The Tome of Bill Series: Books 1-4 (Bill The Vampire, Scary Dead Things, The Mourning Woods, Holier Than Thou)

by Rick Gualtieri

“Okay,” I said once we had parked, “we know these guys are hostile to us. It’s probably too much to hope that we can talk our way through them.”

  “I wasn’t planning on trying,” Sally remarked, pulling out the massive handgun again and slamming in a fresh magazine.

  “No,” I said, putting my hand over the gun.

  She swatted it away. “Never touch a girl’s piece without asking first, Bill.”

  “No killing unless absolutely necessary.”

  “Oh pl...”

  “We don’t know what’s going on in there. If you run in acting like it’s the fucking O.K. Corral, you could accidentally hit her.”

  “Or worse,” Ed said.

  “Worse?”

  “Yeah,” he continued. “Didn’t you say she seemed pretty freaked when you vamped out on her?”

  “Yep, but can you really blame her?”

  “No, but I likewise couldn’t blame her if she freaked out seeing two vampires, one of whom was blowing people away with a hand cannon.”

  “Your point?” Sally asked.

  “If she gets frightened, she may try to bolt...”

  “If that happens...”

  “Or she may try to fight,” he said. “Let’s not forget that she’s the Icon. Even a handshake from her can fuck up both of your days.”

  Sally seemed to consider this. “Fine. No shooting ... unless I have to.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “That’s all we can ask for,” I added.

  “Just between the three of us, though,” she said, opening the car door, “I hope I have to.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “Which one?” Ed asked from our vantage point, hidden behind some bushes just out of sight of the church.

  Despite the construction notices, dim light shone from both buildings. Not overly subtle of the Templar, but they must not have been aware we had forced one of their men to squeal.

  “Church first,” I replied, my tone more confident than I felt. “That’s what the Templar said. Should be easier to check. If we don’t find her there, then it’s time to go to school.”

  “How do you want to do this?” Sally asked.

  “How? I figured maybe we’d just sneak around to the rectory and try our luck.”

  “And yet somehow you’re supposed to lead our armies against the Feet,” she said with a sigh.

  “Hey,” Ed asked her, “you didn’t happen to bring along an extra peashooter, did you?”

  I cocked an eyebrow at him. “I thought you were with me on the no shooting thing.”

  “I am, but like Sally said, shit could happen. If it does, need I point out to you that I don’t have vampire strength on my side? I’d prefer to not end up with another sword at my throat.”

  “Sorry, babe,” Sally replied. “I only brought enough for me.” She paused for a moment. “Besides, you don’t need one.”

  “Why?”

  “Because we’re going with Bill’s plan of trying the back door.”

  “We are?”

  “Yep, we just need a distraction. Congratulations, Ed, you’ve been promoted.”

  “How...”

  Without further warning, Sally grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket and dragged him down to her level, pushing his head to the side. Before I could stop her, there was a flash of fang as she buried her teeth in his neck.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “What the fuck?” Ed hissed, holding the side of his bleeding neck.

  “Oh stop whining,” Sally replied dismissively. “I didn’t get anything major. It’s just deep enough to look authentic.”

  “Authentic?” I asked.

  “Yep. Ed here is the victim of a vampire attack. He’s gonna go rushing into the church screaming for help, just like in the movies. I bet our Templar buddies will practically trip over themselves coming to his rescue.”

  “Actually that’s not bad,” he replied. “Although you could have warned me. That hurt like fuck.”

  “Stop being such a baby.”

  “Um ... will this...”

  No doubt anticipating the question, she cut him off. “No. You’re not going to turn.”

  “You’re sure you can control it? That other guy...”

  “I meant to do that. I’m not a fucking newb. Trust me. I only turn who I choose to.”

  “Like Alfonzo?” I asked.

  “Yes,” she said. “Speaking of which, hold on a second.” Sally pulled a cell phone out of her pocket and began dialing.

  “Who are you...?”

