The Tome of Bill Series: Books 1-4 (Bill The Vampire, Scary Dead Things, The Mourning Woods, Holier Than Thou)

by Rick Gualtieri

  Tests?

  James bowed to her and gave me an apologetic look before sitting back down. Maybe I had insulted her after all. Oh boy.

  I walked to the center of the room, aware that all eyes were upon me. If I had ever suffered from stage fright, now would be a bad time for a relapse.

  The Khan turned toward Nergui and spoke a command. Nergui bowed and walked to a spot directly in front of me. He drew a large sword from a scabbard on his back. Oh crap! This guy was an assassin. No doubt he knew how to use that thing. I tried to steady my shaking knees as he leveled the sword at me ... and then plunged it into the ground at my feet. He gave me a quick nod and went back to his post.

  “Now we will see exactly how free your will is,” said Gan, a mischievous smile on her face.

  Before I could further wonder what she meant by that, the full force of a compulsion erupted from the Khan. Though his spoken words were unintelligible to me, I could clearly understand them inside of my head. “PICK UP THE SWORD AND FALL UPON IT!!” It felt like someone cracked open my skull and punched me directly in the brain. Holy shit! I wouldn’t be surprised if, from that moment on, I heard this guy’s voice echoing in every memory I had all the way back to childhood.

  My vision doubled, then blurred, and I felt myself partially double over from the force of it all. When things finally cleared a few moments later, I looked and saw drag marks in front of my shoes. The sword was now a good three feet away. The force of the compulsion had physically shoved me back without my even being aware of it. Damn! And this guy was supposedly one of the younger Draculas. If so, an older one could probably cause my head to explode like a water balloon if they wanted to. However, shaken as I was, the sword was left untouched.

  I stood up straight, looked at the Khan, and gave my head a single shake. The crowd erupted into shocked gasps. I turned to find James wearing a bemused grin. He gave me a quick thumbs-up. I had passed the test. I then noticed another sound. I turned toward the front of the room and saw Gan clapping her hands, a happy smile on her face. From the looks of things, I guess I hadn’t insulted her after all.

  Glad that was over. I looked at the Khan and gestured toward my seat. He held up his hand, the universal sign for “stop whatever the fuck you’re doing.” The crowd again went silent, except for Gan, who was still clapping. My, she was an eager little beaver. Nice to see I had a cheering section.

  The Khan didn’t seem to be amused, though. He turned to her and said a quick word which stopped her dead in her tracks. Daughter or not, she was on as tight of a leash as everyone else there. Or maybe not, as she gave him one hell of a pouty look in return. Nepotism had its advantages, no matter where you’re from.

  Khan and Gan (talk about sounding like a bad cartoon) exchanged a few more words, and then it was apparently back to business. She turned to me and once again spoke.

  “Our legends say the gods were most generous when they created our people. Long life and strength are but a few of our gifts. However, for all of their generosity, we are still lacking in their eyes. It is said that the first Freewill was created by the gods in an attempt to address this, to bring us closer to their image. As fierce as we are, the Freewills who walked amongst us caused even our mightiest to tremble (yeah that’s right, I’m a badass!). They led our armies against our adversaries and, with them at the forefront, our enemies were laid low. But then we did something, some transgression lost to the ages, and the gods took away our favor. The Freewills vanished and our people were diminished, forever some said. Yet now, here you are. What does it mean?”

  Jeez, did she pull that speech straight out of Lord of the Rings or what?

  Gan paused for a moment. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to say something or if it was just a rhetorical thing. I was just about to shrug my shoulders, and probably make an ass of myself in the process, when she continued speaking. “Our seers do not yet know. All they can say is that there are dark days ahead. Will you help be the sunrise in our endless night?”

  Okay, this was getting a little deep. I mean, come on. I had a few extra tricks the others couldn’t do. That was it. All I knew was that if I heard the words chosen and one in the same sentence, I was getting the hell out of there. They could find someone else to play Harry Potter for them.

  On the other hand, telling a room full of vampires – all of whom were older and stronger than me – to go fuck themselves might not exactly be the best strategy either. So, for the sake of covering my own ass, I simply nodded.

  That was apparently the correct answer, as Gan’s face once more broke into a wide grin. The Khan spoke a few words to her, and after a brief exchange, she went on. “My father is pleased. The next test may begin.”

  Next test? I opened my mouth to protest, but before I could speak, it was filled with Bang’s fist. At a nod from the Khan, James’s errand boy had raced forward and… well, banged me.

  Okay, maybe that was the wrong way to put it. He came at me full speed, which in vampire terms meant he crossed the space between us in the blink of an eye and gave me a solid punch to the face. I flew back a good dozen feet and lay there dazed for a moment. I definitely hadn’t been expecting that.

  “Ow,” was the best I could do as way of response.

