Try Me On for Size

by Stephanie Haefner

  “You’re not going home?”

  Mia looked tired, hair disheveled, but still gorgeous. His fingers tingled, aching to touch her.

  “God no. We still have cleaning to do and decorating, plus setting up the toy displays.”

  “I can help.”

  “Oh, that’s okay. But please, come eat some pizza.” She smiled and walked away, taking the brightness of the tiny office with her.

  He finished what he was working on as the scent of greasy cheese and pepperoni drifted into his nostrils. His stomach growled. Maybe he’d have a slice or two.

  Oliver walked into the shop and Mia, Bryn, and Penny sat on the floor, wineglasses in hand, nibbling their pizza.

  “Plates are next to the box. Grab some and come sit with us,” Bryn invited.

  He did and bit into his dinner. Delicious. He looked around the shop. Everything was shiny, ready for the party. Then he spotted the new display area, set up just for his toys. They’d wanted to keep them a surprise, for the most part, so the main display wouldn’t be revealed until the party. The two samples sat erect on the glass shelf. Oliver had yet to actually see the products. He stood and walked over.

  He picked up the dildo he knew was his. There was no denying it. The thing was an exact replica. It was like holding his actual dick in his hand, every last vein.

  “What do you think?” Bryn asked and giggled.

  He turned to face the women, his cheeks a little warmer than they had been two seconds before. “Uh, it’s a little bizarre. I mean, it looks great, it’s just weird to be holding a rubber model of myself.”

  “Does it freak you out to know what women will be doing with that?” Mia asked.

  “I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it.”

  Bryn sipped her wine before confessing, “I took you home the other night, and I was very impressed.”

  His cheeks seared and there was no way they couldn’t notice. “Now I’m a bit freaked out.”

  A loud burst of laughter from all the women.

  “Get used to it,” Bryn said. “So far, the response to the line has been great, and there will be a whole lot more compliments.”

  “Wow. I think this whole thing is finally hitting me.” He set the toy back onto the shelf. “There will be women fawning all over me tomorrow. The only time I’m ever shirtless is in my own bathroom and the beach.”

  More giggles.

  “Get ready to be a wanted man,” Penny said. “And FYI, most of the ladies so far have liked your picture better.”

  “That thousand-dollar bet with Logan is in the bag,” Bryn added.

  He just shook his head and retook his seat. “I don’t care about that. He’s a tool and I just like getting his blood boiling.”

  Silence as they finished off their pizza and wine. Oliver watched Mia. Could she possibly know how sexy she was sitting there, legs outstretched, leaning back on her hands? She arched her back and stretched, a familiar twitch in his groin as her shirt pulled tight against her breasts.

  Oh, man. He turned away and stared at Logan’s face on the poster. One sure way to kill a hard-on.

  Bryn stood and picked up some of the garbage. He gathered the rest and began to rise.

  “Wow, a man who helps clean up. That’s rare.” She gave Mia a quick look, but turned right back to him. “Give it here. You sit and relax.”

  He did, hesitantly, then watched Penny stand.

  “I, um, have to go make a phone call.”

  The room was quiet, just Oliver and Mia. “You nervous about tomorrow?” he asked.

  “Nervous, excited. Some moments I want to jump and scream, others I feel like I might vomit.”

  “Sounds natural.” The tingling in his hands started again. Especially for her hair. The way it flowed down her back in curvy waves. “What time should I be here tomorrow?”

  “Probably by ten. The party starts at eleven, and you need to be here early for hair and makeup.”

  He nodded. “And what time will it end?”

  “Invite says two, but we’d love it if it went late. The shop normally closes at four on Saturdays. I’m kinda hoping we can still close on time. I’m already exhausted and we’re more than twelve hours from party time.”

  “So we’ll be out of here by dinner?”

  “Yep. You got plans?”

  “Hopefully. You wanna have dinner with me, to celebrate?”

  The corners of her mouth turned up, but she stifled them. “Should I extend this invitation to Bryn and Penny, too?”