  “Hi, Star? It’s Sally...”

  “Do you really have to give her more work now?”

  “Shhh! I’m talking here, asshole. No, not you...” She turned her attention back to the phone and stepped away from us.

  “Bill, if she’s wrong and I do turn...” Ed’s voice wavered.

  “You want me to stake you?”

  “Fuck no! I want to make sure I get a good spot in the coven.”

  “Oh.”

  “And I swear, if you ever try to compel me, I will kick your ass.”

  “Ooh, I hadn’t even considered that. The possibilities...”

  “Believe me when I say I would gladly wait an eternity to pay you back for any shit you pull.”

  “Wouldn’t doubt it for a second.”

  Sally returned, her call over.

  “What was that about?”

  “I told Starlight that shit’s about to get real and I wanted her and the rest of them to get the fuck out of the city. There’s a coven in Philly we’re friendly with. She’s heading there.”

  “Good idea,” Ed said.

  “It’ll also keep them from getting caught and spilling their guts on our little charade,” I pointed out.

  “Bingo,” she replied.

  “So all is good then?”

  “Maybe,” she said with a shrug. “Starlight and Alfonzo are good to go. Firebird is still pretty messed up, so she won’t give them any problems.”

  “Dread Stalker?”

  “Not sure. He wasn’t there. The asshole went out despite my orders to the contrary. I think we’ll need to have a talk with him when this is over.”

  “Whatever, fuck him for now. As long as he doesn’t do anything monumentally stupid, we have bigger fish to fry.”

  “Agreed.” She turned to Ed. “You’re up. Give us an Oscar winning performance ... your life depends on it.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Sally and I made our way, hopefully unseen, to the rectory. Assuming the Templar weren’t tricked out with high tech surveillance equipment – which seemed a fair assumption, considering their armaments from the day before – we’d be hard to track in the dark. We made it to the door and waited a few minutes to give Ed the time it took to make for a pathetic display of human chop meat.

  “What if she doesn’t want to come with us?”

  “Huh?”

  “I asked what we should do if she doesn’t want to come with us.”

  “Uhhhh...”

  “Yeah, I thought so. Great to see you planned for contingencies.”

  “I just want to get to her and explain everything. It’s ultimately her choice. This doesn’t become a kidnapping mission if she says no.” I tried to convey a tone of conviction, but was freaking out inwardly. Unfortunately, speaking to women – especially those I had a hopeless crush on – was one of my weaknesses. I just hoped I could be persuasive. Either way, I’d be winging it big time.

  Sally forced the door, managing to make very little noise in the process, thank God. But before she could step inside, I put a hand on her shoulder.

  “Remember, no killing unless necessary.”

  “Define necessary.”

  “Maybe I should go first.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Fortunately, most churches aren’t exactly mazes. We got lucky in that the rectory was empty. It allowed us to make our way, unchallenged, to the main hall. We peeked out and got a good look at the open area before us. There was a commotion at the
far end, no doubt Ed relaying stories of all the damn vampires running about. I could hear multiple voices, but couldn’t tell exactly how many. The lingering incense of past masses likewise made it difficult to tell how many different scents there were.

  It didn’t matter, though. We saw enough to know that this probably wasn’t the right place. I doubted they’d be so casual about their security around her. There were no guards present and, more importantly, no sign of Sheila anywhere. The church was a bust.

  “Time to ring the school bell?” Sally whispered.

  I nodded, and turned to retrace our steps out of the building.

  Once outside, I broke into a full run, closing the distance between the church and the school within seconds, Sally hot on my heels. There was no point in fucking around. Ed’s distraction wasn’t going to last forever.

  “It’s a big building. Where do we start?” she asked, as if I had a clue.

  “Whatever room is closest. Maybe we’ll get lucky.”

  “Do you really believe that?”

  “Not even remotely.”

  Unsurprisingly, Sally chuckled. She knew me almost as well as I knew myself.

