Searching (Hidden Truths Book 1)

by Quell T Fox

  Now here I am, worrying about attending my best friend’s funeral at only seventeen.

  Monday is so close.

  Everything is happening too fast.

  I spend my entire Saturday in bed. I give myself the day to be sad and ignore life. I know for a fact Lina wouldn’t want me to be like this, so I know I have to get up and keep going. Not get over it—I’m not sure I will ever get over it—but I need to keep going. Lina was so full of life all the time. I need to keep her spirit going. For her, and also for my own sanity.

  Callan brings food to my room at mealtimes. He doesn’t question me or make a comment about me going downstairs. This is the only acceptable time he would make an exception about not eating dinner at the table. Callan is big on our family having meals together. Instead, he knocks on my door without a word and leaves a tray of food on my desk. He comes up about an hour later to retrieve it, again without a word. I didn’t miss the fact he made three of my favorite meals, no doubt trying to coax me into eating. It worked.

  Sunday is the wake. Lenny and Friday come with me, promising to stay as long as I want. The other guys are going to take turns because someone needs to stay with Milo and Briella. It’s busy as we pull up to the funeral home, the lot full of cars and the line wrapping around the building. Students, parents, teachers, and friends, all dressed in dark clothing, ready to say goodbye to someone that shouldn’t be gone.

  It feels as if I’m in a dream; this isn’t real. The world around me is blurry. I don’t hear a word spoken to me, but I keep going. I wait in line in silence. I go through the double doors and into the room. All without a word. I walk up to her casket and press my hand against the cool, hard case, promising her I won’t ever forget her. A single tear rolls down my cheek, but I keep going. I get to my feet from the bench by her casket, walk down the aisle, and sit towards the back with Lenny on my right and Friday on my left. She reaches for my hand, pulling it to her lap but I barely feel it.

  The music stops playing and the priest reaches the podium. Everyone quiets down. He reads words from an old, leather book that may as well be in another language because I don’t understand a thing. Once he’s finished, people take their turn going up to say words about her and I know my turn is coming up soon. Normally I’d be nervous, but today I’m not.

  Today, I feel nothing.

  But I have to keep going.

  When it’s my turn to speak, I stand like a robot and walk to the front. My legs are heavy, as if I’m walking through water. Black, icky water. I stand behind the podium and look out at a sea of blurry faces. Faces are covered in tears and running mascara. Red, dripping noses being dabbed with tissues. Sobs from every angle. Her parents sit in the front row, her mother with a handkerchief in her hand, leaning into her father who has his arm around her while rubbing her back in a consoling manner. I blink and look up at the other faces, trying to make them out but it’s like my brain isn’t working. I only see faces and they mean nothing to me.

  Would they mean anything to Lina? Does she know all these people?

  I place down my notebook—the notebook Lina and I used to share our own notes in—and open it up to the page I scribbled my words on. We would write back and forth to each other while not in class together and pass it along in the hallway or give it to someone else to pass along if we didn’t cross one another. It was like old school texting, something I wish we would have kept doing but once we got our cell phones, what was the point?

  We haven’t used this book in a long while but I’m glad I kept it because there is nothing better than memories. Phones in general are impersonal. Especially when it comes to texting. Letters are more intimate. Not that I spend a lot of time on my phone but I vow today, in Lina’s name, I will use it less and spend more time on meaningful communication.

  I spent last night reading through this notebook, laughing at all the stupid things we would talk about. Me going on and on about the garden and what kind of plants I was going to grow. Her going on about Cody Green and how cute he is.

  Cody left after Freshman year. He moved out of state and Lina was heartbroken over it. I don’t think she had actual feelings for him, but he was a notch she wanted in her belt. One she never got.

  I laughed at the little scribbles and drawings we made. How sometimes our handwriting was neat because we took our time, but others it was messy because we rushed.

  Yeah, there is nothing better than memories.

  But there’s also nothing worse than memories.

