I Hate You, Love Me

by Jamie Knight

  “All families are embarrassing,” Brent says. “Mine, for example, is mainly a bunch of rich snobs. They only care about money and being seen as having money. If you don’t measure up to their ridiculous standards they don’t have time for you. That seems like pretty embarrassing behavior to me.”

  “Yeah, I guess so,” I agree.

  The waitress drops Brent’s coffee off.

  “You just have to love people for how they are,” he says. “Everyone, no matter who they are or where the come from, has limitations. My grandfather told me that and he’s the smartest man I know.”

  “You are probably right,” I say begrudgingly.

  He nods and takes a sip of his coffee.

  “So, if you leave now, well, it won’t change anything other than your living situation,” he explains. “And by that, I mean you’ll be living on the streets. I have to imagine that would be a rough life.”

  “You are right, I wasn’t really thinking when I left, I just wanted to run as far away as I could,” I tell him. “I guess I thought things would just sort themselves out.”

  “Just go back and apologize,” Brent says. “Tough it out a few more years and then go to college. From there you can make your own way on your own terms. Can you do that?”

  “I can do that,” I say.

  “Great,” he says. “I’m going to finish this coffee and I’ll take you back.”

  After we pay the bill we step outside into the early morning. It will be dawn soon. Brent walks me over to his car and opens the door for me. No one has done that for me before. I always fought Robert for the shotgun seat whenever we rode with mom or dad separately. He always ended up winning. It’s nice to come in first for once.

  Brent gets in, puts his seat belt on, looks over at me to make sure I have mine on, and starts the car. Sometimes he can be a pretty decent guy and I wonder if we could be friends one day.

  We drive through the darkness and back to my house. I know I am facing probably a whole month of being grounded but at least I know I can make it through the tough times now. I will survive this and one day find my own way.

  Chapter Twenty

  Brent

  Present day…

  Lindsay, Arron and Collin have been living at my place for a few weeks now. They tease her constantly, but she seems to be becoming immune to it and is now taking it in stride. Her face doesn’t get as red as often as it used to, either. She really seems to be controlling her temper more now. She appears to be much less… frustrated.

  It’s been a pretty crowded arrangement and my cousins don’t pick up after themselves, so the place is a mess. Lindsay complains to me, but I can’t get them to act cleaner. We just have to deal with it until the boys get tired of this and leave. Which I hope they will do soon.

  They have to be convinced by now that Lindsay and I am for real. When Arron and Collin are around we pack on the PDA. We call each other pet names and kiss a lot. With my cousins living with us, Lindsay and I are like a regular engaged couple.

  Hell, even when we close the door to the bedroom at night, we are like a regular couple. I can’t keep my hands off of her and sometimes I feel like Lindsay is the same way. She seems to want me just as much as I want her.

  Could this be becoming real?

  One morning I wake up and find myself alone in bed. It’s a strange feeling, Lindsay is usually always next to me these days. I don’t like finding her side of the bed empty and the sheets cold.

  I get out of bed, pull on my robe, and wander out into the kitchen. There I find Lindsay, Arron and Collin eating breakfast together.

  “Good morning, Honey,” Lindsay says smiling up at me. “Fresh coffee is brewed. Left some toast and jam out for you.”

  I walk behind her and lean down to kiss her lips.

  “I could use some more coffee, myself,” Arron says. “Let me get you a cup, Cousin.”

  He gets up from the table and I jump to grab him.

  “What are you doing?” he says while laughing.

  “Where is Arron and what have you done with him?” I in a silly voice. “Why are you suddenly being so nice and polite?”

  “Hey, let go,” Arron laughs. “I don’t know, man. It’s just nice here and that makes it easy to be…I don’t know…nice.”

  I release my hold and push him away somewhat playfully. I really do want to know what’s going on here. It is absolutely bizarre seeing the three of them together eating breakfast in perfect harmony and not fighting at all.

