Wanting So Bad, Loving So Good

by Bella Bentley

  He wore a crisp white shirt under a black blazer, with an aqua linen handkerchief in his front pocket. He was freshly shaven and his hair perfectly styled back. He looked like a movie star and I felt like I had won a special drawing where you have breakfast with a celebrity. Except, this wasn’t just breakfast. This was . . . well, I wasn’t sure what was happening next. Sure we had had sex now four times including the times at the club, yes I was counting. So surely that meant something more than a fling? I didn’t know and I couldn’t help but to think about what would happen after breakfast. It was just how I was wired.

  His voice rang in my memory from earlier just before we left the club.

  I want to pursue you outside of the club.

  This promise anchored my anxious thoughts when I wondered what would happen next. I was a total control freak and this—this feeling, these crazy intense emotions I felt for him—well they didn’t fit in my nice little box I wanted them to stay in.

  I just needed to stay in the moment and quit thinking so hard.

  So I sipped my mimosa as I stared at the tranquil ocean. I listened to the lapping sounds against the rocks. I didn’t want to wake up from this. It felt like a dream. Did he feel that way, too? I could feel his eyes on me. I inhaled deeply trying to remember to play it cool. I tried to act like Shelly, the way she could be so composed with a guy and have him eating out of her hand. I didn’t want all my cards laid out yet. I didn’t want to spill the—“I’m crazy about you. You make my body feel like jello. You leave me speechless”—speech yet. Or never. I shuttered. I was a mess. I was a mess under his spell.

  “You look stunning.” He placed his mimosa down and a warm breeze blew a tendril in my face. He reached for his Iphone and snapped a picture of me attempting to brush the tendril away. I immediately went to cover my face, embarrassed. But he had already captured it.

  I looked down at my lap, shy.

  He grinned from ear to ear like a boy. There was no denying his joy.

  “Did you like what I had packed for you?”

  I took a sip and finished my mimosa.

  “I do. Everything is beautiful.” I tried to sound composed, unaffected by his wealth. “There were quite a few outfits in there for just breakfast.”

  He cleared his throat and smiled a charming smile, as if he wanted to speak but he didn’t want to perhaps lay all of his cards out on the deck.

  “I’m really glad you came to have breakfast with me here.”

  “I am too.”

  “Are you sure?” he laughed and looked down at my barely eaten plate. “I do reckon this is our first date, but you have to eat something. You’ll need your strength for dessert later.” He winked.

  Dessert later. Okay, faint! I knew exactly what he meant with that gleam in his eyes and I re-crossed my legs trying to somehow stifle the juices that he made flow like rivers.

  Chills ran throughout my body at the thought of being with him. I couldn’t even eat my breakfast because my nerves were so haywire. I was . . . stricken.

  “I am! I love omelets, and toast, and everything on this spread.” I said quickly, I reached for my liquid courage finishing it.

  “I can tell.” He laughed as he poured me another and just when I was about to reach for it, he slid it towards him.

  “Three bites of omelet first.” He winked. “I hope you’re not a huge dieter because I like my women with curves. And you my dear are a goddess. You’re perfect. Damn, I’m still picturing you naked. Just talking about that gorgeous ass right now is keeping me from getting up from this table right now.”

  A small laugh escaped my lips.

  “How do you not know I’m trying to make this the slowest breakfast of my life so we can spend more time . . . together?” I finally retorted. “You know.”

  “Oh, there’s no need for that.”

  “And why’s that?”

  “Because we’re not staying here just for breakfast.” He slid me the mimosa back to me and I took a small sip.

  We’re not? I hated being told what to do, even it was from a man who made my insides flip like jello. I shot him a sudden “what the fuck” look. I’m a very expressive person. I couldn’t hide my true feelings if I practiced for hours.

  “Stay here with me for a week. Let your hair down. Take a break. You deserve it.”

  I nearly spit the sip out and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. But instead, I smiled sweetly, composing myself.

