The Tome of Bill Series: Books 1-4 (Bill The Vampire, Scary Dead Things, The Mourning Woods, Holier Than Thou)

by Rick Gualtieri

  The Great Icon Hunt

  Remington established the entire floor as his team’s base of operations. Much to Sally’s chagrin, he commandeered her office as his personal HQ. While his people took over the other offices and their computers, the witches set up shop where the hotline was normally manned. I allowed myself a chuckle as they pushed desks out of the way to make room for a circle of sorts. I guess they were doing some sort of magic, but it basically looked like a bunch of women sitting in a circle and chanting nonsense. In a way, it reminded me of my mother’s book club.

  Sally was forced to give Remington the keys to all of our coven locations, including safe houses. I couldn’t help but notice, though, that she conveniently left out the new one – the building where the remnants of our coven were actually holed up. In its place, she gave up the warehouse in Brooklyn we jointly shared with the Queens-bound Howard Beach Coven.

  She was doing her part, and now it was my turn. Fortunately, I had begun to formulate a plan. The vampire nation was surprisingly modern in many ways, but they had the same downside as parents of kids today. Many of the older ones have had to adjust to the new technology of modern times. I was willing to bet that none of the hunters from Boston moonlighted as system admins in their spare time. I could potentially use this little oversight to my advantage. I just had to be patient.

  The frantic activity kept up throughout the night, with us being relegated to watching from the sidelines while, at the same time, being watched. The mages didn’t trust me and Colin couldn’t stand me, a fact he had undoubtedly imprinted upon his team. Though we were all supposed to be on the same side, the three of us were treated as little better than detainees. Considering that we really were working against them, I had to begrudgingly give them a little credit for that foresight.

  As dawn neared and Remington’s team made preparations to hunker down for the day, I approached him.

  “What is it Freewill? We’re very busy correlating data here.”

  “I’m sure you are.” It was obvious they didn’t have clue one where to begin. They were shooting blind, perhaps hoping that the Icon would show up at our doorstep and announce herself. “I’ll get right to the point. I need to go to work.”

  Remington looked up from Sally’s computer, a mask of confusion upon his face. “Excuse me? Are you not right where you are supposed to be, overseeing your coven?”

  “Sally handles a lot of the day to day stuff. I actually have a job, so as to keep myself in touch with the human world. It’s helpful with regards to strategizing for the coming conflict.” Yeah, I was laying it on a little thick, but telling him the truth – that I worked because I needed the paycheck – would have looked ever so slightly pathetic.

  “I think your strategizing can wait a day. Hunting down the Icon is our top priority.”

  “I disagree, but regardless, I’m just standing around out there watching your people work. I could be back right after nightfall.”

  “Absolutely not,” he said. “It’s too risky to allow you to go out there by yourself. If the Icon were to track you down, it could be catastrophic to our cause.”

  His lack of faith in my abilities aside, his meaning was clear. Translation: you aren’t fucking going anywhere.

  “Very well. Can I at least go home and get my laptop?”

  “Negative. You would never make it back before sunrise and I can’t spare the men to watch over you during the day.”

  Grrrr! Fine, it still wasn’t over. I had one more ace up my sleeve. I paused for a moment and crossed my fingers. “What about Ed?”

  “Ed?”

  “Sorry, my human advisor.”

  “He is of no consequence.”

  “I know, I tell him that all the time. Would there be any objection to him going to get my stuff?”

  Remington’s eyes narrowed. No doubt he smelled a rat. He couldn’t quite come right out and say it to my face, though, and we both knew it. Colin had obviously ordered him to make my life as difficult as possible. Still, I had friends in high places – one of whom just so happened to be Colin’s immediate superior. Thus, they couldn’t outright accuse me of anything without proof. Check and mate.

  “How long will it take?”

  “Rush hour hasn’t started yet. Two hours, maybe a little more.”

  “I’ll be timing him ... for his own safety, of course.”

