Art of Forgiveness

by Monique Orgeron

  “Good. Come on, let’s go eat. All of y’all, leave Avery alone.”

  They leave me, and I try not to cry, I fight it as hard as I can. But I feel humiliated. I know he didn’t want to take me, and I know he doesn’t want me, but why did they all have to shove it in my face? Why make me feel like a bigger loser than I already am?

  I look up and see Liam staring at me. He almost looks sorry and concerned. I can’t take anymore; my tears start to fall, and I grab my bag and run to the bathroom. I call my mom and tell her I’m not feeling good. I beg her to call the school and have me checked out so I can drive myself home. I’m surprised when she agrees.

  I continue to cry throughout the day and night. As a junior in high school, my life feels over. I hear my phone ding and see a message from a number I don’t recognize. It says: “Come to your window.” My window?

  I debate whether to go to my window or not, but my curiosity wins; I walk over and move my sheer curtains. Then I see him, Liam, he’s in the old oak tree right in front of my window. I gasp as I open it.

  “Why are you here, and how did you get my phone number or address?”

  “That was easy. I can get anything I want.”

  I roll my eyes. Of course he would say that.

  “Okay, so why are you here, Liam?”

  “I wanted to see you; I need to explain. Can you meet me downstairs?”

  “No!”

  “Come on, Avery. I climbed a tree for you, and I’m not leaving until you hear me out.”

  “Suit yourself. Goodnight.”

  I close my window and then my sheers. As I walk back to my bed, my phone pings again.

  LIAM: “Avery please, don’t leave me out here all night.”

  Another ping.

  LIAM: “I’m serious, I’m not leaving until you come out. I will sleep in this tree all night if I have to.”

  Shit, he can’t be serious, it has to be a trick. I go over to the window again, and he waves. I open it and ask, “How do I know you’re not tricking me? I can’t handle much more, Liam. Please just leave me alone.”

  “I can’t, Avery. Please, I just need to talk to you. It’s not a trick, I promise.”

  I look around, and I don’t see anyone else, so I nod.

  I go down the stairs as quiet as I can. Not sure why, though; my parents always take something to sleep, and their bedroom is downstairs, way on the other end of the house. They would never hear anything. Even if I have a party, I doubt they would even notice.

  I unlock and open my front door and see Liam standing there.

  “Now I’m here. What do you want?”

  “Nice pajamas.”

  I look down and notice I forgot; I’m dressed for bed. I have a pair of really short boxers on with an old T-shirt on that says, “Kiss my grits,” and my hair is in a topknot. Shit! At least I shaved.

  “Well, nice hat. What do you want, Liam?”

  Did I mention I’m a loser? I mean, really? All I can say is ‘nice hat’? But it is nice. He looks extremely handsome. He stands here in a baseball cap turned backward and a tight T-shirt with a pair of jeans that hugs him perfectly.

  “I want to apologize for today. I didn’t know Marcy and her friends would do that. I mean, I knew Marcy was going to be jealous, but not to that point. That’s the only reason I met up with her after.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I figured if I showed her some attention, then she wouldn’t worry about you.”

  “I guess you didn’t do your job well enough.”

  Liam bends over, laughing. “Honey, I always do my job right. Did you ever think maybe you’re the reason it didn’t work?”

  I look at him like he’s crazy.

  “Come on, Avery, you’re beautiful. Someone like Marcy knows she can’t compete. That’s what pissed her off.”

  “You’re insane; Marcy can get any man she wants. She wouldn’t worry about me.”

  “You’re right, Marcy can get any man she wants, but only because she spreads her legs for all of us. That’s why she’s worried about you. She knows she doesn’t have what you have.”

  I’m shocked. I don’t know what to say; he just left me speechless.

  “Avery, can we sit for a minute?”

  I nod my head, still in shock, and sit next to him on my porch step.

  Liam scoots closer. “You smell pretty.”

  “I just bathed. I use a fresh scent soap. I can’t use all that flowery stuff. I have sensitive skin.”

