Twice in a Lifetime

by Jodie Griffin

  Lila.

  “Mom?”

  That got me moving, and I tugged my shirt over my head with a grimace. “Don’t you go anywhere,” I whispered to Eve and pointed to the far side of the sofa. I took a steadying breath, let it out. “I’m in the family room, honey.”

  My daughter hesitated in the doorway. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”

  “We were watching television.”

  There was a pregnant pause as my daughter weighed my words. “We?” She stepped into the room, then saw Eve on the sofa, and relaxed. “Oh, hey. Hi, Lieutenant Poe.”

  Eve smiled, but her voice was the tiniest bit unsteady. “Hi, Lila. You can call me Eve.”

  “Mom, can I talk to you for a minute?”

  My eldest daughter was twisting the hem of her shirt and worrying her lip. I turned back to Eve and handed her the remote. “Excuse us?” After she nodded, Lila and I went into the kitchen. “What’s wrong?” I asked her.

  “Ryan was sitting on my steps tonight when I got back from the movies. He told me he made a mistake and he wants to get back together. He said he’s missed me these last few weeks and he’ll never cheat again.”

  My gut instinct was to tell her oh, hell no, but that wasn’t a decision I could make for her. “What do you think?”

  Her eyes swam. “I don’t know. Tee and Yas both said no way. But I miss him too. He can change, right?”

  I squeezed her hand even as my heart broke for her. “I honestly don’t know what to tell you. I don’t have any personal experience, and I don’t know Ryan like you do. I’ve heard some women say, yes, men who’ve cheated can change. I’ve heard others say if they do it once, they’ll do it again.”

  She let out a hiccupping sob. “That doesn’t help.”

  “I’m sorry, honey. Do you think he can change? Knowing what you know of him, do you think he’s capable of staying faithful? And, more importantly, knowing how you felt when you found out he cheated, can you go through this a second time if he can’t?”

  “Ugh. I just have to figure it out, don’t I?”

  “Yep. Sometimes adulting really sucks, I know.” I opened my arms and pulled her in for a hug. “Why don’t you think it over and we can talk after you sleep on it. Whatever you choose, I wouldn’t do it tonight or even this week. If you decide to give him another chance, letting him sit and stew for a bit wouldn’t be out of turn.”

  She laughed a watery laugh, and then froze.

  “Mom. Is that a hickey on your neck?” Her eyes flew wide as she stared at me as though she’d never seen me before.

  I moved to the hall bathroom to look in the mirror and flinched. Oy. And my hair was wild, my color high, and I looked like I’d been almost-fucked. Busted. “Maybe?”

  She took in my T-shirt and bare legs, and color rose in her cheeks. My daughter wasn’t a stupid woman, and her mouth opened and closed as she glanced from a half-dressed me to the door into the family room. Speechless, which I could honestly say wasn’t a state that was natural to her. Another long beat of silence, and then just two words. “Your boss?”

  “Maybe?”

  Lila looked aghast, and my stomach twisted, but she surprised me. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Mom. You always told us it’s a bad idea to fish in the office pond.”

  Not a word about the fact that Eve was a woman. Not a single one, which warmed my heart and made my stomach unknot. “Sometimes, things just happen.”

  Lila rolled her eyes. “Like you’d ever let us get away with that.”

  She wasn’t wrong, but to be honest, I wasn’t sure where this was going so I didn’t know what to say. A snort came from behind me, and I turned my head. My heart fluttered. Eve.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked, leaning against the door frame.

  My daughter glared at her. “You’re her boss. How’s that going to work?”

  “Lila Mae Wasserman,” I chided. “Watch your tone of voice, please.”

  To her credit, Eve didn’t seem thrown by the question or the tone. “There are ways around it if your mother and I date. She can report to another officer but still work in our office. I can request a transfer. There’s time to figure that out.” She came into the kitchen, standing against the counter next to me, our bodies close but not touching. “This is all very new, and you’re going to want to talk to your mom about it. I need to head home, anyway—I have an early meeting.” She squeezed my hand, and that was all the warning I got.