  “For a week?” I immediately thought about the heaps of reading material I had to do this weekend and the preparations for my study group. We had a meeting on Sunday and they’d kill me if I didn’t do my part.

  “Uh huh. Or do you have a hot date or something you’re missing?”

  I smiled and flirted with my eyes, I tried to tease him with maybe. I couldn’t and I wouldn’t let him know I was seriously contemplating no because I had reading to do.

  “Isn’t it beautiful here? Relax here with me.”

  I wish I could relax. At that thought, I felt my face fall. He caught the sudden change in my expression. I was an open book.

  “What? You don’t want to?”

  Hell I wanted to. I never in my life had been asked I to do anything like this. Why the F was I thinking about studying?

  “I have a problem, an issue, an, uh, infatuation with staying on top of my class. And if I missed a week...”

  “I’ll let you stay on top all week here.” He winked.

  Heaps of tingles trickled up and down my glistening fold and they ascended as the tip of his expensive shoe grazed my leg under the table.

  “Don’t they have fall break or something like that?”

  I shook my head no as a light laugh escaped my glossy lips. “I have a bit of time off at Christmas time though.”

  “That’s too far away. I want you to stay with me for a week. This week.” He said like a man who was used to getting his way at all times.

  A soft breeze carried the ocean scent and I inhaled courage to stay strong and not give into my crazy desire to stay with him.

  “If I stayed a week, I might as well drop out. I’d fall so behind.” I admitted honestly. That was something I simply could not do. No matter how woozy a man made me feel. Even him.

  “I can tutor you, teach you all sorts of things and bring you back right on top where you’re good at.”

  More chills flowed throughout my body and my nerves jumped up and down like excited toddlers screaming, “Yes! More! More! Now! Now!” All I could do was laugh away my nerves because damn, my body knew he was telling the truth and this rendered me speechless.

  “No?” He stroked his smooth chin. “I have to be honest with you. I get a little obsessive sometimes, too...okay all the time. Especially when I find something I like.” A flash went in his eyes. “I want it all the time. Day and night.”

  Shit. Did he just admit he wanted me day and night? Okay, it was getting really hot outside! I absent-mindedly stroked my collarbone. His eyes darted at the gesture as fast as lightening. He didn’t miss a thing.

  “Does this...make you nervous?”

  If it did, I think this was turning him on.

  I shook my head and my stomach did backflips.

  “Seriously, as if you noticed from the club, I rub shoulders with some pretty powerful men. I can guarantee you’ll stay in the program. I promise you.”

  He crossed his arms, smiled and lifted his chin.

  “I...don’t think your serious. How could you do that? Make sure I...stayed in?”

  “Oh, I have my many ways. Isn’t it flu season? They wouldn’t want you to infect the other students in the program with that horrible bug of yours. The flu.”

  I shook my head again fighting back a huge grin.

  He reached for my chin, his thumb caressing my pouty mouth.

  “Like I said in the club, I want to pursue you. And I want to pursue you this week. Be with me?”

  I felt so conflicted about throwing caution to the wind; it we
nt against every fiber in my personality—a revolving theme—I knew I had this choice again to make. Stay or leave. Explore or play it safe.

  I could stay with him. I could quiet the analyzing McKenzie and for once, live.

  I chewed my thumb and thought of the contrary; if I went home and sat in class all next week and beyond, I’d be a sitting robot. There physically, but somewhere else mentally. I knew if I said no, for the rest of my life, I knew I would always wonder “what if”. I knew that as well as I knew my name was McKenzie.

  But this...seemed so, up in the air. We were practically strangers.

  Oh, but he knows you like no one else does.

  This thought made me melt.

  I stared at his sexy face and my stomach did somersaults. I couldn’t deny him. I couldn’t deny the gravitational pull I felt towards him. I knew that with all my heart.

  But even so, the words came out, “I can’t.” I shot him my most empathetic face. Then before the words left a tunnel in one of my neuron pathways in my brain, I uttered them, “Besides if something happened, and by chance, you did pull a few strings, they’d know. They’d think—”

  “Learn not to care.”

