Those Mid-Life Blues
Page 15
‘Good for you Martin.’
‘Well no, not quite. It’s not good, but I won’t say another word until this dim twit promises to shut his mouth.’
‘Come on, Martin,’ said Mark as he patted Martins back.
‘Yeah Mark; let’s talk about Beverley, the one night stand, queen of the bathroom sink.’
‘OK, Martin, you go ahead and hit me below the belt, that’s OK, I deserve that.’
‘She’s a Christian Tony.’
‘Yes and that means what?’
‘Come on Martin, you know what that means. She follows
a set of rules based on the principles of the Bible,’ exclaimed Mark but he was beginning to cheese Truman off.
‘OK, and is this a problem?’
‘Well, the problem is this: based on her beliefs, she can’t marry a guy who’s not a Christian and I’m not a Christian.’
Mark couldn’t help himself and fired the next question at Martin. ‘OK then, let’s back up a bit, back right up a sec. Do you mean you want to marry this woman, settle down with her and have a couple of kids?’
‘Mark will you be quiet!’ said Tony.
‘It was merely an observation.’
‘Yeah I want to marry her, have babies with her.’
‘And does she want to marry you?’ Mark was firing those questions again.
‘Yep, I think so, it’s just that she won’t marry me unless I’m a Christian even though I believe in God.’ Mark nodded in agreement.
‘I believe in God but I don’t know if I could live the Bible way. My mum goes to church, every Sunday and that’s cool. I was raised in church and let’s just say it was an experience to say the least. I remember mum dragging me to church with her every Sunday, putting me at the front of the church then off she went to sit on the choir and when that music started playing and they started clapping and swaying and the Holy Spirit fell on virtually everyone, it was a good feeling, I’ve got to admit that.
‘But to become a Christian, I’d have to give up drinking and sex and I sure can’t give up the latter, so I know what it takes, Martin. I don’t know if you’ve thought about it, I mean it’s a good thing and you’ve probably given it a great deal of thought but it means doing it for you not for her because if you do it for her, chances are you won’t stick to it. What do you think, Tony?’
‘Well, you believe in God, I agree, that’s a good thing. I think everyone has some sort of belief system whether that’s Christianity or whatever, but I suppose Mark’s right. I mean he was raised in the church, he knows what that’s like and if that means you need to belong to a church where you share the same belief with like-minded individuals that’s good, but if you’re saying you need to give up the things you enjoy like excessive drinking and sex, then you’re going to struggle.’
‘I’ve thought about it, I don’t enjoy drinking any more – not like I used to. OK, so I’ll have a beer but it’s nothing like before and as for sex, the only person I ever want to have sex with when we’re married is Joan. Mark, corny as it seems I love her and yes I take on board what you’re saying.’
‘So what are you going to do?’
‘Think about it.’
‘Have you talked about to Joan about these feeling?’ asked Tony.
‘Yep, I told her, I love her.’
‘And does she love you, Martin?’
‘I’d say so.’
‘Has she told you she loves you?’
‘She didn’t say she did, she hasn’t said she doesn’t. What she said was she needed time and space to think about things, something about being unequally yoked.’
‘Yeah I know what she means,’ said Mark and he continued, ‘That’s exactly what Mum said about my brother in-law Peter when he got married to my sister Patrice. She was a Christian, went to church, Paul was a heathen like me. He was into clubbing, drinking, smoking, sex with other women but eventually their love wasn’t enough to hold their marriage together because they both had conflicting belief systems. She believed in God and the teachings of the Bible. She believed in being changed, in mind, body and spirit, whereas Paul believed in having a good time at any cost and true to say they ended up as Mum put it, ‘unequally yoked’ and in the divorce court and that’s another one of my stories for today.’
‘Are you sure you’re in love and it’s not lust,’ asked Tony.
‘I think I’d know if it was just lust … no Tony, it’s not lust. I love her. I’ve never loved anyone before so I think I’d know.’
‘True, all I can say is all the best. Hope it works out for you. Love can be a wonderful thing.’
‘Anyway, how’s Mary?’
‘Wonderful as ever, I really am a lucky guy.’
‘Yes you are. You’ve got a beautiful woman.’
‘I know.’
‘So how’s it going with Larry, is he OK?’
‘He’s getting there, guys, I have my good days and my bad days.’
‘I gather nothing’s medically wrong. I mean, you’d have told us before if there was?’
‘Well, actually guys.’ Tony paused for a moment and Mark looked serious.
‘No, I’m kidding.’
‘Arh, Tony, you had me then, for a moment I thought you were going to tell us you were dying.’
‘No, I’m not dying yet. My GP recommended testosterone gel, but I’m not into medicines, gels and all that jazz. I believe my problem is psychological and that’s why I started the counselling. Oh by the way Mark, thank you, Tara’s great.’
‘I knew she’d be helpful.’
‘Yes, she’s helped me to understand me and let me tell you, it’s a journey of discovery.’
‘That sounds spiritual.’
‘I guess it is Mark.’
‘How are the kids?’
‘Well, Christine moved out of the house a couple of weeks ago.’
‘What – is she going to college?’
