Twice in a Lifetime

by Jodie Griffin

  Before my ass even hit the sofa cushion, the doorbell rang, and I glanced at the clock. It was just past seven, and I frowned. Lila would use her own key, and no one else came calling on Sunday nights.

  I was going to ignore it, but then a knock came.

  “You there, Talia? It’s Eve.”

  I opened the door, heedless of my lack of real clothing. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

  “What isn’t wrong?” Eve gave a little half laugh loaded with self-derision. “I have a son who’s engaged to a woman I’ve never met. I have a citizen who possibly wants to do harm to women in blue, or maybe just wants us spinning our wheels. Then there’s . . .”

  Her voice drifted off and, still concerned, I stepped back and motioned her in. After closing the door behind her, I led her to the kitchen. I didn’t question the impulse, though I probably should’ve. Guests were entertained in the living room. Family by blood and by fire hung out in my somewhat messy kitchen.

  She took in the controlled chaos in a trained cop’s glance that missed nothing, then plopped into a chair at the scarred wooden table, dropping her head into her hands.

  I was so used to seeing Eve in a professional capacity—and rarely speechless—that this threw me. In case she needed it, I gave her a moment to gather her thoughts, putting on water for tea. I found a box of various herbal blends on the top shelf of the cupboard where I kept things I rarely used, but had to stand on tiptoe to get it. When I turned back, she was watching me, her focus intent, her eyes sharp.

  I blinked. “What?”

  “I am losing my damn mind,” she muttered, looking away. “That’s the only acceptable possibility.”

  I raised a brow but said nothing.

  She spoke quickly as though she’d change her mind if she didn’t. “I can’t ask this at work without risking someone overhearing and opening a sexual harassment complaint. Are you . . .? Do you . . .? Christ. I can’t even get the damn words out.” She dropped her head again.

  My heart stuttered. Knowing this was a bad idea but suddenly past caring, I sat next to her. “Eve?”

  I laid a hand on her arm, sucking in a breath at the charge that ran through me with that simple contact. Her eyes flew to mine, and in them I saw the same awareness I felt—intermingled with concern and confusion. On a shudder, I took a leap and let the words fly. “You want to know if you’re the only one who feels this . . . connection?”

  “Yeah.”

  I swallowed back my fear, because I couldn’t make her do this alone. “Nope.”

  Her eyes widened slightly, and the tiniest of smiles quirked the corner of her mouth. “You’re braver than I am.”

  That made me laugh, even as my pulse thudded erratically. “Yeah, not so much.”

  Her smile faded. “Knowing it is one thing. Doing something about it . . . This could be all kinds of bad.”

  That was the understatement of the century. “Because you’re my boss.”

  “That’s one reason.”

  “I can give you another.” This might kill any chance we had before it even started, but she needed to know. “I, uh . . . I have no experience with this.”

  She nodded. “You haven’t been with anyone since your husband.”

  “That too?”

  Comprehension dawned in her eyes, along with wariness. “Oh. Are you sure you’re bi?”

  “Pretty sure.” I got up and went over to the kettle, which was whistling madly. I turned it off, filled a mug with water, and brought the box of tea bags to the table. “Sorry. It’s all I’ve got.”

  “It’s fine.”

  While she chose a flavor, she didn’t say anything else, and I understood her concern. Who wanted to bare their heart if the other person might realize they really weren’t sure? I mean, there were no guarantees things would work between us—I’d told the girls many times that a relationship was always a risk—but whether or not I could handle a same-sex attraction added another layer. I took a deep breath and brain-dumped everything I’d been thinking about nearly nonstop since I’d learned who I’d be working for.

  “When I was twelve, a friend and I found her dad’s porn stash. She was all about the guys, but I remember looking mostly at the women. When I was in high school, I was confused because I had feelings for boys and girls.” It had been terrifying, because I hadn’t known anyone who’d liked someone of the same gender. “I was too busy to date, anyway, but you know how it was then.” Eve nodded, so I continued. “When I came home after graduation without a boyfriend, my sister joked maybe I was a lesbian, but it didn’t feel right, because I knew I liked guys. And then I met Seth, and everything was perfect. The fact that I might like women too didn’t matter, because I was happy.”

