”

  “Now, Ray, I don’t think he exactly ordered you not to deal with MacDonald.” Though I wished he had.

  “He threatened you? And who’s MacDonald?” Nate looked at me, then Ray.

  “Never mind. Go back to your playmate. Screw your brains out.” Ray frowned at me. “At least one of us is getting some. Aw, fuck it!” In a flash, he changed and flew off the balcony in bat form.

  “Ray!” I screamed. “I’ve got to go after him.”

  “The hell you say.” Valdez jumped in front of me. “Not a chance.”

  “He can’t go out alone in that mood. He might do something crazy.” I wiped at my wet cheeks. Stupid to cry for Ray. He was going to have to get over his disappointments. But if he was going out to MacDonald’s, I was going with him.

  “You’re not going. Is Flo coming here?” Valdez bumped me back from the balcony railing.

  “Yes, but what difference does that make? It’ll be too late to follow Ray then. I have to go now or I’ll lose his scent.”

  “Aw, shit. Stay here. Do not leave.” And in a blur, Valdez shifted into a bat and flew off the balcony in the same direction Ray had taken.

  “Wow. What was that about?” Nate gave up on modesty and gripped the railing to squint into the dark.

  Good luck trying to see either Ray or Valdez. I had excellent vamp night vision and it was obvious to me that they were long out of sight. I just hoped Valdez caught up with Ray. I sighed and walked back to the couch.

  “Ray wants to see daylight again. This vampire named MacDonald claims he has a magic formula that can make that possible. I’m afraid that’s where Ray’s going. To buy some of those drugs.” I slumped in my seat and put my feet on the coffee table.

  “That sounds dangerous.” Nate was back in pillow mode and easing toward his bedroom. “You won’t let Ray do anything stupid, will you, Glory?”

  “I’m trying my best, Nate, but he’s a man. Men do what they want. Am I right?” Just then I heard a woman speak Nate’s name from the bedroom. “Go, your booty call is getting anxious. Oh, and I’m expecting company. So would you keep it down? I’d hate for Flo to be embarrassed.” I said that with a straight face.

  “Right. Sorry. I should have taken this downstairs to her room. There’s still time . . .”

  “No, carry on.” I waved my hand, my voice rough with tears I struggled not to shed. I cleared my throat. “I’m just playing with you. We’ll be in my bedroom. If we hear anything, we’ll just turn the TV on loud.”

  Nate hurried out of the room and I gave in and actually shed a few tears. First for Ray because I felt like I’d failed him. Chip was right. A good mentor would have taught Ray to appreciate his new vampire powers, not obsess about what he couldn’t have. And how about Valdez? I couldn’t believe he’d taken off after Ray like that. He’d done it for me, because he sure didn’t care if Ray flew into the sunrise or not. When the knock came at the door and I realized Flo had arrived, I blew my nose and forced a smile. I didn’t want her walking in on this sobfest.

  “What is this? Why are you sad?” Flo gave me a hug. “Where is your bodyguard? I don’t think I ever see you by yourself.”

  “He went after Ray, who is upset and just took off. No guards, nothing.” I took a shuddery breath. “Stupid idiot. I hope I never have to mentor another new vampire. They are nothing but trouble.”

  “You’ve got that right, girlfriend. I sure won’t do it.” Flo took my arm and pulled me to the bedroom. “Look at you. You bought the green dress after all? It looks great on you. And a six. You are so skinny!”

  I couldn’t believe I didn’t care. Hadn’t even weighed in for the last few hours. No point. The waistband was cutting into me and I couldn’t wait to get out of this beautiful dress. Oh, God, I was not going to cry again. Wait. Really, I wasn’t going to cry. Gee, maybe I was actually getting over my body image obsession.

  “I didn’t buy the dress. Ray bought it for me. To wear to the parties tonight. He was so proud of me.” Oops. Another little crying jag. Stupid. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose.

  Flo patted my shoulder. “He’s smart. He knows you did this to look good for him. For tomorrow night. Now, show me these three dresses. Do you like them? Is one your favorite?”

  “I like all three of them. Each one has something special about it.” I pulled the first garmen
t bag out of the closet. “And I didn’t lose the weight for Ray; I lost it for myself. It made me feel great. For about five minutes anyway.” I unzipped the bag. The first dress was the black one that would work even when I gained the weight back. Good thing.

  “Pretty. Black is always elegant. Try it on.” Flo got busy inspecting the shoes and purse while I pulled the jewelry out of the safe. “Oh, these are real. Can you keep them?”