  “Can you pass the milk please, Lindsay?” Collin asks.

  I stand there stunned while Lindsay grabs the container and hands it over to my cousin with a smile. He even thanks her. There is no name calling. No screaming. No red faces.

  Arron returns from the kitchen and hands me a cup of coffee.

  “Lindsay helped me with some chemistry homework,” he sheepishly tells me with a slight smile. “She might be poor as dirt, but she is smart as heck. I was really having trouble with that class and she helped turn my comprehension around. Now I might even pass it!”

  “That’s interesting,” I say.

  “Yeah, so she’s okay in my book,” Arron says. He elbows me a little playfully. “She’s not that bad at all.”

  “Yeah,” Collin agrees while slurping his cereal and milk. “She’s a good kid. Helped me rearrange my closet and hem my jeans. That’s going to save me two hundred dollars!”

  “Well, thanks,” Lindsay says with a laugh.

  “Alright,” I say. “Now we’re talking. It’s so good to see you all getting along.”

  My phone beeps and I receive a text from Robert asking if I want to go for a run. I respond with a “yes” and then proceed to down my coffee at a high speed. Maybe not the best beverage before exercising, but who am to turn down a freshly brewed pot?

  I sip it while standing up. Arron returns to his seat. I observe the three of them bantering back and forth. I don’t think I have ever had a more satisfying moment in my entire life. I finish the coffee, put the cup in the sink, and then go to my room to get changed into my running clothes. After putting my shoes, I kiss Lindsay on the forehead and head for the front door.

  “Where are you going?” she asks.

  “To meet Robert for a run,” I say.

  “Aw, I was going to take a shower.” She gives me a smile and a wink hinting that she wants me to join her.

  “Wait an hour,” I reply with a smile. “I’ll be back by then.”

  I go outside and stretch before breaking into a slow jog towards the track. Along the way thoughts fill my mind. The life I saw playing out at breakfast, that’s the kind of life I want to lead. There was something about how Lindsay is dealing with everything, and how much my cousins ended up liking her, due to her helpfulness and nurturing nature… It’s intoxicating.

  I want her to be with me. And not just as a prop in a silly game. For real. I want to wake up to her every day and have mornings just like that, and maybe even better ones once the cousins move out.

  For the first time, I think I might be in love with her.

  I meet Robert down on the track. I’ve been exercising a lot more since he beat me so bad awhile back. But I am not in the mood to run with him just yet. I need to come clean about my feelings for Lindsay. She is his sister, and he is my best friend, I have to get everyone on the same page so we can all move forward happy and full of the promise of a wonderful life.

  “You ready for me to whip you again?” Robert asks.

  “Maybe in a sec,” I say. “I have something to tell you first.”

  He gets a serious look on his face. I know he has been a bit different since Lindsay

  moved in with me. I hope he takes this news okay.

  “I think I might be developing feelings for you sister,” I come right out and say. “I know it was all supposed to be fake, but what we have is becoming… real.”

  Robert looks at me for a moment as he tries to process this new information. Then he turns away
, walks in a circle, kicks up a spot of grass, then focuses his attention back on me. His hands are balled into fists.

  “You know I don’t like Lindsay living with you, right?” he snaps. “I haven’t told our parents yet that she is, but they will eventually find out. They eventually find out everything.”

  “I get that,” I say, trying to keep him calm. “And that’s why I’m here. To be honest and clear the air. We need you on our side. I need you on my side.”

  He stops quickly and glares at me. “Okay, well if you’re being so honest, maybe you can answer me this,” he says. “Are you having sex with my sister?”

  My breath goes out in a huff. I should have expected his question. Especially considering his upbringing.

  In this kind of situation, in this sort of moment, after you’ve come out and said you want to be truthful, you cannot show hesitation with a question like this. You just have to look your best friend point blank in the eye and tell him the facts about your relationship with his kid sister. Even when you know full well the consequences could be devastating to your friendship with him.