  “So that’s what makes you pretty sure?” Eve asked, her voice carefully measured. Protecting herself, maybe.

  “Sort of. It’s not just that, though.” At her startled glance, I forged ahead. In for a penny, in for a pound. “It’s you, Eve. I’ve been attracted to other women over the years, and I can’t deny how you make me feel. Fifteen years ago, and six weeks ago, I felt the same way. Restless and itchy and—”

  This time, she cut me off, leaning forward in the chair. “Aware,” she said, the word thick with emotion.

  “Yeah.”

  She tilted her head, studied me for a long moment. “So if anything were to happen between us, it would be what? Fulfilling a curiosity? Or a fantasy?”

  It took a lot to anger me, but this totally pissed me off. “Fuck, no,” I said through clenched teeth, proving that my daughter was right and I did drop the F-bomb when necessary. “And it’s insulting you’d even ask. You know me better than that. I never intended to tell you how I feel, because I work for you and that’s just awkward.” I lashed out, knowing I shouldn’t say the words even before they came out of my mouth. “You’re the one who came here and opened the can of worms.”

  Her own temper flashed. I’d only seen it once before, the day she’d been pissed off with her son. “Because we’re too old to be playing games, and I’m your goddamn boss, that’s why. You touched me today and you’ve been walking on eggshells around me since the first day of work. And I needed to know why before I maybe wreck my whole fucking career on a woman who might only want a fling.”

  “I told you that you had something on your cheek.”

  “Bullshit.”

  We each sat back, arms crossed, glaring at each other, and the absurdity of it hit me. I liked this woman, wanted this woman, though at this very instant I wanted to strangle her. But we were arguing over liking each other too much? Talk about stupid. Had I learned nothing in twenty-plus years of marriage?

  Apparently not.

  I shoved up from the chair and got myself a drink of water—and some space—then leaned my ass against the counter.

  Eve shoved to her feet, and my incredibly confused and frustrated and, yes, horny heart ached. She was leaving?

  But instead of walking out the door, she strode forward, not stopping until she stood mere inches from me. Her voice came low and husky, and it echoed my earlier thoughts. “This is ridiculous.”

  “So, what now?”

  “We forget this ever happened, and go back to the way things were?” she asked, getting impossibly closer.

  I nodded, but my stomach ached. Nothing hurt more right now than the thought of lost possibilities.

  “Bullshit,” she said again, and then she cupped my cheek, rubbing her thumb against it. “That’s what it felt like. Did your heart speed up? Your mouth go dry?”

  I licked my lips, my eyes locked on hers as I nodded again.

  “Oh, fuck me.” She leaned forward, hand still on my cheek, and pressed her lips against mine, softly, giving me a chance to protest though I didn’t think I had the breath to speak. When I didn’t, she deepened the kiss, and the bottom dropped out of my stomach.

  And my world.

  I groaned low in my throat and she angled closer, bringing her body up against
mine, her other hand sliding to my hip. As she rubbed small circles there, I opened my mouth on a gasp and her tongue touched mine.

  My hands went up and I grabbed at her hips. She straddled my feet and her breasts brushed mine, causing her to jerk and me to make a needy moan. She tasted like apples and cinnamon, and I’d never smell that scent again without thinking of her.

  Her mouth moved off mine and I would’ve complained except she began kissing and licking and biting and sucking along my jaw and neck and, fuck, that felt amazing.

  I froze for one breath. This was the first intimate contact I’d had since Seth’s death, but I knew deep in my heart he wouldn’t have wanted me to remain celibate forever. It helped that Eve’s kisses were so very different from his, that her lips were smooth and her skin smoother, that she didn’t take but coaxed. Taking had its place, but good lord, this was amazing.

  And now that I knew, I wanted more.

  “You okay?” Eve asked warily.