  “No, they’re on loan. Ray talked about buying me something, but I won’t let him.” I sniffed and then decided enough of that. I glanced at the clock. The men had been gone less than an hour. How long did a temper tantrum take anyway? Had Valdez just trailed Ray or had he confronted him and tried to force him to come back? They both had been itching for a fight. Maybe they’d pounded each other and worked off some steam. Oops. More tears. No, not happening. I sucked it up and slipped into the black dress.

  “Pants? The designer made you pants?” Flo walked around me. “Cute. But I don’t think so. Not for such a big night. But that’s just my opinion. What does Israel say?”

  “He doesn’t say. I haven’t asked him yet. But his first reaction was just like yours. No pants.” I loosened the belt. Oh, hell, I hadn’t gone through all of this just to give up now. I needed one more night of skinny and I didn’t have a nighttime supplement. Ian might have called and I’d turned off my cell at the parties. And Jerry. Had he tried to call me? I’d been so wrapped up in the Ray drama, I hadn’t given a thought to what was going on with the Campbell Clan. I grabbed my purse and turned on my cell. One message.

  “Gloriana, this is Ian MacDonald. Trina didn’t show up tonight but I’ve got another mortal I can send you. Call me and let me know when you want your nighttime supplement.” I closed the phone.

  Flo pursed her lips. “Are you going to call him back? What happened to that bitch who wanted you? Now she doesn’t show up?”

  “She tried to kill me. I had to take care of her.” I sat on the side of the bed, then jumped up. Couldn’t wrinkle the dress. “Unzip me.”

  “Wait a minute. She tried to kill you?” Flo unzipped the dress. “I hope you ripped out her throat.”

  “No, just did the whammy on her. She’s over the whole vampire obsession. Thinks we’re a figment of her imagination.” I stepped out of the dress and hung it up. Did I want to do one more treatment or not? I’d try on the next dress and see how it fit, then decide.

  “You are too good to her.” Flo unzipped the next garment bag. “I like blue. But the colors and fabrics are strange together.”

  “Wait till you see it on. Ray liked this one. It’s different.” I slipped my arms into the sheer sleeves and let Flo zip me up. I did love the tattoo thing. This time I could use Ian’s webcam to at least see some of the effect. Cool. But maybe not what I wanted on the green carpet.

  “I see what you mean. There are designs on the material.” Flo walked around me. “I like the shoulders. Pretty beading.”

  “See? I look like I have tattoos. But it feels snug.” Snug? I had a vise around my waist. “Does it look too tight?”

  “Do you want to have tattoos? Oh, yes, Israel has them. On him they’re sexy.” Flo stepped back and studied me. “It is a little clingy in the middle. You can’t gain another ounce, girlfriend. I hate for you to drink Ian’s stuff, but maybe you should.”

  “Well, let me try on the red dress. I guess it really is my favorite.” I let her unzip me and carefully hung up the blue dress. Good thing I didn’t have to breathe because it had not been an option in that dress.

  Flo opened the last bag. “Oh, yes! Now, this is a well-made dress! It reminds me of a couture piece I once bought in Paris.”

  “It does look like a classic, doesn’t it? I guess that’s why I’m drawn to it. You know how I am about vintage stuff.” I slipped into the dress, loving the feel of the silk. “Well, are you going to zip me up?”

  “I’m trying, but don’t think I can.” Flo tugged. “Sorry, Glory, but there is more you than there is dress. Have you weighed tonight?”

  “No. I was afraid to.” I picked up the webcam and looked at the front of the dress. I loved the way the dress plunged. And the color was perfect with my skin and hair. The jewelry, shoes, everything about the outfit made me look like the lady I’d always yearned to be when I’d first met Jerry way back when. Oh, crap. Was that what this was all about?

  Yeah, probably was. I wanted to walk down that carpet on Ray’s arm and look like a first-class lady. The kind any man would be proud to be seen with. Maybe have Jerry get jealous and his mother finally admit that I wasn’t the lowborn whore she’d always called me. In this dress, I could greet the queen and not be ashamed. I saw the sheen of tears in my eyes and ordered myself to dry up. Enough of dreams and looking back. This wasn’t going to happen without drastic action.

  “Suck it in, Glory. I think I can force it.” Flo pulled on the fabric.

  “No, don’t! It might tear.” I stroked the skirt and realized I had no choice if I wanted to wear this dress. And I really wanted to wear this one. “I’m calling Ian.” I picked up the phone.