  A few seconds passed before I was able to remember my name again. I slowly pulled myself to my feet, feeling a cascade of blood gushing out of my crushed nose. The crowd again broke into murmurs, and I distinctly heard a few guffaws of laughter. I turned toward Bang to find him standing there smirking. Assholes, all of them.

  I was about to voice that opinion out loud when the Khan barked another order. This time, Cheng-gong stepped forward (also trying and failing to suppress a grin, the fucker). He pulled a sharp looking dagger from a sheath at his hip, held out his arm toward me, and cut open one of his veins. One guy decked me, and the other came out to bleed all over me. Damn, these people were a pack of weirdos.

  Again, though, Gan’s voice rang out toward me. “Show us your power, Freewill. Show us that the legends speak true.”

  Okay, I had no fucking idea what she was talking about. Was she expecting me to shoot a fireball or something at these guys? What the hell power did these idiots think I was going to pull out of my ass?

  I turned toward James, hoping maybe there’d be a little help there. He mouthed something to me. I suck at lip reading, so I didn’t quite catch it. I mouthed back “What?” and he did it again. It looked like he was saying, “Drink and fight, stupid.”

  Drink and fight? What the ... oh, I got it. Suck up the blood from the dude with the cutting fetish and use it to beat the crap out of the asshole who blindsided me. Duh! Now that I thought of it, it was kinda obvious.

  Regardless, that was something I could get behind. I walked over to Cheng-gong and grabbed his arm. When he didn’t resist, I extended my fangs (hey, might as well make a show of it) and dug them into the wound on his arm. The crowd gave a collective gasp and then went silent. I sucked down a few mouthfuls and felt Cheng’s arm stiffen. He wasn’t quite enjoying this. Well, fuck him. I didn’t enjoy getting my face bashed in a few minutes earlier.

  I took a final draw of his blood, and then I felt it ... that familiar rush I got after drinking another vampire’s blood. It was like somebody hooked up a car battery to my insides. First there was an electric-like jolt, and then came the rush as my body temporarily absorbed the power from the blood and made it my own. It was time to show Bang a thing or two.

  But first things first. A little show for the crowd never hurt, especially since they were here to see me. I pulled away from Cheng-gong’s arm and then shoved him to the side far more violently than warranted. He went flying into the crowd, which immediately erupted into more chatter amongst themselves. I didn’t speak their language, but it was obvious from the tone that most of them had apparently not believed what they’d been told about me.

  I put out my hand and did a little Bruce Lee-ish “come over here” wave to Bang. Time to take it up
a notch.

  Or maybe not. A small voice in the back of my head reminded me that no matter what strength I might possess, the guy in front of me was a trained killer. He could probably take me apart piece by piece and then reassemble me backwards to do it all over again. I let out a pained sigh. How the hell did I get myself into stupid situations like these?

  Fortunately, though – for me at least – this wasn’t a UFC prize fight. This was a test of my powers as opposed to my prowess (which was close to zero). Bang threw another straight jab at me of about the same speed and strength as his first hit. This one I was able to see coming and catch. He brought up his other hand, which likewise locked with mine. We thus engaged in that time honored tradition of almost every schoolyard: a game of mercy.

  This was apparently what the crowd was waiting for, as they suddenly got into it. There were whoops and cheers, seemingly rooting for both sides of this match. I didn't know what Mongolian money looked like, but judging from the paper being passed around, I’d say there was some betting going on, too. It figured. No matter how cultured the crowd may claim to be, if a fight breaks out, the cash will start changing hands. Nice to see there were some universals in this screwed up world I found myself in.

  Speaking of which, I almost wished I had some Mongolian cash on me because I was starting to see how this was going to play out. Cheng must have been slightly older than Bang because slowly but surely, I was starting to power him back.

  I could hear my Dr. Death persona awaken in my brain. Time to end this on a high note, buddy, my inner voice said.

  Kinda figured that, I thought back. By the way, where the hell were you when I was talking to Sheila?

  Oh that? Sorry, I was ... eh ... busy.

  Busy? With what?

  Busy with ... fuck you, that’s what! Now finish this thing, dickface!

  I sighed internally. Life could be so difficult when even my inner monologue was an asshole.

  I pretended to give way under Bang’s assault (damn, that sounded dirty), until I’d bent my arms enough to get some leverage. I then put all of my borrowed strength into one big shove. As I did so, I let go of Bang’s hands and he went flying. The crowd went crazy. Oh yeah, I’m the people’s champion! Can you smell what Dr. Death is cooking?

  The point being made (and my nose a good way toward being healed – thank you, vampire powers), I walked over to where Bang had fallen and offered him a hand up. This was apparently another feather in my cap because again the crowd went nuts. Over all of it, though, I distinctly heard Gan’s voice yell, “Well done, Freewill!” in that shrill tone that only a preteen fangirl can achieve.

  I walked back to the center and soaked up some more of the applause. Hell, I even started throwing them some poses. So this was what the roaring adoration of a crowd felt like.

