The Tome of Bill Series: Books 1-4 (Bill The Vampire, Scary Dead Things, The Mourning Woods, Holier Than Thou)

by Rick Gualtieri

  I guess she had a point. I walked to one side and held onto his already tied arm. Ed shrugged and did the same on the other side. It was a nice gesture on his part, but I was really hoping the bonds held. Otherwise, he was gonna be sent flying. Forget just being human – Ed’s not exactly a heavyweight.

  Sure enough, the Templar began to stir a few minutes later. His head lolled back and his eyes cracked open. They had gone black. He opened his mouth to draw a breath and bared his descended fangs. A moment later, he ran his tongue over them and drew a thin bead of blood. That got his attention. His eyes popped wide open. It was hard to tell, what with the lack of pupils and all, but it seemed like they carried a look of horror.

  “Welcome back, asshole,” Sally said as she stood directly in front of him.

  “Uhhh, what ... what have you monsters done to me?”

  “I’m sure you can figure it out.” She was more at home in this role than I was. Let her handle the interrogation. She was stone cold, the ice queen bitch of the frozen north.

  “God, please have mercy on your servant!” he shrieked. “Deliver me from my...”

  “ENOUGH OF THAT!!” The Templar’s eyes glazed over at her command and his prattling ceased as quickly as it began. Seeing how it worked always made me damn glad I was a vamp Freewill. It was at least comforting to know someone couldn’t fuck with my head at their whim.

  The same couldn’t be said of our newest recruit, though. Sadly for him, his tenure in our diminished coven probably wouldn’t be a particularly lengthy one.

  “Bill, do you want to do the honors?”

  Oh well, I guess it was time to get some practice at this. I took a breath and focused on the glassy eyed ex-Templar.

  “TELL US EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!!”

  All the Guests Have Arrived

  “...and then Father McDonally whispered in my ear, after this you’ll be a man...”

  “Okay, that’s ENOUGH!!” Sally compelled, throwing her hands up in frustration.

  “Guess I should’ve been more specific,” I said sheepishly.

  “You think?”

  “Sorry. I haven’t been in charge of too many interrogations.”

  “One can see why,” Ed muttered, drawing a glare from me.

  “All right.” She took a deep breath. “Let’s try this again. WHAT HAVE THE TEMPLAR DONE WITH THE ICON!?”

  “The Blessed One,” the turned Templar said, “is safe with my brothers. She is our guest.”

  “Well that’s fucking great,” Sally spat. “We’re getting blasted and burned while your girlfriend is being treated to tea and crumpets.”

  I opened my mouth to reply, but the Templar wasn’t finished yet.

  “We have told her of your kind. We have prepared her for you.”

  “I believe you mean us,” I replied. “Unless you think those are Halloween props sticking out of your mouth.”

  The Templar spat at me in disgust. Gross! No class with these fundamentalist types. Despite the compulsion, his sheer hatred of us was enough to let him partially shake it off.

  Before he could try it again, Sally’s fist smashed against his jaw with a loud crack. The Templar’s head flew back, blood and spittle spraying from his mouth.

  “Nice shot,” Ed commented.

  “Thank you.”

  “I thought you were going to compel him,” I said, “not beat the information out of him.”

  “I am. That was just for the hell of it. Punching out assholes helps me concentrate.”

  Ed snickered until I shot him a look. Finally, Sally said, “Listen up, dickhead. TELL ME WHERE YOU’RE KEEPING THE ICON!!”

  It was about time. We all leaned closer to listen. This was what we had been waiting for.

  The Templar strained against the compulsion. Had he still been human, he probably could have resisted it. Alas, he wasn’t, nor was he lucky enough to be a Freewill like me. After a brief inner struggle in which his eyes practically bulged from his skull, the compulsion won out. He gritted his teeth and tried to bite down on his lip, but his mouth opened against his will.

  “She ... she’s in...”

  “Come on, you can do it,” I prodded.

  “Our Lady of Innocence.”

  “Huh?”

  “Sounds like a church,” Ed said.