  “Um . . . I was hoping it could be just us.”

  She nodded and pursed her lips. Another attempt at hiding a smile? “Okay.”

  Maybe this would finally be the end of office quickies and friendly meals. He was taking her out and treating her the way she should be treated. A woman he couldn’t stop thinking about. A woman he’d already envisioned in his future on more than one occasion. A woman he was falling in love with?

  AFTER OLIVER left, Mia cleaned up her trash and headed to her office for the bag of streamers and other various decorations.

  “So, you and Oliver were quite cozy there for a few minutes.” Bryn was in Mia’s doorway, holding two glasses of wine. She handed one over.

  “Yeah, and you and Penny weren’t too subtle about arranging that cozy moment.” She hid her smile by putting her wineglass to her mouth. “I finally gave in.”

  “You’re gonna take home one of the dildos?”

  “No! I agreed to dinner. With Oliver.”

  Raised eyebrows, huge smile. “No need for the replica when you’ll have the real thing.”

  “That’s not the plan.”

  Bryn rolled her eyes. “What made you change your mind?”

  “You. All your drunken talk the other night about life being short and your confession about Johnny not being as perfect as I thought. Oliver and I do have that chemistry thing going on, and I figure I can’t find out what’s wrong with him if we don’t go out.”

  Bryn shook her head. “Leave it to you to date a guy mainly so you can find what’s wrong with him.”

  “I guess I don’t want to look back when I’m eighty and say, ‘What the hell did I do with my life?’ He’s the first guy I’ve met in a long time who hasn’t annoyed me, so that’s gotta mean something, right?”

  “For you? Totally.” She put an arm around her. “Let’s go pick some lingerie for you to wear.”

  CHAPTER Eighteen

  All three women arrived at the shop by 8 a.m., and everyone seemed a bit jittery. Instead of their normal chatty selves, they stayed quiet, making sure everything was in place. Mia noticed Bryn had painted her fingernails, but already the tips were gnawed.

  Instead of typical business attire, they wore hot pink Classy ’n’ Sassy tees and jeans. There’d be half-naked men. There was no need for dress shirts and pencil skirts.

  “The champagne is on ice,” Bryn said. “The cupcakes are coming at ten. Do you think we need anything else? I can run to the store and get chips or something.”

  “It’s fine. I don’t think anyone’s coming for the food.”

  “What kind of music should we have?” she asked, turning on the stereo.

  “Um, I think this is fine. It’s a party, so dance music is appropriate.”

  Bryn nodded and nibbled on a fingernail. She was definitely as nervous as Mia.

  The party didn’t start for two hours. What the hell were they going to do until then?

  Bryn straightened Logan’s and Oliver’s postcards. Penny tidied the displays. Mia checked the front counter and made sure there were enough shopping bags for all the dildos they were sure would sell that day. A customer came in and all three of them nearly pounced on her, but Bryn won the grand honor of being distracted by measuring the woman and helping her find a new bra.

  Ol
iver was the first to arrive at nine forty-five. “How’s it going?”

  “Miserable. The suspense is killing me. I just want to get started.”

  He flashed his reassuring grin and the earth stopped rotating. “It will start soon enough, and then you’ll wish it had gone slower so you could’ve enjoyed it more.”

  He was right. Everything would be okay.

  The doorbell chimed and in strolled the delivery guy from the bakery with a white box, clear plastic window on the lid. He set it on the front counter with a sly smirk. “Nice cupcakes. Where do you want the other three boxes?”

  “That table right there.” Mia pointed to a six-foot folding table covered with a pink tablecloth and penis-shaped confetti.

  Penny rushed over to see the confections. “Oh my God, they’re adorable!”

  The light pink penis candies stood erect in the center of every mini cupcake topped with hot pink icing.

  Mia opened the boxes and started arranging cupcakes on tiered stands. The door chime sounded again; this time it was the hair stylist/makeup artist they’d hired to get the guys in meet-and-greet shape. Penny took over with the cupcakes while Mia showed the stylist where to set up.

