I Hate You, Love Me

by Jamie Knight

  “That’s great!” she exclaims happily.

  “So, what happened next?” I ask, leaning forward over the table. Of course, I want to know more. “Did I make a move on you?”

  “Um, no,” she says bringing back a more sober tone.

  She sits back in her chair a bit, putting distance between us.

  “You were pretty drunk and ended up playing pool with a bunch of guys. They were also pretty lit. Not Charles – he had left the party by that time – but some people you didn’t really know. You had made a bet and you won the game and the guy didn’t pay up. He ran out, and you ran out after him, following him out into the lawn screaming ‘Where are you going? You owe me money for beating your ass at pool, dude!’”

  What a class act I was, I think.

  We both frown.

  “You were still there at this time to see me do this?” I ask, still somehow hoping it’s not true.

  But she nods.

  “I had tried talking to you, to calm you down, but you said that you were going to get what was owed to you,” she says.

  Can this story get any worse?

  I run my hands through my hair.

  “God, sounds like I was such a jerk. Why were you still sticking around my lame ass and trying to help me?”

  Cassie shrugs.

  “Oh, I was a glutton for punishment,” she offers. “After that, you went back inside and passed out on the floor with the door wide open.”

  “Wow!” It is unbelievable to me. I acted that way? “Did my house get robbed? Was I really that irresponsible?”

  “I closed it for you on the way out,” she says. “I could hear a few people still out back hanging out. That’s where I met Daniel for the first time.”

  “Alice’s father,” I say out loud.

  I meant to just think it, but words have a way of coming out unexpectedly, sometimes.

  She pulls her knees up to her chest and puts her feet on her chair. The movement makes her look young and venerable.

  “Yes,” she says. “Now I wish it had turned out better, but Alice is a peach. It wasn’t all bad. I guess it never is.”

  There’s a pause. I don’t like letting things sit in the air, however, even with my desire for memories new and old.

  “I was definitely an egotistical douchebag. No wonder you didn’t like me. I should have listened to your attempts to help me out, but I was clearly a hotheaded kid who only thought about himself and no one else. I promise I won’t be the same person I was back in high school,” I say.

  I hold back a smile, since it’s not appropriate right now, but I can’t help thinking that I couldn’t be that person if I tried. I don’t remember who he was. And that’s probably a good thing, when it comes to shit like this.

  “I agree,” Cassie says.

  She smiles and her whole face brightens.

  “This is about fresh starts.”

  “We can be whoever we want to be now,” I say, gesturing dramatically for humorous effect. “Free of constraint. Free of past transgressions, perceived or otherwise.”

  Cassie giggles at my speech. She leans forward, over the table and takes my shirt in her hand. She pulls me forward. And we kiss.

  Her lips and mouth still have traces of the pecan pie. I can taste the sugar and it adds to her already sweet taste. All of a sudden, past memories don’t seem as important as the present.

  “Let’s go upstairs,” I say, my voice deep and husky. “Let me show you what I should have done to you at that party.”

  She giggles and nods her head. We hold each other’s eyes for a second and then we both bolt to the stairs.

  “My room or yours?” she asks, as she takes the steps two at a time.

  I grab her hand and lead her down to the guestroom I’m using. It’s a practical decision more than anything else. The condoms are in my room.

  “I wish I still had that outfit I wore to the party,” she says.

  I remember it and agree.

  “Oh yes, I would love to see you in something like that.”

  But then I turn, take her in my arms, and push her up against the wall.

  “But I also like to see you in nothing at all.”

  Cassie doesn’t respond. Her breath catches and she leans into me. I kiss her neck, as I slide my hands down her back and then clench her butt through her silky black dress. Her hips thrust towards mine.

  It’s only been a few hours since we fucked but we are both ready for more. This time, I want to pleasure her first.

  Gliding down her thighs, my hands grasp the hem of her dress and pull it up. She raises her arms and lets the fabric slide up her body and off. I toss it to the slipper chair to the side of the bed.

  She never put back on her bra from the first time, so her heavy breasts are bare before me. They are so perky and firm. Her nipples just out, pink and perfect, letting me know how hot she is — how ready she is to have me touch her.

  I take one of her breasts in my hand and squeeze it gently. The movement makes her rock on her heels slightly. She loves when I manhandle her.

  Cassie likes it rough and the thought of that turns me on more. Pulling both her breasts up to my mouth, I lick and suck her nipples. I even nibble them a bit, testing their sensitivity.

  She arches her back and puts her hands up over her head. She doesn’t bother to touch me or tell me what she likes, she just loses herself to my hands and I love it.

  “Come,” I say, taking her hand. “Here to the bed.”

  I guide her with my hands on her hips and seat her on the edge of the bed. She looks up with her beautiful eyes wide and questioning. Her lips quiver a bit in anticipation, and she bites the lower one.

  I move her down to her back, glide my hands up her long, shapely legs, and pull at her black satin panties. She lets me take them off and lays bare before me. She doesn’t seem shy about her body and her confidence makes her sexier.

