I Hate You, Love Me

by Jamie Knight

  Felling better, I twist to sit back in my seat, but when I do, my face comes within inches of Brent’s. Our eyes catch. I’ve always thought that Brent had beautiful eyes. They are such a deep green, like leaves in the summer. Being this close, I notice his long eyelashes too. They line his eyes like a gentle shadow. I drop my gaze a bit and notice the shape of his cheekbones, then his lips. He is panting just slightly, like he’s excited…like he wants to kiss me.

  I lick my lips and barely open my mouth. We move closer to each other; drawn together. Hypnotized. We can’t seem to look away or break the spell.

  Our lips meet. His are so soft and warm on mine. Brent is gentle at first, but then he becomes more demanding and kisses me deeper.

  My breath is gone. My awareness is gone. All I can concentrate on is Brent’s lips: The way they feel, the way they taste—the slight hint of the black coffee he drank earlier. He tastes so good.

  “Can you not!”

  Brent and I pull away from each other and look over to Robert, who is giving us both a death stare. He crosses his arms over his chest.

  “Look you two,” he hisses. “I realize you are…excited, but this really isn’t the time or place.”

  Mom is watching us too and she nods her approval of what Robert just said. Felling a little embarrassed—and breathless—I slump into my seat and resign myself to watching the rest of the ceremony.

  Brent does the same, but his hand finds its way into mine.

  By the time the ceremony is done, I’m feeling a good bit better. My smile is back and I’m ready to parade my handsome fiancé around again. I also decide to take a moment to try to apologize to Tina.

  It takes a few minutes for the seats to clear and for a path to form to the cafeteria. Once we get through the double doors, I look around for Tina anxious to cheer her up and make things right. I see her in a group of people: her family and Seth’s. I hold up my hand to wave at her, but she doesn’t see me.

  Tina then proceeds to kiss Seth rather passionately in front of everyone. I’m shocked. I had no idea that they were dating. Maybe she hasn’t told me just as much as I haven’t told her. And maybe this display is just meant for me so I can become enraged with jealousy. I do have to admit I am seething a little bit.

  Tina and Seth aren’t hiding their feelings. They don’t really have to. It’s not like they’re pretending to be a couple to win some contest. They’re not lying like Brent and I are. My whole world starts to crumble, and this sham feels like what it really is…a sham.

  After they kiss, Tina seems to be in a better mood. In fact, she’s all smiles now talking to her parent’s and Seth. And if I thought I wasn’t jealous before, I certainly am now. I can feel my face start to turn red as I blush with my heated emotions. I need to learn to control that! It’s a dead giveaway. A tell I can’t hide.

  I get myself put back together, turn and head back to my family. I will have to fix things with Tina later. I’m just too much of an emotional mess right now. I take a deep breath and remind myself that this is a big night for me—even if it is fake.

  Mom’s friends surround the family again. Brent is keeping everyone entertained. I can see him using his hand gestures to tell a story, most likely a humorous one from all the smiles on everyone’s faces. He certainly is good at that and I’ve noticed how Robert has picked up some speech giving techniques from him.

  I join my “fiancé” and pull his arm over my shoulder. I plaster a smile on my face and it’s on with the show.

  “Has a date for the wedding been set yet?” my mom’s friend Rosie asks.

  “We haven’t identified a firm date but we’re looking at some time next fall,” I answer.

  A fall date can always be pushed back if need be to keep the charade going. But from what Brent says his grandfather only has a few months left.

  “Oh my, that’s a long ways away,” Rosie says. “You better lock this handsome young man down before he changes his mind.”

  Everyone laughs, but what a thing to say! Apparently, my mom isn’t the only one who doubts my chances of getting a husband. I feel my face starting to turn red again. I want to yell at the older woman and tell her to mind her own business, but Brent steps in.

  “Oh, Lindsay doesn’t have anything to worry about,” Brent tells everyone. “I’m the one who is more concerned with this bird flying away. I mean, who am I? The luckiest guy on the planet, if you were to ask me.”

  That seems to quiet Rosie up. She smiles and raises her glass for a toast.

