I Hate You, Love Me

by Jamie Knight

  “Yes, mother,” I say with my head down. “I will work to do better.”

  I walk into the house trying to avoid further lectures. The whole time I’m whishing that Robert never brought his stupid friend home.

  Chapter Nine

  Lindsay

  Present day…

  Nothing much came from Brent and I’s plan and I was able to concentrate on my studies and get through my finals. But now, it’s Christmas break and it’s show time. Brent and I will be making our first appearance as an engaged couple at my parent’s house and then it’s on to my Dad’s work’s Christmas party. I can’t wait to see my mother’s face. She’s been pushing for her little girl to get married as soon as possible since I was at least 5-years-old. And now, I am! I bet she will faint!

  I’m not really worried at all about acting like Brent’s love. He’s been nicer to me in the last few weeks, and I’m feeling less annoyed around him. Plus, he got me a giant diamond ring to wear. It’s literally the biggest engagement ring I have ever seen. And, while I know it’s only mine for a short time, just looking at the glittery thing brings me such joy.

  Robert and I are riding back to our home town with Brent. Since I’m going along for the ride, Brent rented a 2018 Land Rover Range Rover with a larger cab then his Ferrari. The SUV is a beauty in dark silver. It’s so expensive looking and I feel like a princess riding in it. It’s all so much fun. My brother mentioned the epic road trip they took together a few years back and now I get to be a part of one.

  This all really does feel like a dream.

  I’ve been doing my best to learn about Brent’s likes and interests in case it comes up in conversation. I’ve noticed that he takes his coffee black and tends to stay away from sweets. He runs in the mornings, on occasion—like my brother—but usually prefers to swim if there is a pool available. He also apparently lifts weights to keep in shape and it shows.

  I have caught my eyes taking in his body more than once since our fake engagement started. I know it’s pretend but it will still be fun to feel his strong arms draped over my shoulders or wrapped around my waist.

  Will I have to kiss Brent? Part of me wants to, but the other part thinks that is just too far.

  I also can’t wait to tell my best friend Tina. We haven’t talked much since our Fall Break visit together. I know she has been worried about my happiness, just as much as I have been worried about hers. I feel a little guilty about not telling her about the fake engagement, but I didn’t know what to say, so I avoided talking to her altogether. I hope she got all her issues with Seth, the boy who lives a few doors down from her in the dorms, resolved, but I doubt it.

  When we pull down my parent’s street all the memories come flooding back. The first time I met Brent was here and we have had our ups and downs since then. But I won’t have cake on my face this day. The only thing my parents will see is an expression of happiness and joy.

  We park on the street and I can’t wait, so I hop out of the Range Rover and run up the sidewalk. I practically burst through the door.

  “Mom! Dad! I’m here!” I call out.

  They come out from the kitchen to greet me. I hide my left hand behind my back. I don’t want them to see the engagement ring just yet and thus give away the surprise.

  “Well aren’t you a bundle of energy,” my dad says as he smiles down at me.

  “Yes, you certainly are,” my mom says somewhat suspiciously. “What are you up to?”

  “Not telling just yet. I need to wait for Robert and Brent,” I say.

  Just then my brother and my fake fiancé walk into the house through the open door. They come in a much more relaxed manner than I did. But really, I couldn’t help it. I’m pretend getting married, which is almost as good as the real thing.

  “Hey sis, you sure raced to get in here,” my brother says with an awkward laugh. Robert is supporting Brent and I’s sham, but he still seems to find the whole idea odd or annoying.

  “I thought you ran off without us,” Brent chimes in. He gives me a big grin and seems to tell me with his eyes to get on with it. He might be as excited as I am.

  My face gets a little red. Brent gives me a wink and I blush even more. It’s almost as if he likes seeing me embarrassed.

  I do my best to regain my composure and stand directly in front of my parents, head held high. Brent and Robert stand behind me as to cede the floor completely for me to make the announcement.

  “Mom. Dad. We have something to tell you,” I say.