  “Uh huh. How original,” Sally commented. “Where is it?”

  “I will never...”

  “WHERE IS IT!?”

  “In Mamaroneck, off of Post Street,” he spat, the hatred in his eyes evident.

  “You’re keeping her in Westchester?” I asked.

  “It could be worse,” she said.

  “Ever try driving up there on a weekend?” Ed asked.

  “Let’s focus here, guys,” I said. “We still need some more information.”

  “We’re gonna need my car too,” Ed replied.

  “No offense, lover,” Sally quipped, “but your little hatchback isn’t exactly my idea of a rescue vehicle.”

  “We can swipe one,” I said offhandedly. “We’ve done it before.”

  Sally inclined her head in my direction and stared at me.

  “What? You’re the one who said to man up.”

  “Yeah, I just didn’t expect...”

  “Let’s finish up here and then you can berate me. It’s gonna be a long night as it is.”

  She nodded, an almost impressed look upon her face ... almost. She turned to continue the interrogation when, suddenly, she paused. “Shit!”

  I was just about to ask her what was up when a scent – no, make that multiple scents – registered in my overly sensitive vampire nostrils. A group was approaching. Judging by the smell, at least some of them were vampires.

  “What?” Ed asked.

  “We have company,” I whispered, hoping they weren’t close enough to overhear us.

  A moment later, there came a knock on the Office’s door. Time was up.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “What are you doing?”

  Sally pushed over the chair holding our prisoner and proceeded to rip one of the legs off. “Covering our tracks.”

  “You can’t just...” but I stopped myself. The guy we captured would have gladly killed us had our positions been reversed. Hell, he had already tried. Still, it somehow seemed dickish to kill him twice.

  No, I told myself. It had to be done. The entire jig would be up if we were caught with him in our possession. The vamps, Colin’s crew no doubt, could just as easily compel him as we had. I bit my tongue as Sally raised the makeshift stake.

  The Templar only had time to draw in breath for a scream before she rammed it through his chest. There was a flash of light and he instantly self-combusted. Within moments, there was nothing left but a pile of dust.

  “Where are you going?” I asked as she started walking away.

  “To open the door, of course.”

  “What the hell are we supposed to say about this?” I motioned at the pile of ash at Ed’s and my feet.

  “You’re the Freewill,” she snapped, then turned back to the task at hand.

  What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to ask as she unlocked the door for our uninvited guests.

  Oh crap!

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “We welcome the faithful of the First,” Sally said, almost managing to mask the sarcasm in her voice. “With your help ... what are they doing here?”

  “Have you not heard, vampire?” a familiar voice answered from just outside the doorway. “We are partners in this endeavor.” Motherfucker! Harry Decker was here? I knew they had agreed to work with Colin’s people, but I hadn’t expected them to actually take it to heart. I had figured it was more of a mutual “we won’t kill you if you won’t kill us” thing. So much for wishful thinking.

  Sally gritted her teeth as she said, “Welcome, oh honored guests.” She stepped aside, but not before shooting me a glance that was more annoyance than panic. Leave it to her to only be partially put o
ut by a bad situation.

  In walked quite the interesting collection of beings, although it was fairly easy to tell who was who. A group of vampires, each dressed like a bad imitation of an Italian mobster – black suits and trench coats the attire of choice – entered. Judging by the bulges in their outfits, they were concealing weaponry of some sort. Interspersed amongst them were white-robed witches, several of whom I recognized from my little misadventure up in Canada. Last, and definitely least, entered Decker – standing out from his coven, dressed in what I guessed was an Armani suit. What a douche! Fortunately, Christy was nowhere to be seen amongst the magical menagerie. That would have ratcheted up the awkward factor by about a thousand.

  The entire group, except Decker, pretty much ignored Sally. He gave her a quick smirk as he entered. Forget barbarians at the gates, we had opened up and invited them right in. This was going to require some fast talking. Sadly, I was drawing a blank.