  I fell asleep with the notebook pulled tightly to my chest.

  “Lina was the first person who befriended me when I moved here. Those who know me know my move here wasn’t a happy one; it wasn’t easy. Those who don’t know me, well, now you have that information too. I was quiet, unsure, and wary of being in a place I was unfamiliar with. A place that, quite frankly, scared the living daylights out of me. Lina made me feel welcomed. She came up to me on my first day of class and told me if I wanted to fit in, I best hang out with her. She was loud, brutally honest, and always laughing. It was terrifying.” I look up at the crowd again. Small smiles line the unrecognizable faces and my chest tightens.

  “We quickly became best friends. She brought out parts of me that were hidden and I like to think I did the same for her. Everyone who knows Lina, knows she wouldn’t want us to mope around. If she were here, she’d yell at us all, telling us to suck it up and get over it.” I let out a small laugh along with a few people in the crowd. I finish the rest of my speech robotically, reading each word from the paper as it’s written. When I’m done, I step down and a few other students take their turns, along with one of her teachers and the principal.

  At some point the guys pass through, but I barely remember. When it’s time to go home, I sit in the back of the Camaro barely registering what is going on around me. We get home and I drag myself up to bed knowing tomorrow may be a little easier, but I have a feeling giving my final goodbye is only going to hurt more.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Leona

  The entire school is at the funeral. Even the kids who didn’t know her have attended. It would be rude of them not to, considering school was cancelled for it. It’s the least they could do.

  Lina is buried in the cemetery by the lake in her family plot. A plot which shouldn’t have someone so young buried there. As she’s lowered into the ground, my chest aches knowing her whole entire life is closed inside of one pine box. Every laugh, every smile, to be buried six feet under for the rest of forever.

  It’s a cold and lonely thought.

  The worst part? She wasn’t even happy when she died. We had a miserable night together; she’d been fighting with Eddie. I was told she died on impact and didn’t suffer, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

  I make a mental note to check in with Eddie. I can’t imagine he’s doing okay with that kind of guilt weighing him down.

  After the service, a luncheon is being held at the Sinclaire’s home for anyone who wants to attend. Most of the students won’t; I prefer it that way. I’m going, not because I want to, but because I should. All I want to do is go home and bury myself in my bed and not wake up until this mess of my life has straightened itself out. As Lina’s best friend, I have to go to her house. I have to see her family; I have to make sure they are okay. And hopefully Eddie will be there so I can talk to him and get it out of the way.

  I’m walking back to Lenny’s car when someone calls out my name. I turn to see Thorne walking towards me, dressed in black slacks and a black button up. Any other day I’d have recognized his voice. Today, my brain isn’t functioning properly. I stop, looking to Lenny and say, “Give me a few?”

  He takes a step backwards. “Sure, sis. I’ll meet you at the car.”

  Lenny and I drove together in his car. Alec stayed home with the kids, while the others went with Maddox. They aren’t going to the lunch with me, but Lenny is. There is a new rule in place; one of them has to be with me at all tim
es, except when I’m in school, but Callan is there anyway. They say it’s a safety precaution and I’m kind of okay with it. Obviously the guys are not happy about someone trying to kill me and neither am I. It’s a hard concept to grasp onto, but if I really am a wolf, then it isn’t so hard to believe someone would want me dead.

  “Hey,” I say when Thorne reaches me. I look up at him, shoving my hands into my back pockets. Lina would laugh if I got all dressed up for this, so I went with black jeans, a black blouse, and my black chucks.

  “Hi.” Thorne looks down at me awkwardly, like he doesn’t know how to act. He glances towards my brother’s car, but I know he isn’t really worried about him. “How are you doing?”