  “Of course. Thank you for helping me to maintain my cover.” Asshole.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I spoke to Ed as softly as I could, telling him to bring back our work computers and nothing else. I didn’t need him playing the hero and grabbing his shotgun. It was doubtful he’d make it back without being arrested anyway, but even if he did, he’d only be walking into his own funeral. Twelve gauge slugs, even silver ones, weren’t going to be very intimidating against a whole platoon of vampires and mages.

  Speaking of the magical morons, I couldn’t help but notice they let Decker leave unhindered. Guess it was okay for him to go to work, but as for me, I could end up on the fucking bread line for all these assholes cared. Motherfuckers! One of these days I really needed to convince Sally to put me on the goddamn payroll already. Fucking cheap ass vampires.

  Okay, so I lied about that first part. I also asked Ed to grab me a coffee along the way. I had a feeling there wasn’t going to be much sleep for me during the day ahead. It would be just my luck to pass out right as a break came that would let us lose these pricks and save Sheila from ... well, whatever fate she was embroiled in.

  As Ed left, Sally gave me a questioning glance. I needed to bring her up to speed. Whispering to Ed about the laptops was one thing, but spilling my guts to her could prove to be a bad idea if anyone was listening. Fortunately, I had that one covered too. She was the one who had told me to act like the Freewill, after all.

  Once the sun came up, our vampire guests decided to grab some sleep. The witches kept at their chanting, but some of them started to nod off. It had apparently been a long series of days and nights for them, what with searching for the Icon and blowing up my coven. That was good. Once their numbers were whittled down, I stood, stretched, then took a deep breath and turned to Sally. This had to look convincing.

  “I need a shower to relax,” I said to her, making sure to keep my tone as haughty as possible. “Let’s go.” I phrased it as a command, something that a coven master would say ... hopefully. I hadn’t ordered too many women into the shower with me. The few times I’d tried, it came out sounding more like wishful pleading.

  Sally, unsurprisingly, raised an eyebrow at that. All right, time for the coup de grâce.

  “NOW!!” I compelled at her.

  For a moment, she didn’t move. That wasn’t too surprising. Sally’s older than me, so compelling her would be next to impossible. There was also the fact that I sucked at it.

  Still, the others didn’t know that. For all they were aware, I was the all-powerful Freewill for whom the normal rules of being a vampire did not apply. A second passed, and I feared that she was going to tell me to go fuck myself. Without warning, though, she stood up, a blank look on her face. I turned toward the back and began walking, listening as her footsteps followed.

  As I passed a few of the still conscious vamps, a shadow of a smirk appeared on their faces. This was the kind of thing that most vampires loved to see, the strong forcing their will upon the weak. Bunch of dicks.

  We reached the showers, and I locked the door behind us. Taking my cue, Sally immediately began turning on all the faucets.

  Once the room was nice and noisy, she walked over and whispered, “I assume you’re going to give me a reason to not kick your ass.”

  I nodded. “Thanks for playing along.”

  “Just don’t make it a habit.” She threw back her head and screeched, “OH GOD, YES!”

  “Um...”

  “Do you want this to be convincing or not?” she asked, her voice low again.

  “Oh, yeah.”

  “Then
spill. Even I’m not that good of an actress.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I filled her in on my plan, telling her to be ready to go come sundown – in betwixt her continued cries of stuff like “MORE!” and “HARDER, MASTER, HARDER!” Fake or not, she made it damn difficult to concentrate. I found myself wishing I hadn’t lost my cell phone the night before. This shit would have made a nice ringtone.

  We both ran our heads under the water before shutting things down. I may be a novice at the deception game, but even I knew enough to be leery of someone who took a shower and walked out as dry as they went in. Before we left, Sally made a show of rumpling her clothes a bit, to give them that hastily dressed look. It was probably wrong of me to think it, but regardless of how this whole mess turned out, I had little doubt this interlude would be filling my fantasies for weeks to come. Sue me for being shallow.