  Mia’s heart began to beat wildly as she walked back to the showroom. Logan had arrived and she showed him where to change. The stylist had already started on Oliver’s hair. This was all really happening. Like the flip of a switch they were all in hyperdrive.

  Eleven that morning came and went. The shop was completely dead. Logan and Oliver were in their places, expertly coiffed hair and shimmering bodies on display. The champagne was on ice, the cupcakes arranged. The register was ready to ring in sale upon sale. But there were no women fawning. No sales a ringing. No customers. No party.

  This was not happening. Mia saw the money they’d spent on this venture flushing down the toilet along with her sanity.

  “They probably saw your poster and decided not to come,” Logan said to Oliver.

  “They probably saw your toy and laughed.”

  Were these boys seriously insulting one another right now? She did not need this.

  Mia’s head started to throb. It crossed her mind to grab a dozen baby cupcakes and a bottle of champagne and hide in her office until four when they could close the shop. Instead she sat and rested her forehead on the front counter, the coolness of it soothing her.

  Ding! Mia popped up to see two women stroll into the shop. They giggled and walked to the toy display. They each picked up a box, then looked to the men, who did their job by looking incredibly handsome and flirty. Penny showed them the postcards and each selected one. The guys signed them with hot pink Sharpies and Logan posed while one of the girls took a photo of the other on her cell phone.

  Huge smiles on their faces as they headed for the register.

  “This is so cool,” the one said to Mia as she rang up the purchase and placed it in a Classy ’n’ Sassy bag.

  “I can’t wait to use it,” the other said, cheeks flushed.

  “Logan is so hot,” girl number one said.

  “Uh-uh. Oliver is way hotter.”

  A pang of jealousy pricked Mia’s gut, but she blew it away. This was exactly what they’d wanted. Two different men to satisfy different women’s tastes.

  Mia handed the second girl her credit card slip. “Thanks so much. Make sure you have some cupcakes and champagne before you leave.”

  They smiled and headed for the food table. Two dildos closer to saving the shop.

  More women trickled in, some alone, a couple groups of two or three women. With each ring of the door chime, Mia’s headache eased and her thundering heartbeat slowed. The ladies seemed to be enjoying themselves, and at least half bought something, whether it be a Logan or an Oliver, another toy, or a piece of lingerie.

  But once noon came, it was as if a tsunami had hit the shop. Smiling, giggling women poured through the door in waves, their laughter and chatter roaring over the music. There was a line to meet the guys. A line to get a snack and beverage. A line to cash out purchases. Penny and Bryn ran back and forth tending to their customers while Mia stayed on the register.

  Only once did Mia lock eyes with Bryn as she sailed past the front counter. The only way to describe it was pure joy. This party had officially surpassed every expectation.

  TWO HOURS into the launch party and Oliver had pretty much lost all his jitters. He hadn’t thought he’d be so nervous about standing in tiny underwear being admired by women. But when the moment came to step into the shop and drop his robe, his gut swirled with apprehension. It wasn’t so bad at first, only one or two women at a time, but once the rush started, his anxiety climbed.

  He’d looked over, heart pounding, and saw Logan, completely eating it up, cool and confident. Could he let this jerk beat him? He needed to sell more toys than Logan. For the sake of the shop. Yeah. That was it.

  Taking a deep breath, he took a sip of water. He flashed his brightest grin and flirted with each woman who came up to him. It felt a little wrong. He really only wanted to flirt with Mia, but this was what he was hired to do.

  “How you doin’ over there, bro?” Logan asked.

  “Selling more toys than you I bet.”

  “Hardly,” he said as he flexed his biceps as if he was in a bodybuilding contest. “And just wait till the reporter gets here. The ladies will flock to me, hoping to be in the magazine. They’ll all want a piece of the superstar.” He stopped the annoying chatter to pose for a photo, then hugged the women before they walked away. “And don’t even try to stick your face into one of my photos. This is a one-man story.”