  My stomach did a slow roll when she leaned in, brushing a soft, lingering kiss over my lips while rubbing a thumb over my cheek. It was both sweet and erotic and I was nearly brought to my knees by it. Then she left and I stood there, shocked into silence, staring after her with my heart racing.

  “Um, wow. That was . . . wow.” Lila blinked at me, then to the door where Eve had exited. “You really like her?”

  “I really like her.” And because I felt like she needed to hear it, I kept going. “Your father’s been gone a long time. And I don’t think he’d want me to be alone forever, you know?”

  She sighed but gave me a hug. “I know. I just . . . it’s hard seeing you with someone besides Daddy.” She furrowed her brow. “I didn’t know you were bi.”

  Releasing her, I went to the fridge for some ice-cold water. “Do you honestly want to talk about my sexual orientation?”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Maybe not in detail. I mean, I know you’ve had sex because Rissa and I are here, and you and Daddy weren’t always quiet, anyway. But I didn’t know you liked women too.”

  Blood drained from my face. “Excuse me? You heard us?”

  She laughed. “Mom, really? I was a teenager. You didn’t actually think I was asleep by eleven, did you?”

  I buried my face in my hands.

  “Rissa and I saw you argue and we heard you make up. Not such a terrible thing,” she said, sounding a lot like her Yiddish-speaking great-grandmother. Her words slowed. “I should probably think about the kind of role models you and Dad were for us while I figure out what I’m going to do about Ryan.” She opened the cabinet where I kept the tea.

  “It’s on the table.”

  “She likes tea? And she likes you. Two points in her favor. Plus she stood up for you. I like that too.”

  I hid a smile as I put the kettle back on. “I’m so glad you approve.”

  “Mom. I’m trying to be serious.” She grabbed a mug and sat at the table, thankfully not where Eve had sat, and picked out a tea bag. “I’m sorry I just showed up. I’ll make sure to text you first from now on.” She bounced up from the chair and went to the pantry, snagging the cookies I always stocked, then back to her seat. “You know I’m going to tell Rissa, right?”

  My girls had never been able to keep things from each other, something about which I was secretly grateful. I loved their close relationship and hoped they’d keep it forever. And if it meant they’d talk about me—which I expected every kid did about their parents—that was fine. “I figured as much. I’ll call her too.”

  I brought over the kettle, then joined her at the table, snagging a cookie to go with my water. My hips would do better without the calories, but I needed to satisfy at least one craving tonight, so chocolate it was. We munched in silence for a few minutes.

  Lila pointed her half-eaten cookie at me. “I have, like, a billion questions for you and none of them are ones I should ask my mother.”

  I laughed. “How about we give this a while to sink in before you ask them? It’s really new, honey. There are things I can’t tell you because I haven’t worked them out yet.” I decided to be completely honest with my adult daughter, who knew what it was to have an adult relationship. “And there are some things I don’t want to share. They’re between me and Eve, just like they were between me and Dad.”

  “I get that. I don’t share everything with you, either.”

  I pretended to be aghast. “No.”

  My sweet, kind, wonderful daughter grinned. “And on that note,
I’m going home. I might still want some advice about Ryan, but you’re right. I have to figure out how I would feel, first.” She finished the rest of her tea, then stood and hugged me again. “Love you, Mom. Sorry I interrupted.”

  “Love you too, honey.”

  When she left, I went back into the family room to grab my phone and turn off the television. As I passed by the sofa, I got a slight whiff of apples and cinnamon and smiled even though no one could see me.

  I got myself ready for bed—brushed my teeth, washed my face, stared at the hickey on my neck that I’d have to cover up for work tomorrow—and climbed into bed. My mind kept running over the fact that Eve had known what the options were if we dated. She’d obviously thought about it, while I had been thinking I was alone in this attraction. What else hadn’t I realized about her?

  I wasn’t quite ready to sleep, so I picked up my phone to see if Rissa had posted anything on social media about the engineering project she’d had to turn in today. It buzzed in my hand and I saw a message from that unknown number I’d seen earlier tonight. I opened it, and my heart fluttered.

