The Secret Story

by Cathy Hopkins

  Nesta picked up a pillow from my bed and pounded me over the head with it. I couldn’t let that go so I grabbed one myself and let her have it back. It’s Murphy’s Law that whenever I rise to the bait of my kid sister, seconds later one of our parents will appear. And this time was no different.

  ‘Tony, leave her alone,’ Dad barked as he passed the doorway. ‘And Nesta, out and let Tony get on with his studying.’

  Nesta got up to leave. ‘So what’s happening with you and Lucy these days?’ she asked.

  ‘I’d have thought that she’d have told you,’ I said. ‘I thought that you girls talked about everything.’

  Nesta shrugged a shoulder. ‘Mostly. So are you on or off?’

  ‘What does she say?’

  ‘Nothing. She said something about you being mates. I think that after that creepoid Daniel, she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone for a while.’

  Cool, I thought, so she hasn’t told about me being in the garden the other night. Excellent. That means she’s up for some more secret rendezvous.

  ‘Ditto,’ I said. ‘I think we all should have time off for good behaviour. A spell as singletons will do us all good.’

  ‘You are ill aren’t you?’ asked Nesta. ‘When have you ever been without a girl or girls in your life?’

  I pointed at my books. ‘No time for the heart at the mo,’ I said. ‘Now scoot.’

  Nesta left the room and I smiled to myself. Secrets were fun. First Lucy’s secret that I was her mystery boy. Then my secret that I knew that I was the boy she fancied – which is still my secret. Maybe one day I’ll tell her that I’ve known all along, but not yet. And now, we have a secret together – that unbeknownst to the others, we will sometimes meet. Nesta was usually the one with the secrets. So one up on you at last, I thought as I turned back to my biology book. And unlike you, sis, I don’t blab mine to the world.

  Lucy’s Diary

  10th September

  Izzie is bonkers at the moment, well more bonkers than usual. First she wanted us all to go and get our belly buttons pierced, which was OK except for the fact that only me and her actually went through with it. I shall innocently flash mine some time when I am over at Nesta’s and Tony is there. Nesta went all girlie and pathetic at the tattoo parlour and TJ couldn’t risk it seeing as she has Scary Dad as her father.

  Izzie’s mum went ballistic when she found out about the stud. My mum just said that she wants one too. She is as bonkers as Izzie. In fact, sometimes I wonder if Izzie isn’t Mum’s secret love child.

  TJ, Nesta and I are all worried about Iz though. She got off her head the other night at Nesta’s. It was quite funny at first when, just for a laugh, we were all sampling the delights of Nesta’s parents’ cocktail cabinet. I had one called a Screaming Orgasm (just in case I never get to experience the real thing). TJ, Nesta and I had one each, but Izzie kept experimenting and ended up drunk as a sailor behind the sofa, muttering something into the skirting boards about her seeing how mice saw the world.

  Tony came back early – I think he knew that we were there and we had a secret snog in the corridor. Feels très exciting sneaking out to see him when my mates are in the other room, like we’re doing something naughty when actually, we’re not really. He was great handling Iz being drunk as a skunk, making her drink loads of water and she might have got away with it if Nesta’s parents hadn’t arrived home early too, called Izzie’s stepfather and then when he arrived, Izzie told him to bog off Like oops and a half Nesta got grounded for letting us have alcohol and Izzie’s grounded too.

  Not sure what’s going on with Tony at the mo. I still think about him a lot. He’s one of my best friends, who I fancy a bit and snog whenever we’re on our own. I wonder if we might ever be proper boyfriend and girlfriend. Izzie has started seeing this boy called Josh who likes to drink and smoke dope. I’m so glad that Tony isn’t into all that. We met Josh at one of King Noz’s gigs when Izzie was singing and she took a joint and sort of waved it at us, like, ‘Look at me the big rebel’. It’s like she’s pulling away from us and trying to be somebody that she’s not. I didn’t like Josh very much but it was hard when Izzie asked us all what we thought of him because I remember when I asked my mates what they thought of Daniel. It was hard hearing what they had to say but they were right in the end. And I know we’re right about Josh. He isn’t good for her. She wrote about him in her diary and her mum read it. We all agreed that was well out of order. Diaries have to be respected no matter how great the temptation to have a nose SO IF ANYONE IS READING THIS, BUTT OUT RIGHT NOW OR THE CURSE OF THE EGYPTIAN MUMMY WILL EAT YOUR BRAIN OUT WITH A SPOON ON THE NEXT FULL MOON – AND I MEAN THAT LAL.

