Broken

by Alexis Noelle

  I walk back to the room, hoping all of this gets figured out soon. When I open the door she’s standing in the mirror, trying to finger brush her hair. It’s still dry; she must not have washed it. The shirt I gave her goes about halfway down her thighs. It’s huge on her, but it’s still sexy and, I don’t know if it’s because she’s wearing my clothes or not. When she turns around I can’t help but laugh at the irony of the shirt I gave her. I hadn’t looked at it when I grabbed it out of the bag; it’s one of my Nike shirts that have their slogan “Just Do It”, on it.

  “Hey, I didn’t hear you come in.” She gives me another smile.

  “Yea, I grabbed what I could but there wasn’t much a selection.” I lay out a mix of pop tarts, chocolate covered donuts, and a glazed honey bun.

  She sits on the bed, tucking her legs under her, and the shirt rides up a little bit more. I need to get out of here. I need to put some distance between us before I do something really fucking stupid. The last thing she needs is me humping her leg while she is trying to figure out who she is and what happened to her.

  I grab the pack of pop tarts, plopping down. She laughs as she bounces from my weight. I look up at her, and she has a chunk of chocolate from the donut at the corner of her mouth. Before I can stop myself I’m wiping it off with my thumb. She stills at the contact, and I immediately regret it. The two of us hold each other’s gaze until a knock at the door makes us jump.

  I shake my head as I clear the haze that she seems to create. Looking through the peephole, I see that Pres is outside. I open the door and step to the side as he and the girls walk into the room. Izzy drops the food from her hand and stands up.

  Pres looks at her half dressed and then glares over at me. I hold my hands up in surrender. “I didn’t touch her. I swear.” I sound like a little bitch right now and I hate it. However, I need him to know that I followed orders, no matter how much I didn’t want to.

  “I just wanted to take a shower this morning and I didn’t have anything to wear,” Izzy says, her hands awkwardly clasped in front of her.

  He makes her uncomfortable.

  “Well, here are some spare clothes for you to wear while we are getting you some supplies.” Lucy hands her a pile of stuff.

  Izzy takes it and says thank you before heading into the bathroom to change.

  “Anything to report?” Pres looks at me.

  “No, nothing yet. She hasn’t remembered anything.” I don’t tell him about the nightmare, although I’m not really sure why. Lying to your President breaks a bylaw of the club and I know it. The way she was affected by that nightmare makes me want to protect her, though. A part of me prays that she is a friend of the club because I’m not sure I could carry out the consequences if she isn’t.

  “Well, I have Brick working on finding out who she is right now. Not that we have a lot to go on.” Brick is one of the brothers and the guy is a tech genius. His phone rings and he answers it while walking toward the door.

  Izzy walks out, and I have to hold in the sound of appreciation that wants to come out. She’s dressed in skinny jeans and a tight V-neck T-shirt. As much as I loved the look of her in just my shirt she looks amazing fully dressed too. The girls brought over some makeup so that when they take her out her bruises aren’t as noticeable. This might be one thing I’ll admit that they’re good at. Sitting down, she starts to tie the sneakers the girls brought for her. Once she’s done she looks up at me, and I can see the hesitation in her face. She’s had this look since Pres walked in, and I know it’s because she’s scared of what the outcome of everything will be. I give her a smile, trying to reassure her that at least for now she has nothing to worry about.

  What I really want to do is wrap her in my arms and make her feel safe, not just offer a look. I want to press her close to me and feel her lips on mine. I want to take away all the fear I see in her eyes. The worst part is that I barely know the girl and I already feel like this. She could be the spawn of Satan for all I know.

  An elbow nudges me. “You still with us, Prospect?” Nikki is looking at me like I have ten heads.

  “Yea, I’m fine. All right, Tramp, you ready to go?” I look over at her sitting on the bed and her eyes go wide.

  “What the fuck did you just call her?” Nikki is in my face faster than I can blink.