  “Are you sure?” Flo put her hand on mine. “You know I have no problem with you drinking from some mortal. All for it. But his special stuff.” She made a face. “If it makes you do strange things, like walk around and get in the sun. Mia amica, it’s too dangerous.”

  “It’s the last time, Flo. And I’ve got Valdez to keep me from walking into the sun.” I glanced at the closed bedroom door. Not back yet. I hoped I had Valdez. What if he and Ray landed at MacDonald’s stronghold and got into it with the guards? A dozen scenarios flashed through my mind, all of them ending badly. No, couldn’t happen.

  “Anyway, I’m resigned. After this, I have to just let nature take its course. Which means it’s back to the old Glory size and shape.”

  “No more of Ian’s drinks?” Flo tried on a pair of the diamond earrings and studied herself in the webcam. “If it’s money that’s stopping you, I can always help you out.” She looked at me, her eyes shining. “You know that, don’t you? If this is something you truly want.”

  “Thanks, dear friend.” I hugged her. “Your money is better spent on those earrings for yourself. Or make Richard buy them for you. They look great on you. Valentine’s Day is coming up. The name of the jeweler is on the box.” I sighed. “Now, let me call Ian. While I’m at it, I’m going to ask if he’s seen Ray. Or Jerry, for that matter.”

  “Jeremiah?” Flo stopped in the act of trying on a necklace. “Why would he go to see Ian?”

  “To kill him. And he’d take the entire Campbell Clan with him. Remember the feud?”

  “The laird’s in town?” Flo dropped the necklace and jumped up. “This is not good. I must take Richard and leave here. We should go back to Austin. Or maybe take a little honeymoon trip to Tahiti.”

  “Why?” If I didn’t know better, I’d think Flo was actually scared of something.

  “Well, in a stupid fit of honesty and wanting to have open communication, I told Richard about a little affair I had once.” Flo took off the diamond earrings and spat a few Italian words as she paced the bedroom floor. “Damn those TV talk shows. I should not listen to them.”

  “And am I right in thinking the laird, the laird of Clan Campbell, was the man you played footsie with?” I had to smile. So Mag, the very superior witch of the castle, had been betrayed by her beloved husband. This was too sweet.

  “More than our feet were playing, Glory. And it was long ago. My name was totally different then. I can’t even remember for sure what I called myself.” Flo helped me pull off the red dress and hang it up.

  “So why would Richard care about it?”

  “Because I made the mistake of saying I’d had a grand passion for Angus. That he had been the only man to ever really satisfy me before Richard came along.” Flo opened her purse and pulled out her lipstick. “Not true, of course. But I was telling a story, enjoying the way Richard was getting jealous. You know?”<
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  I knew Flo and her little dramas. I could imagine that she had embellished the hell out of the thing. By the time she’d gotten through telling the tale, she and Angus had worked their way through a plaid version of the Kama Sutra, accompanied by bagpipes. No wonder she didn’t want Richard to meet him. Well acquainted with Flo and her appetites, Richard would want to make sure Angus knew that his wife was off the market, permanently. And the Angus I remembered didn’t like to be told anything.

  “Does Mag know about this affair?”

  Flo jumped and smeared her lipstick. “Of course not! We are dear friends. It would be like if I had a little fling with your Jeremiah.” She got up and grabbed my hand. “Which I have not. I swear on the blessed Virgin that I have not, Glory.” She crossed herself for good measure and looked skyward.

  “Magdalena cannot know. The only reason Angus and I got together was that he and his wife were taking a break. They hadn’t lived together for, oh, decades then. And Angus was so charming.” Flo got a faraway look in her eyes. “I tell you, Glory, if Jeremiah is anything like his father? Mio Dio, what a lover.” She sighed. “But I moved on and now my Ricardo is everything to me.”

  I couldn’t imagine the stern Scot Angus Campbell I knew, who made sure the women in his Clan were “protected” just like they’d always been in the Middle Ages, as a wild man in bed, but I just smiled and nodded. Hey, Jerry certainly drove me wild and had that protective gene too.

  “Richard and Angus can’t come within shouting distance of each other. You understand?”

  “Sure. So I guess that means you’ll be leaving L.A. as soon as possible.”

  “Right. Richard has been telling me he needs to get back to Austin for some business of his mother’s. So I guess that means no honeymoon right now.” Flo tapped her chin. “I know. I’ll tell Richard you need us to hurry back to help with some crisis at your little shop. You have one, don’t you? You usually do.” She smiled, like this was a good thing.