  One of the rejects from The Matrix approached me, apparently the Morpheus of the group. Hell, he even looked the part. He was a big guy, a few inches taller than me, dark skinned and with a bald head. He wore a neatly clipped beard on his heavy-set jaw, which showed not even the faintest trace of humor. His dark sunglasses couldn’t mask the look of disapproval as he gave me the once over, but at least it was better than the complete lack of acknowledgement he showed Ed.

  “Greetings, Freewill,” he said in a deep voice with minimal inflection, but enough for me to notice the slight British accent. Judging by how he’d addressed me, I’d say he had probably been briefed by Colin. Up in Boston, they kept files on most vampires. It was like the FBI, but without any concern for silly things like privacy.

  “My name is Remington,” Mr. Personality continued, “Remington Windsor, and before you ask, yes I am related, albeit from years past. I will be heading up this assignment. As of this moment, I am in charge of all vampire-related activity in this city.” He turned away.

  “Related to who?” I whispered to Ed.

  “I think the royal family.”

  “Really?” I mused. This guy had about as much resemblance to Prince Charles as I did to Sally.

  “Uh yeah. Pretty sure that’s their last name.”

  Huh, learn something new every day. Wait a second ... what was that about him being in charge? What the fuck was that weasel Colin up to?

  “You mean this operation?” I asked, getting his attention again.

  “I said what I meant, Freewill.”

  “Okay.” I tried to keep my cool. No doubt he was attempting to rile me up. Well, fuck that. I wasn’t about to give him or Decker the satisfaction. “First off, my name is Bill.”

  “We know what...”

  “Secondly,” I interrupted, “This is my coven. I’d appreciate it if you showed the proper respect.” Hmm, actually he probably was showing the proper respect. Most vampires tended to give those younger than them about as much consideration as a hobo begging for change. I had no idea of this guy’s age, but it was a safe bet he wasn’t exactly freshly risen.

  “Your coven?” scoffed Decker. “I see but two vampires here.”

  “No thanks to you, fuckface.” Sally spat.

  Remington turned to face me. “You will control your underling, or I will remove her from this operation.” He took a step forward and his foot landed in the remnants of the Templar. He briefly looked down at it, then at me, a slight crease in his brow.

  I was tempted to take a swing at him. Fuck the Templar. This dick had walked in here, proclaimed his leadership, and threatened Sally – all in the space of about ten seconds.

  It was then that inspiration struck. I had ascended to the top of this coven through a combination of luck and the smokescreen that I was far more ferocious than in reality. It was time to use that.

  “A survivor of the wizard’s attack.” I casually kicked at the dust. “He wanted to flee the city. I didn’t approve and was kinda hungry too.”

  For the first time since entering, something resembling an emotion passed across Remington’s face. “You would turn on your own?”

  “I’m the Freewill. You’ve heard the stories,” I replied, putting some steel behind my voice. “They’re all true.”

  “The beast feeds upon his kind,” gasped one of the witches.

  “I still have a little room left,” I warned, hoping that the truce held. Getting hit with half a dozen fireballs wouldn’t exactly do wonders for my already shitty week.

  Thankfully, Ed tried to keep things from devolving into a straight out brawl. “Okay, people, let’s not forget we’re all on the same side here.”

  Remington (gah! What a stupid fucking name!) cocked an eyebrow in his direction. His left hand shot out and grabbed Ed by the neck, none too gently judging by my friend’s reaction. My first instinct was to try to pry him off, but I stopped myself short. This vampire was most likely several times stronger than me. Doing so would have just resulted in embarrassing myself and losing what little chance I had of reining in this situation.

  Instead, I casually said, “Let go of my friend, Remington.”

  “You are friends with this blood swine? What can he possibly mean to you?”

  “Mr. Vesser here,” Decker commented, an insufferable smirk still on his face, “is a modestly talented graphic designer. Beyond that...”

  “Better than being a useless marketing droid,” I snapped back, momentarily losing my cool. Goddamn, that guy got under my skin, not the least of which was because he was probably pulling in about double my salary. Fucker!