  Oh my God, did I just say I have sensitive skin? I’m such a dork. I just need to shut up.

  “I know, you smell like you. It’s clean and fresh, it’s perfect.”

  Oh my God, oh my God, is Liam Stern flirting with me?

  “I like you, Avery. I like you a lot, but I’m scared if people found out, then every day would be like today. I don’t want you to have to go through that. Marcy will never stop.” He pauses, looking up at the sky. “I’d like to see you again if you want.”

  I swallow hard. “I’m scared. I don’t want to be made a fool of.”

  He looks at me, turning his body to face mine. His hands come up to my face, holding my head.

  “I would never do that to you.”

  My eyes fall.

  “Look at me, Avery. Do you believe me?”

  I nod my head.

  “Do you like me, Avery?”

  I stare into his eyes and see kindness. “Yes.”

  He smiles as he leans in and kisses me. My stomach does a flip; it’s my first kiss. Liam Stern is the first person to ever kiss me, and it’s perfect. His hand slides to the back of my neck as he gently kisses my lips. I feel his mouth opening, I follow his lead, and our tongues meet. I never knew a kiss could be like this. I never knew he could be like this. He releases my mouth, and I reluctantly allow it.

  He smiles again and says, “That was a perfect first kiss.”

  Did he know it was my first kiss?

  I nod, still speechless.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  He walks away, and I can’t move. What does he mean, tomorrow?

  14

  Liam

  I’ve been watching her sleep every night for days now. I can’t help it; I just need to be close to her. But I don’t want everyone else knowing, so during the day I stay busy with learning the business from Gabriel. I’m fine with leaving her during the day; I know Fallon watches over her. But when I know everyone is sleeping, I sneak back into her room and watch her. I know Fallon knows I do this because she has woken me a few times, but she never asks me anything about it. Avery isn’t really getting better. Fallon says her test results came back in, and thankfully she is clean of everything. However, Fallon says Avery doesn’t want to eat. She’s been having to force feed her liquids as often as she can. The doctor said he’s going to have to hook her up to another IV if she doesn’t start eating more.

  The nights aren’t any better either. Her nightmares keep her fighting in her sleep. I find, though, if I hold her down and whisper in her ear that I’m here for her, she calms. I don’t know if she’s aware it’s me or not, but I like to think she knows. Tonight’s no exception. She restless. As I rub her hand, my mind drifts off to when I was probably the reason she didn’t sleep well at night.

  That kiss, our first kiss, was perfect. I thought about her all night. The next morning, however, I play the dick again and ignore her. Marcy’s on my arm like she always is. Every now and then, I look up to see Avery watching. She looks hurt, and I can’t say I blame her.

  That night, I go over to her house and text her repeatedly, but she never responds. I climb the fucking tree again and look through her sheers, watching as I see her pacing the floor.

  I text her: “You look beautiful when you’re mad.”

  She texts back: “Fuck you!”

  She opens her window. “Why did you come back, Liam? Where’s Marcy?”

  “First of all, I told you I was coming back. And second, I don�
�t care where Marcy is. Third, I like your pajamas.”

  She has a T-shirt on with a picture of a cat, and it says, “I love my pussy.” She blushes, and I melt. She’s so pretty when she’s embarrassed.

  “Avery, come talk to me.”

  “Fine, but only for a minute.”

  I meet her on her porch steps again. She comes out with her short shorts on, and I must say, the view is great.

  “Hey, thank you for coming out. Look, I know today was hard, but I told you, I want to keep seeing you, but I don’t want anyone to take it out on you.”

  “So, how’s this supposed to work, Liam? You come here at night and during the day. I’m your dirty little secret?”

  “Avery, it’s not like that. Do you want me to tell everyone we’re friends? Do you want them to take it out on you? Because that’s what they’ll do, Avery. Marcy won’t accept it, everyone will fall to her side, and my friends will think I just want to get in your pants. Tell me what you want me to do?”

  “So, that’s it, Liam? We’re just friends?”