  While taking in the sexy sight of her whole body, I undress quickly. As my hands are busy, she lets her own roam. They slide over her soft skin, moving up to her breasts that she grips and squeezes. She is a woman who is secure in her sexual nature and I love it.

  I drop to my knees at the end of the bed. Quickly, I pull her hips forward and set my lips to her lower lips. I kiss, lick and suck her folds — all the while, watching her moan and play with her own breasts. In her delight, her thighs clamp around my face. Her hips thrust as I bury my tongue in her pussy.

  “Oh God yes!” she says.

  I can see her eyes roll back into her head. Urged on by Cassie’s reactions, I thrust my tongue in deeper. Her hips buck again, and she starts to fuck my face.

  Her moans increase with the movement of her body. Her pussy clamps around the tip of my tongue.

  Knowing that she is close and anxious to see her come, I put a finger to her clit and rub it gently. That sends her over the edge. I watch as her orgasm makes her pussy pulse.

  Before she is done and fully relaxed, I grab a condom, put it on, and slide into her very wet pussy. Cassie’s breath huffs out at my quick movements, but she doesn’t complain.

  Her body writhes in pleasure as I fill her. Once I am balls deep, my dick hits her cervix and we both moan at the pleasure of that contact. It is enough to make me come, now, buried inside her pussy which is gripping me tight and feeling the hardness of her cervix before me.

  Then I start thrusting. She is so wet, I slide in and out easily. The movement between us tightens the muscles of my abdomen and I feel my seed flow up towards the head of my cock.

  I pound her harder. Both of our breathes come in pants. Cassie has her hands wound in and gripping the sheets tightly. Her full breasts bunce and dance before me; my movements making them sway.

  She is so beautiful. She is so sexy. Cassie is perfect and I want to make her mine.

  Her pouty lips form a tiny O and her head leans back. Back arched, she finds her pleasure again, pulses and shivers taking over her whole body.

  Her p
ussy grips me hard. It milks my cock, begging for me to spill my cum inside her. I let go and do. Spurt after spurt fills the condom, but I’m not quite done. I slam into her cervix again, unleash another load and feel tingles run up and down my spine.

  I pull out, panting and quickly dispose of the condom. When I get back, Celeste is already rolled on her side, asleep.

  I smile down at her. She is so peaceful and innocent.

  Climbing into bed, I take her in my arms. I brush her bare shoulder with a quick kiss and hold her close as I fall asleep.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Cassie

  The next morning, I sneak out of bed, making sure not to wake Devon. He is so peaceful as he sleeps, and I want him to rest as much as he can after our wild night.

  I decide to make breakfast for him. I am pretty good at making pancakes. I attribute that to Alice. She loves them. I make the Mickey Mouse-eared design because it brings a smile to her face, but they taste good, which is what makes sure she finishes her plate.

  She likes syrup but I just like strawberries and cream on mine. I’ll have to discover what Devon likes, if he even likes pancakes at all. He might want waffles, or muffins, or a croissant, although he doesn’t seem like much of a bakery guy.

  He comes out from the bedroom in a towel after taking a shower. I love how he looks naked: his muscles, his tattoos. He’s a rebel at heart and that heart is gold.

  I wonder if his clients at the bank realize what lies underneath his well-tailored suits. What women have had fantasies and masturbated to the thought of him fucking them raw?

  I try to stir the batter, but he keeps distracting me. He comes up behind me and kisses my neck. I feel his hardness once again press up against the small of my back.

  He feels bigger this morning. Will I be able to take it again right now? I am a little sore from last night.

  “You’re a bad boy,” I say.

  “But I’m a nice man,” he says coyly.

  We turn to face each other and kiss. His tongue glides into my mouth and I suck it. He seems to like that technique very much, as I feel his cock throb against my side.

  I pull my lips away and take a minute to just feel his body up against mine. He is tall enough to fit my head under his chin. I hug him and nestle into that nook. I feel safe, protected and loved with Devon’s arms around me.

  But then he pushes me back to the counter. That rebel instinct takes over, I can see it in the light in his eyes. He wants me and is going to have me now. This is what I want: to be dominated in the moment. To surrender. To let him have complete control.

  After pulling down my nightgown, he kisses my breasts, and carefully sucks each nipple as to not leave a mark. He gently bites each one. I love the way it makes me feel––the power behind his approach.

  He kneels and kisses his way down my breasts to my tummy, to my hips and to my clit. There he takes his time. His mouth is slowing sucking the hood, down to underneath my lips.

  I lean back into the kitchen counter for support, letting Devon have access to more of me. He licks his index finger and slides into my wetness. My pussy aches. He takes it out and extends his arm, presenting it with my own taste on it. I let it enter my mouth and I suck it as if I was sucking his manhood.

  It feels so dirty to taste myself.

  I hold the back of his head and run my fingers through his thick, dark hair. His tongue works magic running between my lower lips and then up to tease my clit.

  He alternates between flicking it with his tongue and lapping at it — the full length of his tongue running over my sensitive bud. I thrust my hips into his face, silently asking for more.

  I am so alive!