  “Yes,” I say holding my head up high. “I am sleeping with Lindsay.”

  Robert doesn’t say anything. I can see it in his eyes, the rage is building. He digs his heel in and clenches his fists. I look down, feeling nervous and that’s when he swings on me. I react, dodging the punch as much as I can, but he still gets a good hit on my neck, barely missing my jaw.

  He pulls back to swing again, but I back up out of his reach.

  “I don’t want to fight you!” I shout out.

  We dance around like two boxers in the ring, but we’re out on the track field, so it has to look a bit ridiculous. Robert gets a bit aggressive and lunges forward, but I’m able to deflect and retreat. And that’s all I want to do, I just want out of this situation. Maybe when he cools down, we can talk it out.

  “Just give me some time to explain,” I say, hands still up in the air with my palms out.

  Robert doesn’t listen. He tackles me to the ground. I have no choice now but to defend myself. He holds me down and punches my face. I counter with punches to his side. I start kicking wildly and the tactic is effective enough to knock him off of me.

  We both get up and face each other.

  “I’m going to kick the ever-living shit out of you,” he says menacingly. “How dare you touch my baby sister!”

  We trade punches back and forth. It’s turning into an all-out brawl. After one strike I grab him by the arm and pull him in. I get him in a wrestling head lock to try and deplete his energy, but he is running on adrenaline.

  “Stop this, Robert!” I yell.

  He pushes me back and swipes my leg, knocking me down. Just when I think he’s going to start kicking me while I’m on the ground, he turns and runs. As I watch him break away into the distance, I wonder to myself if I have just lost the best friend I ever had.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Lindsay

  Grandfather Morgan is dying. Brent just called me in a panic and told me to get ready. He wants to leave immediately, so I rush back to his apartment from class and get packing. Collin and Arron are already on their way to the estate.

  Once we both have a few things thrown into our suitcases, we get in Brent’s Ferrari and start driving cross country to his family’s home. The first part of the journey is mostly quiet. I want to give Brent the space he needed to process what was going on, but he had already been acting off for a few days, constantly frowning and pulling away from me. I notice that he is speeding and driving a little erratically, so I try to calm him down by putting a hand on his thigh.

  He looks over at me for just a second and lets out a big sigh. The look in his eyes is odd, more like anger than sorrow.

  I pull a strand of my hair forward and nervously wrap it around my finger. I want to leave him be, but I just can’t.

  “Brent, are you upset with me?” I ask. “I know that your upset about your grandfather, but the last few days you’ve been distant.”

  “Robert and I got into a fight,” Brent admits, running a hand through his hair.

  “You’re kidding me,” I say in disbelief. “Over what?”

  “I told him we’ve been sleeping together,” he says.

  “And he got upset?” I ask. I had always figured that Robert didn’t really care what I did.

  “Yep, and then he punched me,” he explains. “I didn’t want to fight him, but he kept pushing. We ended up throwing down on the track field. After we scuffled for a while, he turned and ran off. I haven’t heard from him since then. He won’t respond to my calls or texts.”

  “That’s strange he would act that way,” I say. “He usually is pretty accepting of things like that. I don’t even think he’s as religious as my parents are.”

  “Well, you are his sister,” Brent points out.

  “Yeah, I guess it is different with family,” I say frowning and starting to feel worried. “I just hope he doesn’t tell our parents. That would really mess everything up. They will kill me or disown me.”

  Brent reaches over and takes my hand. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I never should have asked you to do this. But…” His words catch in his throat and I see his eyes go a little liquid. He’s holding back tears. “This all will be over soon.”

  The reason why we are on the road hits me again and I find myself trying not to cry. I squeeze Brent’s hand in mine to show him that I’m here for him. After a few minutes, he brings our combined hands to his lips and gives the top of mine a gentle kiss. As we continue down the road, he doesn’t let go.