  “To Lindsay and Brent, may they always fly with each other and not apart. To the lovebirds!” she exclaims.

  Everyone claps and cheers.

  After a long night we drive back home. A light snow starts to fall outside.

  “Mom, is it okay if Brent stays here tonight?” I ask. “He’s had such a long day and I don’t want him driving home tonight in the snow.”

  “I am okay with it, but I don’t want you two sleeping in the same room together,” she says. “You might be engaged but you’re not married yet. In the eyes of The Lord it wouldn’t be proper. It wouldn’t be the Christian thing to do.”

  “So, he can sleep on the couch?” I ask.

  “Yes. We can make it comfortable for him,” she says.

  We all relax as the snow comes down. It’s nice to be inside and someplace warm. Robert is already napping in the recliner. We do have a small fireplace and dad brings wood in. Brent apparently has some experience in starting fires and jumps in to help out. Once again, another detail I didn’t know about.

  He looks so cute working with my dad to get the fire going.

  Mom brings in hot chocolate later. She doesn’t have the little mini-marshmallows I love so much, but she did make fresh whipped cream. Brent and I cuddle up on the couch and watch the fire burn.

  Later we all retire to our separate bedrooms. I have a hard time sleeping, however. All I can think about is how nice it was to act like Brent’s fiancée and how good it felt to kiss him. It was almost dreamlike. I wish I could keep the experience going forever.

  Chapter Eleven

  Lindsay

  I toss and turn in bed for an hour or so. I can’t sleep. All I can think of is the feeling of Brent’s lips on my own. They were so soft and warm. And I loved having his arm draped over my shoulder. I know this is all pretend, that our engagement isn’t real, but sometimes it’s hard to not get caught up in all the lies.

  I shake my head to try to clear it, then flip over to try to go to sleep, but it’s no use. Eventually, I get up to go get a glass of water downstairs in the kitchen. Or, at least, that’s what I tell myself I’m doing. As I step on the first stairstep, I promise myself that I’m not going downstairs to catch a glimpse of Brent sleeping. But I know that’s a lie. I just want to see his handsome face one more time, then I should be able to sleep.

  When I reach the living room, Brent’s not on the couch. He’s standing, staring out the window into the night at the falling snow. The only light comes from the dying fire in fireplace. It lights just one side of his face. I can see that he’s frowning slightly; his full lips pulled down at the corners. Rough stubble covers his slightly pointed chin—my fingers want to touch it and see how it feels.

  Brent seems to be lost in thought and hasn’t heard me yet. To be fair, I have been silently tip-toeing around this house ever since I was a little girl. I sometimes pretend I’m a ninja as to not to wake anyone when I come downstairs for a drink or a snack. I know every floorboard panel that creaks, every spot that amplifies the volume of a footstep.

  I stand at the bottom of the stairs and watch him. Brent has such broad and powerful shoulders. His body is that of an athlete. I know underneath his t-shirt he has to have six-pack abs. And when I was kissing him earlier our bodies pressed together, and I held onto his biceps. They are rock solid.

  I clench and unclench my hands a few times. I want to touch him again. I know I should turn away; I should go back upstairs, but I can’t. There
is something inside me that needs to be sated. A quiet desire that has been building. I want this man, and not for pretend. I want him now and, in this moment, for real.

  I step forward. I slowly approach Brent, coming up behind him on silent feet. I touch his shoulders with my tiny hands and turn him around to look at me. He jumps slightly, but when his bright green eyes lock on mine, I know he can tell exactly what I want just by the way I’m looking up at him. I pull him down to me and start kissing him madly.

  Brent’s lips are soft and warm against my lips. His tongue works its way through my lips and twists with mine. He grabs my ass, lifting me up off the ground, and pulls me against him. He is so strong! My legs wrap around him to pull him even closer, ever so tighter. I want to be as close as possible to him.

  Brent pulls back and starts to say something, but I put my finger to his lips to quiet him. I point upstairs indicating that loud noises will wake up Robert and my parents. He nods, understanding that we have to do this in stealth, then leans in to kiss me again.