‘I wish she was, no, she’s moving to Forest Gate, East London with her stupid boyfriend. They’ve formed a band called Sensations Rock.’
‘Have they been signed because I know some people in the music business?’
‘That’s right, yeah, so do I like, Macy Gray, Madonna.’
‘That’s right well, I was just thinking about it from the old journalist perspective … you know, get the inside track on it.’
‘No thanks Mark.’
‘Are they good?’
‘Mary thinks they’re great but then again, she would, she’s a mother, she thinks everything the kids do is great and I would too. It’s just that Christine’s boyfriend is an absolute idiot.’
‘Is he similar to you?’
‘Ha ha, you’re so funny! Let me tell you this, there are no similarities. He’s a bum and I’m not, ok!. He looks and dresses like a tramp and he has the most irritating catchphrase. ‘Cool man, lay it on me Manning.’
‘The only thing I want to lay on him at the moment is my fist, in his face.’
‘You sound angry Tony.’
‘Too damn straight, I’m angry.’
‘He took away, your little girl, isn’t that so.’ said Martin in a sympathetic tone.
‘Yes, he took away my little girl and turned my world upside down.’
‘Did you think she’d be at home forever?’ questioned Martin.
‘No, but I wasn’t ready, not yet.’
‘I don’t think it’s something you could ever be ready for.’
‘How would you know, you haven’t got a clue.’
‘Look you don’t have to have a child to understand what goes on. We were all teenagers once, heck I still am.’
‘We know that, Mark.’
‘What about Raymond?’
‘What about him?’
‘How’s he doing, you don’t talk about your son much.’
‘No, I don’t suppose I do. He’s OK, I guess.’
‘Tony, it’s obvious you’re disappointed. Maybe he hasn’t achieved what you wanted him to achie
ve.’
‘Is this some kind of psychoanalysis or what?’
‘Am I right?’
‘Yes you’re right, but what do you want me to say? His grades were abysmal, despite me sending him to private school. He has this laid back, come and go as I please, Dad lines-my-pockets-with-money-as-and-when-I-need-it attitude. When I was his age I had ambition, hell, I don’t even think he knows how to spell the word, let alone know what it means.’
‘Time for another drink, I think, Martin?’
‘Ginger ale please Mark.’
‘Tony?’
‘I’ll have a glass of white wine please.’
Mark returned within five minutes with their tray of drinks.
‘You know, Tony, maybe you’re expecting him to be like you when he can only be himself. I speak from experience because my dad expected me to get the best grades at school, become a lawyer and have my own law firm like he did when he was 27 but I’m not a lawyer, am I? I’m a freelance writer and yes I’m ambitious but that’s because it’s in me, not because of my dad. Give him time Tony. Maybe he thinks you’re expecting too much from him.’
‘No, he doesn’t think, that’s his problem. No tell a lie, the only thing he thinks about is food and sleep and whichever girl he’s seeing.’
‘Why don’t you just hang together, you know do things together. Do you have you any interests you share?
What about golf?’
‘That’s a good question Martin. He hates golf.’
‘What about football?’
‘He hates that too.’
‘There’s got to be something you can do together because although you love him you’re also frustrated with him.’
‘Maybe I am, Dr Truman, maybe I am.’
Chapter 11- Any love
Mark was spending a lot of time with Kelly. It was the first time in a long time where he successfully managed to spend quality time with a woman he fancied and not make a move. He didn’t think it was possible but it could be done and he proved it.
It signified a new dimension in his maturity and he was certainly proud of himself. He fancied her like crazy but what developed between them went beyond sexual chemistry.
She became his good friend and helped him to come to terms with rejection from his ex-girlfriend. In many ways she made him realise he had to take ownership over his actions including his misdemeanour with Beverley.
He needed closure in his life with some things and his first attempt at this was with Veronica. He sent her a bouquet of flowers weeks ago but there was no response. What it really boiled down to was he was too nervous to call her. But after talking to Kelly about it, she urged him to push for a meeting with Veronica and he did. Reluctantly Veronica agreed to meet him but Kelly said she would. They met at Frankie Portobello, a little Italian restaurant. It was Veronica’s favourite restaurant. Their meeting was informal and straight to the point, yet again Kelly was right. Veronica told him that she could never trust him again and she would never take him back. She told him he was really sweet and what they had before was special but it was too late. She’d moved on with her life. The bottom line was she was over him and in a steady relationship. So much for false dreams, thought Mark, as he sat on his bedroom floor listening to some classical soul music from the late nineties.
He reflected on their meeting and realised he was living in the memory of a past life with someone whom he thought he loved. The truth was staring him in the face, he wasn’t in love with Veronica, no, he was in love with the idea of love. She was right, she couldn’t trust him and he didn’t really love her as much as he thought he did and now it was time to close the chapter on that part of his life and in time begin a new chapter with someone else.
He felt relaxed and was looking forward to some quality time with Kelly again. She was coming over for a cup of coffee and a chat. She was on a late shift today which meant she didn’t start until 2.00 pm. He was concerned about her; lately she’d been going through a rough time with her boyfriend. He wouldn’t say where he’d been and he didn’t answer her calls and to top that he’d committed the cardinal sin of coming home with lipstick on his shirt. She suspected he was having an affair and that was fine with her as long as he told her outright. She could have handled it but right now she couldn’t handle the lies, the pathetic excuses of, ‘I’m sorry baby I love you but I’m confused right now’ syndrome.