  Okay, I take back what I was saying earlier. This was kind of worth getting punched in the nose for. After another minute of basking in my own glory, I glanced over at James to see if he was enjoying things as much as I.

  He wasn’t.

  James’s attention was diverted toward where the Khan sat. I followed his gaze and saw that the Khan appeared to be in the middle of an argument with his daughter. I couldn’t hear what they were saying over the crowd and, let’s face facts, even if I could, it’s not like I’d understand one freaking word. The argument appeared to be heating up, though. Gan kept pointing in my direction and shouting at her father. The Khan, in return, kept shaking his head and yelling back at her. What the hell? Maybe she wanted to perform some more insane tests on me and the Khan was telling her no. If that was the case, then I was definitely rooting for him. Hell, I might even take back what I said about Captain Kirk kicking his ass ... maybe.

  My attention was diverted from them by James. He had gotten out of his seat and grabbed hold of my arm. “Your truck will be here soon. I think we should go.”

  “And leave my adoring fans?” I joked, but he didn’t seem to be laughing.

  “I think it would be in your best interest to leave now.” He sounded dead serious.

  I was about to ask why, but, as was typical with my life, that was when all hell broke loose.

  He Who Fights and Runs Away

  The first thing I noticed was the screaming. Initially, I assumed they were more wild cheers from the crowd. After all, they seemed to be loving my shit up. However, upon closer listen, I realized they were actually screams of pain and terror. Before anyone could react with anything other than confusion, though, one whole wall of the palatial tent collapsed in on itself. The resulting crash kicked up lots of dust and debris ... a little too much. That was when I realized some of the dust was actually smoke.

  As James and I were still pretty much in the center of things, he grabbed my arm and shoved me toward the entrance. “Go!” he yelled, pushing me along. I may be relatively inexperienced (although not sexually so ... especially after last night), but I’m not stupid. I got my feet underneath me and rushed in the direction I had been directed. I made it to the hallway ahead of most of the vamps in the Khan’s chamber to find the way still clear, then I bolted for the entrance itself. Rushing outside, I immediately noticed the guards were nowhere to be seen. No wonder, too, as what had been a quiet settlement a few hours ago was now a battlefield.

  Half the tents were burning. Vampires had excellent night vision, but smoke was another matter entirely. I could see forms running back and forth, but I couldn’t tell friend from foe. Hell, I didn’t even know who the foe was. What I did know was that people ... err, vampires, that is ... were dying. I could see occasional flashes of light from inside the smoke. I’d seen enough vampires killed to know a dusting when I saw one. The big question, though, was: were the dying vampires the good guys (relatively speaking, of course) or not?

  I’m no soldier, but I’m also not an idiot. One of the first rules of battle was don’t stand there out in the open gaping like a halfwit. Really wish I had remembered that rule. Maybe I’d need to revise that not-an-idiot rating. But it would have to wait because ... OOF!

  As I stood there looking around, something solid and heavy slammed into my chest. The next thing I knew, I was on my back with the wind completely knocked out of me. From the feel of things, there were at least a few cracked bones in there as well. I groggily glanced around from my prone position and saw the culprit. One of those head-sized rocks lay only a few feet from me. Thank God for the Khan’s little tests. If I hadn’t been amped on another vampire’s blood, that thing could have gone straight through me. Considering the trajectory and force with which it had hit me, someone or something had thrown it ... which I guess is kind of an obvious statement. Rocks didn’t usually get pissed off at random people and hurl themselves.

  That train of thought would need to wait, though, as I was roused from my introspection by a bloodcurdling scream. Whatever it was, it was loud, close by, and scary as all fuck to hear.

  That was when a shape began to take form from out of the smoke. Something was coming to finish the job. I couldn’t see much detail, only a vague outline, but it was enough to tell me that it wasn’t human, vampire, or a magical pixie come to grant my wishes. Whatever it was, it was big. Hard to tell from lying on the ground, but I’d say it was close to nine feet tall. It appeared to be humanoid in shape and, judging from its muscular outline, it could have been the poster boy for steroid abuse.

  The thing raised its arms and screamed again. It wasn’t quite the same as a compulsion, but it was damn loud, enough to rattle in my bones. Unfortunately for me, I was barely able to do more than suck in a breath. If this thing decided to fuck me over, my choices were basically limited to closing my eyes and taking it like a bitch.

  Or I could rely on a convenient save. That’d work, too.

  There was a quick whistling sound, followed by a dull thunk, and the ... whatever the fuck it was ... screamed again and fell back from sight. I turned my head, and there stood James. Judging by the empty sheath at his side, he had just giv
en that thing a sucking chest wound with a big-ass Bowie knife.

  I’d started to say, “Thanks” when he grabbed me by the shirt and hauled me to my feet. “For once in your life, keep your damn mouth shut and follow me!” he barked with a tone of urgency that instantly convinced me to obey. He ducked down and headed off into the smoke. I was still barely able to breathe, but there was nothing wrong with my legs, so I followed as best I could.