  “Most classrooms have too many windows,” I said, trying to apply logic to the situation. “If they’re keeping her prisoner, I’d guess the auditorium or maybe gym would be the best place. Windows tend to be high up and there probably won’t be too many entrances to guard.”

  “Good thinking, Bill,” Sally said, almost sounding impressed.

  “Nah. I’m just still young enough to remember high school.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  If they had her anywhere here, I was willing to bet it was this place. We circled to one of the side doors and immediately saw movement through one of the windows. Unlike at the church, the entrances were guarded.

  “There’s only one,” she said, as we neared the door under cover of darkness.

  “At least at this entrance.”

  “Seems kind of light. Think it’s a trap?”

  “Probably, or they could just be understaffed. I can’t see Templar being a popular career choice.”

  “Oh, I don’t know, beats being a programmer at a shitty little startup.”

  “Bite me,” I quipped. “Oh well, guess there’s only one way to find out.”

  “Yep. You get the door, and I’ll take care of the guy inside. We just need to make it fast.”

  “And if there’s an alarm?”

  “We resign ourselves to being completely fucked.” Gotta love Sally’s optimism.

  Fortunately, on at least the first part, things were under our control. Fast goes hand in hand with being a vampire.

  I counted to three, then we raced top speed from where we had been hiding. I grabbed the door and yanked, putting all of my vampire strength into it in case it was locked. It wasn’t, and the damn thing tore right off its hinges with a quick, but far too loud, squeal of metal.

  Before I could do anything else, Sally was already inside. I put the door down and heard a brief commotion which culminated in a thud and then silence.

  I stepped in and found her standing over the downed form of a man. Judging by his red cloak, I’d say we had bagged our first Templar of the evening.

  “Is he?”

  “Out cold,” she said. “Courtesy of my mean left hook.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Don’t mention it. Just remember later on, if the killing starts, I at least tried.”

  “That’s all I can ask.”

  No alarms rang out or footsteps sounded in the hall beyond. Our first objective was complete: we were in.

  I stepped into the hall and took a deep breath. Multiple scents assaulted my senses. It was confusing. I couldn’t tell how many or how recent.

  I looked at Sally and cocked a quizzical eyebrow.

  “Must be because it’s a school. Tons of kids coming and going, a lot of whom are probably not into regular bathing.”

  That wasn’t good. It potentially negated one of the few advantages we had. I took another whiff just to be sure and got the same result ... wait! There was a familiar scent mixed in with the rest. I knew it well, probably too well. Under different circumstances, my familiarity with it would probably warrant a restraining order.

  “She’s here, or at least she was.”

  “Are you ... oh who am I kidding? Of course you’re sure. How long have you been stalking this girl anyway?”

  “Don’t start.”

  “Jeez, just rent a fucking prostitute already.”

  “Sally...” I warned.

  “Okay okay. Lead the way, lover boy.”

  I did, although there wasn’t much of a trail to follow. Aside from brief whiffs here and there, it was hard to isolate her from the rest. We were back to searching door to door.

  We passed several dark classrooms. A cursory glance didn’t reveal anything in the first few, so we kept going. I was still willing to hedge my bets on the gym or some other large room – maybe the cafeteria. It seemed logical to me, although that didn’t mean much considering most of my concept of logic stemmed from Star Trek reruns.

  We continued down the hall, unhindered. It was a little too quiet. I began to get the distinct impression that this was a giant roach motel and we were the bugs.

  Of course, with any such trap, you needed some bait. Rounding a corner, I began to suspect we had found it.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  A light came from the double doors ahead of us. We approached and peeked through the window. It was the gym, and it wasn’t empty. The bleachers were closed and the basketball hoops all cranked up. Multiple man-sized wooden figures stood in a circular pattern at the center of the room. On the far side lay several hay bales with targets attached, arrows sticking out of them. The whole thing had the feel of one of those Kung-Fu training arenas you see in the movies.