  Devon stands up and kisses me again. He steps back and strokes his cock in front of me almost defiantly. His towel is gone now, and he reaches back for the condom he brought down with him. He opens it and slides it on his length.

  I understand why we need to use them, but I would love nothing more than to feel him bare inside me. To feel the release of his energy, and after have it drip out and onto my leg, a reminder that I am his. That he owns me. That he left his desire inside of me.

  He lifts me up and sets my ass down on the counter. He spreads my legs and puts his hand behind my back to prop me up. Then he kisses me again, moving forward slowly.

  His cock presses against my pussy and it opens like a flower for him. His massive member stretches me as I relax to accept it. And accept I do. It fills me completely. My pussy throbs and aches around it.

  I wrap my legs around his waist. He looks into my eyes, and without saying so, waits for my approval to begin. I nod. He then starts to move back and forth. His dick pushes into my pussy filling me to the core and then he pulls back. Friction grows between us.

  I love being face to face and having his strong hard body pressed up against mine. I run my hand over his defined ab muscles and over his hard pecs. He smiles, taking delight in the fact that I appreciate his body.

  Never missing a thrust, he takes one of my hands up to his lips and kisses it gently. I get lost in the loving look he gives me.

  After a few more minutes, Devon changes positions. He pulls my legs up over his shoulders and takes me deeper. My thighs press into his chest and his long, thick cock slams up against my cervix. I moan into his ear and he starts pumping me again, hard and fast.

  This is a quicker fuck than last night’s epic session. We both just want our release and to feel each other’s bodies. The movement of his abdomen glides over my clit and my whole body tenses.

  I cum first. My pussy is pulling his cock inside me deeper. I pulse around him and grip him hard with the walls of my pussy. Devon looks at me. His eyes wide with pleasure. His own orgasm hits him, and he lets out a roar of sorts. The condom fills inside me, and I feel full and happy.

  Devon steps back and lowers himself into a chair.

  “I think we need those pancakes now…” he says with a big grin.

  “Let me clean up first,” I say while laughing a bit.

  It’s the hottest sex in the world, and I want us to keep having it forever.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Cassie

  I’m so excited to see Alice. She’s been away with Amanda and Charles all weekend. I just hope she wasn’t much trouble.

  Devon went to the store to get milk, as we ran out of it at breakfast. I’d hate for Amanda to not have any on hand, since she loves lattes so much. I text Devon to remind him to get both 2% and almond, because I’m not sure which one she is drinking right now.

  Being alone in the house is kind of a new experience for me. I’ve always been used to having Alice around, and lately, Amanda too. Although being with Devon has been wonderful, but these moments of privacy really give me a chance to reflect a bit on everything that is going on.

  Life isn’t what I planned it to be after I left high school. Back then I was dating Daniel and everything seemed to be falling into place. We were living together and both working plus going to college.

  Then I got pregnant with Alice and everything changed. I never expected to be a single mother. I never expected the day to day struggle or how hard being a parent would be.

  You can blame yourself if someone walks out on you, and that’s exactly what I did when my husband left. It took me several years to forgive myself and then to finally forgive Daniel.

  If he didn’t want a role in his daughter’s life — or mine — that was fine, I wasn’t going to force him or hate him. If Devon had shown up at any point during that period, right after my divorce, it’s possible I would have treated him as a fling or just shut him out completely.

  So, maybe the timing is right. But is this really more than a fling? Can I really say that?

  I am so stressed out now that I have slept with Devon. I don’t know what I’ll do if nothing happens. There is a song my parents loved, and the chorus goes: the waiting is the hardest part.

  I just hope that my situation with Devon isn’t there to fill those
moments I might otherwise be sitting there going mad with impatience, waiting for someone to call and give me a job. I hope I haven’t gotten into this relationship as a distraction.

  Besides, Devon has his own concerns. His own issues. He is just now piecing together the fragments of his life. Could you imagine having to wake up every single day not knowing exactly who you are and who the people who say they are your friends are really all about?

  I myself remember a boy who taunted me. The one who drove me crazy in high school. A boy who tested my patience with every interaction. A boy who kissed me once and then shunned me in front of all his friends and mine.

  But now that boy is a man. Maybe he was still the same person I knew in high school before his accident, but even if the accident changed everything, the man he is now is not a crutch for me to prop myself up with. Nor is he there to fill some void inside my heart and soul.

  He isn’t there to be an antidote, or a prime solution, or a magical deus ex machina that fixes everything without explanation. No, he is with me because I want him with me and he makes me a better person.

  And now I realize why my parents thought Jerry Maguire is such a great movie. Devon does in fact complete a part of me, but he is not a replacement for a part of me.

  I sigh and consider getting a glass of wine to unwind a bit. I go in the fridge and pour myself a glass of chardonnay. I also pull out a wedge of Brie cheese and have a little with a couple of crackers.

  I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a moment to myself like this. And unlike Devon, who isn’t able to recall most of his memories, I know for certain that the reason I can’t remember is that this has never happened before. It’s a first.

  I really hope Alice was well-behaved. She has been going through so much and she’s only 5. How does someone that young and impressionable deal with all the wild ups and downs of my life?