  “I got your texts, I just—”

  “Are you going to apologize to me?” He bends down, tucking stray hair behind my ear. My eyes fall shut. The feel of his skin on mine sends electric shocks through me. I lean into his hand, wanting more of his warmth. It’s the first thing I’ve felt in a long, long time. “Baby, you have no reason to apologize for anything. Take as much time as you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I open my eyes and meet his gaze; a small smile crosses his lips before he pulls me into a hug. His scent envelopes me, making the numbness go away. I welcome it, even if it’s only for a few moments. It’s amazing to feel something other than nothing. I feel the goosebumps rise over my body, the warmth in my belly, the clenching of my heart, the ache in my chest. I feel it all. Right here, in Thorne’s arms. And I wonder what it would be like to be here more often. His chest is firm against my cheek, the thumping of his heart beating rhythmically in my ear. I slide my hands up his back, wanting to be closer to him. Wishing I could shrink myself down and somehow crawl into his soul and stay there, safe and warm.

  After a long moment I pull away, remembering Lenny is waiting for me and I have something I need to do.

  “I’m going to the luncheon. Lenny is waiting for me,” I say.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t make it. I have something I can’t miss.” He looks over his shoulder and I follow his gaze. Hunter and Castor stand by his Jeep, both with eyes on us. I hadn’t seen them until now. In fact, I haven’t noticed anything since seeing Thorne.

  I meet Castor’s dark abyss of eyes, trying to read him. I get nothing. I don’t know what his issue is, but I have neither the time nor energy to care.

  “Is it okay if I text you later?” I ask, taking a step back. If I don’t put distance between us, I’ll stay here forever. Lenny will have to come pry me away and I’m not sure Thorne would let him, powers be damned.

  “You can call me or text me, fuck, you can send me a damn owl, whenever the hell you want. Got it?”

  I let out a small laugh and nod. Thorne leans forward and kisses my forehead before I turn around and walk to the Camaro. I feel the tingle of his lips on my skin until we pull up to Lina’s house. If Lenny witnessed it, he doesn’t mention it.

  The luncheon is nice. The air is lighter than I expected it to be, but I shouldn’t expect anything different from her family. The entire house is set up in gold decorations, Lina’s favorite color. She wouldn’t have anything less than the best in glitter and gold. Lenny stays with me the entire time; the dutiful and loving brother that he is. I find myself staring at him on more than one occasion, thankful for having him. I don’t know where I would be if he hadn’t come for me that day.

  And he didn’t have to.

  He had no idea who I was or if I was telling the truth, but he came anyway. He came for me and he saved my life.

  As we’re walking out, I grab his hand, locking my fingers with his. He looks down, shocked. I see him out of the corner of my eye but I don’t look over, unable to handle any bit of emotion right now. After a few seconds he looks away, a small smile creeping on his face. He gives my hand a squeeze and we make it back to the car. He always seems to know what I need.

  Lenny takes me for ice cream before we go home. Not something I am in the mood for, my stomach isn’t ready to eat anything other than what’s necessary to survive after everything I’ve dealt with, but Lenny used to take me for ice cream after school every day. It was our thing. It’s another thing we did to get to know one another back then, and I couldn’t deny him something so nostalgic on a day like today.

  When we get home there is a package waiting at the gate. I hop out of the car and leave it in my lap as we drive up to the house. When we get inside, we’re greeted by the guys. They’re all sitting on the couch with Briella watching Shrek.

  “Where’s Friday?” I ask.

  “Showering. Milo is sleeping,” Callan answers from behind his laptop. He rarely sits in here with his laptop, that’s usually a library thing. I can only assume Briella begged him to stay out here because it’s the only thing that gets him to break his habits. Callan is a man of routine, structure. Except when it comes to the kids and Friday, then he’s like playdough. They can make him do anything they want.

  “Where should I put this?” I ask, holding it up. Maddox turns around to look.

  “Upstairs on her bed. It’s probably more underwear.”

  “Don’t say that like it’s a problem. You love her underwear,” Lenny adds on a laugh.

  “I like them more when they’re on the floor.”