  By the time we got out, Ed had returned, computers in hand. He gave us a quizzical look as we emerged. Sally, being the bitch that she is, turned to me as we approached him and breathily gasped “Thank you, master,” before changing direction. I was used to daylight hours, but they weren’t her specialty. She had mentioned in the shower grabbing a few hours of sleep. At least one of us would be fresh for the night to come. It might save us from doing something stupid.

  Ed raised an eyebrow. “Do I want to ask?”

  “What?” I replied innocently enough. “Just taking advantage of my lofty station in life.” I took some amusement from torturing him, especially considering he had an eye for Sally. What good are friends if they can’t fuck with one another in even the direst of situations?

  Taking my laptop, I set myself up at one of the desks – making sure that no unfriendly eyes were in a position to look over my shoulder.

  I then proceeded to get to work ... seriously. What I had planned would need to wait until it started to get dark. It wouldn’t be realistic otherwise. Additionally, I actually did have a project due. On top of everything else, I really didn’t need my boss, Jim, crawling up my ass right at that moment. He’s just the type to freak out over deadlines while everyone else was busy trying to stave off the apocalypse. Some people had no sense of perspective.

  At around three PM, I figured it was time to get the ball rolling. I logged into an encrypted proxy I occasionally used to ... err ... borrow movies online. Despite my confidence that Remington wasn’t exactly a master hacker, there was no point in taking chances. At the very least, it made sense to cover my tracks a bit. It would be just my luck to have someone run an IP trace and notice that the source of what I was sending was right there on the same network.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Right on cue, about fifteen minutes after the sun went down, Remington stalked out of Sally’s office. He walked over to where she stirred and rudely nudged her with his boot.

  “Wake up. You’re with me.”

  “Huh?” she asked sleepily.

  “Let’s go. I need you to confirm the authenticity of something.”

  He didn’t bother waiting for her reply. Reaching down, he grasped her by the arm and dragged her to her feet, steering her toward her office and shutting the door behind them.

  I immediately fired off an email to Ed. It contained only three words: Wait for it.

  Double Agents of Chaos

  “We have a lead!” Remington barked. “I want to be on the road in five.”

  “The Icon?” a witch asked.

  “Quite possibly.”

  “We need to inform the master.”

  Remington gave her a curt nod. “Tell him to meet us there.”

  “Where are we going?” I asked, as if I didn’t have a clue.

  “We are not going anywhere, Freewill,” he stated. “My team and the Magi have a possible Icon sighting in Hoboken.”

  “You do? How?”

  “Amazingly enough, via members of your coven. I intercepted some instant messaging chatter between them.”

  Heh, intercepted, yeah right. I made sure that shit popped up front and center on Sally’s PC.

  “If they’re from my people, I need to...”

  “No.” His tone implied he wasn’t to be argued with. “You, the woman, and your human will remain here.”

  “But...”

  “It is for your own safety.” He didn’t even try to mask that his concern was complete bullshit.

  “We’re a part of this,” I protested, laying it on thick.

  “It’s Starlight, Bill,” Sally said, drawing a glare from Remington. “She could be in trouble.” Heh, she almost sounded concerned.

  “The safety of your coven-mates will be our top priority,” Remington told her in such an offhanded manner you could almost hear the scorn between the lines.

  “This is unacceptable,” I replied, going for the Academy Award. “Boston will hear about these improprieties.” I wasn’t even sure of what I had just said, but it sure as shit sounded snippy.

  “Feel free,” he said, knowing that my protests would go in one of Colin’s ears and out the other.

  Despite our best efforts, Remington wouldn’t budge. It was going perfectly. These dipshits and Decker’s minions would be heading west, while we’d be going northeast. That would give us plenty of time to...

  “Harris!” Remington shouted.

  One of his trench-coated minions stepped forward. “Yes, sir.”