  There is a slight pause. My mom’s suspicions turn to anticipation. They both look at me expectantly.

  “We’re getting married!” I scream out. “Brent and I!”

  My mom lets out a noticeable gasp of disbelief. My dad gets the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on his face, but he shrugs awkwardly like he still thinks this could be a joke.

  I then show off my left hand and the diamond ring Brent gave me. They both gasp at the size of the rock. Dad takes my hand in his and just stares. I can tell that now it feels more real to them, both of them. They can take it seriously now. I have been waiting for this moment for a long time. I know they will be proud of me now.

  “Well, I’ll say,” my mom blurts out finally. “I must admit I still don’t believe it. It is such a wonderfully pleasant surprise. A holiday miracle, no less.”

  “Yes, Mrs. Miller,” Brent says as he steps forward. He smiles that smile only he can do. The one that charms everyone who he comes into contact with. “I have asked for you daughter’s hand in marriage. We are deeply in love and we want to spend the rest of our lives together.”

  Mother beams at him.

  I want to jump up and down with joy. I will be the favorite child for once—not Robert. Just so long as this ruse lasts. So long as this pretend engagement persists, I will be perfect in my mother’s and father’s eyes.

  My parents seem so happy and thrilled. And why wouldn’t they be? Brent is wealthy. Perhaps they believe I won’t want for naught from now on. I won’t be their responsibility anymore. He’ll take care of me from now on.

  “We don’t have much time before the Christmas party starts,” my dad reminds us. “So you will have to tell us how this wonderful event came to be later. Everyone get dressed and get ready to smile.”

  ****

  My father has managed the Greenlake auto-parts plant for as far back as I can remember. Every Christmas they throw a big party at the plant for all the employees, complete with an awards ceremony and free food and drinks. It’s kind of a big deal for my family—since dad is the boss—we all try to dress up in our best clothes and act like the perfect family. It’s been basically one big charade where we fake smile so much our faces begin to hurt.

  In the past, the only reason I enjoyed going to the party was to see my best friend Tina. We always meet each other by the snack table and then sneak off into one of the hallways of the plant to gossip. I’m not sure how she is going to react to my news tonight. I hope she’s not too mad that I didn’t tell her in advance.

  I walk into the double doors of the auto-parts plant feeling proud. Brent gave me a hundred dollars for a new dress and the red velvet number I bought is the classist thing I have ever owned. Plus, with the huge diamond ring on my hand, how can I not feel grand. Brent is my second best accessory. He’s in a tailored navy suit that probably cost more than my father’s car and he looks sexy as hell with his blonde hair slightly slicked back. I keep finding my hand held in Brent’s and I have to admit, it feels great.

  My mom is so excited to tell her friends about my engagement and she is parading me about like I’m a star. We can barely move out of the entranceway because so many of her friends come up to greet us. They all want to hear the story about the poor girl who is marrying a handsome wealthy future doctor. They must think I am living in some sort of fairy tale and for a few months I am.

  My mom immediately pulls Brent into the mix and introduces him to everyone she knows. Brent is so sweet and acts very
much the part of a loving fiancé. His arm is around my shoulders and he gives me soft kisses on the cheek. When anyone asks him how we met he goes into great detail about how he became friends with Robert at Pacific Day University and eventually noticed me. He didn’t want to hurt his friendship, so he held off approaching me. But his love for me became too much that he had to declare it.

  I get so caught up in the moment I get up on my tippy-toes and kiss Brent on the lips. He seems a bit surprised but kisses me back. As I come back down to the ground, I realize I actually liked it. I liked kissing Brent. It felt kind of real. But I have to remind myself that this is fake—it’s just for show.

  By the time we get to the plant’s cafeteria where most of the party is the whole plant is abuzz. It’s like Brent’s a rock star to them and I’m the heroine in a romantic drama that he’s come to whisk away. To be honest, I’m loving the attention.

  Robert sulks behind us the whole time. I have to admit, my brother is being very chill about this lie, but I can tell me being my parent’s favorite is getting to him. He’s been unusually quiet and frowns a lot. I just hope he keeps his mouth shut.