  “Ugh, you guys are so gross.” I say, but as I walk up the stairs I laugh to myself. As much as I don’t want to hear about their sex life, I love how happy they are. They have an amazing relationship. I know it wasn’t always this good, they worked hard for it and had a lot of ups and downs, but where they are now… it’s something I can only hope for in my own life someday.

  I hear the shower going and notice the bathroom door closed as I enter her room. Milo’s door is closed and all is quiet; he must still be sleeping, which is a shock. He’s slept in his room only a handful of times that I can remember. I leave the package on her bed and head back downstairs. I plop myself on the couch on the side of Briella. She looks up at me and smiles, reaching for my hand she pulls it onto her lap and holds it tight, then goes back to watching her movie like everything is right in the world… because to her it is.

  I’ve seen this movie so many times I could recite every word. Briella has been obsessed with it for years. The rest of us can’t stand it. Behind closed doors, everyone threatens to tell her the movie is lost or broken and they can’t get another, but they all feel too bad about actually doing it. They’re all scary on the outside, but softies on the inside. When Briella looks up at you with those big, silvery eyes, you can’t say no. It’s horrible. I really do feel bad for what she’s going to deal with from her dads as she gets older. They’re scary to me, never mind how scary they are going to be to their actual daughter.

  We’re just getting to the part where Shrek is making it to the castle when Friday comes downstairs.

  “Whoever left the box on my bed, it isn’t mine. It had Leona’s name on it. I put it on your bed,” she says the last part to me before plopping down on the side of Callan, who doesn’t seem to notice he has company.

  “For me?”

  “You didn’t order underwear… did you?” Lenny asks, his face scrunched up into horror.

  “No, Lenny. I did not order any underwear.” I roll my eyes and get up, wanting to know what it is. “Someone probably left something for me because of Lina. Maybe her parents.”

  I’m not sure what they would have left me at my house considering I was just at theirs, but I have no idea what else someone would leave me. I get to my room and just as Friday said, the box is resting on my bed. Something about it gives me bad vibes and I’m not sure I want to open it. Maybe it’s the way my name is scribbled in thick black marker—which I somehow missed before. Then I realize I am being ridiculous because why should I be afraid of a box? I close the distance between myself and said box. The tape holding it together is a cheap brand so it peels off with ease. When I open it up, I’m greeted with bright pink tissue paper.

  So it is a gift. See? I’m bein
g paranoid for nothing.

  I pull the paper out, feeling lighter at the thought of someone getting me something. Maybe it was Thorne. He could have stopped here after we spoke, before he went to wherever it was he needed to go. He hasn’t done anything like this before, but it seems like something he would do.

  I’m utterly confused when I get the tissue paper out and at the bottom of the box is a ratty looking piece of clothing. It’s stained and torn in many places. I pull it out to look at it and instantly drop it to the floor as if it’s burned my skin. I take a few steps back and hit something hard. Someone places their hands on my shoulders, causing me to let out a squeak, but after a consoling squeeze I know it’s Alec.

  “Guess it’s a good thing I came to check on you.” He squeezes my shoulder once more and moves me to the side. He picks up the old, green sweatshirt and holds it open, raising an eyebrow in question. He throws it over his shoulder, pulling out a piece of paper that was in the box. I must have missed it in my panic. Alec unfolds the paper, his facing going grim the longer he stares at it.

  “What… what is it?” I ask, my voice barely coming out.

  He looks up at me, his lips a thin line. “A problem. That’s what it is.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Leona

  “And you’re sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure. My nose wouldn’t miss something like that. I could smell those mangy mutts a mile away,” Maddox growls. He’s pacing in the living room, his hands running through his hair.

  “Watch your mouth, Mad. That’s my sister you’re talking about,” Lenny says from the couch. He’s leaning forward, resting his arms on his thighs and staring at the floor.

  “Shit,” Maddox swears under his breath, running his hand through his hair.