  12th September

  Izzie has dumped Josh. Huzzah. She also threw up all over him in the park after she sneaked out late after a gig. Tee hee. He won’t forget her in a hurry! She did see through him though and realised he was trying to get her sloshed so that he could have his wicked way with her. What is it with boys and their blooming wandering hands? Tony has never tried getting me drunk though, but I don’t think he’d ever do anything like that in order to have his wicked way. Whenever we have talked about going further, he always says he wants me to feel that the time is right for both of us, which is nice. Anyway, Josh is history and we’re all v. relieved our old Izzie is back. We had a pizza party to celebrate that and the end of the hols. Year Ten starts next week. Time seems to be flying by. Eek and er.

  ‘How long has she been in there?’ asked Lucy when I let her in the front door along with TJ and Izzie. They had come straight over after school when I’d called them and were sodden from the rainy skies outside. Lucy looked lovely with her wet hair plastered back from her face. She was definitely getting to me more and more – that or she was getting more attractive.

  ‘Since she got back from the dentist’s about an hour ago,’ I replied.

  ‘She’ll come out when she gets hungry,’ said Izzie as she took off her jacket. ‘I always do when I’ve locked myself in my room.’

  Lucy and TJ also took off their jackets then the four of us crept down the corridor and positioned ourselves outside Nesta’s room. She’s a funny girl, my sister. A mass of insecurities that no one knows about. People think that she’s mega confident, and some days she is, but other days, she’s a lost little girl with no sense of how truly gorgeous she is. Days like today. She came back from the dentist and went to hide in her bedroom, all because she’d had to have a brace put in. I called her mates over to the rescue, plus it was an excuse to see Lucy.

  ‘Come on, let us in,’ called Izzie through Nesta’s door.

  ‘Yeah, you can’t look that bad,’ said Lucy.

  Nesta wasn’t having it so I beckoned them away to rethink the plan. Once in the kitchen, I produced a tin of drinking chocolate, took off the lid then rubbed some on my teeth. They cracked up. It’s a trick that Rob showed me. You mush it up, plaster it on your teeth and it makes you look as if you are toothless. We advanced back down the corridor, tin in hand, and at the door, TJ, Izzie and Lucy all applied the drinking chocolate to their teeth. They looked so funny and for a few minutes, none of us could stop laughing. I love making Lucy laugh, she goes all pink and her eyes crinkle up. Nesta unlocked the door. I knew that her curiosity would get the better of her when she heard the commotion. All of us grinned widely at her exposing our darkened teeth.

  ‘All for one and one for all,’ said Lucy.

  Nesta rolled her eyes, put her hand over her mouth and said, ‘Yeah but I’ve had a brace, it’s not that my teeth are rotten!’

  ‘Not yet,’ said Izzie, and Nesta had to laugh though she kept her hand up to her mouth. The girls did their best after that to get her to show her brace and eventually after a lot of cajoling, she lowered her hand and let us see.

  ‘Whoa,’ said Izzie in such a undiplomatic way that I almost burst out laughing, but I held it in because Nesta would have killed me. I glanced at Lucy and mouthed, ‘Say something.’

&n
bsp; She put her hand on Nesta’s arm. ‘Did it hurt a lot?’

  Nesta nodded and then she was off, happy to be the centre of attention and happy to be with her mates. They are a good bunch and really supportive of each other. I’m still glad that Nesta had got in with them. When TJ, Izzie and Nesta were blabbing, I pulled Lucy away and we went into the kitchen under the pretence of making drinks for everyone. As we always did these days when we were alone, we snuggled together for a sneaky snog. For someone who hadn’t kissed a lot of boys, she was very good at it, plus I’d never had as much fun as I was having in my ‘non relationship’ relationship. After a while, we pulled apart.

  ‘So what are you going to do for your birthday?’ asked Lucy.

  ‘Ah. I wanted to talk to you about that,’ I said. I was going to be eighteen on September the twenty-second and everyone had been on at me about what I was going to do. ‘I asked if I could finally have driving lessons – just about everyone I know has already had them but as soon as I mentioned it, Dad went off on one. No way, he said. I don’t understand it.’