  “Robert!” a familiar voice calls out.

  We all turn and see Seth walking up to us. Besides being Tina’s least and most favorite person, Seth has been good friends with my brother for years. They do an elaborate handshake—something they made up when Robert was twelve and Seth was eight—and immediately start talking about sports. Seth gives Brent a polite nod since they’ve met a few times in the past.

  I can’t hold myself back, I butt into the boy’s conversation: “Hey Seth,” I say as I hold out my left hand. “Have you heard the good news, yet?”

  He takes my hand in his and exclaims how beautiful my ring is. Before we can talk much more there is a commotion deeper in the cafeteria. It sounds like two men are yelling at each other. Seth excuses himself to go try to get his father out of an argument with Tina’s dad—they’ve hated each other for years—and I turn to look for my best friend.

  Tina is waiting for me by the snack table, just as she has every year, looking uncomfortable in an ugly Christmas sweater that I’m sure her mother knitted. It’s green and red stripes with a manger scene sewn over the top. My friend is nervously shuffling her feet and pulling her long blonde hair over her shoulders to try and cover the horrid sweater, but it’s not quite long enough.

  I start to walk towards her, Brent trailing behind me, when we are joined by Mrs. Bailey, Tina’s mother. She’s like a second mother to me, so I can’t ignore her. I give her a quick hug hoping she will accept that and go talk to my mother, but she’s seen my ring and tags along as I head towards Tina. This whole situation is becoming more and more awkward. Now I won’t have a chance to talk to my best friend alone.

  Tina’s been watching us since we came into the cafeteria and she’s smiling from ear to ear, but I can tell it’s a little forced. I start to feel guilty, I really should have given her a heads up about the engagement, but I didn’t know what to say. Should I have told her the truth and risked her telling someone or lied to my best friend? Neither option seemed good, so I didn’t do either. Now I feel like a bitch.

  I pull Tina into a quick, hard hug, but she holds back slightly, and I can tell she is angry with me. I will have to make it up to her later, for now the fake engagement show needs to go on.

  “Oh, my gosh. Lindsay,” Mrs. Bailey gushes, happily, grinning from ear to ear. “Congratulations! You must be so excited.”

  “I am, I am,” I tell her smiling. I pull a strand of hair over my shoulder and twirl it around my finger. “Everyone, this is Brent, I’m not sure if you remember meeting him before. He’s one of Robert’s best friends at Pacific Day. He’s studying to be a doctor.”

  Brent offers Tina his hand and she shakes it reluctantly, her face quickly falling into a frown. She looks disappointed more than anything else.

  I had expected Tina to be thrilled for me at this moment. But her reaction is quite different than I had anticipated. She actually seems cold and callous in her body language. She is almost angry, I think. She pulls away from Brent, takes my hand, looks at the ring, then flippantly hands my hand back to me.

  “Hmm, well, it is a nice ring,” she says.

  I know my best friend, and something is definitely wrong. Did she really take me not telling her sooner so personally? This is not the Tina I know, she usually rolls with the punches better.

  “Is there something wrong?” I ask. “Aren’t you happy for me?”

  “Well… It’s cool, I guess,” she says in a nonchalant manner.

  I almost want to start crying. I hate that she isn’t excited for me.

  “It’s fine, Lindsay,” she says. “I’m happy for you.”

  I don’t believe a word she says. Ugh! She seems so cold and distant! I wish I could snap her out of it. How am I going to fix this? I feel terrible! I despise the fact that I’m lying to her, but it still doesn’t explain why she is acting this way.

  “Everyone!” My father waves his hands above his head to get the attention of everyone in the cafeteria. All the employees turn quickly at the sound of his voice. “It’s time for the yearly productivity awards. If you all would follow me into the auditorium.”

  I take Tina’s hand and squeezed it quickly, before heading towards my father. I hope we can fix things between us, but now isn’t the time. If I miss the awards ceremony, my father will never let me hear the end of it.