  “Mmm. But it’s my turn,” I murmured, taking her hand and leading her to the semi-dark family room. In the light from the muted television, her beautiful brown eyes carried a ring of amber around the edges that I hadn’t seen before. And her body fairly vibrated with tension. I pulled her onto the sofa with me, then slid my hand behind her neck and tugged her close for another kiss. I didn’t want her to think it was one-sided, that I was just allowing things to happen.

  I wanted to let her know I wanted this, enough to take the lead.

  We bumped noses and I laughed, but that laugh turned into a groan when the hand she didn’t have clenched into a fist—yeah, I’d seen that—landed on my hip again, this time on bare skin. Her fingers danced against the edge of my panties along my hip.

  When I came up for air, her voice was husky. “These should be illegal.”

  I looked down and felt myself turn brick red. “I need to do laundry.”

  Though a fairly modest cut, they were see-through and tied with ribbons on the side, and I’d bought them as a treat for myself, even though I’d figured only I would ever see them.

  “I’m not complaining.” Her hand moved up and her fingers grazed my ribs. “I got to see the back view when you were getting tea.”

  I sucked in a breath at that but didn’t stop my own exploring. I unzipped the jacket she wore, knowing she favored sports bras under them if she was running, wanting to get my hands on her skin. To my shock, she didn’t have a bra on, just a thin ribbed tank that did nothing to hide her aroused nipples.

  My voice strangled in my throat.

  She laughed softly. “I grabbed whatever was close. I decided if I didn’t leave right then, I wouldn’t.”

  I put my hand on her torso, curling it around her side. “I’m glad you did.”

  “Same.” Her fingers clenched against my skin, her knuckles brushing against the underside of my bra-free breasts.

  The ache between my thighs grew, and though we were both more than of age, assuaging that ache might be taking things a bit too far for a tentative first time together. That level of intimacy was a huge step.

  Still, I wanted to touch her. Needed to. Allowing her time to say no, I slid my hand between us, up and under her shirt. I stopped at a thick, ridged line that marred the smoothness of her skin.

  “Knife wound from when I worked patrol,” Eve said. This time, it was my fingers that clenched, and my throat grew tight. She rubbed her cheek against mine. “It was a long time ago, Tal. And I’m rarely on the street anymore, not that it couldn’t happen. Risks of the job. Not much I can do to change that.”

  My heart flipped over, and not just because of worry, though worry I did. The way she’d said my name was full of intimate affection and, at that moment, I realized that I could hurt her as much as she could hurt me. But I still didn’t want to stop. “I know.”

  I withdrew my hand from under her shirt and she made a small whine of protest. I smiled, then broke free from her touch—only to gently guide her so she was lying on the sofa. Understanding dawned in her eyes, and she lifted her arms up over her head, tucking her hands beneath it. “Go for it,” she drawled, her voice husky.

  It was a wide sofa, so there was room for me to kneel beside her. I did, pushing her shirt up over her flat stomach. “You are in such good shape,” I murmured, gliding my knuckles over the scar that seemed far, far too close to vital organs. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but that first day you asked me if I wanted to join you? My brain went right to in the shower.”

  She groaned. “I know it did. It was all over your face. I thought for sure you’d turn around and never come back. I’ve never been one to spew sexual innuendo, but I can’t seem to help it around you.”

  “Not even close. I wanted to join you there, to see if you were as sexy under your clothes as you looked.” I leaned over and kissed the scar, then grinned up at her. “And you know that’s just a dare, right? I’m going to be leaving things wide, wide open now.”

  A strangled laugh. “You’re a dangerous, devious woman.”

  “Thank you.”

  She laughed again, but it choked off as I followed long-buried desires and put my tongue on her, licking around her belly button, then sucking gently at the soft curve of her hip. “You always smell like apples and cinnamon. I like it.”

  “Good to know.” She shifted her hips and I realized I wasn’t the only one who was fighting the ache of arousal.