  We get to the mansion and there are so many cars in the driveway. So many Morgans want to see their beloved patriarch before he passes. I see Arron and Collin standing out front looking very somber. After we park, I get out and walk up to them and pull both of them into a hug. Both of their bodies stiffen at first, like they’re not used to being touched, but then they both relax and hug me back. I hold these two men for a minute trying to give them what comfort I can. It seems odd that I hated them just a week before.

  Brent puts a hand on my back. He guides me out of his cousin’s embrace and into the mansion. The whole family is in the formal living room. Most are already dressed in black.

  A handsome middle age couple approaches us. The man shakes hands with Brent and then the woman does as well.

  “I was expecting you sooner, Son,” the tall man says.

  I gasp a little, when I realize that these are Brent’s parents, but quickly put a hand over my mouth. I have never seen a parent act so formal with their child.

  “Mom, Dad, this is Lindsay, my fiancée,” Brent tells them.

  They give me polite nods, but don’t offer to shake my hand. Mr. Morgan’s phone starts to buzz, and he pulls it out. With a quick glance at the screen, he mutters something about stocks and walks away.

  Brent’s mom gives me an embarrassed smile. “I actually have a message for you, Lindsay. Grandpa Morgan wants to see you… alone,” she tells me. “He’s been asking for you all morning. He has refused to see anyone else until he sees you.”

  “Oh,” is all I can say feeling very nervous.

  I look to Brent and he nods that it is alright if I go. I forget sometimes how supportive he can be, particularly in times of need. Leaving him with his mother, I walk through the house, past family members, many I’ve never met before, and then make my way up the stairs. I reach Grandpa Morgan’s bedroom door and tap gently.

  “Lindsay?” he asks in a weak voice.

  “Yes, it is me,” I confirm.

  “Please, come in,” he says.

  I walk into the room. A nurse is by his side. He waves for her to go. She does and gives me a friendly, comforting smile while passing by on the way out.

  Grandpa Morgan looks so frail. He’s thinner than he was at Christmas time and his skin is dry and paper like. And yet, there is still a sparkle in his green eyes when he looks at me. He gives me a slight smile and w
aves for me to come closer.

  I move forward and sit next to him in the same chair I sat in when I first met him. He looks up at me with a kind and sweet face. He has always treated me that way, so nicely and respectfully. He’s the only person here who consistently has. And now he will be gone soon. The thought brings tears to my eyes, but I quickly wipe them away.

  “I am so happy, you know,” he says, reaching out to take my hand. “So happy my beloved grandson, in fact my favorite grandson, has found a wonderful girl to be his future wife. He is so fortunate to have you, my dear.”

  My heart twists in my chest. He is so warm and full of love for his grandson. I can’t keep lying to him. I can’t do this to such a kind man. I have to tell him the truth. He deserves to know the truth. I feel it beating inside of me wanting to burst out. If I don’t do it soon, I’ll scream.

  “Grandpa Morgan…” I say and my voice cracks. Tears start streaming down my face.

  “Yes, Lindsay?”

  “Our engagement… The one Brent and I have… It’s a fake,” I finally let out.

  “Oh?” he says, arching his eyebrows. He doesn’t seem mad. “Do tell.”

  “Brent asked me to be his fiancée so he could win the contest and get all of your fortune in the will,” I confess. The words just tumble out of my mouth. “I just can’t lie to you anymore. You are the one person here who has truly been good to me. One of the very few in my life. So yes, Brent and I are not really getting married. It’s just a sham.”

  It feels like an elephant just got up off of me and I can breathe again. I’ve been living this charade for so long now it was like I was slowly suffocating. There will be repercussions for exposing the truth, but I couldn’t lie to him. Not anymore.

  Tears keep flowing down my cheeks and I expect Grandpa Morgan to look at me with distaste after revealing the sham that is our engagement. I expect him to throw me out of his bedroom and house and demand I never return. But something unexpected happens: He starts laughing.