  ‘Maybe he’ll come around,’ said Lucy.

  ‘Doubt it. Mum and Dad gave Nesta and I a talk the other night. Bit broke at the mo – Dad’s got a monster tax bill or something – so not only no driving lessons, no big party. Can’t say I mind. I’ll save the party for when I’m twenty-one. Mum suggested a family dinner, but you know what I’d really like to do?’

  Lucy shook her head then laughed. ‘No . . . yes, well maybe and I can tell you now that I am not going to let you.’

  I laughed. ‘Not that. No. I told you weeks ago that I would behave and I will. No. I’d like to go for dinner. You and me. Just us. Somewhere romantic.’

  ‘Really?’ Lucy blushed and I could see that she was pleased then she made her expression go cool and indifferent. ‘I’ll see if I can fit you in to my very busy schedule.’

  I raised an eyebrow and grinned. ‘Yeah right. How about the twenty-third? Day after my birthday?’

  Lucy smiled. ‘The twenty-third. Hmm. I do believe I might be free. So, OK, yeah. I’ll be there.’

  Seeing as it was going to be a proper date with Lucy as well as my special occasion, I wanted to get it right so I decided to research a few restaurants to find one with a romantic atmosphere. I reckoned I only needed to have a coffee there to suss it out. First was one at the bottom of Highgate Hill and I went to check it out and asked Nesta to come and give me a second opinion, although I didn’t tell her that I was planning to take Lucy there. I arrived late and found Nesta flirting with the waiter, who turned out to be some guy called Luke who she’d met on her acting course. She did her usual showing off and came out with a load of bull about what a great cook she was. I couldn’t resist throwing her in it and suggested that seeing as our parents were out the following night, that Nesta cook for him plus Lucy and me. The look on her face was classic. She didn’t speak to me all the way home, which for Nesta is really something.

  Luke arrived the next night on the dot of seven. I let him in because Nesta was still getting ready in the bathroom. I got him a Coke then the doorbell rang again. I opened the door to find Lucy standing there, a cute grin on her face.

  ‘You look gorgeous,’ I said. I took her jacket and leaned in for a quick kiss. ‘Smell gorgeous too.’

  She blushed a little and looked around. ‘Where’s Nesta?’ she asked.

  I jerked my thumb at the bathroom. ‘Go on into the living room, Lucy, and meet Luke, he’s on his own. I’ll be there in a sec.’

  I went along the hall and knocked on the bathroom door.

  ‘Do you think that madam might be coming out to greet her guests any time soon?’ I asked.

  Nesta opened the door and leaned one hand up high on the frame, the other hand on her hip. Very Hollywood.

  ‘One likes to make an entrance,’ she said in a movie star voice.

  ‘Sure,’ I said, ‘just get a move on, your guests are here.’

  ‘And thanks to Mum, I am going to serve a fabbie meal. Luke is going to be so impressed,’ she said.

  Famous last words, I thought a short time later. Dinner was a total and utter disaster. Hysterical. Mum had helped Nesta earlier in the day and made her famous Jamaican stew. All Nesta had to do was to warm it up, but she even managed to mess that up. She switched the grill on instead of the oven so when it came time to serve up, it was nowhere near hot. We bluffed our way out of it saying that there was a small problem with the electrics, blah de blah de blah. I think Lucy twigged that Nesta had messed up but Luke appeared to fall for it. When he saw that the top of the oven was still working, he came to the rescue and between us we rustled up some pasta.

  The evening was back on track. Sort of. Lucy didn’t seem very relaxed. Strange because she had been over to our flat a million times for meals and sleepovers – maybe because it was a formal dinner and she wasn’t sure how to be with me in public. Like, we were two couples sort of on a date except Lucy wasn’t officially my girlfriend.

  Things got even more ridicuous when my dingbat of a sister served up creamed cod from the freezer instead of ice cream. Lucy began to relax then and neither of us could stop laughing. The whole evening was fast turning into a farce and I think that Lucy realised that she didn’t need to act sophisticated or like a grown up.