  I shoved her shirt up further, baring her breasts to my gaze, and my breath caught. They were small, but what she had was lovely. Firm, smooth, her pebbled nipples a darker brown than her skin. I glanced up at her face and hid a satisfied grin. Her jaw was tight, as though she had to force herself to stay still.

  “Can I touch you?” I asked, my voice deeper than usual. I wanted this more than anything I’d wanted in a long time.

  “I’ll kill you if you don’t put your hands on me right now.”

  I hadn’t meant with my hands. I cupped her breast with my fingers while sucking her nipple into my mouth, hard, just the way I liked it.

  She nearly bowed off the sofa. “Jesus, Tal. Warn a girl.” When I sucked again, she groaned. “And you say you’ve never done this before? God help me.”

  I laughed, then shifted so I was stretched out beside her, one leg draped over hers. “Another dare.” I played with one firm breast and licked the other while she squirmed beneath me.

  And then she turned the tables, though she never moved her hands. She drew her leg up until her thigh pressed against my core. I gasped, and her nipple popped from between my lips. She pressed harder with her thigh, just enough to move my body closer so she could claim my lips. “My turn.”

  Even though I had probably fifty pounds on her, she managed to get me under her while she straddled my legs. Her top was still pushed above her breasts, and while I watched, my breathing ragged, she stripped off both the open jacket and the tank. The real beauty of her paled against the fantasy in my mind, and I liked the reality so much better. Strong, confident, sexy as hell. Her skin glowed wet where my mouth had been, and I reached out to touch.

  “No, ma’am. You keep those dangerous hands to yourself. I want to play.” She put her hands on the bottom of my T-shirt—my late husband’s T-shirt—and stilled. I didn’t know if I’d flinched or if she’d seen the sudden realization in my eyes. “You okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m sorry. You’re the first—” I tried again. “This is the first time I’ve been with anyone since Seth died. This was his shirt.” It sounded so stupid when I said it, but her eyes softened.

  “Why don’t you take it off?” She leaned back and I did, dropping it over the edge of the sofa. She caressed my face lightly. “He’s part of your life, and you don’t want me touching that part of it. I understand.”

  I shook my head. “He’s part of my history. You’re part of my life. It’s not that I don’t want you to touch a stupid shirt. It’s because I don’t want you to feel like you’re competing with him. You’re not. I�
��ve had years to come to grips with the fact that he’s gone. But this is still my first time in a very, very long time.”

  A tiny smile, and then she kissed me, ever so sweet. “I’ll be gentle.”

  “I hope not too gentle.”

  A delicately arched eyebrow rose. “Challenge accepted.”

  I laughed, but it came out half snort, which made Eve laugh. You’d have thought we were in our teens instead of our fifties. Instead of ruining the moment, it made me even more comfortable with her and the fact that I was lying on my sofa, mostly naked with my boss, for fuck’s sake, totally winging it. I mean, I’d watched lesbian porn, so I knew what went where and how things worked, but I hadn’t figured out yet how I did things.

  Or what turned Eve on.

  I was looking forward to finding out.

  And I wouldn’t worry about the boss part right now, though. Much.

  Eve kissed me on my sternum, between my breasts, then cupped them and pushed them together, paying attention to one nipple and then the other. My hips bucked under her and I choked back a needy groan—or tried to.

  “Just getting started, Tal. Best thing about being with a woman is that we’re not one and done. I can—you can—do this All. Night. Long.”

  I hadn’t really considered that, but it did sound like a bonus. There had been nights with Seth that I’d barely gotten warmed up and he’d been at the finish line. Not often, because he’d been a generous, considerate lover, but it had happened.

  I reached up because I had to touch Eve, had to get my hands on her tempting breasts right now, but lights bounced through the windows—which meant someone was pulling into the driveway.

  I froze.

  Faster than I could imagine, Eve slid off the sofa, tossed me my shirt, and put her own shirt back on. Thank goodness she was thinking, since my lust-fogged brain hadn’t caught up yet. Especially since the next thing I heard was a key in the lock.