  I let out a sigh. He was warming me up. Oh he was.

  “One second,” He ran his hand through his hair and reached for his buzzing phone and answered a man named Jackson.

  I watched him walk away and downed the rest of my mimosa looking out at the sea. I breathed in deeply and tried to ignore the stabbing pain of anxiety. I needed to call Shelly.

  She picked up on the first ring.

  “Dammit McKenzie! I was worried sick when I didn’t hear from you.”

  “Look. Sorry.” I said breathlessly.

  “Shit. What’s wrong with you? You sound awful.”

  “I’m not. I’m not. Look.” I sighed dramatically.“ I’m in Maui. I rode in a private jet. I joined the mile high club. He’s packed a bag just for me in a Louis Vuitton suitcase. I have La Mere products. I have—”

  “Wait. Stop. Right. There. You are shitting me. You’re so damn lucky. And you called to brag and rub it in my face?” Her voice was a high screech as she teased.

  “It’s the opposite. This role isn’t me. This is you. I don’t think I can—”

  “Oh, no. No, you don’t McKenzie Kane! The heart can’t help who it falls in love with. Don’t be prejudiced against him just because he has money.”

  “But what if I can’t, I mean...I barely know him. Look, I see him wrapping up his phone call. Bottom line, he wants me to stay with him for a week. A week! And with med school...this is just so crazy. I don’t know if I should.”

  “Ugh,” she led out a dramatic sigh. “I can’t believe this is happening to you! This is every girl’s dream! Oh my gosh, you have to tell me everything you did to snag him. Where did you meet him again? At some club? Because I found some sort of invitation at the bottom of a stack of papers and it said—” She what? Oh no! I was just about to tell her to ignore it but I saw him walking back towards me.

  “Hey, I gotta go. I just needed to tell someone. And that invitation was a joke by one of my classmates.”

  “Well, grow some. Man up. Take a risk. And do fill me in all times possible so I can vicariously live through you, you lucky bitch!”

  I let out a big sigh and laughed as I hung up the phone and tried to act as normal as possible.

  “Sorry about that. So, anyway. Where were we? Oh, I saw you sneak a little phone call. Did you phone your boyfriend? Tell him he’s been replaced and you’re never coming home again?”

  I laughed. “I don’t have a boyfriend.” I smiled.

  “Well that’s the good thing about not knowing each other very well. We have so much to learn, don’t we? And right now it’s looking like so little time unless you decide to forgo studying for the next week and well, study us.” He winked as he tickled my wrists with feather kisses.

  His soft lips on the pulse of my wrist held me captivated. I started to get lost in his words.

  “Do I need to take our dessert to our suite and show you how good you and I are together as a reminder of what you’d be missing out on...studying and drinking tea...when you could be dining with me eating the finest of foods and drinking wine. And might I say, the finest of loving?” His sensual lips and hot tongue sent shivers and all I could think about in that moment was to say, of course, yes.

  I could skip studying for once this weekend. I could stay the weekend and then break it to him on Sunday that I needed to go home.

  A small smile crept across my face that expanded as big as the golden gate bridge. “I think you just may.” I heard myself say.

  “That’s what I like to see, those gorgeous pearly whites of yours. You see, I have this feeling about you McKenzie. And I’m pretty intuitive. I feel like there’s a very naughty side inside of this prim, composed, med student in front of me. Inside, is a wild goddess begging to be freed. And begging to be doted after. Adored. Loved. I just know it. I can see it.”

  I grew very hot down there. I swallowed down the voice of the wild McKenzie, as he so adequately called her, and bid her to stay at bay.

  Oh, billionaires. They think they can get anything they want. But my smile didn’t fade. I guess I could give him the weekend, at least. But that was all. After all, I didn’t dare voice how I secretly wondered if I would be disposed of once he had a few savory sexual encounters with me. Not yet anyway.

  “A weekend.” How harmless can a weekend be?