  The person who stood in the center of it all, his back to us, complimented the atmosphere. He wore a bulky red cloak, similar to the other Templar we had seen, and brandished a sword. From what little I could see of his arms, the rest of his outfit consisted of heavy chain mail. The hood of the cloak covered his face, but that didn’t seem particularly important at the moment. What did, was the skill and speed with which he swung the sword. The person moved amongst the training dummies, swinging and striking out with deadly precision. Despite the apparent weight of the armor, his movements were fast, agile, and deadly.

  “Holy Connor MacLeod, Batman,” I gasped.

  “Robert must have been at the bottom of his class,” Sally commented.

  The figure continued in his movements, a graceful symmetry to it all. At last, he struck the sword into the wooden floor with surprising strength and then knelt before it, facing away from us.

  “What do you think?” I asked.

  “I don’t see any other leads. Let’s go see what they know.” She had drawn her gun. Considering the skills of the warrior before us, I couldn’t begrudge her doing so. If things went sour, I’d prefer he eat a bullet before we lost any of our favorite limbs.

  We opened the door as quietly as we could and entered. The figure remained where it was, still kneeling in front of the sword, almost as if in prayer. Despite our stealth, I had the distinct impression he knew we were there. It was kind of creepy.

  We crept to within twenty feet of where he still knelt. I stopped and motioned for Sally to do the same. Armed or not, I didn’t want to get within sword range of this person. I opened my mouth to announce our presence, but the warrior spoke first.

  “They said you would come.”

  Whatever words I had been about to say died in my throat. I knew that voice.

  The figure lifted its head, the hood falling away. Light blonde hair spilled out onto her shoulders.

  We had found the Icon.

  Part 2

  Iconic Encounter

  Sally and I shared a quick glance. “You didn’t tell me she was a fucking ninja.”

  I opened my mouth to reply,
but before I could find my voice, all of the gymnasium’s doors opened, including the one we had entered from. Multiple Templars, all holding crucifixes out before them, entered the room and quickly converged upon us. Yep, it was a trap ... how surprising.

  “Congratulations,” one of them said. “A great honor is bestowed upon you. You will die within the presence of the Blessed One. May God have mercy upon your tainted souls.”

  Sally spun, bringing her gun to bear, but as fast as she was, we were too outnumbered. Several of the Templars rushed her before she could properly aim. Under different circumstances, there was no doubt she could fight off a crowd. Sadly, each warrior that converged upon her brandished a cross. A quick succession of flashes proved that, while not all were faith empowered, more than enough were. She screamed and went down, the gun skidding out of her grasp.

  “Sally!” I managed to take a single step before I was likewise dogpiled. Unlike last time, my skin burned as crosses came into contact. Motherfucker, it hurt. Imagine being attacked by a bunch of assholes with blowtorches and you might have a clue.

  As I went down, Sheila spun around, a look of confusion on her face. “Bill?”

  Sadly, the only noise I heard after her voice was the sound of my own skin sizzling.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I couldn’t let it end this way. Despite the pain, I began to fight back. Unfortunately, I had no leverage. I opened my mouth to scream, but they shoved a crucifix in it. My tongue began to fry – not the most pleasant of experiences. The Templar warriors pressed more crosses against me, increasing the pain tenfold.

  Suddenly, I saw red. My instincts told me it had nothing to do with their weapons. The monster inside of me was trying to claw its way free. Without even realizing I was doing so, my fangs elongated and I bit down, snapping the crucifix into splinters.

  A part of me welcomed the change, knowing that in my transformed state I could easily shrug off these assholes. The sane part of my mind, however, freaked the fuck out. Sure, I could save myself and might even save Sally, but I’d surely kill every other person in the room, quite possibly including Sheila. No! I had come too far to let that happen.

  I began to fight two battles: one against the Templar and their faith-empowered weapons, another inside of my head – trying to force the creature back into its metaphorical cage. Neither was going to be an easy victory. It’s hard to win any fight, even a battle of wills, when you’re being distracted by little things like your own flesh burning.