  I’m not new to sex. I’ve had a few experiences in high school, most of them extremely disappointing. But I suddenly feel like a virgin again. I don’t know if Brent knows that or can sense my anxiety. He does seem to have good intuition, as he gently runs his hands over my body. Maybe he can read me and can tell what I want and need.

  He sits me down on the couch and pulls my pajama bottoms off. At the same time, I take off my top, so that I’m nude before him. I hope I don’t seem too eager. Brent squats down and slowly kisses me all the way up from my feet, to my calves, my inner thighs, and eventually inches away from my pussy. I can feel myself getting wetter at every touch of his lips.

  I’ve never had a guy eat me out before. I’m a bit nervous and bite my lip in anticipation. I’ve had fantasies of moments like this before, but now it is happening for real. I can’t wait to know how it feels.

  Brent looks up at me and smiles. He then kisses my tummy all the way down to my pussy. He sucks on my clit which sends zings of electricity through my body. I grind my hips and lower lips into his handsome face, but he doesn’t pull back. He licks me harder and teases me more with his tongue until I’m fighting the urge to moan.

  Just when I think it can’t feel better, Brent wets his finger and puts it inside of me. The slight firmness of his finger caught between my pussy walls drives me wild. He twists and turns a little until he finds my g-spot and plays with it. I hold onto the back of the couch to keep my body from twitching too much from the pleasure.

  He continues to kiss me down there while his finger slides in and out of my pussy. His tongue lapping all of my exposed parts. It’s a sensation I’ve never felt before. No masturbation technique in the world could replicated it. My whole body is aching with wonderful pleasure; my abs and stomach are tightening, and if he doesn’t stop soon, I’m going to come.

  Somehow Brent reads my body and he pulls back before I reach fulfillment. He pulls me up off the couch and back down to the floor. I touch down with my little feet as gingerly as possible. I avoid a spot where I know a loud creaking sound is always triggered when the wood has pressure on it.

  From the couch he leads me to in front of the hearth where the fire is still crackling, yet in its waning phase. His clothes are still on, and it doesn’t seem fair that I am naked in the red and orange glowing light and he isn’t. Maybe he wants me like this. Compromised, exposed, presented so he can watch me tremble and see my goosebumps rise. Can he tell how much I want him?

  We stand together before the fire. I can feel the heat on my bare skin. He kisses me and pulls back, letting the moment of dominance linger. Then he takes his clothes off slowly before me. Those chiseled abs are finally revealed, along with every outline of his arm and leg muscles. Finally, he holds his beautiful large cock in his hand. I have never seen one this big before. Nine or ten inches? Does it matter? I know it will be inside me soon. I want it inside me.

  Brent kneels and guides me to the ground with him. He lays me down on the fire warmed floor and kisses my mouth, then my neck, and my tits. He reaches into his overnight bag and pulls out a condom package and rips it open with his teeth. I think for a moment that we’re going to have to dispose of that wrapper, so no one discovers it. The danger of being caught heightens my senses. My every nerve is a mixture of pleasure and the fear. Part of me feels like I am a sinner and I like it.

  He puts the condom on his cock and pulls it back. Fully sheathed, he leans forward and kisses me again. As our tongues dance, I feel his massive dick press against my pussy. He slowly guides it into position.

  “Be gentle,” I whisper. “I haven’t done this in a while.”

  He nods and pushes forward. I feel his thick cock stretching my pussy. I take a deep breath and relax into the sensation. He exerts a little more force, and it goes most of the way in. I let out a moan and Brent puts his hand over my mouth to muffle the noise. He smiles, putting his finger up to his lips to remind me to be quiet. We’re working as a team now. Like criminals getting away with the heist of the century.

  I feel his shaft slide into me further. Just how big is he? I take a deep breath and tell myself to accept it. I am not going anywhere. I am his now and I must do my best to satisfy his needs and explore my own desires.