  “Yes, no, I don’t know…I just want to spend some time with you, okay?”

  She looks to the ground shuffling her feet then says, “I guess we can be friends, but that’s it, okay?”

  I smile. I’m so happy she’s at least giving me something.

  “Okay, friends,” I tell her.

  Things between us stayed like that for months. Every day I ignored her existence, and every night I went to her like a moth to a flame. It was perfect, or so I thought.

  Fallon wakes me and tells me it’s time to go. She needs to wake Avery up to try to get her to eat. I nod my head. Standing to leave, I turn back to say, “Fallon, thank you for helping Avery, and thank you for not asking. I know you have questions.”

  I turn back around and walk out. Nobody knows about our relationship, and for now I want to keep it that way. Fallon must wonder why she wakes me up every morning in Avery’s room. I’m just grateful it’s her and she doesn’t push for answers.

  Avery

  Fallon wakes me, and I look for Liam, like I do every morning. I swear I hear and feel him at night, but every morning when Fallon wakes me, he’s not here. Maybe I dream he’s here with me, but why would he be? He made his choice a long time ago, and I wasn’t it.

  Fallon has a bowl of oatmeal with her this time, and I keep pushing it away. I know I’m supposed to eat, but I can’t. I don’t care if I live anymore. I wish she would just give up on me.

  The door opens and Catherine comes into the room. She watches as I fight Fallon off with the food.

  Catherine yells out, “Avery, it’s been long enough. I’m going to call your mother and let them know you’re alive and that you’re here!”

  She can’t. I can’t go back home. Adam wants me dead. He’s the reason I’m here to start off with. I can’t let her do that. So, I scream and scream one word, “NO!”

  Catherine runs to my side. “What is it, Avery? Why don’t you want me to call your mom? She’s been so worried about you.”

  We’re staring into each other’s eyes. Silently, I’m trying to get her to understand.

  “Avery, what is it? You can trust me, Avery.”

  “Please,” is all I could say.

  “Please what, Avery?”

  My tears are falling down my face. “Please, you can’t call them.”

  She studies me, trying to figure out my hidden message.

  “All right, Avery, I won’t call them. I see you’re scared. I don’t know why, but I’ll trust you.”

  She stands to leave but then stops and turns around, saying, “I won’t call your parents, on one condition: you have to start eating on your own; food, not just liquids. Do we have a deal?”

  I look at Fallon, grab the oatmeal out of her hands, and defiantly spoon feed myself the whole bowl.

  “Good girl.” Catherine smiles and leaves.

  After I finish eating, Fallon finally leaves me. I just want to be left alone. I don’t know why they can’t understand that.

  I drift off to sleep again.

  For months, Liam and I see each other every night, and during the day we act like we don’t know each other. When he comes at night, we tell each other everything; I tell him things I have never told anyone else. He learns about my father dying, and I tell him how my life changed that day. I even tell him how Adam and my mom treat me. He in return tells me about his father’s death and how strong-willed his mother is. He even tells me how she hired the guards to teach them how to fight and shoot weapons. We laugh, and sometimes I’ve cried, and we always hold hands. We kissed a couple of times, with him apologizing to me after. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me, but he is. At school, he still allows Marcy to hang on him, and it’s starting to drive me crazy.

  Tonight, I wait for him outside. We’re supposed to go for a ride. We do that sometimes; my parents never even know I’m not home. Liam usually texts me, and I meet him down the driveway, but tonight he’s late. I’m about to give up when I hear my phone ding. “I’m here.” That’s all it says. I think whether I should tell him to forget it or find out what happened. Why is he so late? My curiosity wins again. I meet him and get in his Jeep. He doesn’t smile, and he barely even looks at me.

  “What’s wrong, Liam? Why are you late?”

  He says nothing; just stares at his feet.

  I lean over to kiss his cheek, and that’s when I smell it. I fall back into my chair, stunned.

  “You smell like her.”

  “What?”