  Nesta tried her best to ride the storm but later her hair got singed by the candle in the middle of the table. It was one disaster too many, so she ran off to her room to hide. Lucy and I were well tuned in to each other by then and I gave her a quick glance as if to say, ‘Go after Nesta,’ and she got it immediately and followed her while I did my best to reassure Luke that Nesta wasn’t a total nutter, at least not all the time. He didn’t seem to mind. He seemed amused by the whole episode.

  Lucy got Nesta to come back into the room, and they made some terrible jokes about her being a domestic coddess, and saying, ‘Oh my cod!’ After that we had a brilliant time with big bowls of real ice cream and all the extras you could pile on: nuts, maple syrup, chocolate sauce. Lucy and I kept catching each other’s eye when Luke and Nesta weren’t looking. Nice. I felt really close to her and I could see that she felt the same.

  When Mum and Dad came home however, things got seriously weird. Dad did a double take when he saw Luke, like he’d seen a ghost. Mum was friendly, chatting away then Dad demanded, ‘What’s your surname, Luke?’

  ‘De Biasi,’ he replied.

  Dad’s face clouded and he stomped out of the room. I’d never seen him act like that before. Usually he is charming and polite with guests; even Mum looked surprised. I glanced over at Lucy and shrugged. Nesta looked upset. Luke made an excuse and left in a hurry, and Lucy soon followed.

  I chased after her and caught up at the gate.

  ‘Thought I’d better make myself scarce,’ she said.

  ‘Yeah. I wonder what all that was about. That’s not like Dad. Usually he’s Mr Charmpants when he meets someone new!’

  Lucy looked back inside. ‘You’d better make sure Nesta is OK.’

  ‘Will do. Hey, sorry.’

  ‘Not your fault,’ she said. ‘I had a good time.’

  ‘Me too,’ I said and reached out for her hand before turning back to go inside.

  ‘But why can’t I come over?’ asked Izzie. ‘I’m so bored. I’ve done my homework, there’s nothing on telly.’

  I put on a snuffly voice. ‘I’ve god a reedy bad code, Izzie. You don wadda geddit.’

  ‘You seemed OK at school.’

  ‘I know. Id came on reedy fast. I fee awful.’

  ‘Oh. OK. I’ll call Nesta. Hey, get better soon. Inhale some eucalyptus. That will help.’

  ‘Danks Iz.’

  I put the phone down and went back to my preparations for my date with Tony. Blue top. Black skirt. Black boots. Pale blue beads. When I was ready, I went downstairs and grabbed my coat before anyone could see that I was dressed up. I’d told Mum that I was going out to watch Nesta and Izzie rehearse a play that they�
��re going to do. Mum came out just as I got my coat on. Phew.

  She scrutinised my face. ‘You’ve got a lot of make-up on for a week night,’ she said.

  ‘I’ll be mixing with actors, you know what they’re like – made-up to the eyeballs. I didn’t want to be out of place.’

  ‘Yes but they will be part of the production, won’t they? What’s the play again?’

  ‘Um . . . Merchant of Venice.’

  ‘Oh. One of my favourites. Sure you don’t want a lift down there?’

  ‘No, Mum. I can get the bus. Bye now,’ I blurted and, before she could grill me any more, I opened the door and legged it. Secret rendezvous aren’t much fun when you have the Spanish Inquisition for a mother, I thought as I made my way to the bus stop. I hadn’t liked lying to Izzie either. In my book, mates came first and I had never lied to Izzie, least not about anything major, only wee white lies about how a spot on her chin didn’t look too bad when actually it was a monster, stuff like that.

  As I sat on the bus, I decided that I didn’t want to do the secret rendezvous with Tony any more. I wanted to be able to tell my friends and family what I was doing and what was really going on in my life. The odd secret kiss had been OK, fun in fact, but dating on the sly wasn’t my style. I would play along tonight because it was Tony’s special birthday dinner, but not again. I felt a twinge of sadness because it might mean that we’d go back to being ‘just friends’, and I would miss kissing him, but I also knew that if I said that we should come out and be a proper couple, he’d run a mile. With his hang up about commitment, the secret rendezvous thing was a way to be with him which let him feel free plus it avoided any complications arising over the old question of would I or wouldn’t I go any further in the bedroom department. But it wasn’t working for me any more and if we were ever going to work as a couple, then we both needed to be getting what we wanted. I looked out of the window at the fading sky and thought for the umpteenth time how nice it would have been to talk all this through with Izzie, TJ and Nesta.