  Yet as his fingers trailed my skin and I stared out into the ocean, a picturesque setting, something told me this would be the weekend of my life, one that I’d never forget.

  “Oh come on babe. Stay with me for the week.”

  I shrugged and made a teasing face.

  “Okay, I’m going to make you have the weekend of your life so you’ll just be itching to call in sick for a week. Just you wait.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  The afternoon sun warmed my face and I felt a soft breeze dance across my face. I let out a lazy sigh as I heard the hypnotizing ocean waves in the background. What an incredible dream I was having.

  “Hey,” a voice called out to me in a scruffy, sexy manner. I opened my eyes slowly and then jumped as I saw him propped up on his elbow, shirtless, those muscles in his abs perfectly defined and a small after five shadow growing across his defined jaw.

  Shit!

  A slight feeling of panic pulsed through my nervous system and I rolled on my back. I had been so tired and out of it, I forgot where I was.

  “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Have I slept the day a way?”

  “No, you needed your sleep. It’s tiring at first changing time zones so much. Not to worry, my peach.” He crawled over to be and kissed my nose, cheek, and his tender lips met mine sending instant buzzing to my nipples and other intimate parts of my body.

  He pulled away and I instantly missed his smell, his touch, even though he was still inches away from me.

  I sat up feeling a little dizzy from exhaustion.

  “Here, have some water.”

  I gladly took a sip of water as I sleepily looked past him in the luxury suite filled with dozens of fragrant-rich roses, and then the wall to glass ceiling of glass that separated us from the sand and dancing waves mere feet away. This was rich paradise. But even in all the beauty, splendor and luxury of the place, the most beautiful view of the entire place was him. And then I looked back to him.

  “Come here you.” He pulled me on top of his warm body to where I straddled him. I was instantly wet for him. His member was thick, hard, ready, eager.

  He pulled me to him and kissed me ravenously and my body instantly responded to his invitation.

  His hands went firmly to my waist and in one swift moment he pulled my panties off and inserted himself deep in me as I cried out.

  “Yeah, baby. This is why you should stay.”

  He lifted me up and back down, and his strength carried the way. It was fast, in
tense, passionate, animalistic, yet it was him.

  I cried out in intense pleasure and minutes later we both lay in exasperation.

  “Kenzy.” He said breathlessly as he stared at the ceiling with his arm above his head.

  Kenzy. No one had ever called me that before. Kenzy and Kyle. I liked the way that sounded. I stared at the high ceiling with wooden beams and said it again to myself. Kenzy and Kyle. I couldn’t help but to smile.

  He shook his head and smirked. He kissed me on the nose again and then reached for his cell.

  “I need to make a phone call. Would you like some coffee on the terrace? It will be a short twenty minutes or so.”

  “Coffee sounds just what the doctor ordered.”

  “Of course it does.” He winked.

  Minutes later I sat outside on the terrace watching the waves, lost in my own thoughts. If Shelly were in my place, she would think she won the lottery finally. If my childhood best friends were in my place, they would have thought they hit the jackpot. They would drop everything and see where this relationship—or whatever it was—would take them.

  Damn it, I know I was lucky. But I wasn’t like the typical girl. Woman. I know I was only 22, but I had built a lifetime of dreams, goals, desires and all roads led to this position in medical school. As much as I wanted to enjoy this incredibly hot once-in-a-life-time moment, I couldn’t because in the back of my mind I was stressing about missing school.

  I took a sip of the coffee.

  Damn it. Even the coffee tasted amazing. As does every single effing thing associated with him.

  “Ahhhhh” I sighed out in frustration and lifted my head back as I closed my eyes.

  Just enjoy today.

  I can’t enjoy today.

  What the hell is wrong with me?

  I exhaled and looked back at the ocean. No matter how damn much I want to, I’m thinking about tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. I shook my head and took another sip of coffee.

  Just live. Let Your hair down. Take a chance. Learn not to care. He had told me. I laughed on the inside how easy it is for some to do so.