  Eve.

  I’m sorry we didn’t get to finish what we started but maybe it’s for the best. There was a slight break in time between the two lines of text, as though maybe she’d been waiting for me to answer. There’s a jazz concert at the college on Wednesday night. Want to go?

  A date? That sounded . . . really nice, actually. I looked at the time she’d texted—just a few minutes ago—and texted back. Yes.

  When my alarm went off the next morning, I groaned as I smacked it off. While I loved my job, Mondays were not my favorite days in the office. There was always a huge pile-up of email and voicemail, and it could only be worse after the festival yesterday.

  I rolled over, and two things occurred to me at once. My boss had told me I could come in late today.

  And I’d had almost-sex with that very same boss last night.

  I pulled my pillow over my head and moaned into it. Maybe I could just stay here all day and pretend like she’d told me I could have the day off, and then we wouldn’t have to have that awkward how-do-we-handle-this-in-the-office moment?

  No, really, I couldn’t. We were both adults, and I needed to do my part and act like one.

  I was vain enough that I took extra care dressing. I wore a pair of slim black pants that Rissa and Lila had urged me to buy when we’d been shopping at our favorite thrift store because they make your ass look incredible, Mom. I’d laughed and caved, mostly because they’d been about five dollars. I’d figured they’d sit in my closet and I’d never have the opportunity to want to show off my incredible ass.

  Hah. Score one for my girls.

  I paired it with a tailored shirt that covered the hickey on my neck, some silver jewelry that matched the silver threads in my hair, and a little more makeup than I usually wore. At the door, I hesitated. Was it overkill? Like a teenager with her first crush, I went back to my room, stared at my closet, and waffled for about fifteen minutes.

  Oh, screw it. Nothing wrong with what you’ve got on, Talia.

  I got to the office later than I usually did and, surprisingly, the office was empty. Eve’s computer was off, and no tea sat on her desk.

  And then I remembered she’d said she had an early meeting. I booted my computer and pulled up her schedule. Right. Budget meeting, which meant she could be gone for hours.

  I was both relieved and deflated, and how stupid was that?

  Deciding my time would be better spent working and not woolgathering, I opened my email and winced. Fifty-three since Friday? Oy. I was going to need more coffee for this.

  I went to the break room and filled up my World’s Okayest Mom mug, then went back to my desk to start digging through the pile. An hour later, I’d responded to all of the ones for Community Relations, which left six. Two of those were about active investigations, which I forwarded as Eve had instructed me weeks ago. Three were about employment, which I sent on to HR. And one was an adorable thank-you note from Kiera, the little girl we’d met yesterday at the festival who wanted to be a fairy-princess-doctor-plishoffer-astronaut-dancer. Her parents had scanned the child’s drawing and emailed it. Eve would want to respond personally to this.

  Not a threatening one in the bunch, thank goodness. Maybe now that the festival was over, so was the issue?

  I stood up at my desk and stretched my arms up over my head. My shirt rose up, and cool air brushed against my naked skin.

  “G’morning, Tal.”

  I jerked my head up to see Eve standing just inside the door. Her voice was low and potent and, coupled with her eyes on the bare slice of stomach I had to be showing, it sent a shiver down my spine. I forced my voice to stay level as I tugged my shirt back down. “G’morning, Eve.”

  “Sleep well? Or were you too wound up?” The second the words were out of her mouth, she winced and mumbled under her breath. “Christ, woman. What did we talk about?”

  I blinked. “Excuse me?”

  She looked sheepish. “Reminding myself not to do this at work.”

  Her admission made me feel better about my own nerves. “Hah. I had that same conversation with my brain this morning.”

  She laughed wryly. “So glad I’m not the only one.” She dropped her soft briefcase into her chair, started up her computer, then grabbed her mug and held it up. “Can I get you a refill?”

  I picked up my own mug. “I’ll go with you and fill you in on today’s email.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” As we walked I gave her the scoop, including the sweet note from Kiera.