  “Easy, it’s not like that. It’s that stupid cartoon movie. Lady and the Tramp, she’s the stray we took in.” As I say it I realize that doesn’t sound much better.

  “Oh yea, so what’s that make you? The other half? Lady?” She smiles at me. “Hey, babe!” Pres comes walking over. She wouldn’t. “I think I figured out the prospect’s road name.” Nikki leans over, whispering in his ear and then he smiles at me.

  “Fuckin’ perfect. Catch ya later, Lady.” He walks away as Nikki smirks at me.

  If only she wasn’t a woman I’d lay her ass out, prospect or not.

  Chapter Five

  Izzy

  Nikki, Lucy, and Tracie have been really nice. We walk into the fourth store of the day, and Max just had to make a trip to the car to drop off our bags. At the first store they figured out that I was uncomfortable asking for things from them, I don’t want to be more of a burden than I already am. I know I need clothes, but I hate that they are buying them for me. By store number two I swear almost anything that I looked at for more than a few seconds one of them would pick it up in my size, adding it to the growing pile on their arms. Thank God they are shopping for themselves too or I would feel even worse.

  We walk into a Target because I need shampoo, a toothbrush, and other small things. As we walk through the aisles I turn toward the group of girls and Max, who is never more than a few steps behind us. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

  “Okay, we’ll meet you in the beauty aisles. Don’t get lost.” Tracie smiles at me.

  I walk toward the front of the store where I had seen the sign for the bathrooms and realize Max is walking with me.

  He shrugs at me. “Can’t leave you alone.”

  I walk into the bathroom without saying anything else. He hasn’t said much since we left the motel room and Nikki assigned him what she called a road name. I’m not really sure what that means, but he looked pissed. Once he explained his meaning behind the nickname I actually didn’t mind it. I feel bad that it made her pick on him, though.

  I hated that he had to wake me up from my nightmare this morning. It felt so real, and I was so scared. In my dream, I had been lying in a field.

  There were three men surrounding me and I was being attacked. Fists, boots, elbows struck me at every point on my body. When I woke up in the room with Max and realized it was a dream I wanted to seek comfort from him. He had been looking at me like if I asked he would give it to me.

  In fact, the way Max had been looking at me all day today should set alarm bells off in my head. I was in a constant state of uncertainty. I had no idea about my past or what my future held.

  The last thing I should want is to get involved with someone. I’m not even sure that’s what I want. Who knows? I could have a husband somewhere and not even know it. I just know that when he looks at me I feel like he can see my soul. Where the other men looked at me with mistrust and irritation, he seems to want to help me. The little things he did last night put me at ease, even if it was only a few times.

  When I walk out I see him sitting on the bench with a bag of popcorn he must have gotten from the snack bar right next to us. It’s weird how I remember normal things like food types and general facts. I still don’t remember anything about me.

  I sit down next to him. “I’m sorry if you got in trouble earlier.” My legs swing back and forth on the bench.

  “Not your fault. I shouldn’t have said anything. It was an asshole nickname and I guess I got the karma right back.” He shrugs, but I can see he’s mad.

  “Well, I don’t mind it, not that I remember the movie but it seems to fit. It didn’t upset me.”

  He looks over
at me. “Really?”

  I nod, grabbing a few pieces of popcorn out of the bag. I plop one in my mouth then toss a couple at him, hitting him in the face, hoping to make him smile.

  “You’re different than any girl I’ve ever met, Tramp.” He laughs and shakes his head.

  “Well, I can’t remember any previous experiences, but you’re pretty cool yourself, Lady.” I wink at him.

  His eyes narrow at me. He takes a handful of popcorn and smashes it on my head. I move to grab more from him, but he moves the bag just out of my reach. Max grabs another handful and is about to throw it at me when someone clears their throat loudly. We look up to see a manager standing in front of us.

  “Sorry, sir, this one is a real troublemaker.” He stands up and walks away while I jog to catch up to him.