In a previous conversation with Kelly she admitted that moving in with Gerry was a mistake. Mark knew this was going to be another one of those days when she consoled him and he consoled her. Then they’d laugh about it all and pretend they were secret lovers.
But today was a good day for Mark. Earlier in the day Victor called him to tell him the news. Beverley had been admitted into a psychiatric unit which explained why she stopped posting her knickers through his letterbox. Not that he missed it, he was actually relieved; his nightmare had come to an end but equally he felt sorry for her.
Victor took pleasure in telling him the plights of the police officer who dealt with his complaint. The officer managed to locate her whereabouts and became another victim to her sexual rowdiness. He fell in love with her or rather fell in lust with her and then, because he was so exhausted with the humping and the grinding every night, she threatened to kill him and nearly did when he couldn’t keep up with her sexual demands and that was just one side to her multiple personality.
Mark smiled to himself; it had been a difficult lesson to learn but a lesson learnt none the less. As long as he lived he would never have a one night stand again.
The past week had been a harrowing experience and the most terrifying experience to date and then some. He couldn’t sleep, he had palpitations, and he lost nearly half a stone but he was grateful to Kelly for her support.
She was with him when he received the phone call from the clinic to say his test for HIV was negative and for the rest of the week all he did was party.
In such a short space of time, Kelly shared so much with him and he felt he owed it to her to be there for her in whatever way he could. He liked her a lot. It wasn’t her rear end or even her aura. He liked Kelly the person, the warm spirited, sincere, and extraordinarily funny woman she was.
He turned up the volume on his CD player to listen to one of his favourite tunes then stood in front of his full-length wardrobe mirror, grabbed his pillow and held it close to his chest. He sang to the pillow and then to his reflection in the mirror while dancing and swaying his head in time to the soulful tune of Luther Vandross, ‘Always and forever’.
‘Always and forever, each moment with you is just like a dream to me that somehow came true, yeah baby,’ he bellowed out. ‘And I know tomorrow, will still be the same, cuz we got a life of love that won’t ever change. Bring it home now, every day, love me your own special way, melt all my heart away, with a smile. Take time to tell me, you really care, and we'll share tomorrow together. Ooh baby, I'll always love you forever. Ever … Ever … Ever.’
Mark was certainly impressed with his own voice. ‘Yeah and there'll always be sunshine, when I look at you, it's something I can't explain just the things that you do. If you get lonely, call me and take a second to give to me that magic, you make -’
He was getting his groove on when the doorbell rang. He turned the music down and made his way to the front door. It was Kelly with her fake fur scarf wrapped around her neck, holding her 1978 vintage handbag and singing the rest of the song at the top of her voice.
Mark led her into the living room, twirled her around a couple of times, then pulled her towards him to perform a rather fetching karaoke style rendition of Luther’s classical soulful tune. When the song finished playing they collapsed on the couch.
‘They don’t make them like that anymore.’
‘What would you know? You’re a baby,’ said Mark.
‘Mark, I’m five years younger than you… That makes me twenty-eight.’
‘Classic tunes, baby, classic tunes.’
‘Mark, you say that every time. I’ll make the coffee but this is the last time and I mean it.’
‘Now that sounds familiar. You say that every time Kelly, every time.’
Within minutes Kelly returned with two cups of black coffee and a packet of chocolate digestives.
‘Mark, don’t you just love that gooey, soft feel of the biscuit when you put it in your mouth after you’ve dunked it in a cup of coffee.’
‘And Kelly, don’t you just love the buzz it gives you when you feel it going down your throat, that sensation you feel when it reaches your belly.’
‘We’re crazy, aren’t we, Mark?’
‘You’re the crazy one. I was OK before I met you.’
‘Yeah more like the other way round.’
The banter they had was nice. He felt at ease with her and she felt at ease with him. It was as though he’d known her all his life. They never ran out of things to talk about and it was the most natural feeling he’d ever experienced with a woman.
‘How’s that boyfriend of yours?’
‘I suppose he’s OK, he’s moving out.’
Mark choked on his coffee. ‘He’s doing what?’
‘Yeah, he’s moving out.’
‘When, why, how? ’
‘Mark – one question at a time please.’
‘I’m sorry, I’m surprised that’s all.’
‘That’s OK, I’m not, anyway, he’s moving out tonight. When I go back home, he’ll be gone.
‘May I ask, why?
‘Because I suppose that’s what he wants. We’re not getting on and he’s not in love with me and yes it’s his place but he’s signing the lease over to me. I just have to find the rent each month and it’s not cheap.’ Mark shook his head in amazement.
‘But you guys have only been living together for what, thirteen weeks?’
‘Thirteen weeks and five days not counting today to be precise.’
‘OK, so it was thirteen weeks, and five days but what happened?’
‘We weren’t meant to be together, that’s all there is to it. ‘We rushed into it I guess for all the wrong reasons.’