  Eve’s smile was just as sweet. “I love those the best. They make up for the shittiest parts of the job.”

  I fixed myself another cup of coffee while Eve plopped a tea bag into steaming water. I stared, shocked. “What, no special blend?”

  She scowled. “I’m out. Going to have to stop at the tea shop tonight.”

  Even as I made a mental note to see what she liked so I could have some at the house, I snorted. “You’re as bad as any coffee addict, I swear.”

  Delia walked into the room. “Worse, even.” Eve bared her teeth in a wolfish grin, and Delia laughed, then changed the topic to work. “No emails this morning?”

  “Fifty-three of them, but none of them threatening,” I answered, telling her the same thing I’d told Eve a few minutes earlier. “Though it looks like the event prompted some potential recruits to ask for more info.”

  “You passed those along to HR?” Eve asked.

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes, ma’am. Just like you told me to do on day one.”

  She raised a brow, and heat sparked in her eyes. “Someone is a little testy this morning.”

  “Well, yeah. I’m not the only one, am I?” I asked in a sweet tone.

  Delia laughed and turned the conversation again. “I heard we had a second arrest near the end of the festival. Anderson cuffed him when he took a swing at her, and he started spewing a bunch of garbage. Made some threats, but she chalked it up to him being a drunk who didn’t like being told not to harass women.”

  Eve lifted a shoulder. “Shit like that happens.” I tensed, and she sighed. “I told you, it’s the nature of the job, Tal.”

  “I know that, Eve.”

  I flushed when Delia cleared her throat and looked back and forth between us. “Jeez, you two need to get a room.”

  I don’t know which of us was more nonplussed, but I’d have to say Eve was. Fairly vibrating with tension, she started to speak—most likely to deny, which I understood in my head but twisted at my heart—only to be waved off by Delia.

  “Your secret is safe with me. I think you’d be pretty great together.” She lowered her voice, leaned closer. “You’d never—and I mean never—believe what happened between Colin and me when we worked together on that arson case year before last. If the chief knew, he’d kick my ass and take my badge. Trust me on that. But some things are worth breaking the rules for, y’know?�
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  I could tell it bothered Eve that a colleague believed she’d stepped over a firmly etched ethical line. It bothered me too, which was why I’d fought the attraction as long as I had. Not because of me, but because Eve was the very public face of this job and therefore had to maintain a sense of propriety. She loved what she did, she was good at it, and she was a career cop. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that for her.

  When Eve didn’t respond, Delia looked like she was sorry she’d opened her mouth, but I jumped in to soothe her concerns—and Eve’s. “Nothing to hide. We’re just giving each other grief.” I forced a grin. “I’ve never worked for someone who had the same sense of humor as me. Sometimes we get a little off track.”

  Delia clearly didn’t believe a word of it—smart woman—but nodded. “Understood.”

  With that bit of awkwardness between us all, we left the break room and headed back to our respective offices.

  Eve was quiet for about fifteen minutes, but it wasn’t a comfortable silence. Something was stewing in that brain of hers, that much was obvious. I kept darting glances at her over the top of my monitor, and then I couldn’t take it anymore. “Eve?”

  “Not now,” she muttered. “You walking at lunch today?”

  “Er, yes?”

  “Okay. Then.” She glanced down at her computer, back at me, and rubbed her temples. “Budget now.”

  I went back to the flier I was working on, but my stomach churned. Eve rarely if ever spoke in one-word bites, a fact I appreciated since I was a verbal person too. She generally fell into short answers if she was upset or angry, and I didn’t like either of those options.

  Time dragged but finally it was noon, and I changed from my work shoes into sneakers. I locked my computer, stood, and put on my jacket and, as though she’d been waiting for me to be done, Eve stood too and held out a hand toward the door. “Lead the way.”

  After I grabbed my yogurt and a piece of fruit, we left the building and turned right, heading downtown toward the walking path along the creek. I sometimes sat at a bench in the sun, so I went that way, only to find my usual spot taken. “Let’s go there,” I said, pointing to the amphitheater across the creek.