  I punch him in the arm. “Real nice, jerk.”

  He laughs and then shrugs, eating a few more pieces of popcorn.

  “I’ll get you back for that later.” I grab another handful from him.

  He turns to me with a smile on his face. “I look forward to it.”

  We catch up to the girls before I can form a reply. He looks forward to it? What does that mean? Does he feel the connection that I do? I gnaw at my bottom lip nervously.

  “Hello, earth to Izzy!” Nikki is waving her hand in front of my face.

  I smile at her. “Sorry, guess I’m kinda tired.”

  She shakes her head. “Whatevs, you have a preference on shampoo and conditioner?”

  “Nikki, she doesn’t remember her name, you think she knows what brand of shampoo is her favorite?” Max says from behind me and everyone turns to face him.

  “I feel like you’re the one with memory loss, Prospect. Aren’t you supposed to be seen and not heard?” Tracie glares at him.

  I look over at Max and I can see that he is angry. His light mood from a few minutes ago is gone. I mouth sorry to him before turning back to the girls, who are filling the cart with more products than I think I know how to use.

  “I think that’s it.” Lucy looks over at me as we walk toward the checkout. “You hungry? Want to grab lunch?”

  “Um, sure.”

  She laces her arm through mine, and I stiffen at first before I let my body relax. We go back to the car and the girls tell Max to take us to the Mexican place. He must drive them around a lot because he doesn’t even need to ask them where it is. As we drive the girls are in the back and I’m up front with Max. Since the truck has bench seating they don’t see him when his hand moves across the seat and grabs mine.

  I freeze at first but when his thumb starts to slowly move back and forth I let myself enjoy his touch. I swear that the feel of his skin on mine calms the constant nerves I’ve had running through me. The uneasiness dissipates when he’s close to me. Once he starts to pull the car into a parking lot, he quickly lets go of my hands as his eyes look in the rearview mirror. He doesn’t want them to see. I can’t help but wonder why. A part of me wonders if he would be ashamed to be with someone who is damaged like me.

  We walk into the restaurant and Max stays in the car. A part of me would much rather be in the car with him. When all I feel is constant confusion and depression at the fact that I have no memory of myself, he makes me forget. I almost have to wonder if I knew him before. Maybe that’s why I feel so at ease around him. That can’t be the case, though, because he doesn’t seem to know me.

  I follow the girls to a table. “So we come here a lot. We usually order a bunch of different things. Is there anything you don’t eat?” Lucy smiles at me. She seems to be the nicest of the group. Where Nikki and Tracie appear to be more sarcastic and rough around the edges.

  I bite my lip, her question only making me feel more out of place. “I feel like I’m constantly saying this, but I really don’t know.” I shake my head slightly. Tears threaten to drop from my eyes, so I excuse myself and go in search of the bathroom.

  I feel so lost. I don’t know even the smallest details about my life. Things anyone would be able to rattle off to you at the drop of a hat are lost to me. A tear slides down my cheek as I open the bathroom door. Looking into the mirror, I hate that the person looking back at me is a stranger.

  The door opens and a gasp escapes my lip when I see Max standing there. My hand quickly wipes at the lone tear. “What are you doing in here? I might not know much, but I know that this is for girls only.” I try to sound strong. I try to sound like every inch of me doesn’t want to bury my head in his chest and relish in the comfort he provides me.

  “What’s wrong?” He takes a step toward me as his eyes study me.

  Shaking my head, I answer him, “It’s nothing. It’s stupid.”

  “Tell me.” He takes another step and leans against one of the stalls.

  Taking a deep breath, I look away from him. “I hate being like this. Not knowing who I am. Not being able to answer simple questions about myself. Having no idea what I like and dislike.” I shrug my shoulders. “It sucks.”