  I stoop a little, all the joy gone out of my body. Brent gently puts his arm over my shoulder and pulls me close. It’s a kind gesture and I don’t think he’s doing it to pretend to be my fiancé; he’s just being nice.

  “Lindsay. Wait!”

  I turn back at the sound of Tina’s voice. Brent stops too, but I push him forward gently so that he continues to head into the auditorium. My friend and I need a moment alone.

  Tina has her hands on her hips. “When were you going to tell me?” she asks meanly. Anger seems to radiate off of her.

  I really fucked up and I’m at a total loss on how to make it better. I rub my hands on my hips, wiping sweat off on velvet and trying to think of something to say. “Uh,” I mutter. I start to feel myself blush and I want to get out of her sight as soon as possible. “Look, Tina, things are really busy now.”

  “Too busy to make a call? Shoot a text?” she snaps, tears lining her eyes.

  “Look, Tina, you have no idea how much work this engagement is,” I mutter. It’s a lame excuse and I know it.

  “Well, if it’s too much work to call, then don’t bother with the work of inviting me to the wedding! Because I won’t be there! Like you’re not here for me!” Tina yells.

  We are alone in the cafeteria, but I still look around to see if anyone heard her. This whole situation is embarrassing, and my anxiety is going through the roof. I can’t deal with this right now.

  “Okay, Tina,” I mutter. Then I walk away.

  Chapter Ten

  Lindsay

  I’m fighting tears the whole way to my seat. I never imagined that Tina would react that way. I know I should have told her sooner, but she really seemed just cruel. Thankfully the lights in the seating area are already lowered, so no one can see how red my face is.

  Maneuvering down the aisle, I spot my mother, Robert, and Brent sitting close to the stage. Brent has turned all the way around in his seat. He’s looking for me. His handsome face is pulled down in a frown and his blonde eyebrows are raised. He’s worried…worried about me. I find myself taking comfort in that. Sometimes it feels like Brent really cares for me.

  When he spots me walking down the aisle, he smiles and give me a little wave to make sure I can see where they are sitting. I smile and wave back. It all seems comforting and familiar, like we really are a couple.

  This is just pretend, I remind myself. He’s acting. That’s all.

  I reach their seats just as my dad starts the awards ceremony. Mother gives me an annoyed glance to indica
te that she did not appreciate that I was late. I mouth the word sorry and slide into the seat next to Brent.

  Immediately, he puts his arm over my shoulders and pulls me close. He’s so warm and his arm fells so strong against my back. For a second, I put my head against his chest and let myself feel vulnerable in his arms. My body is still shaking a little from my fight with Tina. I need to calm down so I can, once again, act like the happy fiancée.

  Brent leans over and kisses the top of my head.

  “You okay?” he whispers.

  I find myself reaching for him. My hand slides across his stomach, over his muscular abs, and settles around his waist. It doesn’t feel odd holding Brent. I know that should make me concerned, but I can’t let myself think about that right now. At the moment, I just want to be cuddled.

  “No,” I whisper back. “I’m not okay at all. Tina and I have never fought like that before. I never expected…I never expected her to yell at me.”

  He kisses the top of my head again and runs his fingers through my hair.

  “Try to not take it personally,” he tells me, still keeping his voice as low as possible. “Is there something going on in her life that may explain the way she is acting? A lot of her reaction could be jealousy and not about you at all. Give it time. I’m sure she will come around.”

  I nod my head, rubbing it against his shirt, and thinking about his words. I should have checked in with Tina and made sure she was okay. I know her mother drives her just as nuts as mine does. Is that what this is really about?

  I pull away from Brent and turn to look back over the seats. Tina has to be around somewhere. Most everyone is watching the awards ceremony. A few people have snuck in drinks. One or two are sleeping.

  Finally, I spot Tina sitting next to her mother towards the back. She looks miserable. Plus, I can tell her mother is whispering a lecture to her. Brent is probably right, she must have been upset because she knew how her mother was going to act. I’m sorry to have put her through that.