  I raise my voice. “You heard me, you smell like her! I know you spend your days with her, but you usually wash her smell off you before you come to me. Why do you still smell like her, Liam?”

  He still says nothing, but that’s enough said for me. I get out of the Jeep and start walking fast back to my house.

  “Avery, stop. Please, Avery.”

  He catches up to me and turns me around with his hands on my arms. He says, “Avery, I’m sorry. Please, I had to. I had no choice.”

  That makes me laugh. “You had to what, Liam? Fuck her? Is that what you did?”

  “Yes, but baby, I didn’t want to.”

  “Wow, that’s supposed to make me feel better? I thought we had an understanding?”

  “We did, do, baby, listen to me. I stopped sleeping with Marcy once we got more serious. But she started questioning why I wouldn’t sleep with her anymore. She even accused me of cheating. She brought up your name, saying she catches me watching you all the time. Marcy said if I didn’t start acting like a boyfriend, she was going to confront you. I couldn’t let her do that, baby. Don’t you see?”

  “I see, all right. I finally see. You are cheating, Liam. You cheat on Marcy with me, even though we don’t sleep together, and you cheat on me with her. I knew this wasn’t going to work.”

  I start walking again. I just need to get away from him. He grabs my arms again, stopping me. Instantly, he wraps his arms around me so I can’t walk away. I look up to him and see tears in his eyes. He leans over and kisses me hard. I feel his tears on my cheeks and feel his hands start to roam my body, and I want so hard to meld into him and enjoy it, but I can’t.

  “I can’t lose you, Avery. Please, baby.”

  “Get off me, Liam, now! How dare you come over here after sleeping with her and then try to touch me with the same hands you had on her! My God, Liam, you still have her stink on you.”

  He looks down at me and slowly releases me.

  “Go back to your girlfriend, Liam. We were just friends, and it’s over now.”

  I run towards home. I don’t even look back; I believed him when he said it was all going to work out. I believed him when he told me he cared. How stupid can I be?

  15

  Avery

  The next day, I’m still eating. I can feel it making me stronger. I hate it, I’m not ready to get better. They need to just leave me alone.

  Catherine comes into my room to tell me she has a ps
ychiatrist coming and she wants me to speak to her. I won’t, but I’ll let her try anyway. I don’t want to talk about the filthy things they forced me to do.

  A couple of hours go by, and I’ve eaten breakfast and lunch. Someone knocks on my door and then enters; it’s a female doctor. She tells me her name, which I pay no attention to, and then she sits and begins to talk. I hear bits and pieces of what she’s saying, but nothing registers; instead, I think back to that day, the day I forgave Liam.

  The day after Liam and I fought, I go to school and start hearing the rumors about Marcy and Liam breaking up. I overhear a conversation between two girls in front of my desk. They were saying Liam and Marcy were seen in the parking lot fighting and Marcy was screaming at Liam. Supposedly, he told her they were done.

  Is it true? Did he break up with her, and why? I told him I didn’t want anything else to do with him?

  The rest of the day, I don’t see him, but I do see Marcy; she’s crying. I hear her say she was right. Liam was seeing someone else. It’s someone from another school. She says he doesn’t want her anymore, that he is in love with the other girl.

  I go home, still trying to forget him, and my homework seems to help until I get a text.

  LIAM: “Did you hear I broke it off with Marcy?”

  I choose to ignore him as another text comes through.

  LIAM: “I chose you, I’ll always choose you.”

  Again, I ignore him.

  LIAM: “You can continue to ignore me, but I’m not leaving, I don’t care how long it takes.”

  I know what that means. He’s back in that damn tree! Well, he can stay there.

  He doesn’t text again, and an hour goes by. I can’t help it. I go look out the window, and sure enough, he’s in the tree. He even waves at me. Asshole! Every hour I check to see if he’s still there, and sure enough, he is. I finally text him.

  ME: “If you fall asleep, you’re going to fall out the tree and break your neck.”

  LIAM: “Is that wishful thinking on your part?”

  ME: “Maybe, but it’s a fact. Get out of the tree.”