  “Trust me, I want no part of it.”

  Oliver turned his attention back to the smiling middle-aged women in front of him, vowing to ignore Logan and his rambling, focusing only on the women.

  “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

  Her cheeks flushed as she handed him the postcard to sign. “Claire.”

  “Well, hello, Claire,” he said as he signed her card with a bright pink marker. “You enjoying yourself today?”

  “Yes. I wasn’t even going to come, but my friend dragged me in with her.”

  He lowered his voice an octave. “Find anything you like?”

  “I . . . um.” Her face changed to pure red as she pointed to the Oliver display. “I did.”

  “Well, I sure hope you enjoy it.”

  “Oh, I will.”

  Oliver put his arm around the woman as her friend snapped a photo. “You ladies enjoy the rest of your day.”

  A giggly group of young girls approached him, looking like they’d had a bit too much to drink. Were they even legal? They gathered around him, touching his stomach and chest, and one even took hold of his ass while posing for their photo. He signed their postcards and one asked him to sign the box his toy came in.

  “I’m taking this home with me, but I’d much rather take the real you. Interested?”

  “Um . . . thank you, but no. I have to stay and work.”

  “I can wait till you’re done.”

  Shit. How was he supposed to handle this situation? He didn’t want to make her mad. Nothing that came to mind in those few fleeting seconds of time sounded right. He needed her to buy the toy.

  Oliver turned on his most seductive eyes and ran a finger down her jawline. “I can’t, but think of me when you go home.”

  She stumbled backward unto the arms of her giggling friends. “Okay.”

  This job had turned out to be a lot harder than he’d thought. It wasn’t all smiles and posing for photos. He had to be an actor. For Mia’s, and the shop’s, sake, he sure as hell hoped he was doing a good job.

  MIA LOOKED to the customer she had rung out, handing over a bag containing a Logan for herself, an Oliver for a friend who’d recently been divorced, and a plethora of lubricants and various other t
oys. “Enjoy!”

  “I sure will.”

  As the next customer stepped forward and placed her things on the counter, Mia glanced to Oliver, just in time to see him flash his sexy eyes at a woman. Her breath hitched. Those eyes were supposed to be for her. Stop. It’s just an act. He’s using that wickedly gorgeous stare to earn money and save the shop. This was no time to be jealous.

  Try telling her heart that.

  Mia shook it off and turned back to her customer, another Oliver purchaser. She looked at it through the cellophane window on the box. Soon this replica would be doing things to this woman. She’d feel what it was like to have sex with Oliver.

  Mia felt herself morph into a crazy psycho jealous person like on that show about women who go insane and kill people. She pictured herself jumping over the counter, like a starved tigress, and tearing the customer apart with her bare paws—er . . . hands.

  Mia’s stomach turned and she felt a bit light-headed. If she didn’t get some fresh air quick, she’d be on the floor.

  “Excuse me one minute,” she said to the customer and grabbed Penny as she trotted by. “You need to go on the register for a minute.”

  “Are you okay? You look pale.”

  “I just need a break.”

  “Go. I got it.”

  Penny stepped behind the counter and Mia headed for the back door. She grabbed a bottle of water on the way and chugged. The gentle breeze of early spring felt damn good, cooling her face and relaxing her stomach somewhat. She slumped against the brick building, looking at their packed parking lot. It was rare to be so jammed.

  It was then she’d realized her feet were sore. She’d been on them without a break for almost six hours. But sitting was not an option. Not yet. There’d be plenty of time to rest later. With Oliver. She closed her eyes for a few minutes, relaxing and breathing.

  The scent of buttercream drifted into her nostrils. Her eyes popped open to find a mini pink cupcake in front of her face.

  “I knew the smell would get your attention.” Oliver was there, wrapped in his robe.

  “Hey, shouldn’t you be inside posing with your adoring fans?” She tried to make it sound jokey instead of sarcastic and insecure.