  “I want you to stay here.” What?! “The Freewill needs to be protected.”

  “Of course, sir.”

  “At all times,” he added.

  Motherfucker! The asshole was leaving a babysitter to keep an eye on us. I doubted they really suspected anything. Well, okay, Decker most likely did. Colin, on the other hand, probably just wanted to keep me from fucking things up for him. Either way, though, it was something I hadn’t planned for. We needed to find a way to lose this guy.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “Settle down, we’re going to be here for a while,” Harris smugly said.

  I racked my brain, trying to think of a way to distract him long enough for us to disappear. I considered asking Sally to turn on the charm, but I had a feeling her commitment to our cause wasn’t quite that solid.

  Heck, even overpowering him was problematic. Harris was most likely older than Sally and thus stronger than both of us. I could always try to bite him, absorbing his strength as my own. The problem was, even if we managed to knock him out, there wasn’t anything to keep him from ratting us out once the others got back.

  I was still considering my options when Sally walked out of her office wearing a jacket.

  “Let’s go,” she casually said to Ed and me.

  “How?” I asked as Harris rose to his feet.

  “Like this.” In one swift motion, she reached into her jacket and produced a massive handgun – one that dwarfed the weapon she had used at Sheila’s office – her Desert Eagle. A thunderous BOOM! sounded and Harris’s head disappeared in a spray of blood and brains. A moment later, his body disintegrated into dust.

  While I waited for my hearing to return, Ed mouthed, “Holy shit!” That was the understatement of the day.

  “What the fuck did you do, Sally?!” I snapped.

  “I cleared the road. Look, no more obstacles. You’re welcome, by the way.”

  “You didn’t have to kill him.”

  “Seemed like the path of least resistance to me.”

  “Um, not that we’re ungrateful or anything,” Ed said, “but didn’t you just commit the equivalent of vampire high treason?”

  “Probably,” she replied, putting the still smoking gun back into her jacket. I don’t know how I missed it when she first walked out. It left quite a visible hump under the material.

  “And isn’t that bad?” he asked. “Bill, didn’t you say these Draculas don’t fuck around with shit like this?”

  Sally actually cracked a smile. “I’m touched by your concern, and just for the record, you’re right. Under normal circumstances, I might as well have just blown m
y own head off right there.”

  “But?” I prodded.

  “But, it’s not like he’s going to tell anyone now. Is it really a crime if there aren’t any witnesses?”

  “I guess you have a point.”

  “Of course I do. Now let’s vacuum him up and get moving. We need to find a car, and it’s not like one is going to steal itself.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  We got caught in rush hour traffic heading toward Westchester. It greatly slowed us down, but hopefully the others would be busy for hours to come on a snipe hunt over in Hoboken. If not, we’d still have a huge head start. It wasn’t like they knew where we were going. Even if they suspected us, we would still be the veritable needle in a haystack.

  The upside was the delay gave us time to fill in some gaping holes with our plan. There was always the possibility that the Templar moved Sheila someplace else and we’d come slinking back to the city empty-handed. In that case, we’d have some explaining to do. After a bit of discussion, we decided to fall back on some tried and true Freewill-related bullshit – I went nuts, snacked on Harris, then led Sally and Ed on a merry chase through the city for the entire night. It was pretty weak, but still better than so sorry, but we killed your man so we could attend an all-night Star Trek marathon.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Thankfully, the car that Sally jacked had a built-in GPS. Once we got past traffic, we were able to find the church with no problem. It was a good-sized place situated right next to a Catholic middle school. Just great. It wasn’t bad enough that we were going to desecrate a church, but a school too. Oh, well. If you’re going to do something morally reprehensible, you might as well go all the way.

  At first glance, it all looked to be abandoned. Construction tape blocked off the parking lots of both structures, warning of renovations. Chances were it was a smoke screen set up by the Templar.

  We instructed Ed to park a few blocks away. No point in being obvious about our commando raid.