  A strangled gasp caught my attention. Oh yeah, Ed. I glanced his way and saw he was turning an interesting shade of purple. Not good.

  “This human was my advisor in the Woods of Mourning,” I said, an edge working its way into my voice. “He was partially responsible for the great victory (yeah right) I was able to win in Lord Alexander’s name.”

  That got Remington’s attention. Never discount the power of name dropping.

  “Unlike you,” I said, trying to keep my cool as Ed continued to turn funny colors, “he was a part of shaping our destiny. Although, perhaps you’re right and Lord Alexander won’t mind you killing this mere mortal without his express approval.”

  Never let it be said I can’t play the game. Most vampires were arrogant pieces of shit, at least until they were confronted by a bigger and badder piece of shit. At that point they usually couldn’t kiss ass fast enough.

  My ruse worked. Remington let go of his grip and Ed was able to suck in a huge gulp of air just in the nick of time. I somehow managed to keep from letting out a sigh of relief. I looked over his shoulder and Sally gave me just the barest of nods. Guess I was doing all right after all.

  Now that the immediate crisis was over, I figured it was best to try a little diplomacy. “We will respect your authority here, on behalf of the Boston office.”

  “We will?” Sally shot out. It sounded like genuine outrage, but it was hard to tell with her. It was entirely possible that she was giving me another opening to assert myself. Either way, I took it.

  “Yes, we will,” I said in what I hoped sounded like an authoritative tone. “In return, I expect Remington, Mr. Decker, and their respective contingents will respect the hospitality of our coven.”

  There was a beat as everyone considered what I said. Finally, Decker replied, “The Magi are nothing if not respectful to our gracious hosts.” The smirk never left his face. He knew he had us over a barrel. What a dick.

  If his tone registered with Remington, he gave it no notice. “Very well. You will heed our authority, give us your full cooperation, and in return we shall respect your coven’s traditions. Speaking of which, is this truly all that remains?”

  “There are a few other survivors,” Sally said.

  “Recall them immediately,” Remington ordered, still facing me. Had it not been for the presence of several other potential hostiles in the room, I have little doubt she would have tried staking his ass right then
and there.

  “Easier said than done,” she replied. “They’re under strict orders for radio silence.” Radio silence? No doubt Sally was making it up as she went along. It was a good idea, though. Bringing the others into this would just complicate matters, especially with the pile of Templar dust lying about.

  “And why is that?” Remington asked coolly.

  “Ask your buddy there,” Sally said, the snark coming through. “Despite our little arrangement, they’re a bit paranoid about working with the wizard ... rightfully so, if you ask me.”

  “I did not,” he said, finally turning to face her. The tone of his voice sounded dangerous. Apparently, he was not particularly fond of being talked back to by his inferiors. Two of the vamps closest to Sally pushed back the edges of their coats. Holy shit! Were those silver stakes they were packing? Fuck me. Where the hell did they get those things? Was every vampire but me practically rolling in cash?

  “They’re helping out,” I said, trying to steer Remington’s attention back toward me. Outside of James, who understood our relationship, Sally’s status as my partner wasn’t really common knowledge. In most cases, a coven has one master. Everyone else was just a piece of crap as far as other vamps of status were concerned.

  “Helping out?”

  “I had them fan out across the city,” I said, taking a turn at making shit up. “They’re keeping their eyes and ears open for word of the Icon.”

  Harry Decker immediately stepped past Remington and got right in my face, so close that I could see remnants of his lunch stuck between his teeth. Gross. The word Icon had apparently unhinged him a bit. “What do you know? What have you heard about the Icon, Freewill? Tell me!”

  “First off, mouthwash is your friend. Last I heard, they’re following up on a few leads. As soon as they know something, we’ll hear about it.”

  It was complete and utter bullshit, but the beginnings of a plan had begun to form in my mind. With any luck, we’d be able to regain whatever edge we had lost when these jokers rolled into town. Sadly, it didn’t fill me with much hope. Resting everything on a little luck was a sucker’s bet, but it was better than nothing.