  I feel his hand on my cheek and my eyes rise to meet his. “It won’t be like this forever. Whatever happened to you, your mind pushed it down because it was too much to deal with. Just give it time. I’ll be here to help you.” I have no idea what comes over me, but I turn my body toward him, placing my hands on his hips. I just want to be close to him. I want the comfort he gives me. His eyes catch fire as he looks at me. “You make it really fucking hard, Tramp.”

  “Izzy?” I hear Nikki’s voice, and Max quickly pushes me off of him and moves into one of the open stalls, shutting the door. Nikki walks into the bathroom, but I can’t drag my eyes from that stall. Is he hiding? Why would he do that? It isn’t like we are doing anything wrong. I feel like he is two different people when we are alone and as soon as someone else is around us. “Hey, you okay? We thought you might have gotten lost.” She laughs like it isn’t a possibility with my handicapped brain.

  “Yea, sorry. Took me a second to find it.” I fake a smile as I walk out of the bathroom door.

  Lunch is nice and the food is really good. “So…” Tracie says, “We were all talking and thought we would see if you were interested in working. I know you literally just got here yesterday, but it would get you out of the motel, and also put some money in your pocket to help expand the wardrobe we started for you today.”

  I think about it for a second and having a job seems like such a normal thing. Right now, I want nothing more than to be normal. “It would be nice, but I’m pretty sure that to get hired somewhere you might need to know who you are.”

  She waves a hand at me. “I know that, but I manage the club the MC owns and we are actually looking for a new bartender. Our last one just graduated college and moved on. It would strictly be bartending and I’m sure your little shadow would be there the whole time.” They all laugh.

  “Um, yea, that might be cool. Can I ask why you guys all seem to not like him?” I nervously play with the napkin in front of me.

  “It’s not that we don’t like him,” Lucy says. “He’s a prospect, it’s like our job to give him shit. The guys actually want us to. They said if a recruit can’t handles the crap we throw at them then he isn’t strong enough to handle everything the club will need him to do. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes having him follow us around is annoying, but we deal with it.”

  “So what do you say? You want to get corrupted a bit more?” Tracie arches her eyebrow at me.

  “Sure, I’ll give it a try, but I don’t know how good I’ll be. Thanks.”

  “Great! I’ll tell your gatekeeper when to have you there tonight.” She winks at me.

  Chapter Six

  Max

  I walk Izzy into Ambrosia, the strip club the MC opened, and there is something in me saying that this is a terrible idea. I’ve been in here plenty of times as security and the men in here are real assholes. I honestly don’t even want them looking at Izzy much less if one of them tries to touch her. The fact that this thought has me clenching my fist
s isn’t lost on me.

  I hate how she affects me. When I saw her get up from the table at lunch I knew that something had upset her. The restaurant is almost all glass and even from the street it was hard to keep my eyes off of her. Before I knew it I was out of the truck and determined to find her. I wanted to take away whatever pain she was feeling, I just wanted to make her smile.

  Jesus, I sound like a pussy.

  She hasn’t talked to me much since we left the restaurant. I think she might be pissed, but hell if I know why. I swear women invent fucking reasons to be pissed off. It’s like, ‘hey, I haven’t chewed your ass out in a while, let’s go a round.’ My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out, groaning. My mother.

  I know I have to answer it because if I don’t she’ll just call every ten minutes. I apprehensively touch the screen and bring the phone to my ear. “Yea.”

  “Maximillian James Cartwright, why have you not called me in over a week?” Her clipped tone bites through the phone.

  I hate when she uses my full name. Makes me sound like such a country club, golf playing, polo wearing douchebag. I used my nickname when I got here because I knew if they ever found out my real name I would never live it down. My mother thought she would be giving birth to a future senator, or CEO. I’m sure that she never dreamed I would leave and join a motorcycle club. “Sorry, I have been busy.” I watch my words, not needing her to give me shit for using slang.

  “You should never be too busy for your mother.” Her entitled my-shit-doesn’t-stink attitude drips from her tone. “When are you going to come home and stop this silly little rebellion?”