  He starts to move in and out of me. I feel the friction, but since I’m so wet it turns into a pleasurable pumping sensation. His cock is so long I can feel him completely deep inside of me. I actually want more of this feeling. I grab his ass and force him to pound me harder. I don’t know how or why, but I know how to beg for it. For more. Always more. It must be some sort of submissive instinct at the center of my being. Buried somewhere in my core, but now unearthed… Unleashed.

  It does feel romantic with the fire burning and the logs crackling, but also primal. It also feels forbidden, as my mother forbade we sleep together in the same bed. We are disobeying her now and it makes me even hotter. I want to let out all of my pent-up anxiety about always wanting to be their favorite by becoming Brent’s favorite. It doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters is I want Brent to always want me.

  We are fucking in the missionary position, but I want to try doggystyle. I’ve seen it done in pornos but have never experienced it in real life. I slide him out and get on all fours on the couch. Instinctively he gets behind me and slaps his dick against my butt cheeks. It feels so naughty when he does that.

  I arch my back and prop my ass up into the air. He grabs my hips and penetrates me from behind. This angle feels more intense. As he starts to fuck me my tits bounce back and forth. It excites me so much I start to rub my pussy. My fingers are wet. I taste myself, which amplifies that dirty feeling even more.

  As I rub my clit, I hear Brent breathing hard as he slams his hard cock in and out of me. His cock is pulsating now. He must be close. I rub my clit more vigorously. I want to orgasm with him.

  He’s pounding me so hard now I forget where I am. I want to let out a moan but then I remember I’m downstairs and my parents are upstairs. They must never find out. I would be banished, exiled, excommunicated. But I know with each thrust our window of opportunity closes. They could come downstairs at any moment for any reason. A glass of milk, perhaps? A late night snack. A slice of pie.

  Faster. Harder. He is fucking me so deep. And then I feel a sensation I’ve never felt before: I cum while a man’s cock is buried in my pussy. And as I cum, he cums. I feel his condom fill up inside of me. We both want to moan but bite our tongues. The energy has to be completely released through our orgasms. All desire is contained in silence.

  After we release, we collapse on the couch. Nothing is said, for we know better. We can’t talk about what just happened, and maybe we never will.

  We put our clothes on and I look around to dispose of any evidence. I find the condom wrapper and take it with me to hide in the trash later.

  We don’t even kiss before I scurry back upstairs. We’ve already pushed the limits too far for one night. We conn
ected in the darkness, were illuminated by the fire, and disappear like ghosts. And in that way, it feels like it didn’t happen at all.

  Chapter Twelve

  Brent

  What did I do?! She’s Robert’s little sister and things were not supposed to go that far. This is all just pretend!

  I glance over to Lindsay riding in the passenger’s seat of the SUV and all I can think about is how her perky breasts felt in my hands the night before and how tight her pussy is. I want her. I want to feel her again…fuck her again, but I can’t. Last night was a mistake. We need to move on and remember that this engagement is fake.

  She’s barely said a word to me since it happened. We’ve been alone in the car for two hours and Lindsay just stares out the window like she’s in a trance. She’s hardly even looked at me.

  I, on the other hand, keep sneaking peaks of her. She’s wearing a well-shaped black dress to meet my family. It’s not tight but it still shows off her curves. As we ride along and she shifts in her seat, the material clings to her thighs; it pulls up occasionally showing more of her skin. My eyes want to dwell on that sight. My mind keeps imagining the fabric moving higher, giving me a glimpse of her panties. I hope they are wet.

  Fuck!

  I have to get my mind off of her and on to how today is going to go. Meeting my family isn’t going to be easy for Lindsay, but she’s so sweet I’m sure that she can get them to like her. At least, I hope so. My cousins can really be cruel, and their parents are self-absorbed. My own parents are away in Europe. Christmas isn’t a big deal in my family. Not like it is for Lindsay’s. They take it seriously.

  My parents being gone does take a bit of weight off of my shoulders. We won’t have to put on an act in front of them right away. And by the time they get back in the country we’ll be back at school. Any potential meeting will have to wait until Spring Break. That buys us some time because clearly our fake relationship is a bit dysfunctional right now.